![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 9 to 33 of 42. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on June 1, 2009, at 16:55:13
In reply to Re: I can't stop crying, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 16:24:44
Awww heck. I sorta hoped you were a bit attached to me. :)
Deneb, we all are bad friends sometimes. And some of us are pretty introverted and inwardly focused. Some more than others. If you want to change that, you can work on it. But if you're ok as you are, then that's fine too.
People hurt other people all the time. If everyone who hurt someone they cared about (or even casual strangers) decided they didn't make a good friend, there wouldn't be groups of more than one anywhere.
Go easy on yourself. Use this as a learning experience.
Posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 17:04:34
In reply to Re: I can't stop crying, posted by Dinah on June 1, 2009, at 16:55:13
Thanks Dinah.
I really like you, even when you ignore me because I am acting out. Hmmm...maybe that is the reason I like you. You have good boundaries, just like Dr. Bob.
I like Babble. I can practice being a friend here.
Posted by Dinah on June 1, 2009, at 17:09:45
In reply to Re: I can't stop crying » Dinah, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 17:04:34
I ignore you! How rude of me!
That doesn't sound like I'm being a very good friend...
I can't recall offhand ever ignoring you on purpose. It's true that at different times my ability to contribute is different. And yes, I have reasonably good boundaries. Years of therapy does have that effect on one. :)
Babble is a great place to practice social interactions. My therapist has been delighted to have a place where he can coach me through it. It's not a bad place to learn boundaries either, if that would be a goal for you.
Posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 17:35:21
In reply to Re: I can't stop crying » Deneb, posted by Dinah on June 1, 2009, at 17:09:45
I learned that when people reply to your messages, it is good to reply to their reply. It seems simple, but before Babble, I never learned that. I still have to do that more in real life.
I also learned that telling people they make me want to hurt myself when they don't do something does not make people want to comfort me and talk to me. Again, it seems simple, but I had to learn that.
I am very behind in terms of social development. I told my pdoc that I think I am developmentally delayed in many ways. She didn't disagree. I am 27, but the guy who emailed me told me I acted like I was 14. I think that is about right. I think emotionally I maybe even be younger than that.
I think 5 years ago I may have been about 2 to 5 emotionally. I had no idea what friendship was about. I have more of a clue now, but still, it is very foreign to me. I threw many tantrums. I am better at thinking rationally now and talking myself out of my tantrums.
I don't think I will ever be like other people. Intellectually I think I am an adult, but emotionally I am very young.
Developmentally delayed. :/
Posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:02:49
In reply to I learned a lot from Babble, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 17:35:21
I started googling "socially delayed adults" and came up with Asperger's. I asked my pdoc about that once. She said I don't have it, but I have a lot of similarities to people with Aspergers.
Could she be wrong? My whole life I've been different from other kids. I don't remember ever having real friends.
What is wrong with me? It seems I don't even really desire friendships in the traditional sense.
Posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:21:59
In reply to Asperger's?, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:02:49
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html
I scored a 33 on this test. How do others do?
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 1, 2009, at 18:33:38
In reply to Re: Asperger's?, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:21:59
I scored 15.
Lar
Posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:40:16
In reply to Re: Asperger's?, posted by Larry Hoover on June 1, 2009, at 18:33:38
I tried this test:
http://www.piepalace.ca/blog/asperger-test-aq-test
I scored a 34. :/
Wow Larry, you are very geeky and yet you scored normal.
I am starting to think I have Aspergers.
I seriously had no friends growing up and the "friends" I had in high school were just people I sat together at lunch with.
In uni I had zero friends.
I have zero interest in other people it seems. Sometimes I ask about people because that is what is expected of me.
In other words, I "fake" it.
When I get an interest I lose track of everything else and am obsessed with my new interest, be it astronomy or hamsters, or rats, guinea pigs, netbooks, San Francisco, organic chem...
:/ I am beginning to think I have Aspergers.
Posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:42:43
In reply to Re: Asperger's?, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:40:16
Do you think it is possible I have Asperger's?
Posted by SLS on June 1, 2009, at 19:44:48
In reply to Re: I can't stop crying » Dinah, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 17:04:34
Hi Deneb.
You are remarkably intelligent - especially where it counts.
> I like Babble. I can practice being a friend here.
That is one hell of a smart thing to say.
I don't know you well enough to be able to form an impression as to what kind of friend you would be. Perhaps you really don't need any more practice than the rest of us. I think the smart ones are dedicated to learning ways to enhance their relationships with others, regardless of age.
From my perspective, I would not be looking for friends on a dating website. If a match doesn't work for romance, then move on to another without feeling obligated to further communication with those whom you are no longer interested in. Some people are not mature or emotionally stable enough to take rejection well. These people may attack you and say some very mean and untrue things. You must commit yourself to not pay any attention to them. They are trying to hurt you. These are acts of vengeance rather than acts of truthfulness. They are most certainly unkind and unnecessary.
- Scott
Posted by SLS on June 1, 2009, at 20:06:04
In reply to Re: Asperger's?, posted by Larry Hoover on June 1, 2009, at 18:33:38
> I scored 15.
>
> Lar
I scored 11.I can't be *that* normal. Maybe I lied? I tried to answer the questions as honestly as I could. I think they checked for veracity by asking the same question in various ways. I don't think the test was completely valid for me, as I already had an idea as to what the "right" and "wrong" answers would be if you wanted to avoid being labeled as having Asbergers.
I think there is a great overlap in the symptomology of Asbergers and depression, especially if the depression is numbing or involutional and is combined with social anxiety. I am not sure this test can parse out the differences.
- Scott
Posted by SLS on June 1, 2009, at 20:23:09
In reply to What do those of you who have met me think?, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:42:43
> Do you think it is possible I have Asperger's?
No.
If you did have Asbergers (which is no sin, of course), you would not exhibit such freedom and fidelity of demonstrating your emotions. People with Asbergers have the same emotions, but are unable to process them effectively. It leaves them feeling overwhelmed, withdrawn, and undemonstrative.
- Scott
Posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 20:39:19
In reply to Re: What do those of you who have met me think? » Deneb, posted by SLS on June 1, 2009, at 20:23:09
Why are my scores so high?
I don't demonstrate my emotions very well in person. Well I cry and stuff, but I am not good with my body language.
Posted by Sigismund on June 1, 2009, at 20:41:11
In reply to Re: Asperger's?, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:21:59
32
I worry that I cheat though.
Posted by Sigismund on June 1, 2009, at 20:43:23
In reply to Re: What do those of you who have met me think?, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 20:39:19
There's no way that I could really have Asperger's because I can be empathetic.
I have experience with autism.
My feeling about you, Deneb, is that you are not. I'm not sure why though.
Posted by Sigismund on June 1, 2009, at 20:45:40
In reply to Re: What do those of you who have met me think? » Deneb, posted by Sigismund on June 1, 2009, at 20:43:23
There was that wonderful bloke who thought you were perky, and made a point of saying to me that meeting you was the part of the trip he most enjoyed.
Posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 20:52:34
In reply to Re: What do those of you who have met me think?, posted by Sigismund on June 1, 2009, at 20:45:40
Yeah, maybe my pdoc is right. Maybe I don't have Asperger's. I heard people with Asperger's don't have a sense of humour. I enjoy humour.
Whatever it is that I have though, does interfere with my life. I wish I were more normal.
:-(
Posted by Sigismund on June 1, 2009, at 21:02:03
In reply to Re: What do those of you who have met me think?, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 20:52:34
My brother has straight classical autism. Now he is well over 60 and does really well. Anyway, this is a story about humour.
My wife came across a chook (hen, fowl) in a playground. She climbed into my wife's arms and came home with her. This chook thought she was human and we would feed her separately and she would come and sit in your lap. She would also sit outside the kitchen window on the railing and look inside at you. Anyway, I was saying this to my brother, and also that I regretted not letting her into the house, because I felt I was 'damaging her soul', at which point my brother laughed.
Another time we were talking about something to do with how much everything had changed for him since our mother died. He said, quite characteristically 'Do you think Mum would be pleased?'. I said 'Well, I hope so'. He replied 'I hope so too', and we cracked up laughing.
The reason I mention this is to argue that even those with the gross neurological problems of autism learn and change over their lifetimes.
Posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 21:11:04
In reply to Re: What do those of you who have met me think?, posted by Sigismund on June 1, 2009, at 21:02:03
I don't understand the humour here at all. :-(
Sometimes I am dense and take things too literally. I don't understand the jokes you gave. :-(
OK, so people with Asperger's can learn to laugh. That is good.
I still have many problems socially, it's been 27 years and I am probably a 10 year old socially. I just hope I can learn too.
Posted by Sigismund on June 1, 2009, at 21:11:12
In reply to Re: Asperger's?, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:40:16
>Cambridge psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen
There are not that many Baron-Cohen's in the world who have been at British universities like this.
I'd bet it's his brother.
Posted by garnet71 on June 1, 2009, at 21:32:39
In reply to I can't stop crying, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 14:39:00
Well maybe you need to stop reading about mental disorders and start listening to songs like this that will get you fired up instead of upset when people seem mean. Channel the negative energy back to feed your personal strength, sort of how like people say experiences "build character".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8TePqw8yAA&feature=related
Artist: Trapt
Title: Headstrong
Album: TraptLyrics:
Circling your head contemplating everything you ever said
Now I see the truth I got a doubt
A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out
See you later
I see your fantasy you want to make a reality paved in gold
See inside, inside of our heads
yeah
Well that's over
I see your motives inside
decisions to hide
Back off Ill take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we're Headstrong
Back off Ill take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
This is not where you belong
I can't give everything away
I won't give everything away
Visions manifest your first impressions got to be your very best
I see you're full of sh*t and that's all right
That's how you play I guess you get through every night
Now that's over
I see your fantasy you want to make it a reality paved in gold
See inside, inside of our heads
Well that's over
I see your motives inside
and your decisions to hide
Back off Ill take you on
Headstrong to take on any one
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong, were headstrong
Back off Ill take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
and This is not where you belong
where you belong
I cant give everything away
this is not where you belong
I wont give everything away
I know I know all about
I know I know all about
I know I know all about
I know I know all about
Your motives inside
and your decision to hide
Back off Ill take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong,were headstrong
Back off Ill take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
and this is not where you belong
where you belong
this is not where you belong
I cant give everything away
This is not where you belong
I wont give everything away
where you belong
this is not where you belong
Posted by 10derHeart on June 1, 2009, at 21:49:02
In reply to Re: Asperger's?, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 18:40:16
18.
But, like Scott said, it was incredibly easy to know what I was "supposed" to say...though I tried to resist.
Not too thrilled my score is that of an "average man." !!?? I may be a lot of things, but I don't think manly is one of them ;-)
Also, many questions fit perfectly with inattentive ADD, which is my burden & blessing :-) Like talking way too much, concentrating to the exclusion of *everything* else, yet also being distressed by interruptions (it depends of the day, mood, time of day, sleep deprived or not, meds taken or not, and so much more...)
I don't think you have Asperger's, Deneb. I think you are quiet and anxious sometimes, is all. So what. Hardly anyone here isn't...and actually, most people in life are at times. Maybe Babblers just more often and more acutely than other groups.
People are different - thank goodness!!
Posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 22:02:33
In reply to Re: Asperger's? » Deneb, posted by 10derHeart on June 1, 2009, at 21:49:02
I wrote this apology email in my really upset state.
He forgives me and says he can teach me how to behave socially. He seems understanding.
He wants to meet again for dinner.
Posted by Bobby on June 1, 2009, at 23:07:16
In reply to the first guy forgave me, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 22:02:33
Any guy who claims he can "teach you" anything---who's not a teacher by trade should be kicked to the curb immediately. That's his ego and your desperation on a collision course for disaster. Of course that's only my opinion Deneb. For what it's worth, "I love you"--in a non perverted manipulating way. I can't beleive you will see this guy ever---'cause you're so intelligent. don't let this setback spin out of control. you'll be fineif you listen to your own soul. Please-somebody jump in and convince me I'm not losing my mind.
Posted by garnet71 on June 1, 2009, at 23:19:55
In reply to No way! Ditch this loser » Deneb, posted by Bobby on June 1, 2009, at 23:07:16
No-I thought the same thing. He sounds like he might be taking advantage of the situation. It sounded very creepy. But it's very hard to tell w/o knowing someone. I got an immediate "uck" reaction when I read that though.
Sorry but, i didn't read all the posts either.
Good luck Deneb.
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.