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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by SometimesBlue on August 23, 2007, at 8:57:54
:o(
I'm...well...in a hole...I'm drinking too much - again. I'm so depressed, I think it's my friend, then it stabs me in the back...I feel like this is a never ending cycle. Ugh!!!! I'm getting so tired of myself. I just wanna crawl under a rock...ironic, in a hole but i wanna be under a rock.
Posted by ClearSkies on August 23, 2007, at 9:56:21
In reply to In a Hole, can't seem to get out...., posted by SometimesBlue on August 23, 2007, at 8:57:54
> :o(
>
> I'm...well...in a hole...I'm drinking too much - again. I'm so depressed, I think it's my friend, then it stabs me in the back...I feel like this is a never ending cycle. Ugh!!!! I'm getting so tired of myself. I just wanna crawl under a rock...ironic, in a hole but i wanna be under a rock.
I'm not a cave person, but I do hide under rocks. There are lots of us here under rocks. It's safe. It's dark. We're protected.
And a hole makes sense too, because it's something you can back into, so you're protected in that direction too.Yup, it makes perfect sense to me.
ClearSkies
(the sky is still clear from under my rock, I just know it)
Posted by Phil on August 23, 2007, at 11:27:44
In reply to In a Hole, can't seem to get out...., posted by SometimesBlue on August 23, 2007, at 8:57:54
Did someone say something? I can't hear a thing under this rock.
Posted by SometimesBlue on August 23, 2007, at 11:31:13
In reply to Re: In a Hole, can't seem to get out.... » SometimesBlue, posted by ClearSkies on August 23, 2007, at 9:56:21
Here's the thing...i dont want help, i dont want to go outside myself to get help...i wanna be able to help myself, to have control over myself, to be able to control me, my emotions, my addictions, my everything (sounds like a sad country song..lol). But at the end of everyday, when i get home from work, i lose myself. So all i end up doing is hating myself, because it's me doing this to me. When am i going to see clear skies all day long...it's always dark where i am.
Posted by Phil on August 23, 2007, at 11:57:10
In reply to Re: In a Hole, can't seem to get out...., posted by SometimesBlue on August 23, 2007, at 11:31:13
You just described my life. I had a pdoc appt this morning and he basically told me to find a passion or in layman's terms, bootstrap it--the meds can't do it all. blah, blah, blah.
I guess I should be in therapy or wishing on a star cause for the life of me, I can't bring myself to care.
It's very hard to keep going. I know that it probably doesn't help to hear this but it's the only song I can sing right now.
I hope things turn around for you.
Posted by ClearSkies on August 23, 2007, at 12:15:45
In reply to Re: In a Hole, can't seem to get out...., posted by SometimesBlue on August 23, 2007, at 11:31:13
> Here's the thing...i dont want help, i dont want to go outside myself to get help...i wanna be able to help myself, to have control over myself, to be able to control me, my emotions, my addictions, my everything (sounds like a sad country song..lol). But at the end of everyday, when i get home from work, i lose myself. So all i end up doing is hating myself, because it's me doing this to me. When am i going to see clear skies all day long...it's always dark where i am.
Yes, yes!! My therapist and I talk about this a lot :-) That whole control thing. That the problem is that so much of what we go through is simply beyond our control, and it just kills us not to be able to do anything about it. (That's why I get so upset about my step daughter and what she does or doesn't do; about my drinking and why I couldn't control even that when I was actively trying to do so.) It's crazy-making stuff.
It sounds so glib to tell someone to just "give it up" or "give in and let go" or whatever the heck those annoying sayings are. They are so annoying because it's NOT so simple, at least not for me. That's when I have to break my days down into more manageable bits, into hours to get through.I don't know what I'm saying any more. Except that to try to control what we cannot is the craziest-making thing of all we can do. And we just can't win at it.
Have you noticed that there is an echo in here, under our rock?
cs
Posted by ClearSkies on August 23, 2007, at 12:18:56
In reply to Re: In a Hole, can't seem to get out.... » SometimesBlue, posted by Phil on August 23, 2007, at 11:57:10
> You just described my life. I had a pdoc appt this morning and he basically told me to find a passion or in layman's terms, bootstrap it--the meds can't do it all. blah, blah, blah.
>Hmm, if I had some bootstraps, then I might know where to place the boot once I had my foot in it... right on the pdoc's behind! Passion - like finding some is as easy as putting it on a grocery list. Bah.
> I guess I should be in therapy or wishing on a star cause for the life of me, I can't bring myself to care.
>
> It's very hard to keep going. I know that it probably doesn't help to hear this but it's the only song I can sing right now.
>
> I hope things turn around for you.And for you, Phil. I'll put some bootstraps on my next shopping list, ok?
ClearSkies
Posted by Phillipa on August 23, 2007, at 12:27:32
In reply to Re: In a Hole, can't seem to get out.... » Phil, posted by ClearSkies on August 23, 2007, at 12:18:56
A minute at a time and still things crash on us. My experience. Try to keep busy is what I do. Phillipa
Posted by karen_kay on August 23, 2007, at 12:41:20
In reply to Re: In a Hole, can't seem to get out.... » SometimesBlue, posted by ClearSkies on August 23, 2007, at 12:15:45
Posted by SometimesBlue on August 23, 2007, at 13:33:47
In reply to echo....... (nm), posted by karen_kay on August 23, 2007, at 12:41:20
Keeping busy is soooooo tiring...however, it does make sense...I hate these lows, and scarily i haven't even hit rock bottom. I dont think...anyone know what it looks like down there?
Ughhhh, i have woken up every morning this week and said "today, I will not have a drink..." And BAM!! As soon as i get home, it's like everything gives me a reason to grab that bottle...the dust on my TV says, "have a drink, then clean me...." This *thing* has crept up on me and i never realized it...when you're young it's just partying, then when ur an *adult* it's a problem. I hate these rule...
Posted by Phillipa on August 23, 2007, at 19:58:26
In reply to Dont you hate these rules of life......., posted by SometimesBlue on August 23, 2007, at 13:33:47
Funny you should say that I guess as we age we revert to a young adulthood. As I do live where most folks are over 60, 70's, and 80's and when they have neighborhood parties most comsume at least a bottle of wine a piece. They have a ball and seem so happy. Phillipa
Posted by SometimesBlue on August 24, 2007, at 17:45:38
In reply to Re: Dont you hate these rules of life....... » SometimesBlue, posted by Phillipa on August 23, 2007, at 19:58:26
Phillipa,
You see, they have fun, and it's socially acceptable....but I would be considered a drunk or an alcoholic...i think, i don;t even know anymore...
Who drew the proverbial line between the 2, and why am I on the negative side of it?
Is it my fault i always wish it were the weekend and act accordingly?
I'm so torn...
Posted by Phillipa on August 24, 2007, at 20:59:49
In reply to Who defined the line btwn socia drinker + DRUNK? » Phillipa, posted by SometimesBlue on August 24, 2007, at 17:45:38
Good question. I've asked myself the same thing. As ll years dry feel worse than I ever have. So for me at my age for me the answer is who cares? As long I have good functioning capacity might be better of with corona and lime. At least I was happy and had fun. For some reason my chemistry allows me to limit the amount and feel good. Liver doesn't bother me as the meds hurts some livers too as mine was off last summer. But that's me. Phillipa
Posted by sam123 on August 25, 2007, at 21:08:42
In reply to Who defined the line btwn socia drinker + DRUNK? » Phillipa, posted by SometimesBlue on August 24, 2007, at 17:45:38
>
> Who drew the proverbial line between the 2, and why am I on the negative side of it?
>It is not the number of drinks. It becomes a problem when you have negative consequences from drinking but cannot stop.
Posted by Phillipa on August 25, 2007, at 22:06:10
In reply to Re: Who defined the line btwn socia drinker + DRUN, posted by sam123 on August 25, 2007, at 21:08:42
Yes I do believe you're correct. No negative actions or consequences with the beer. Could always put it down if I didn't want any more. Didn't get drunk either. No driving no tickets nothing I've ever been ashamed of the next day or regreted. My pdoc drinks too. Phillipa
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