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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl on July 15, 2006, at 15:38:08
I spoke with my mom, an experience that always seems to leave me with some vague, horrible sense of guilt. I have an uncle I've never met, who has always lived about 20 miles away from me.
I found out today that he is dying of cancer. I heard bits of information that I could never seem to rely on that he was/is mentally ill. I knew it involved some type of paranoia. My mother told me today more than she probably has ever told me about him (and even that was not that much).
She said that he was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. If that is the case it leaves me thinking that that is not a diagnosis made casually. I mean psychosis peaks its head out in a lot of different disorders, but schizophrenia (to me) implies a chronic, longlasting condition.
My mother said she was distressed by his elaborate paranoid conspiracy theory he had concocted about her some years ago, all around the time of their father's death.
I don't know what the story is with this uncle. It seems that other family members (another uncle and cousins) are making attempts to engage with this particular uncle now. My mother might visit him at the end of this month.
Well, I want to go and meet him for myself, and solve this mystery. He's the one who was thought to "need more help" than his siblings, the one who's most disconnected, the one no one sees (not that that side has ever been well connected).
I want to know what the heck it is that everyone seems to tiptoe around. It annoys me and intrigues me and I want to know what sort of genes might be swimming around my family's gene pool.
My family does not appear terribly sophisticated in understanding mental illness and its symptoms, so I have a mystery to solve........
Posted by Phillipa on July 15, 2006, at 16:43:51
In reply to the uncle no one talked about........, posted by sleepygirl on July 15, 2006, at 15:38:08
Well if he's on meds he should be like everyone else. He will normal. Unless the meds aren't working. But if he live by himself they probably although some schizophrencs are paranoid and don't like to go out. Love Phillipa
Posted by sleepygirl on July 15, 2006, at 21:59:20
In reply to Re: the uncle no one talked about........ » sleepygirl, posted by Phillipa on July 15, 2006, at 16:43:51
Yeah, I've known/know lots of folks with schizophrenia. I am just curious about the degree to which this particular uncle is ill, and what all the mystery has been about. He is dying after all so if I am ever to know anything about him it'd be now.
Posted by Phillipa on July 16, 2006, at 19:38:20
In reply to Re: the uncle no one talked about........ » Phillipa, posted by sleepygirl on July 15, 2006, at 21:59:20
Can you visit him by yourself I forgot about your description of your work. I'd just go and make sure someone knows where you are or have someone go with you and stay out side with a time limit so they can come in if it exceeds this. Sounds like the book I'm reading now. If I lived near you I would want to go with you. They used to call me the neighbor detective where I used to live. Love Phillipa
Posted by sleepygirl on July 16, 2006, at 20:17:00
In reply to Re: the uncle no one talked about........ » sleepygirl, posted by Phillipa on July 16, 2006, at 19:38:20
I actually went to see him today because my sister happened to be in the area and she wanted to go to. So I finally met my uncle today. He was very nice. I like him.
He is not schizophrenic, of that I am sure, must've suffered some psychotic stuff associated with some other disorder- something less "chronic"- it just doesn't go with his history.He is really tall. That kind of caught me off guard. He's got to be six foot something. I really hope he stays reasonably well for a long time. He looked pretty good considering.
Well...mystery solved ;-) Heaven only knows what is up with my whacked out family and why they are so incredibly disconnected. Oh well. I found a nice relative. :-)
Posted by Phillipa on July 16, 2006, at 21:21:03
In reply to I met him » Phillipa, posted by sleepygirl on July 16, 2006, at 20:17:00
Congratulations and maybe you can develop a good relationship with your Uncle. Love Phillipa
Posted by Gabbi~G on July 17, 2006, at 2:12:51
In reply to I met him » Phillipa, posted by sleepygirl on July 16, 2006, at 20:17:00
That's just the best story!
Are you going to keep in touch do you think?
Posted by wildcardII on July 17, 2006, at 17:12:14
In reply to I met him » Phillipa, posted by sleepygirl on July 16, 2006, at 20:17:00
Posted by sleepygirl on July 17, 2006, at 19:22:01
In reply to Re: I met him » sleepygirl, posted by Gabbi~G on July 17, 2006, at 2:12:51
I think I will go see him at least once more. I don't know how well I'll get to know him, but it was cool anyway.
My sister unfortunately was talking that stuff about "knowing Jesus" so you don't go to hell....that is always sooooo uncomfortable. She even prayed in tongues over him - what can I do? she's out to save mankind ;-)
Hopefully he won't mind seeing ME again.
Posted by sleepygirl on July 17, 2006, at 19:22:23
In reply to i know the feeling...glad it was a nice visit (nm), posted by wildcardII on July 17, 2006, at 17:12:14
Posted by Gabbi~G on July 17, 2006, at 19:29:07
In reply to Re: I met him » Gabbi~G, posted by sleepygirl on July 17, 2006, at 19:22:01
> I think I will go see him at least once more. I don't know how well I'll get to know him, but it was cool anyway.
>
> My sister unfortunately was talking that stuff about "knowing Jesus" so you don't go to hell....that is always sooooo uncomfortable. She even prayed in tongues over him - what can I do? she's out to save mankind ;-)
>Oh gosh, my sister used to to that, speak in tongues. She's Catholic now, a Catholic lay minister (don't know what that is actually)
Yeah.. uncomfortable squared.Maybe he'll be so very relieved to see you again.
Maybe you'll end up soul mates, like in a book!
Okay, I'm probably getting way to ahead of myself. (Probably? heh)
But your saying you went to visit him enchanted me.
Forgive me?
Posted by sleepygirl on July 17, 2006, at 21:21:01
In reply to Re: I met him » sleepygirl, posted by Gabbi~G on July 17, 2006, at 19:29:07
go forth!....and multiply ;-)
sorry, couldn't resist
I'll see what happens, at least I will not have made no effort since he is ill. I want him to be healthy and live a long time. He seems like a terribly decent man, and he has been about 1/2 an hour away my whole life.
Posted by sleepygirl on July 17, 2006, at 21:30:08
In reply to Re: I met him » sleepygirl, posted by Gabbi~G on July 17, 2006, at 19:29:07
you know it's funny...meeting someone like that, after so many years, who maybe I should've known but didn't, no real resentments, no expectations
all I could do when I left him was hug him and say so honestly "I want good things for you.", and I really do of course.
it was really conflict free, and I haven't had too much of that
Posted by Gabbi~G on July 18, 2006, at 22:10:10
In reply to thou art forgiven............. » Gabbi~G, posted by sleepygirl on July 17, 2006, at 21:21:01
> go forth!....and multiply >
> sorry, couldn't resist
>Sleepygirl you're scaring me ;-)
>it was really conflict free, and I haven't had too much of that
Is that maybe why your family thinks he's ill?
Posted by Gabbi~G on July 18, 2006, at 22:10:55
In reply to thou art forgiven............. » Gabbi~G, posted by sleepygirl on July 17, 2006, at 21:21:01
That last part was a joke, I hope it didn't offend. (hanging head)
Posted by wildcardII on July 18, 2006, at 22:17:29
In reply to Re: thou art forgiven............. » sleepygirl, posted by Gabbi~G on July 18, 2006, at 22:10:10
**Is that maybe why your family thinks he's ill?
that is EXACTLY how my family is!!!!!!!!!!! my mother cannot function unless there is some type of conflict going on so she starts some. i learned FINALLY at 29 to let her go for my own sanity...
Posted by Gabbi~G on July 19, 2006, at 1:05:55
In reply to fits » Gabbi~G, posted by wildcardII on July 18, 2006, at 22:17:29
Mine's like that too.
Every since we were little we'd have knots in our stomachs especially around "special" occasions.
It was awful.
And what's weird is how everyone automatically catered to it, and tried to please her, (which only made things worse) without even thinking.. "Hey it's HER problem" until.. as you said, you finally realize you don't have to deal with it.((((Wildcard)))
Posted by sleepygirl on July 19, 2006, at 13:56:27
In reply to Sorry SleepyGirl, posted by Gabbi~G on July 18, 2006, at 22:10:55
Posted by sleepygirl on July 19, 2006, at 14:01:41
In reply to no, I thought it was right on actually :-) (nm) » Gabbi~G, posted by sleepygirl on July 19, 2006, at 13:56:27
I mean what I meant to say is that of course you didn't offend, and I appreciate the statement actually- if one does not "fit in" how are they labeled? but does one really want to "fit in" if all it does is mess with your head?
I think the best thing to do often is disengage
Posted by Gabbi~G on July 19, 2006, at 18:11:02
In reply to no, I thought it was right on actually :-) (nm) » Gabbi~G, posted by sleepygirl on July 19, 2006, at 13:56:27
Whew!
I'm gladI was pretty sure it wouldn't, just because your personality comes across pretty clearly.
However you are one person I especially wouldn't want to offend inadvertantly so it doesn't hurt to check.
Thank you!
Posted by Gabbi~G on July 19, 2006, at 19:36:44
In reply to Gabbi, posted by sleepygirl on July 19, 2006, at 14:01:41
if one does not "fit in" how are they labeled? but does one really want to "fit in" if all it does is mess with your head?
>Oh I could go on forever with that comment.. : )
I think about it all the time. I think in so many cases..(certainly not always) the diagnoses of illness is dependant on current values (sometimes whims) of families, and in society.(I hate using the word SOCIETY) It reminds me too much of people on talk shows.. "well the issue here that society needs to address..")
I'm sure that's hardly news to you, of but sometimes I just have to say it because I find it so *&(&(!!frustrating, that the label is often taken it as a basic truth, an absolute, and it destroys people.
Anyway, I'm going off on a tear, about nothing new, so I shall stop.
But yeah, that touched a noive with me.
As you can tell..
Posted by sleepygirl on July 19, 2006, at 20:03:02
In reply to SleepyGirl, posted by Gabbi~G on July 19, 2006, at 19:36:44
hmmmmm...any history behind that?
PS - I've never really "fit in", I don't even know what it is ;-)
Posted by Gabbi~G on July 20, 2006, at 0:00:06
In reply to Gabbi » Gabbi~G, posted by sleepygirl on July 19, 2006, at 20:03:02
> hmmmmm...any history behind that?
>Oh my, thats a questiony question!
Yes, definitely, I've not fit in, I'm not capable of it, at times it would be handy, but much of what most people seem to enjoy, or value, well, it's like a road map I can't read.
Fortunately I've for the most part had the confidence to not really be bothered by it.
What crushes me though, is that in the work I've done, I see so many people who are truly wonderful take their diagnoses to heart, and strive so hard to be different than who they are, to please a Dr. or a Psychiatrist who is in many cases just a person with more power.
It keeps them from being able to make the best of themselves.I had two wonderful psychiatrists, but also some who were ridiculous. (No doubt they'd see that as some sort of personality disorder on my part) but because I'd had the good ones, I was able to see it for what it w as.
I have stories, but they are too long to get into here.I hurt for people who don't know the difference, who don't have the confidence to disagree, and really believe that they are marked, or flawed because they aren't able to balance the information.
I think that's why websites like this are so powerful, and can be so beneficial.
Whew..
I hope I didn't go on for too long..
Do you mind not fitting in?
> PS - I've never really "fit in", I don't even know what it is ;-)
Posted by sleepygirl on July 20, 2006, at 21:11:33
In reply to Sleepy G, posted by Gabbi~G on July 20, 2006, at 0:00:06
> Oh my, thats a questiony question!
Yes, 'tis. Forgive me. At first I was ranting about the evils of mankind, and then I decided I just needed to listen. It keeps me from saying something stupid. ;-)
> I had two wonderful psychiatrists, but also some who were ridiculous. (No doubt they'd see that as some sort of personality disorder on my part) but because I'd had the good ones, I was able to see it for what it w as.
My first psychiatrist was such an *ss.
Ooops! I've gone judgmental, but seriously he was really unhelpful, told me that if the effexor he put me on didn't help then that was "IT". It was only the second med I'd ever tried. That was just a highlight...there was more to the general presentation.> I hope I didn't go on for too long..
nope.
> Do you mind not fitting in?
Well I used to. I do have a huge inferiority complex, "everybody hates me" thing going on, but when I'm not dealing with that I don't care.
It's easier when you're an adult, a lot easier for me, because you choose where you want to be. It was horrible as a child because I was a freak among those I was supposed to be in with and I didn't speak their language- not to mention the WICKED amount of anxiety/depression I dealt with, I look back now and I just shake my head. Now...I can wander around all I want, come and go (except for certain work situations)-my life is my own (mostly). If I'm alone it's only because I want to be, and that makes a big difference- does this make any sense?that's my story and I'm stickin' to it ;-)
love,
sg
This is the end of the thread.
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