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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 2 to 26 of 26. Go back in thread:
Posted by scratchpad on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:57
In reply to Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Crazy Horse on February 26, 2007, at 12:05:47
I'm very embarrassed of my condition, too. When I stopped working 2 years ago, even my pdoc expressed surprise. At the time I was unable to complete an 8 hour work day without crying and having several panic attacks. (I'm in the process of finding a new doctor with a human, and humane, component built in.)
When people ask me now whether I work, I say "not at the moment," and leave it at that. Most people don't bother to ask any further questions. I don't even mention depression and anxiety as the reason.
sp
Posted by Bob on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:57
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease! » Crazy Horse, posted by scratchpad on February 26, 2007, at 12:42:41
I too am quite ashamed of my situation and condition. I'm almost 39, and have not worked for about 4 years now. The last years of my job were hell.
I always have trouble explaining to others what is wrong, and dread all such moments. Even when I can broach the subject, it often is awkward to explain to someone with no concept of mental illness what is going on. There is a tendency to simplify explanations which leads to it almost sounding like a fabrication. There are actually acquaintances I've had for years that I've never even told I'm disabled. Heck, even people who are close to me and now I have a problem often don't fully comprehend my limitations. It's unbelievable. Any other obviously physical disease would not have these issues surrounding it.
I guess other diseases must have a "guilt" type of component to them, but for me depression is severe in that respect. I can rationalize that it is a disease that is not my fault, but sometimes the notion can creep in that I would be a "better" person if I didn't have this condition. It's ridiculous.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:57
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Bob on February 26, 2007, at 12:51:02
I hear you all.
I feel exactly the same way.
Posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:57
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 26, 2007, at 13:03:48
Monte it's just not being a man but I empathize with you as society places that burden on you. But my identity was nursing and it's been 9 years and on Disability. I still renew my license each year but this is the last year I can without going back to school and noone will hire me anyway there personal policy in Charlotte is if you haven't worked in 5 years school and now the subjects are way about my head. I'm devasted too. And people think I'm lazy. I cry every night. Love Jan
Posted by Iansf on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:57
In reply to Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Crazy Horse on February 26, 2007, at 12:05:47
Monte,
Under the circumstances, I think it might be best to evade the truth. There's not much you can do with people you've already told, or who have heard from people you've told. But with new people, just say you are ill, and if they persist, tell them you'd rather not discuss it. Most will probably assume you have cancer or something of the sort. Or you could lie and say you're self-employed, have an inheriance, live off your investments or something similar.
John> I'm a 48 year old male who has suffered from depression and anxiety since i was a teenager. To make a long story short, with meds, therapy, and God's help i was able to hold a job until about 9 years ago. My Pdoc says my condition has worsened (duh)..i can no longer maintain a long enough remission to return to work.
>
> Here's what i hate. I hate trying to explain to friends, family, aquiontances, anybody, why i can't work. Maybe it's pride because i am a man, and i have two children, but for me it's embarrassing to admit i have chronic major depression with anxiety. I feel people are always judging me, accuseing me of being lazy and/or irresponsible for not working. People just don't see depression as a disease, i think most people see it as a weakness..like it's my fault for being this way. It's very frustrating for me.
>
> -Monte
Posted by Ken Blades on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:57
In reply to Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Crazy Horse on February 26, 2007, at 12:05:47
Monte, it's not your fault. I can identify with
all of what you said; you've got a lot of guts
to let it all hang out. I know it's a lot
harder for a man to try to 'cover' for the
fact he's not working; society doesn't question
when a woman says she doesn't work[the assumption
is, right or wrong, that she is married with a
working husband], but if a man says he's not
employed, God knows what they think of you.I know it's really tough....
The suggestions John made[living off investments,
self-employed, have an inheritance] sound like
good evasive explanations!!
Posted by Bob on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:57
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease! » Crazy Horse, posted by Ken Blades on February 26, 2007, at 15:18:55
> The suggestions John made[living off investments,
> self-employed, have an inheritance] sound like
> good evasive explanations!!Ironically, my family has money, so I have been able to maintain a decent lifestyle and not drop down into indigency, despite being severely disabled. For people who don't know my whole story but see that I'm not materially suffering, there is sometimes envy about my "lifestyle". Even some who know me have trouble with it. There's little ability to separate out material lifestyle, and quality of life due to health. I'm really not judging them, as I might be the same way in their position, but it's hard to listen to someone say they wish they had an easy life like mine, when they don't have any idea really.
Posted by willyee on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:57
In reply to Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Crazy Horse on February 26, 2007, at 12:05:47
> I'm a 48 year old male who has suffered from depression and anxiety since i was a teenager. To make a long story short, with meds, therapy, and God's help i was able to hold a job until about 9 years ago. My Pdoc says my condition has worsened (duh)..i can no longer maintain a long enough remission to return to work.
>
> Here's what i hate. I hate trying to explain to friends, family, aquiontances, anybody, why i can't work. Maybe it's pride because i am a man, and i have two children, but for me it's embarrassing to admit i have chronic major depression with anxiety. I feel people are always judging me, accuseing me of being lazy and/or irresponsible for not working. People just don't see depression as a disease, i think most people see it as a weakness..like it's my fault for being this way. It's very frustrating for me.
>
> -MonteI went from a working for a fortune 500 company as a certified network adminstrator to geek squad,lost my girl of 7 years,i can go on and on,i feel ur pain,its a extremly humbling experieance.
Do only thing i can take pride in is my weight lifting,hey guys i hit the 300 pd bench btw.
Posted by johnnyj on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:57
In reply to Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Crazy Horse on February 26, 2007, at 12:05:47
I know how everyone feels too. I have hid my disorder from everyone but my family. None of my best friends know because it would spread to people I don't want to know. I struggle with the thought that I used to be well med free and wonder why not anymore? I barely hold onto my job and that could go at anytime too. Such a common fear and sadness with all of us. But, we are human and deserve the same human respect and dignity as all. Peace
johnnyj
Posted by laima on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:58
In reply to Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Crazy Horse on February 26, 2007, at 12:05:47
I'm so sorry- I've felt much of the same sort of thing. It can be very uncomfortable.
Posted by Declan on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:58
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by willyee on February 26, 2007, at 16:34:54
I'm gratified to see so many people who are embarrassed about their condition.
It certainly takes strength of character to live the best way you can without the normal approval and sense of connection that many people must take for granted.
Posted by Ken Blades on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:58
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease! » Ken Blades, posted by Bob on February 26, 2007, at 16:18:02
Hi Bob~
I guess I can see that in spite of your
fortunate[from a financial standpoint]
circumstances, there would be a downside
in that people might just see that you
are a 'gentleman of leisure', not being
aware that you are suffering from a
disability that I'm sure you'd trade off
for the money you have.You can't win, can ya?
Posted by laima on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:58
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Declan on February 26, 2007, at 18:31:35
With meds, I feel I have a huge secret. Especially since one of the meds sounds so dramatic (amphetamine!) and the other requires weird sounding diet and drug carefulness (Emsam). There I am- "Nope! Don't like parmasion cheese anymore!" "Kim chee? Nope- too weird! Don't want to try!"Sure, those closest to me know, but I always worry what people not so close to me would think if they knew, especially since there is so much scoffing at psych meds in popular culture. Would their opinions of me change for the worse?
Posted by johnnyj on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:58
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by laima on February 26, 2007, at 18:58:26
Wow, you put into words how I often feel, very nice.
A few weeks back I was at a concert and not feeling too well and I wondered how many people there were on meds???? On the way home I found out that 2 out of the 5 in our car were. Well, make that 3 out of 5 now.
Posted by rjlockhart on February 27, 2007, at 8:33:58
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Declan on February 26, 2007, at 18:31:35
Well,
Maybe get a routine, or think of things stimulating to you. That are funny. Make yourself get out of this, get and do things, i mean dont go hypomanic thats what i do to escape depression, but do things that give you a buzz.
Matt
Posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 11:18:56
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by rjlockhart on February 26, 2007, at 22:44:28
Monte see your thread is redirected. I'm still here for you. Love Phillipa
Posted by Jo U.K on February 27, 2007, at 11:37:58
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 11:18:56
Humans can be a rotten bunch cant they. So judgemental. Or thats how it feels unless you're any thing other than 'perfect'. Does it feel to you all like people may kind of say they sympathise to your face then gloat behind your back?
That's how I feel. Not that I tell anyone either. It feels like I have a weakness. Sorry Crazyhorse for your work situation. I guess it may well be hard for a man - the traditional 'breadwinner'.
And Phillipa and all the others too. I hate to think of you so upset Phillipa.
Jo
Posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 20:23:04
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Phillipa on February 26, 2007, at 14:32:44
Monte I wanted to add that I met two men who live near me in huge houses. They are both MR. Mom as their wives just make more money than they could. And they love the arrangement. See it was a choice and I think the word choice is the key. If you chose to stay home and me too you and I wouldn't feel this way. Love Phillipa
Posted by Crazy Horse on February 28, 2007, at 9:57:03
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 20:23:04
> Monte I wanted to add that I met two men who live near me in huge houses. They are both MR. Mom as their wives just make more money than they could. And they love the arrangement. See it was a choice and I think the word choice is the key. If you chose to stay home and me too you and I wouldn't feel this way. Love Phillipa
Thanks for the encouragement Jan..it helps. :)
Love, Monte
Posted by Larry Hoover on February 28, 2007, at 17:35:06
In reply to Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Crazy Horse on February 26, 2007, at 12:05:47
> Here's what i hate. I hate trying to explain to friends, family, aquiontances, anybody, why i can't work.
Family probably already know the truth, but I just use vague but suggestive language with anyone else. I say something like, "I'm being treated by a specialist for a serious chronic health condition. The treatment's almost as bad as the disease. We're hoping for a remission."
The subject is almost invariably quickly changed. If not, I don't answer any further questions, and just give them 'that look'.
I don't owe anyone an explanation, although I had to learn that for myself.
Lar
Posted by Ines on March 1, 2007, at 17:59:52
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease! » Crazy Horse, posted by Larry Hoover on February 28, 2007, at 17:35:06
I just wanted to say I know exactly what you mean - I felt like that for a long time too. I used to either be very vague or actually make up some other disease when I had to explain why I was off work for a while. Recently, however, I started telling people that I was suffering from depression, or from a mood disorder- depending on how brave I am feeling that day. I find it easier to do that over email or the phone, but I am getting more comfortable with face to face. I found it very liberating-somehow being open about it has really helped me deal with it and feel that my condition is as legitimate as any other. I have also had good responses from people- certainly better than when I was very evasive about it . I certainly don't think that I owe anyone an explanation, but in my case after years and years of hiding, trying to talk openly about my problem has helped me cope...
Ines
Posted by capricorn on March 2, 2007, at 14:54:09
In reply to Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Crazy Horse on February 26, 2007, at 12:05:47
At least you have worked. Not as embarrassing as never having worked and being told after 30 odd years
that it's debatable whether you are mentally ill which is basically a simplistically coded way of saying 'OI you parasitical scuzz bucket go beep your
beeping self '!
Posted by alesta on March 2, 2007, at 16:35:50
In reply to Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Crazy Horse on February 26, 2007, at 12:05:47
hi crazyhorse,
glad to see you got such an awesome response...these ppl really respect someone that can be so honest. my heart and thoughts are with you also. you are beautiful and i know things will be okay. sometimes this place makes me smile. the genuine care from ppl when they see a genuine soul reaching out..ppl can be so kind and real and admirable sometimes.take good care,:)
Amy
Posted by Larry Hoover on March 3, 2007, at 8:47:39
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease!, posted by Ines on March 1, 2007, at 17:59:52
> I certainly don't think that I owe anyone an explanation, but in my case after years and years of hiding, trying to talk openly about my problem has helped me cope...
> Ines
I didn't mean to suggest that I never speak openly about my struggles. I was kind of targetting what I felt was a particular type of reaction from people. If people can't be supportive, then maybe the whole thing is none of their business.I have obtained some amazing support by opening my heart to certain people. The trick, I guess, is trying to predict which case is which.
Lar
Posted by Phillipa on March 3, 2007, at 19:14:16
In reply to Re: Embarrassed of my disease! » Ines, posted by Larry Hoover on March 3, 2007, at 8:47:39
Lar exactly you talk with a person a while and can kind of pick up vibes about how they would react. We have one neighbor who has no absolutely no sympathy for a person who says they have back problems. Well he is lucky cause most people do by their 60's and he's in his 60's the same with depression/anxiety. Love Phillipa
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