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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 14:53:02
one of my flatmates has been wanting us to have a shared dinner for a while. i've been trying to put off the idea but its meant to be tonight. in the effort to avoid the cooking competition i sort of arranged to get some pizza with one of the other girls who has no desire to cook either.
then we remember that one girl is on a gluten free diet. and another is vegetarian.
and i have to work fairly much all day...
and its a fairly major hassle to get to the supermarket or whatever any rate...
so i think...
i'm just going to not go.
but i better tell someone so they don't wait for me.
i hate this.
i so hate this.
food is really awkward for me...
too much pressure.
i know its pathetic.
but there it is.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 14:57:57
In reply to so this is really silly but..., posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 14:53:02
and the one who really wants to have this is likely to turn this into a major drama...
'WHY didn't you come???'
any thoughts as to what to say?
i should really leave a note this morning so someone knows i'm not going...
but then i can't really say that 'something just came up'
i think... in a way... she quite likes things like this. because she is good at them. because she will say 'if you want to talk or need anything anything at all then my room is always open' and if you try and talk to her (like i did this morning about really having no idea what to take) she just goes 'oh well' and looks rather smug because she was onto it weeks ago.
Posted by Gabbix2 on August 24, 2005, at 15:11:57
In reply to Re: so this is really silly but..., posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 14:57:57
> and the one who really wants to have this is likely to turn this into a major drama...
>
> 'WHY didn't you come???'
>
Oh I hate that, contemplating the potential reactions from other people is almost as exhausting as going.Me, I usually say "I'm sick" "I have work to do"
OR "I can't really talk about it, girl stuff"
The last one usually keeps them from asking more questions..Although my personal favorite, which is a quote from Phoebe on friends.. "Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to"
Food is a huge issue for me too, but not so much as it used to be. I was terrified to eat away from my house, the thought of different food, and not being able to control it, made me so anxious.
I still can't have anything in my fridge other than tofu and apples.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 15:17:19
In reply to Re: so this is really silly but... » alexandra_k, posted by Gabbix2 on August 24, 2005, at 15:11:57
> Oh I hate that, contemplating the potential reactions from other people is almost as exhausting as going.
yeah :-(
but i can't go, i don't have anything to take...
> Me, I usually say "I'm sick" "I have work to do"yeah. i'm thinking of the latter...
> OR "I can't really talk about it, girl stuff"
> The last one usually keeps them from asking more questions..hmm. unfortunately my flatmates are all girls.
> Although my personal favorite, which is a quote from Phoebe on friends.. "Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to"Not that is hilarious!!!!! I really really did laugh out loud. I wish I could be so bold - 'cause thats the truth even! LOL!!! I would never ever in a million years. but i can see... that that really would solve the problem...
> Food is a huge issue for me too, but not so much as it used to be. I was terrified to eat away from my house, the thought of different food, and not being able to control it, made me so anxious.> I still can't have anything in my fridge other than tofu and apples.
hmm.
i'm okay with food sort of sort of.
it's food selection / preperation that i'm way oversensitive about...
Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 16:23:21
In reply to so this is really silly but..., posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 14:53:02
It's not pathetic. I try to avoid eating with anyone I'm not related to by marriage or birth.
The fact that everyone has such different tastes just makes it worse.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 16:40:47
In reply to Re: so this is really silly but... » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 16:23:21
> It's not pathetic. I try to avoid eating with anyone I'm not related to by marriage or birth.
Yeah.
I'm usually okay with eating. Awkward. Sometimes I get a lot self-conscious. But it isn't too bad. Choosing something to take is another matter, however. And cooking is a major issue. Or just preparing anything. That one sends me into a major panic.My mother used to literally scream at me everytime I set foot in the kitchen. I didn't get over my fear of the stove until... Well, I'm still a bit afraid...
I wrote a note for one of my flatmates and put it under her door... Something along the lines of being really busy and having trouble figuring out what to take / getting something. And I was worried about xxx feeling upset... And that I like them and enjoy living there and it wasn't personal but I wasn't going to come.
I imagine xxx will make a bit of an issue of it but...
I think... I really can just go 'oh well'. I don't care so very much what they think of me. Amazing. Couple years ago I'd probably need to go to hospital over this lol!
Posted by Gabbix2 on August 24, 2005, at 16:46:32
In reply to Re: so this is really silly but... » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 16:40:47
> My mother used to literally scream at me everytime I set foot in the kitchen.
ME TOO!
It was horrible, horrible, she made every attempt so miserable.
She really screamed too, I'd always end up in tears. "God how can you be so stupid, you don't need the big burner for that pot, do you know how much electricity that wastes? I can't believe I raised a child so thoughtless"
I didn't get over my fear of the stove until... Well, I'm still a bit afraid...
>
> I wrote a note for one of my flatmates and put it under her door... Something along the lines of being really busy and having trouble figuring out what to take / getting something. And I was worried about xxx feeling upset... And that I like them and enjoy living there and it wasn't personal but I wasn't going to come.
>
> I imagine xxx will make a bit of an issue of it but...
>
> I think... I really can just go 'oh well'. I don't care so very much what they think of me. Amazing.
That's great, it's so freeing. I've gotten a lot better at just saying "No, I'm sorry I can't, and if they press I just say, that's the way it is"
If they push, *they're* being rude. Good friends understand each others idiosyncracies, if these people can't, well no matter how much you socialized with them, they probably would never feel like true company anyway, so what's the point?"
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 17:04:53
In reply to Re: so this is really silly but... » alexandra_k, posted by Gabbix2 on August 24, 2005, at 16:46:32
> ME TOO!
> It was horrible, horrible, she made every attempt so miserable.
> She really screamed too, I'd always end up in tears. "God how can you be so stupid, you don't need the big burner for that pot, do you know how much electricity that wastes? I can't believe I raised a child so thoughtless":-(
((((Gabbi)))))
I used to get 'get out of here right now, you will BURN yourself'.
Not that I was even anywhere near the stove...
It's really hard when you go somewhere and all the women head off to go be social around preparing food :-(
I hate it. And I have to ask what they want me to do because I have no earthly idea and don't have any initiative whatsoever.
And its always really awkward and embarrassing and downright humiliating.
'Can you cut these up'
'How big?'
'What shape?'
And the slightest comment...
And I'm mortified.
Thats what was so hard about my holiday.
With my friends mother being there.
I just wanted the earth to swallow me up
:-(
> That's great, it's so freeing. I've gotten a lot better at just saying "No, I'm sorry I can't, and if they press I just say, that's the way it is" If they push, *they're* being rude. Good friends understand each others idiosyncracies, if these people can't, well no matter how much you socialized with them, they probably would never feel like true company anyway, so what's the point?"Yeah. Thats right. I do feel a bit better. I'll just have to see what my mates are up to tonight... Avoid home tonight. My flatmates aren't my mates anyway. And they already know I'm odd. I used to tutor a couple of them ;-)
And they should be studying about now anyways ;-)
Posted by Damos on August 24, 2005, at 18:13:13
In reply to Re: so this is really silly but... » Gabbix2, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 17:04:53
Sounds like a good time to revisit Bazzurk! You've come a long way this week and that calls for a celebration! Saying 'No' and being okay about it is big too. I'm very proud of you kiddo, very proud indeed.
P.S: I gotta be honest and say the idea of it freaked me out big time.
Posted by JenStar on August 24, 2005, at 18:24:40
In reply to Re: so this is really silly but... » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 16:40:47
hi Alexandra,
I hope the flatmates don't make too big an issue out of it!If there's one of them that you get along with better, could you try to explain it to her? I mean, not that you "owe" them an explanation...but it might make you feel better if you told them sort of why it makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable. Hopefully they'll be understanding about it. WE all have our own hang-ups and neuroses!
I remember when I was starting my very first job out of college, I used to go out to dinner/social events with a group of "new hires". Sometimes I'd feel so nervous and anxious at dinner that I'd forget how to swallow and would almost choke!
I know that sounds weird, and it probably is -- but my throat would close up and my tongue wouldn't work properly, and sometimes I would sit there in a panic for about 20 seconds trying to swallow a bite of something without gagging or choking. Nobody every noticed, and eventually "it" went away. But I still remember the feeling of panic and horror I'd get sometimes when eating with them all.
So anyway, I have empathy for what you're going through. I hope things are OK with the flatmates!
JenStar
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 18:59:18
In reply to it's not silly! » alexandra_k, posted by JenStar on August 24, 2005, at 18:24:40
Hey. I don't think they will make toooooo much of a big issue out of it. I had a bit of a chat with the one I was organising pizza with. About how neither of us wanted to cook. The trouble is that xxxx is a pretty good cook and sort of stands over you and asks what you are doing and putting in and why you are doing it like that etc etc. Not in a nasty way, she's trying to learn new skills and tricks but I've already told her that I feel really uncomfortable when she does that and I really would prefer it if she could ignore what I am doing.
And so... I have talked to xxx about that already. And she has wanted a shared dinner all year and I have already told her that cooking is a hard thing for me and so she said it was fine for me to get something brought in. But I guess I have been sort of avoiding it. Whereas she has clearly put a lot of thought and effort into it. Sorry to be anti-social guys... But... There it is.
I guess what is so tricky is that she will know why I'm not going. And she will give me the 'its not so bad we just want the pleasure of your company' line. But then if I turned up with nothing she would not be happy so I've learned not to take her offers of assistance terribly seriously.
I don't really want to get into a deep and meaningful about this.
I imagine it will be okay. I'll just emphasise the business and I'll just say that I didn't need any added pressure about now. Which is pretty much the truth.
I really was struggling... I suggested that I'd thought of getting a box (might make the whole thing more bearable) but she sort of seemed disapproving so it was round about then that I thought I'd just not go.
I think... I get what you mean about swallowing. Chewing is my issue. Ugh.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 19:00:51
In reply to Re: so this is really silly but... » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on August 24, 2005, at 18:13:13
Yes, there is a lot to be said for eating out. Not that that is totally stress free, but seeing as its choosing stuff... and figuring out what to do with it once I've got it... that is the major eating out is much much much much better.
:-)
Posted by Gabbix2 on August 24, 2005, at 20:25:17
In reply to Re: so this is really silly but... » Gabbix2, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 17:04:53
A hug for you too (((Alex)))> And its always really awkward and embarrassing and downright humiliating.
> 'Can you cut these up'
> 'How big?'
> 'What shape?'
> And the slightest comment...
> And I'm mortified.Yes, I understand, my Dad's girlfriend is so nice, and you know she made me cry once just for
saying "You did a beautiful job"I used to watch my friends with their mothers when I was younger, and just be in awe that their mom's let them make a mess, and make mistakes.
Learning to sew was much much worse though.
Well, I never learned. To this day I literally cannot sew on a button. It's embarrassing, and I try, but I freeze up and totally mess up. Even when I'm on my own, and I'm too scared still to ask anyone to show me.
Posted by coley on August 26, 2005, at 1:21:48
In reply to so this is really silly but..., posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 14:53:02
Right on. I am tired of, "Aren't you hungry?" "Girl, you are so thin, you need to eat." and all those other foot in the mouth phrases. I feel your pain.
Posted by TexasChic on August 26, 2005, at 18:55:23
In reply to Re: so this is really silly but..., posted by coley on August 26, 2005, at 1:21:48
I have a fear of cooking for other people myself. I guess its the thought of being judged. I usually bring a veggie and/or fruit tray. They usually go over well, especially if I know someone else is bringing the main course. I hope the evening went well for you.
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