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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2007, at 0:54:05
http://youtube.com/watch?v=0BB6q7M_Imw&mode=related&search=
Im not kidding my mother has gone this crazy even crazier, YOUR NOT GOING TO THE DOCTOR!
Im not going to put the dialogue because it is too intense and personal.
Do you understand what i sometimes exposions i have to live with?
I love my mother, we are getting along but in the past omg i memories, and want to take vengence.
My friends dont understand either.......
maybe could you?
Posted by highone on June 12, 2007, at 0:54:05
In reply to Do you want to see this insanity in this house?, posted by rjlockhart on June 11, 2007, at 23:27:36
If your mom is that bad she needs to be committed!
Posted by Racer on June 12, 2007, at 1:01:25
In reply to Do you want to see this insanity in this house?, posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2007, at 0:54:05
Matt, I don't suspect you'll believe this, but I went through utter misery with my mother for many, many years. She would have temper tantrums when she got up in the morning, screaming and throwing things, and I would spend the whole day miserable.
Then, she'd come home at night, and be upset with me for being miserable.
It is hellish, there's no question. And it can lead to pretty serious depression, and misery of all sorts.
All the things I've tried to tell you over time here? It's all coming from my own experience. I think it's usually pretty good advice, or I wouldn't give it to you. And don't think that no one else could be as bad as your mother is, or that I must have had something going for me that you don't have. I suspect it was harder for me than you can understand. That I made it through really does suggest that everyone has the potential to do so.
I am going to ask a favor of you, though; please post on the appropriate boards. If you don't, and someone has to come along behind you and move the posts, that gets a bit tiresome, you know?
As for what to do, only you can answer that. One thing I will say, though, again, is that therapy would help you a lot in learning new ways to cope. If you can't get into therapy because of the insurance situation, then check at school. There are usually counseling centers which can help a lot, and might even be able to get you into real therapy, by helping approach your mother about it.
Good luck.
Posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 6:46:08
In reply to Re: Do you want to see this insanity in this house » rjlockhart, posted by Racer on June 12, 2007, at 1:01:25
Just thought I better warn others of this. I shouldn't have watched this, even though I haven't seen the movie, I heard of the term, Mommie Dearest.
This sort of deplicted my mom on a GOOD day. Sad but true.
The best advice to get out of a household like this as soon as you can to avoid getting hurt even more. As a child you are somewhat trapped, but man of man, I wouldn't wait until I was 18. That was the best thing I have ever done, and haven't looked back with regret ever since.
Posted by Quintal on June 12, 2007, at 13:48:32
In reply to Do you want to see this insanity in this house?, posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2007, at 0:54:05
Yeah, me too. One of my earliest memories is of being in what must have been my highchair and my mother feeding me the new banana yoghurt she'd bought specially for me as a treat. But I didn't like the taste of it, and anyone raised by a borderline mother knows that kind of rejection cannot go unpunished. My dad came home to the aftermath (the entire contents of the fridge, frying pan and cake tin splattered all over the walls) and, again, all of you raised by borderline mothers will know the cleverness with which they can shift the blame.
And a word about boundaries. One time my mother took me to a (Tupperware) party at her friend's house and all the mothers were sitting around chatting etc. One of the women's daughters came in after her bath, wearing a long t-shirt that came down just above her crotch. So my mother reached over and pulled it up suddenly, exposing her genitals. A wave of shock went round the room, and my hand flew out instinctively to try and cover her up - even at that tender age I knew my mother had just done something horribly inappropriate. We were never invited back. Guess who my mother held responsible for that? Guess who took the blame and was 'punished' accordingly? Notice there's a lot of blame and a lot of vengeance going on in these dynamics? Ever noticed how acts of vengeance only come back at you even stronger some time later?
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often engender in their children something called 'co-narcissism'. They train their children, partners etc. to be submissive, accept blame readily, be eager to please, defer to other's opinions, and fear being considered selfish if they act assertively, and so on. According to Wiki, the term was coined to refer to a co-dependent personality style like co-alcoholism and co-dependency. These mothers are more likely to see the child as an extension of themselves rather than an individual in their own right:
--------------------------------------------------
"when a young child fails to separate her own self-image from that of her mother. This happens roughly between the ages of two and three, often because of a parent’s own emotional problems. A mother’s encouragement of a child’s self-assertion is vital. When the mother suffers from low self-esteem, she has difficulty encouraging her child’s emerging self. The child experiences this absence as a loss of self, creating feelings of abandonment that lead to depression. To deal with the depression, the child gives up efforts to support her emerging self. Instead, she relies on her mother’s approval to maintain the esteem of a 'false self'."
--------------------------------------------------Well those words ring very true for me. Every attempt at independence was smothered and stifled so she could better keep me under her control. I notice you seem to have great difficulty in trying to move out and get away from your mother. Are you sure this is purely down to your financial circumstances and living arrangements? You know many ex-soldiers have a hard time when they leave the army - their free will has been broken down to such a degree through being conditioned into obeying orders that they have trouble making their own decisions when the need arises.
Q
Posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2007, at 16:28:03
In reply to Re: Do you want to see this insanity in this house » rjlockhart, posted by Racer on June 12, 2007, at 1:01:25
Racer no my Mother had the temper tantums throwing things at me and I never knew what to expect when coming home from school. I was terrified everyday and hid in the woods most of the time. Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2007, at 16:31:03
In reply to Trigger warning above and below., posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 6:46:08
Hence why I got pregnant at eighteen and moved in with high school sweatheart who continued with verbal abuse and cheating. Love Phillipa well I was out of the house and she had dies by now but my Grandmother and Father didnt want me there as her death they said was my fault I made her sick.
Posted by Happyflower on June 12, 2007, at 18:48:28
In reply to Re: Trigger warning above and below. » Happyflower, posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2007, at 16:31:03
Wow, Phillipa,
It sounds like a family cycle thing with your mom, and it was with my mom.
The only reason I didn't take the same route as you to get out of the house is because my mom and dad got each other pregnant at 16 in order to be together, because my mom'm mom, forbid them to be together. Back in that day, you married the girl if you got her pregnant. So I didn't want to be like my mom, so I stayed a virgin a long time. LOL But knowing what I know now, I would have lost it a long time ago! lol
Posted by fayeroe on June 12, 2007, at 18:50:51
In reply to Re: Do you want to see this insanity in this house » rjlockhart, posted by Quintal on June 12, 2007, at 13:48:32
excellent post and support, Quintal.
Posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2007, at 23:16:47
In reply to Re: Do you want to see this insanity in this house » rjlockhart, posted by Quintal on June 12, 2007, at 13:48:32
My mother and i just had a i mean top of the lungs, scream im not saying it was riduclule. I cant disclose personal info. Im sorry
I told her i was sorry, but i want to keep this inside when she gets older the hell she put me through, i want vengence, she is narcisstic but hurt in some ways.
Thank you quinatal.
I cant be on right now, im on here really quick and i have to go soon. Thank everone for your help.
I will try my best to get back.
She doesnt know this site's address, but she banned me from my car and computer.
I have to go.
R
Posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2007, at 23:20:01
In reply to Re Quintal and Racer and Phillipa, others, posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2007, at 23:16:47
Bye for now. Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2007, at 23:25:53
In reply to Re: Re Quintal and Racer and Phillipa, others » rjlockhart, posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2007, at 23:20:01
ill be back.
Posted by rjlockhart on June 13, 2007, at 23:48:21
In reply to Re: Do you want to see this insanity in this house » rjlockhart, posted by Quintal on June 12, 2007, at 13:48:32
Thanks Quintal for your story and investigation.
I have picked up some of my mothers traits of screaming "NO" NO NO !!! Over something simple, little things make me go crazy similar to "wire hangers"
Example I cant find CD's in the house and i go nuts, my focus is off, i cant concentrate when being at a rage at the same time "im going to CRUSH those CD's when i find them!" even though there not, there just objects. And it was my own fault for losing them. Same thing with find clothing, i have tore through my closet, "where are you" my clothes of course because im afraid there going to be given away, which has happened.
My cat stinks like hell just a while ago his smelly slober just flung ever where, AHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD. Why do i have to live such a miserable life
I tell you what all the, or my friends who have abandoned me,, they go and have fun and not EVEN CALL ME, WHY??
What is there about me that they dont like, i'll tell you when someone really does you wrong, tell their sins and wrongs in public will really make them humiliated.
Your flesh wants to get even but i first need to see whats wrong with me?
Anyway get to the point i think i have picked up my mother's traits of getting angry, and now my freinds think im superreactive.
Sometimes i dont say anything. Im just blunted.
Anyways, racer, quintal i read your whole posts and now i know there is other people who had it worse than me.
Thank you for sharing.
R
Posted by Racer on June 14, 2007, at 14:19:42
In reply to Re: im back, posted by rjlockhart on June 13, 2007, at 23:48:21
> > Anyways, racer, quintal i read your whole posts and now i know there is other people who had it worse than me.
>No, Kiddo, that certainly wasn't what I meant to imply to you by telling you about my Mom-Issues. There's no hierarchy of suffering, as I am overly fond of pointing out. There's just good enough, and not good enough. You and I and others here apparently had not good enough.
I think what you wrote in this post, about thinking your friends might be backing off because you've learned some of your mother's behaviors might fit with what I've been trying to say to you all along: you can choose not to react blindly, you can learn more adaptive coping skills, you do have control over certain things in your life. You're not helpless. You're certainly smart enough to learn new coping strategies, and I think you are maybe starting to see the potential benefits of doing so.
Best luck to you. I really mean that.
Posted by muffled on June 14, 2007, at 23:15:40
In reply to Re: im back » rjlockhart, posted by Racer on June 14, 2007, at 14:19:42
This is the end of the thread.
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