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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by verne on April 26, 2006, at 19:37:46
I did some gardening, mowed the lawn, got a little hot, and thought it was miller time. I invited my southern baptist preacher - turned zen meditator friend over for a few brewskis on the patio.
He's depressed, his son is militantly gay and he was counting on grandkids. I'm depressed for no reason. We keep interrupting each other to say what failures we are as parents. "No, I'm a failure".
I have no problem with the gay son and, in fact, my friend with the gay son used to think *I* was gay. (I'm not) Over the years he used to make lots of gay jokes which made me cringe and now, of all things, his son is gay.
Anyway, I try to help him put the situation into perspective. I've always been a kind of gay sympathizer but I turned out hopelessly straight in the end.
I'm really bummed out. I know I don't console others when they are bummed out. I just don't know how I can help by way of internet chat.
I read about the plane crash, the post about losing friends, roommates and just didn't have anything to say. I do read other posts, just running on empty.
If I get tired of playing online poker, I'll come back and find a way to get myself blocked - most likely. I'll be over at pogo.com under the moniker, "XyzkQuibbleMoth" (I just cancelled that silly subscription, runs out May 1st) playing high stakes texas holdem.
I have no excuse for the drinking but I'm feeling such Peace and Love - that's not all beer, geez, I've only had three. Maybe it's the cypress mulch talking. I get high sniffing mulch and hamster cage litter.
Ich bin ein Wurm.
verne
Posted by crazy teresa on April 26, 2006, at 20:12:34
In reply to Bought a case of Beer: trigger, drinking, posted by verne on April 26, 2006, at 19:37:46
Good luck with the poker. Don't forget to wear your sunglasses... ;~}
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2006, at 21:05:34
In reply to Bought a case of Beer: trigger, drinking, posted by verne on April 26, 2006, at 19:37:46
Don't be so hard on yourself. There are many times that I've read a post and didn't have the foggiest idea how to comfort the person. Some people just go ahead and say, "I have no idea what to say, but I wanted you to know I care." Sometimes advice isn't even wanted. Sometimes people just need the human contact. I know I do.
As for your friend with the gay son, there really isn't much you CAN do for him, other than be there. Its something he'll have to get his mind around himself.
You are much too hard on yourself Verne. You are an intelligent, caring person and you deserve happiness. I even like your drunk posts because it means I'm not the only one doing it! ;-)
-T
Posted by verne on April 27, 2006, at 4:23:50
In reply to Bought a case of Beer: trigger, drinking, posted by verne on April 26, 2006, at 19:37:46
I'm not looking for anyone so I probably won't get blocked tonight.
I'm dumb, i'm smart.
I'm numb, i hurt
I have way too big an idea about my self
I'm in such pain.
Posted by verne on April 27, 2006, at 4:55:51
In reply to Constant Emotional Pain, posted by verne on April 27, 2006, at 4:23:50
thanks Texas Chic and Crazy Teresa for responding to me. You've always been kind and giving. I know I've been stand-offish and enigimatic.
I was playing poker online earlier, winning as usual, way ahead, and everybody attacked me. I can't even beat them at cards without giving myself away. (I actually hate cards)
I can play a "tight" game of texas holdem and they still find me out. We trade smack, I beat them badly, and I retire to my miserable heap of fine cotton linen.
vlebbbleh
Posted by verne on April 27, 2006, at 8:51:51
In reply to Thanks TC and CT, posted by verne on April 27, 2006, at 4:55:51
Postponed next week's dr's appt, giving me 8 days. I stayed up all night drinking and playing poker. Won about a half million semi-meaningless tokens last night (won $250 in real money when I turned them in last time) I hate that game.
One bright spot. My daughter called me before I was too ripped and thanked me for mowing her lawn. She had just got home from church. She wanted to talk about her experience and I discovered for the first time how much spiritual discernment she has. She's looking for LOVE and fruit of the SPIRIT - not the law and commandments.
It completely blew me away. When she was younger I took her to at least a dozen different churches - from the full gospel to the baptist. She knew most of the hymns and praise songs by heart.
Anyway, she quit going altogether about 4 years ago (me too) and I was surprised she went to a Wednesday night service. She's searching.
So I'm sick, hoping I quit drinking forever, and happy about my daughter. I'm also sore after a day of gardening and mowing.
I feel like there's hope.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Posted by ClearSkies on April 27, 2006, at 9:55:42
In reply to Emerging Out of the Wreckage, posted by verne on April 27, 2006, at 8:51:51
Hey there, Verne.
Just one question. When exactly are you planning to quit drinking? Do you have a time frame or do you plan to do it each day and it then evaporates?
I tried to give my sobriety a "start date" and that caused me the worst anxiety ever!!!Glad to see you're up and around
CS
Posted by verne on April 27, 2006, at 10:36:01
In reply to Re: Emerging Out of the Wreckage » verne, posted by ClearSkies on April 27, 2006, at 9:55:42
I'm trying to quit every day. I keep postponing. I manage a week or two, do a little yardwork and it's off to the races. Seems a little hopeless. I guess I'm thankful the damage is usually only 4-5 days out of the month. Sometimes I manage to go a month or two. Made it two years 1999-2000. And 1995-96. So it can be done.
just keep putting it off.
vvvvbleh
Posted by ClearSkies on April 27, 2006, at 10:44:28
In reply to Re: Emerging Out of the Wreckage » ClearSkies, posted by verne on April 27, 2006, at 10:36:01
> vvvvblehBleh has become my word of the week!
CS
Posted by Phillipa on April 27, 2006, at 12:13:12
In reply to Re: Emerging Out of the Wreckage » verne, posted by ClearSkies on April 27, 2006, at 10:44:28
Verne maybe you will just decide that you want to quit it can be done. Love Phillipa
Posted by gardenergirl on April 27, 2006, at 12:50:38
In reply to Emerging Out of the Wreckage, posted by verne on April 27, 2006, at 8:51:51
Sounds like a good kind of sore. At least I hope so. I'm glad you're emerging and that you aren't looking to get blocked right this second. I enjoy your posts.
Take care,
gg
Posted by crazy teresa on April 27, 2006, at 18:57:42
In reply to Emerging Out of the Wreckage, posted by verne on April 27, 2006, at 8:51:51
That is so wonderful for her! And very nice of you to mow her yard.
I'll be praying you find the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Posted by verne on April 30, 2006, at 7:04:03
In reply to Re: your daughter » verne, posted by crazy teresa on April 27, 2006, at 18:57:42
"the peace that surpasses all understanding" - the only kind.
I'm hoping to drag myself to church this morning. I'm such a wreck I really don't want to go in this condition. (I guess I want to first rescue myself, and then be *rescued* after I no longer need rescuing).
I'm thinking of going to a bigger church with a whole new dynamic to deal with. I shouldn't even think about that stuff.
Another 90 minutes to get ready and make up my mind.
verne
Posted by crazy teresa on April 30, 2006, at 11:38:02
In reply to Re: your daughter » crazy teresa, posted by verne on April 30, 2006, at 7:04:03
He'll take you no matter what shape you're in.
Some bigger churches are better with their small groups than small churches. Whatever you're looking for, I think you already know the answers. Let me know if I can help.
Posted by verne on April 30, 2006, at 12:30:16
In reply to Re: your daughter » crazy teresa, posted by verne on April 30, 2006, at 7:04:03
I went to church but wasn't crazy about the preacher and music (hymns and not the praise music I'm familiar with). Oh the bright side they have several small group meetings throughout the week. I hope to start an "Experiencing God" course in two weeks with one group. Other groups are in the middle of "Purpose Driven Life" and "Disciplines" (based on Foster's book among others)
Some very sincere and loving people came up to me and made me feel welcome. I recognized a few people and even my pharmacist. The congregation at this church is a little on the old side. Sort of non-denominational (First Christian) and not too hung up with ritual or appearances.
That's makes two Sundays in a row that I managed to get through church without bursting into flames.
I sat with a close friend who over the years has waffled on my *conversion*. I think I'm back to being unconverted so it was awkward taking communion next to him. I just think his obsession with other people's conversions (he would call it the great commission) is a weakness of pride (he, of course, had 'a Paul knocked off his horse' sort of conversion) which I try to overlook.
I already want to find another church for Sunday service but I do want to get into their small groups during the week. If I spend 4-5 days a week in church activities I'll have less time to spend with my addictions and depression.
Anyway, this has been quite a breakthrough for me. A lot has happened in the last week.
Verne
Posted by crazy teresa on April 30, 2006, at 13:55:45
In reply to Church » verne, posted by verne on April 30, 2006, at 12:30:16
It's great to hear you being so positive and looking forward to life! Good for you, Verne!
No matter where you go, you'll find annoying people, so try to shake off the holier than thou guy. He'll get over himself, eventually.
"Experiencing God" is really good. (I like anything Blackaby does.) I thought "The Purpose Driven Life" was ok, and I haven't heard of the other one.
Sounds like changing your focus is a good idea, but be careful that you don't burn yourself out quickly by taking on too much. 4 or 5 days a week sounds like a lot, like it could drive you to drink! ;~}
Small groups are wonderful. You really get to know people honestly; I have been loved through some of the worst times in my life by those in a small group. They saw the ugly me and loved me anyway, which I think, is one of the best things in life.
Posted by verne on April 30, 2006, at 19:23:55
In reply to Re: Church » verne, posted by crazy teresa on April 30, 2006, at 13:55:45
I was so stressed out after church I ate half a large pizza and drank a liter of apple juice. I woke up 3 hours later with a sore throat and feeling hung over.
I guess I bit off more than I could chew.
verne
Posted by muffled on April 30, 2006, at 23:57:23
In reply to Church » verne, posted by verne on April 30, 2006, at 12:30:16
Hey Verne,
Glad you tryin to find a church. That can be a challenge. Then they can break up on ya and stuff.
But I gotta tell ya, the only reason I ever was able to quit drinking is God.
There is no other explanation. I should be dead now.
Go figger.
Bless ya.
Take care,
Muffled
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