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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on July 28, 2009, at 19:46:04
Just asking.
Posted by Deneb on July 28, 2009, at 20:03:27
In reply to Do people here care when I am in pain?, posted by Deneb on July 28, 2009, at 19:46:04
Sometimes I feel really really bad, so bad it is worst than hell. I'm lucky they never last for too long, but it is like being burned to death, it is so bad.
Then after a few moments I am OK again and people I feel like maybe people didn't believe I was in that much pain before.
Those are the times I am worried about, those brief moments where the pain is too much to bear. I am worried I might kill myself one of these days in such a moment.
Does anyone understand me?
Posted by obsidian on July 28, 2009, at 20:09:32
In reply to Do people here care when I am in pain?, posted by Deneb on July 28, 2009, at 19:46:04
you're very loveable deneb, but sometimes you scare us
we care about you, we wish you'd believe it, and that you'd be nicer to yourself, but we can't make you be nicer to yourself, and it hurts to worry about you...
Posted by Phillipa on July 28, 2009, at 20:24:08
In reply to of course we do..how could we not??? » Deneb, posted by obsidian on July 28, 2009, at 20:09:32
Deneb do you call your pdoc when in pain? Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on July 28, 2009, at 20:28:37
In reply to Re: of course we do..how could we not???, posted by Phillipa on July 28, 2009, at 20:24:08
There's nothing my pdoc can do when I am in such a state. I just need to ride it out myself.
Besides, she doesn't take calls.
Posted by Deneb on July 28, 2009, at 20:29:54
In reply to of course we do..how could we not??? » Deneb, posted by obsidian on July 28, 2009, at 20:09:32
(((((Obsidian)))))
Thanks for saying you care. Sometimes I just need to hear it.
Posted by Tabitha on July 28, 2009, at 23:33:55
In reply to Re: Do people here care when I am in pain?, posted by Deneb on July 28, 2009, at 20:03:27
> Sometimes I feel really really bad, so bad it is worst than hell. I'm lucky they never last for too long, but it is like being burned to death, it is so bad.
>
> Then after a few moments I am OK again and people I feel like maybe people didn't believe I was in that much pain before.
>Yes, I believe you. What you describe matches what I know about borderline personality disorder. I may not know exactly what it feels like, but I think I can imagine it. I don't doubt that your pain is real.
> Those are the times I am worried about, those brief moments where the pain is too much to bear. I am worried I might kill myself one of these days in such a moment.Yes, I worry too, this is why I'm extra extra upset when you talk about adding alcohol & drugs to your life-- those things reduce impulse control. You need all the impulse control you can get.
>
> Does anyone understand me?
>
>I'm trying. Thanks for explaining it to us.
Posted by Dinah on July 29, 2009, at 0:38:17
In reply to Do people here care when I am in pain?, posted by Deneb on July 28, 2009, at 19:46:04
Yes.
Posted by SLS on July 29, 2009, at 5:44:18
In reply to Do people here care when I am in pain?, posted by Deneb on July 28, 2009, at 19:46:04
> Just asking.
Yes, Deneb.
It is good that you are learning more and more about yourself and the way your illness affects you. You know how rejection-sensitive the BPD leaves you. I'm sure there are specific triggers that can set the overwhelming sense of rejection into motion. The CBT comes in when, instead of acting immediately on your thoughts, you step back for awhile and evaluate just how realistic those thoughts are.
For instance, if no one answers one of your posts right away, it does not mean that the whole community has all of a sudden rejected you (unrealistic). It just means that people either don't have anything they feel they can contribute or they are busy doing other things (realistic).
You will tend to focus on the negative and filter out the positive. Knowing this, you might actually have to do some self-talk to be able to look for alternative, positive ways of thinking. Pay attention to and remember the nice things that people have to say about you. If you can find ways to recognize the BPD talking, then you can find ways of ignoring it knowing that they do not reflect reality. Sure, some things are going to negative in real life, but why add to them unnecessarily?
If you begin to pay attention to the positive and perform reality-checks on the negative, you will feel better about yourself. It is a strategy that takes practice. After awhile you will begin to do these things automatically.
See below the list of common cognitive distortions (negative messages) that people with BPD often find themselves thinking:
David Burns CBT
1. ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING; You see things in black-or-white categories.
If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total
failure.
2. OVERGENERALIZATION; You see a single negative event, such as a romantic
rejection or a career reversal as a never-ending pattern of defeat by
using words such as "always" or "never" when you think about it.
3. MENTAL FILTER; You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it
exclusively, so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the
drop of ink that discolors a beaker of water. Example: You receive many
positive comments about your presentation to a group of associates at
work, but one of them says something mildly critical. You obsess about his
reaction for days and ignore all of the positive feedback.
4. DISCOUNTING THE POSITIVE; You reject positive experiences by insisting
they "don't count." If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it
wasn't good enough or that anyone could have done as well. Discounting the
positive takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and
unrewarded.
5. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS; You interpret things negatively when there are
no facts to support your conclusion.MIND READING; Without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that
someone is reacting negatively to you.FORTUNE-TELLING; You predict that things will turn out badly and feel
convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
6. MAGNIFICATION OR MINIMIZATION; You exaggerate the importance of things
(such as your problems or shortcomings), or you inappropriately shrink
things down until they appear tiny (the importance of your desirable
qualities or your progress in therapy)This is also called the binocular
trick.
7. EMOTIONAL REASONING; You assume that your negative emotions necessarily
reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
Example: "I feel guilty. I must be a rotten person."
8. SHOULD STATEMENTS; You try to motivate yourself with "shoulds" and
shouldn'ts," as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be
expected to do anything. Or, you tell yourself that things "should" be the
way you hoped or expected them to be. "Should statements" lead to anger
and frustration.
9. LABELING; Labelling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking.
Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you attach a negative label to
yourself. "I'm a loser." You might also label yourself "a fool" or "a
failure" or "a jerk." Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the
same thing as what you do. Human beings exist, but "fools," "losers," and
"jerks" do not. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to
anger, anxiety, frustration, and low self-esteem.
10. PERSONALIZATION; You see yourself as the cause of some negative
external event that isn't entirely under your control. When a woman
received a note that her child was having difficulties at school, she told
herself, "This shows what a bad mother I am," instead of trying to
pinpoint the cause of the problem so that she could be helpful to the
child.
- Scott
Posted by Phil on July 29, 2009, at 6:00:49
In reply to Re: Do people here care when I am in pain? » Deneb, posted by SLS on July 29, 2009, at 5:44:18
I'm printing that one out.
Posted by gibbons482 on July 29, 2009, at 11:15:50
In reply to Re: Do people here care when I am in pain? » Deneb, posted by SLS on July 29, 2009, at 5:44:18
That's the best description of BPD I've ever heard, much better than the DSM checklist. Thanks for posting that. Like Phil, I think I'll print that one out if you don't mind.
Posted by Phillipa on July 29, 2009, at 19:56:15
In reply to Re: Do people here care when I am in pain? » SLS, posted by gibbons482 on July 29, 2009, at 11:15:50
Hate to say it but a lot of that also applies to me. Phillipa
Posted by Kath on July 30, 2009, at 20:53:17
In reply to Re: Do people here care when I am in pain? » Deneb, posted by SLS on July 29, 2009, at 5:44:18
for that list!!!
Thanks very much.
Kath
Posted by Kath on August 1, 2009, at 10:34:55
In reply to Thank you....... » SLS, posted by Kath on July 30, 2009, at 20:53:17
Posted by Kath on August 3, 2009, at 21:00:42
In reply to Do people here care when I am in pain?, posted by Deneb on July 28, 2009, at 19:46:04
Deneb, I just replied to your post about should you let us know when you've posted in distress & are feeling better.
I posted a lengthy reply. Just wanted to let you know, so that you'll get a chance to read it.
My answer to your above question is yes.
luv, Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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