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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 9 to 33 of 43. Go back in thread:
Posted by zeugma on June 15, 2006, at 20:38:04
In reply to not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by saturn on June 15, 2006, at 17:20:57
reason B is the reason I have never considered having children.
reason A, for me: there are already too many children in the house (one, including myself).-z
Posted by saturn on June 15, 2006, at 21:12:37
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by MidnightBlue on June 15, 2006, at 20:09:14
> How about adoption?
I think it could be a great option, personally,
though I may just find contentment in being an uncle as my sister intends to have children.I also can't wait to get a place of my own so I can get some dogs. Defintely dogs if not kids ;
I'll probably have to find a wife online since most women want to have children. I'll just have to put that in my bio ;
Posted by Michael83 on June 15, 2006, at 21:39:44
In reply to not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by saturn on June 15, 2006, at 17:20:57
Most kids are nothing but a hassle. Sure it would be nice to have that ideal kid, but most kids aren't ideal and just trouble makers.
The risk just isn't worth the potential reward.
You could raise a kid hoping for a Harvard grad and end up getting a Dodge Neon (with the loud muffler) driving, Eminem listening, baggy jean wearing punk kid.
Posted by saturn on June 15, 2006, at 21:40:49
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate? » saturn, posted by Kath on June 15, 2006, at 20:23:14
> BUT - it is a MAJOR stress for me. It is so awful seeing someone you love as much as a Mom loves a kid - seeing someone you love that much suffer.
I think I'd worry about them like crazy too and could definitely do without that stress.
- I must reiterate that I love them to piecesIt's clear that you do =)
Posted by sleepygirl on June 15, 2006, at 21:48:06
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by Michael83 on June 15, 2006, at 21:39:44
you paint an interesting picture I must say ;-)
anyone in particular?
Posted by Declan on June 16, 2006, at 0:52:36
In reply to not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by saturn on June 15, 2006, at 17:20:57
Of course I relate, Saturn. I have two children of my own. This life is so beautiful and so painful. Maybe it's different for others. Most of me has *always* felt that life is a bad mistake.
Declan
Posted by Declan on June 16, 2006, at 0:59:34
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by Michael83 on June 15, 2006, at 21:39:44
Gee Michael
All I want is a kid where we can talk to each other nicely. Havard graduate? (Nothing against it.)
What matters though? Can we live life well, can we be kind and good to each other? That's all, really.
Me and my expectations, personality, making a display....how tiring it all is.
Declan
Posted by greywolf on June 16, 2006, at 6:31:30
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by Michael83 on June 15, 2006, at 21:39:44
Sitting here watching my fourth child learn how to crawl (10 years after I thought I had finished with all this), I know I've been blessed.
Posted by Poet on June 16, 2006, at 9:56:33
In reply to not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by saturn on June 15, 2006, at 17:20:57
Hi Saturn,
I knew when I was a teenager I didn't want children. I used to jokingly say it was for zero population growth, but it's really because my own parents were such lousy ones that I doubted I would be any good at it, either.
My brother and sister are childless, also. In my brother's case that's a good thing. My sister kept waiting for the right guy to come along and well, it didn't happen.
I'm a great mother to my pets, so maybe I was wrong about being a lousy mother to humans, but I still don't regret not having any.
Poet
Posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 10:07:13
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by Michael83 on June 15, 2006, at 21:39:44
My Toyota Tercel (with the stuffing coming out of the seat with the giant sub-woofer in the back) driving, Eminem listening,baggy jean wearing tongue pierced punk kid graduated college last year and is working on his masters.
He's now officially a rocket scientist.
Posted by wildcardII on June 16, 2006, at 14:45:19
In reply to not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by saturn on June 15, 2006, at 17:20:57
i never *planned* on any and can understand what you're saying but now that they are here, i couldn't imagine life w/o them...just NO MORE!! ;O) there is nothing wrong w/ how you feel...
Posted by Kath on June 16, 2006, at 15:35:33
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate? » Michael83, posted by Declan on June 16, 2006, at 0:59:34
Hi Declan,
I have what you want. I have great relationships with my kids. During the mid-late teen years it wasn't like that. But we do love each other & act & speak like it, but I find it terribly hard & wrenching seeing their difficulties/poor decisions/addiction/ etc. I'm improving very recently, but it's almost more than I can bear sometimes.
Kath
> Gee Michael
> All I want is a kid where we can talk to each other nicely. Havard graduate? (Nothing against it.)
> What matters though? Can we live life well, can we be kind and good to each other? That's all, really.
> Me and my expectations, personality, making a display....how tiring it all is.
> Declan
Posted by Kath on June 16, 2006, at 15:37:19
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » Michael83, posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 10:07:13
So much for generalizations! Lucky you.
:-)) Kath
> My Toyota Tercel (with the stuffing coming out of the seat with the giant sub-woofer in the back) driving, Eminem listening,baggy jean wearing tongue pierced punk kid graduated college last year and is working on his masters.
>
> He's now officially a rocket scientist.
Posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 15:54:21
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » Michael83, posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 10:07:13
One example proves nothing for the majority, but consider yourself in the minority. You're lucky and should be proud, your case is not the case for most. But on the other hand, a college degree alone does not make a kid successful as a person. Maturity, virtue, civility, and intelligence (college does not equal intelligence) are all important factors.
But good for you though (I mean it).
Posted by Dinah on June 16, 2006, at 17:22:01
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » AuntieMel, posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 15:54:21
> Maturity, virtue, civility, and intelligence (college does not equal intelligence) are all important factors.
At age ten, my son has more of those than most adults, myself included. My only concern about having children is being a worthy mother to him.
He's a person I admire greatly. I'm very lucky to have him as a son.
Posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 18:46:21
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » AuntieMel, posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 15:54:21
You are right - and it took him a few years to get it himself.
A few years and Uncle Sam.
Did I mention he's 30?
It seems that *everyone's* (ok, maybe not all, but I see it a lot) *everyone's* boy child flounders a while before finding themselves these days.
So many, many times did I see them get out of high school, maybe do a semester of college and then - well, it takes them a while.
How old is your's?
Posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 19:03:25
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » Michael83, posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 18:46:21
>>>>It seems that *everyone's* (ok, maybe not all, but I see it a lot) *everyone's* boy child flounders a while before finding themselves these days.
I see it a lot too, which is why I would never have kids. 50/50 chance you'll have a boy and boys are nothing but little punks. Well I wasn't. ;) But most are. Most of my friends have always been female because of this. I can't stand to be around most males under the age of 30. They're just unbearable. Although I was fortunate to go to a school that had a high concentration of decent and intelligent kids, both male and female, but my school was not typical for the majority.
>>>>>>>>How old is your's?
I don't have kids and let's just say I'm young enough (early 20s) to feel odd being asked that question. :p
Posted by antigua on June 16, 2006, at 20:18:10
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » AuntieMel, posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 19:03:25
Did you flounder?
antigua
Posted by Jay on June 17, 2006, at 0:09:47
In reply to Re: sometimes they change, posted by Dinah on June 16, 2006, at 17:22:01
> > Maturity, virtue, civility, and intelligence (college does not equal intelligence) are all important factors.
>
> At age ten, my son has more of those than most adults, myself included. My only concern about having children is being a worthy mother to him.
>
> He's a person I admire greatly. I'm very lucky to have him as a son.
>
>Finally....I was hoping someone would say something. You are so *right on* Dinah...thank you. People should think of having a child as not a *right*, but a privilege. I still consider myself a parent, even though my little one passed away as an infant. My heart broke for good, and I still have all of that endless, boundless love inside of me. I hope to become a Dad again, and would love my child unconditionally. My parents taught me that..you *always* love your children...period. Even as bad as my depression has been, or as bad as the world may seem. You just do it...no questions.
I have a nephew who is 17, and he has been in trouble with the law, has done all sorts of "criminal" acts. His Mom, my sister, and her hubby still show an undying love for the boy. As trying as it has been...it's a show of what real love is about.
Jay
Posted by saturn on June 17, 2006, at 9:45:37
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate? » saturn, posted by Poet on June 16, 2006, at 9:56:33
> Hi Saturn,
Hi Poet.
> I'm a great mother to my pets, so maybe I was wrong about being a lousy mother to humans, but I still don't regret not having any.
I think I will also be a great father...to my pets. People often suggest that I'll regret not having children, but I think I'm much more likely to regret having them...similiar to your feelings. Thanks for the feedback. Saturn.
Posted by Gabbi~G on June 17, 2006, at 15:57:36
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » Michael83, posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 10:07:13
guaging a persons worth and integrity by the fit of their pants..
wise words indeed
Posted by Declan on June 17, 2006, at 16:29:33
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by greywolf on June 16, 2006, at 6:31:30
I've never had so much fun as spending time with my kids when they were learning to speak. It starts with imitation, so that for example all machines were "googooglydah"s to begin with, which is a very young child's attempt to copy the sound of a starting machine, and then they became "goodah"s and then the lawnmower graduated to being an "awnmoaner", and so on. All things with screens became "plutas" and so arcade games thingos became "stand up plutas".
It's a very interesting process and much the most fun for me in parenting. I just wanted to get the kids saying anything so I could listen. I really enjoyed my kids around age 2; no terrible twos.
Declan
Posted by Declan on June 17, 2006, at 16:34:27
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » AuntieMel, posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 19:03:25
It might be an Australian thing, probably not, but teenage girls seem a lot more challenging to me than teenage boys......they are a hell of a lot more verbal and much scarier to fight with.
Declan
Posted by Declan on June 17, 2006, at 16:41:23
In reply to Re:Thank you Dinah.. » Dinah, posted by Jay on June 17, 2006, at 0:09:47
30 years ago my partner, my current wife, we, had an abortion. It was the best thing to do at the time, I guess, but just recently we planted a camellia in memory of the life we destroyed, not (as I say) without reason. Having seen the kids grow up, it is clearer to me what is involved.
I'm struck by what you say ....'my heart broke for good'
Declan
Posted by Dinah on June 17, 2006, at 17:41:59
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by Declan on June 17, 2006, at 16:29:33
My son was so funny when he was little. He never did babytalk much. He said vifins for vitamins, meatmall for meatball, and ameriflag for american flag. And he loved to pick up sticks and rake leaves with them while telling us "ba-ah-boo", so we called them ba-ah-boo sticks, although we never did figure out what that meant.
But he was sort of late talking, and when he started talking he would talk fairly well. We walked in on him a couple of times in his room. He was practicing his vocalizing in his crib well before he started talking. Apparently he was self conscious about baby talk in front of us, but practiced making the sounds alone.
(He's still sort of like that.)
FWIW, every single person who commented on childrearing while I was pregnant told me that boys were easier than girls. Personally, I think it's the individual. I was easier than my brother. But my son is as easy as pie. Or maybe "onlies" are easier to raise...
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