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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 13 to 37 of 46. Go back in thread:
Posted by Happyflower on December 13, 2006, at 14:15:54
In reply to Re: i'm horrible » Happyflower, posted by ClearSkies on December 13, 2006, at 13:25:03
I don't feel stressing that outside beauty isn't important is a right thing to do either, there is a happy medium. It is okay to tell your kids that they are beautiful, but other comments should be there too to develop a healthy self esteem.
I am sorry your mother didn't compliment you, they should tell you that you are beautiful to them for many reasons. Doing this and teaching them how to be sexy is two different things. I tell my daughter all the time how proud I am of her on her talents, etc, and if she when she gets her hair cut, I tell her it looks nice. But I am not going to teach her how to turn on a guy because it is the real world and she might as well learn at a young age.
Posted by Happyflower on December 13, 2006, at 14:25:01
In reply to Re: i'm horrible » Happyflower, posted by karen_kay on December 13, 2006, at 13:27:58
I think Llurpse gave some good way to teach that dress up is fun, without making it focus on being beautiful has to hurt. Five year olds are very impressionable at that age, and telling them that being beautiful has to hurt, is really sending some wrong messages.
Do you want her to be starving herself at 10 so she can not look developed like all the models out there, so she can look sexy?
Playing sports, games, art activities, etc, will give her more self confidence than telling her she looks pretty. We don't teach our boys that they have to look handsome at five so they can be self confident.
Posted by kid47 on December 13, 2006, at 15:42:19
In reply to i'm horrible, posted by karen_kay on December 13, 2006, at 8:19:45
twisted, but in a VERY good way. I think thats why I like you so much;)
kid
Posted by ClearSkies on December 13, 2006, at 17:04:53
In reply to Re: i'm horrible » ClearSkies, posted by Happyflower on December 13, 2006, at 14:15:54
OK, I am talking about poor self esteem, and you are talking about sexuality. Different subjects - although I can say that my mother has never acknowledged that there is even such a thing as sexuality. Shoes or no shoes, it's not there la-la-la-la-la!!!!
I think we have beaten this one quite soundly.
CS
Posted by henrietta on December 13, 2006, at 19:00:08
In reply to i'm horrible, posted by karen_kay on December 13, 2006, at 8:19:45
the very fact that you're concerned about this proves you're not horrible. you're thinking. you're questioning. you're moving toward responsibility, and away from narcissism. you deserve rewards! you deserve self-congratulations. you are growing UP!!! (and passing it on) it's fantastic! keep it up!
Posted by henrietta on December 13, 2006, at 19:17:35
In reply to Karen, Karen, Karen, posted by kid47 on December 13, 2006, at 12:20:06
my god, don't PLUCk your nose hairs. trim them a tad from the outside if they bother you, but be d%%m grateful you've got'em. i've got none, and i'm susceptible to any passing germ, any flying ambient spray, any stray nastiness. nose hairs are there for a reason. they're protection. they're the moat, the battlements, they're your fortress. you lucky dog, you.
Posted by TexasChic on December 13, 2006, at 19:31:17
In reply to Re: i'm horrible » karen_kay, posted by Happyflower on December 13, 2006, at 14:25:01
I think pretty much everyone would agree with what you're saying about the harm that can be caused by teaching a child that looks are more important then anything else. I just didn't get the impression that's what KK REALLY intended her post to imply (she said in a later post she didn't actually use the word sexy). I took it more as a lighthearted post.
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong KK, just thought I'd try to help.
-T
Posted by madeline on December 13, 2006, at 19:55:51
In reply to i'm horrible, posted by karen_kay on December 13, 2006, at 8:19:45
Okay, when she was six months old she won a gun in a raffle. Some kind of ultra expensive 22 rifle.
Now she's seven and after a wonderful romp through the world of rainwear, all she wants to do is shoot the gun. She wants to go hunting, have her picture made with the gun, shot trees with the gun, load the gun, clean the gun. You know. Her dad, allegedly, also bought her a membership in the NRA - but I thought you had to be 18 to do that.
Well anyhoodle, I got a picture of her today holding the gun with this really evil look on her face. I'm afraid that one day I'll see that picture again on 60 minutes or something after she's gone postal.
Now that my friends is something to be concerned about.
Posted by Phillipa on December 13, 2006, at 19:58:06
In reply to Re: i'm horrible » Happyflower, posted by TexasChic on December 13, 2006, at 19:31:17
Just want to add that I was brought up to focus on looks. Hence I'm having a very hard time aging. If only I could find a therapist to help me relearn what I was taught. I went so far as to have a facelift. What did it accomplish? Nothing but complications and more depresssion. It was a nightmare. I am older . My 40's were my prime. I looked and felt good. Love Phillipa
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 13, 2006, at 20:57:43
In reply to Let's talk about MY niece, posted by madeline on December 13, 2006, at 19:55:51
Archery is my thing. I prefer NOT to take life. Remember that Nick Cage movie, The Weatherman? That movie gives me fantasies... (lol not THAT kind of fantasy!)
I also enjoy shooting very much. Usually a pellet rifle or .22. I have shot a handgun a few times, but I prefer a rifle.
If I lived out in the country, I'd set up part of my yard for archery. I even took it in college as my p.e. lol
shhhhhTHWAcKKKKK!
It's so satisfying.
-Ll
Posted by verne on December 13, 2006, at 21:08:16
In reply to i'm horrible, posted by karen_kay on December 13, 2006, at 8:19:45
I'm as vain as they come yet never understood women and the shoe thing. I identify with the Princess and the pea and Goldilocks bit though.
Perhaps, the need to squeeze one's foot into a glass slipper that only fits one woman in the kingdom, caused this shoe angst. Cinderella I don't get.
I think barefeet and sensible shoes are *sexy* (not that I would ever actually use that word) I love: real, natural, not-trying-to-fit, uncontrived women - and men.
verne
Posted by karen_kay on December 14, 2006, at 6:00:01
In reply to Re: i'm horrible, posted by verne on December 13, 2006, at 21:08:16
did i mention the shoes are small for my large (huge, huge, man-sized) feet? i guess it's ok for a lady to reveal her shoe size, right? i actually wear a size 9 1/2 to 10 (i know, i know, i'm like a frickin amazon.) that's the thing behind me squeezing into shoes, they were given to me as gifts in the wrong size. and they are fabulous shoes!
i'll finish more replies today.
Posted by TexasChic on December 14, 2006, at 12:32:58
In reply to Re: i'm horrible, posted by karen_kay on December 14, 2006, at 6:00:01
I wear 9 1/2! How dare you insult my foot size! ;-)
-T
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 14, 2006, at 20:26:57
In reply to Re: i'm horrible, posted by Happyflower on December 13, 2006, at 14:08:05
> teaching her how to be sexy, talking about being sexy at 5 years old, is on the fine line of sexual abuse.
>
> I feel it is setting a poor example for a 5 year old.Please be sensitive to the feelings of others and don't post anything that could lead them to feel accused or put down.
But please don't take this personally, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Happyflower on December 14, 2006, at 21:51:42
In reply to Re: please be sensitive » Happyflower, posted by Dr. Bob on December 14, 2006, at 20:26:57
Posted by Happyflower on December 14, 2006, at 21:54:40
In reply to Re: i'm horrible, posted by karen_kay on December 14, 2006, at 6:00:01
Karen Kay,
I am really sorry I have overeacted to your post and it was all my fault. I feel bad, I hope you can forgive me. I don't know what got into me that day.
Posted by karen_kay on December 15, 2006, at 7:32:22
In reply to Re: i'm horrible » karen_kay, posted by Happyflower on December 14, 2006, at 21:54:40
don't worry. i don't think you upset anyone (including me) with your concerns. i think things came out the wrong way, when i translated the situation into 'kk language'. i think his one was more my fault, than anyone else's.
Posted by karen_kay on December 15, 2006, at 8:45:18
In reply to Let's talk about MY niece, posted by madeline on December 13, 2006, at 19:55:51
i have a nephew that i'm just waiting a few years to see his picure on 60 minutes or america's most wanted. not a gun thing, more like a screaming, biting, hitting, anger thing. my other sister and i are close to placing bets about his future (of course, this stems from his mother's treatment towards him mostly), and what will happen to him. given his penchant for fabrics (silky ones especially. i guess my sister bought satin sheets and had to give them up to the boy, as he wouldn't leave them alone. oh, and i won't even mention his love of curtains!) but, we're betting it'll be a close race between prison for some rage related incident or he may be a fashion designer.
Posted by karen_kay on December 15, 2006, at 8:49:31
In reply to Re: i'm horrible » karen_kay, posted by Phillipa on December 13, 2006, at 10:18:38
how can you NOT love shoes so much? the perfect pair of shoes can make the outfit. it'd be strange for me to not love shoes. i couldn't imagine. the way the legs look, propped up on some rediculously tiny heel. and the sound. that, to me, is the definition of sexy. that 'thump, thump, THUMP' you hear coming down a hallway, only to find a fabulous pair of shoes making the noise. (but, one must be careful not to sound like the teacher walking down the hallway, coming to take you to the principal's office.)
Posted by karen_kay on December 15, 2006, at 8:53:13
In reply to Re: i'm horrible, posted by Happyflower on December 13, 2006, at 10:40:32
oh yes, i do!! the girls hear everyday how smart they are. they hear everyday how beautiful they are, inside and out (and they sure are beautiful little girls!!!) i don't skimp on the inside beauty aspect either, as i stress the beauty of being clever, smart and gorgeous without reguard to clothing, hair, ect. but, the older girl (1st grade) got a pair of cowgirl boots for halloween to match her costume and she showed those boots off to EVERYONE! she loves shoes too!
Posted by karen_kay on December 15, 2006, at 8:59:30
In reply to Re: i'm horrible » karen_kay, posted by TexasChic on December 13, 2006, at 10:43:02
well, i'll be... i wasn't even aware that inserts were made to keep your toes from squishing! i thought the whole point was the pain.
also, i do find that i walk better in heels if they are a bit smaller. something about large feet (sorry, no offense but you ahve to admit, our feet are kinda big! do you have problems buying cute shoes in your size? i HATE seeing tons of cute shoes in sizes 7, but not anything higher than a 9. and to be completely honest, sometimes i have to go as large as 11. guess it's a curse being tall? and, are you taller, hence the larger feet? oh, adn what about monkey arms? do you have those too? i can reach things behind my couch without even turning around, because of my 'go go gadget arms'. my friend heard me make a remark about my monkey arms, adn admitted she nevver teased me about because she thought it was really a sore spot for me! ha! i assured her she could poke fun at my extremely long arms any time she wanted. now, i started something that won't quit!)
back to original thought.... i find it easier to walk in them if there's no 'slide down' room. if the shoes are in my perfect size, they tend to slide down, causing my legs to collapse and my butt to hit the ground. now, theat sound isn't very sexy, even if it is funny!
Posted by karen_kay on December 15, 2006, at 9:05:47
In reply to Re: i'm horrible, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 13, 2006, at 11:19:18
and the girls get to wear fairy dust too! the little one in question managed to cut her hair (right after a new haircut!!!@!! the nerve :) and we had to explain that she looks just like a pixie or fairy, adn let her wear powder, so she could be a fairy. the girls love makeup and dress up. but, they aren't allowed to wear it much and they really want lipstick (i hardely even wear lipstick, so i don't know where it came from. their mom doesn't either.) so, i've given the older one chapstick to make her lips look even more beautiful. and that girl, she's gonna be a man eater, i can see it already. she has these eyelashes to die for!!! seriously, i think everyone that sees her (especially women) talk about how beautidful her eyes are.
i should try to be more careful though, i wouldn't want to skew the girl's opinions on these things towards mine, as i don't necessarily think all of my opinions on these things are hea;thy (some could even say twisted!)
hey, are you li? i haven't figured it out for sure, but i didn't want to call you li and you say 'what?"
Posted by karen_kay on December 15, 2006, at 9:19:48
In reply to Karen, Karen, Karen, posted by kid47 on December 13, 2006, at 12:20:06
oh please, if you want to have a contest, i'm game.
you know, i have this friend. i'll call her fiona (because even as she has said, she looks like the ogre from shreck. she said it, but i laughed and agreed.). anyway, my friend puts more work into 'not looking beautiful' than most people put into building a house. andf what really gets me, is that i've known her for years. and i know she acts unconcerned about her appearance (she hasbn't washed her hair in years! never buys new clothes, you know, trying the tree-hugging look. it jsut angers me that she puts soo much work into trying to act as if she doesn't care about her appearance (now, this isn't the worst of her problems either. she's aggresive, abrasive and loves to argue. i, on the other hand, will do anything to avoid confrontation (including hiding in the far end of my closet and sticking my fingers in my ears.)
i forgot my point (doubt there was one). but she's twisted! i, on the other hand, am perfect!and women in general salute you for plucking your brows, waxing hair from where it doesn't belong, and pulling nose hairs!
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 15, 2006, at 9:23:41
In reply to she was real cute! » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by karen_kay on December 15, 2006, at 9:05:47
Oh my gosh,
I'm Li and lurp and ll and whatever you wanna call me, karen kay, as long as it's not "wife"you know my feelings on that.
just remember: YOU broke up with ME.
now that you know I'm a fairydustmother, you're surely having regrets. Oh well
Chapstick is good. So are funny hats. Kids can get away with most anything as long as it's "play" and they are having fun. Just remember to give them positive feedback for things like
-trying really hard to solve a problem (even if they don't get it)
-sharing and being social
-having patience
-listening to directions
-remembering to do the right thing, even when it's hardand meanwhile, why not have a total glam-fest rockathon. YOU and the girls, and whoever else is in immediate vicinity can get dressed up to the nines and make a skit, perform it for others, or just yourselves and make it a regular comedy/talent/drama hour.
sounds like they are buckets of fun :)
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 15, 2006, at 9:35:41
In reply to they sell those??? » TexasChic, posted by karen_kay on December 15, 2006, at 8:59:30
> well, i'll be... i wasn't even aware that inserts were made to keep your toes from squishing! i thought the whole point was the pain.
I'm not a fan of foot pain. I try SO hard to find cute shoes that are also wearable. The thing is that I don't have a car, so when I go out, I better be prepared to walk at least a quarter mile. I have a pair of strappy sandals that look pretty good, and are walkable, because the heel (3 inches?) is chunky. And these wedge espadrilles that are strappy, and have a ribbon that ties on my ankle- also very stable.
> also, i do find that i walk better in heels if they are a bit smaller. something about large feet (sorry, no offense but you ahve to admit, our feet are kinda big! do you have problems buying cute shoes in your size? i HATE seeing tons of cute shoes in sizes 7, but not anything higher than a 9. and to be completely honest, sometimes i have to go as large as 11. guess it's a curse being tall?
Yes, a curse. those size 5 and a half samples on display NEVER look good in the size 9. flats look like kayaks. pumps look like they're drag-queen inspired...
and, are you taller, hence the larger feet? oh, adn what about monkey arms? do you have those too? i can reach things behind my couch without even turning around, because of my 'go go gadget arms'. my friend heard me make a remark about my monkey arms, adn admitted she nevver teased me about because she thought it was really a sore spot for me! ha! i assured her she could poke fun at my extremely long arms any time she wanted. now, i started something that won't quit!)
I like long arms. It means that I can store stuff ON TOP of my kitchen cabinets. plus, I get to laugh when my chinese roommate bought a step-stool home one day because she couldn't put the dishes away. (poor thing :( the world is not designed for 5 footers...
>
> back to original thought.... i find it easier to walk in them if there's no 'slide down' room. if the shoes are in my perfect size, they tend to slide down, causing my legs to collapse and my butt to hit the ground. now, theat sound isn't very sexy, even if it is funny!great dress shoes have got to fit like a glove. the friction has to be distributed evenly- no tight spots. There cannot be too much movememnt, or else there will be blisters. if there are pointy toes, they have to have enough room, but not too much. If there is a narrow pointy heel, there has to be great fit around the heel and instep or else I'm gonna crash!
i never did master walking in stilletto heels higher than 1.5 inches. I'm especially lurpsy when I'm taking BZD or drinking, so that's a bad recipe!
boots... I've got 5 pairs. from fancy to fun. My next purchase is going to be riding boots. oh. i got ski boots too. those are fitting me really well... ski boots are the ultimate in foot based agony if not fitted properly :)
ciao bella!
ll
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