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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by woolav on May 26, 2005, at 19:12:37
I guess there is nothing i can do...
I have given him literature, read things to him etc..but it doesnt seem to matter. I had a hypomania episode that was pretty bad, and he knows that i have depression to the point of suicide, but yet, he still doesnt care i guess. I dont know how to make him understand about this illness. Does anyone have advise??
S
Posted by TamaraJ on May 26, 2005, at 20:35:35
In reply to my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar, posted by woolav on May 26, 2005, at 19:12:37
I don't know if this might be an option, but perhaps your pdoc could meet with him to discuss your diagnosis and what it means, without getting into details of your sessions with the pdoc. I don't know how he could not believe that you are bipolar if he hears from the medical professional who has diagnosed you and who is treating you. Just a thought. It would, of course, depend on how comfortable you would be with your husband meeting your pdoc one time.
Take care, and hang in there, ok.
Tamara
> I guess there is nothing i can do...
> I have given him literature, read things to him etc..but it doesnt seem to matter. I had a hypomania episode that was pretty bad, and he knows that i have depression to the point of suicide, but yet, he still doesnt care i guess. I dont know how to make him understand about this illness. Does anyone have advise??
> S
Posted by partlycloudy on May 26, 2005, at 20:38:55
In reply to my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar, posted by woolav on May 26, 2005, at 19:12:37
I would ask him to accompany you to a p-doc appointment so the doctor can explain the condition.
I did this with my husband and he did NOT take me up on the offer, but instead started to read more about the condition when I'd give him articles etc. I would say that I pretty much force fed it to him - "honey, are you listening?" stuff.
pc
Posted by alexandra_k on May 26, 2005, at 20:56:57
In reply to my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar, posted by woolav on May 26, 2005, at 19:12:37
He knows you get depressed.
Does he know you get manic / hypomanic?How does he explain / make sense of it?
Does he just think that that is part of the way you are,
Or does he not like to acknowledge it when you are up or down?Sometimes people don't like to acknowledge peoples dx because they don't see that there is anything 'wrong' with the person. I think that is actually rather nice :-)
But how does he cope etc when you are up / down???
Is there anything you would like him to be doing that he is not?
Posted by Damos on May 26, 2005, at 21:18:30
In reply to my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar, posted by woolav on May 26, 2005, at 19:12:37
Hey Woolav,
Can't begin to imagine how hard that is for you. My housemate has MS and it's effects have been evident for anyone to see since I've know her (over a decade). Her sister who is a director of nursing and has been a nurse etc for 30 years just cannot or will not process it, and can't deal with it on any level, which causes a lot of difficulties between them. Especially when she is so sensitive and caring for friends of hers that have any sort of illness and so positively cold to S*. So it might not be just your husband.
I know it doesn't make it any easier for you, but just maybe it's beyond his ability to process and accept. I'm a bloke and I know that sometimes there are things I can understand intellectually but just not process or respond to on an emotional level. A friend of mine whose wife had cancer a few years back told me once after she'd passed away and he'd got some perspective, that he couldn't deal with it at the time for the very reason that it was his wife and it was just all to close to home. Again, he's one of the most caring people I know, but for whatever reason he couldn't get 'there' for his wife and I know it breaks his heart every day. I also know from speaking to her that somehow - I don't quite know how, she understood what he was going through. Sorry, I'm not sure that helped at all.
My heart goes out to you.
Posted by KaraS on May 27, 2005, at 0:47:46
In reply to my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar, posted by woolav on May 26, 2005, at 19:12:37
Do you think he doesn't care enough or maybe, like Damos said, he cares too much and so he refuses to see it? If he doesn't care enough about you then there's a bigger problem here. If, OTOH, he refuses to see it, it's tough to get beyond the denial he feels he needs on some level. How frustrating for you. What would happen if you told him that you think he's in denial about this and you tried to discuss the situation on that level? Your only other choices are to understand it and let it be if possible or to continue to give him things to read and try to get him to meet with your pdoc.
k
Posted by sunny10 on May 27, 2005, at 9:21:16
In reply to Re: my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar » woolav, posted by KaraS on May 27, 2005, at 0:47:46
does it matter whether he believes in a dx as long as he believes in YOU?
If he is there for you, whether you're up or down, does he have to "accept" that there is something clinically wrong with your brain?
I think Damos said it best- it is too close to home. If he accepts (believes)the dx, he has to accept that there is something in your lives that he can't "fix". A lot of people, myself included, want to be able to "provide tangible help", to "fix", to "be part of". We could never do any of those things for your bi-polarness. Sometimes we need to pretend that it isn't really happening; that we really aren't "useless". It's not because we don't love you- it's BECAUSE we love you...
Posted by woolav on May 27, 2005, at 10:17:54
In reply to Re: my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar, posted by sunny10 on May 27, 2005, at 9:21:16
Thanks for all the great ideas. However, I did take him to an appt with me, yet he seems like it went in one ear and out the other. Sometimes I do feel like he doesnt care enough to try to understand. But, other times he says he cares and understands..I dont think he does. What happened is when i was in a hypomania episode i did some crazy things and he is having a problem getting past it. So, he keeps bringing it up over and over and I try to explain that i was not in my right mind during that time, but he will say things like I knew what i was doing etc. So, its really hard for me too, because I want him to know that wasnt the real me, but an "altered state" me..
S
Posted by sunny10 on May 27, 2005, at 11:17:16
In reply to Re: my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar, posted by woolav on May 27, 2005, at 10:17:54
> Thanks for all the great ideas. However, I did take him to an appt with me, yet he seems like it went in one ear and out the other. Sometimes I do feel like he doesnt care enough to try to understand. But, other times he says he cares and understands..I dont think he does. What happened is when i was in a hypomania episode i did some crazy things and he is having a problem getting past it. So, he keeps bringing it up over and over and I try to explain that i was not in my right mind during that time, but he will say things like I knew what i was doing etc. So, its really hard for me too, because I want him to know that wasnt the real me, but an "altered state" me..
> Sactually, my opinion is that what's most important is that the altered states ARE a part of the real you... In my opinion, it would be dangerous for the relationship if he thought any of what he was dealing with was NOT you...
We marry each other for better and for worse, for richer or poorer, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH... maybe you both should remember that- I hear in your post that you feel guilty for doing something while you were sick. You need to let that guilt go, and he needs to let go of the grievance.
Yes, yes, I know, easier said than done... (I am being very logical, thus very hypocritical today...) sorry...I can't even do what I'm telling you to do...
Maybe you'll get lucky and the logic will work for you where I can't get it to work for me...
Mostly I am scared of "confrontation"... and to me, confrontation can even mean saying something to my loved ones that they might not want to hear.... And, selfishly, I am saying something to you that maybe you don't want to hear, but you can't see me... I can be more direct here than IRL.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 27, 2005, at 16:55:31
In reply to Re: my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar, posted by woolav on May 27, 2005, at 10:17:54
> What happened is when i was in a hypomania episode i did some crazy things and he is having a problem getting past it. So, he keeps bringing it up over and over and I try to explain that i was not in my right mind during that time, but he will say things like I knew what i was doing etc. So, its really hard for me too, because I want him to know that wasnt the real me, but an "altered state" me..
Ah. I see...
There is a difficulty...
In that you are dx'd with bipolar BECAUSE you have manic / hypomanic / depressive episodes.
So to EXPLAIN your manic behaviour by saying the bi-polar caused you to behave that way doesn't really help as an explanation.I would try talking to him about how scarey manic you seems to you when you aren't manic. About how you really want to stop getting like that.
And that that is why you are going to p-doc etc.
Because you really really don't want it to happen anymore.
And that maybe he can help you out there by noticing you are getting a bit that way before you do etc etc.
Posted by woolav on May 27, 2005, at 17:58:31
In reply to Re: my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar » woolav, posted by alexandra_k on May 27, 2005, at 16:55:31
I see what your saying...I have told him how scary it is to think back on an episode and not remember things correctly etc..and i told him last night that i wouldnt be seeing a psych doc if i wasnt really ill** like i want to take 4 diff. kinds of meds at age 33...come on. I am trying to get help, i just hope he see's that.
thanks
s
Posted by alexandra_k on May 28, 2005, at 18:39:11
In reply to Re: my husband doesnt believe im bipolar-alexandra, posted by woolav on May 27, 2005, at 17:58:31
> I have told him how scary it is to think back on an episode and not remember things correctly etc..
Ok. And it sounds like you do some things when you are hypomanic that you later regret.
IMO whether someone 'buys' a dx or not doesn't really matter.
It is more about whether they see the symptoms - because those symptoms are really what the problem is.And it sounds like he notices the symptoms and is distressed by them too...
Maybe it could help your relationship for you to talk to him about how you don't like the stuff you do then either. And about how you don't like it when you get down either. And you can see that it is having a negative impact on your relationship.
And that, to you, that is what the dx is all about. Because the dx enables you to see someone so that you can get meds etc to hopefully even out those up and down times.
I guess I'm just wondering whether he may be more opposed to you being labled 'mentally ill' than anything else...
But that part isn't so important as being able to work on your symptoms...
And him being able to see that you don't like them either and that you are doing your best to manage them.
Posted by TamaraJ on May 28, 2005, at 19:25:38
In reply to my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar, posted by woolav on May 26, 2005, at 19:12:37
movie about a guy who is bi-polar. I thought Richard Gere did a really good job in that role.
Posted by woolav on May 31, 2005, at 10:39:25
In reply to Re: my husband doesnt believe im bipolar-alexandra » woolav, posted by alexandra_k on May 28, 2005, at 18:39:11
Thanks, I am going to print your response and let him read it....
S
Posted by woolav on May 31, 2005, at 10:41:25
In reply to Have him watch the movie Mr. Jones. Great » woolav, posted by TamaraJ on May 28, 2005, at 19:25:38
I will check that movie out.
The funny thing is that my ex husband was BP and his name is Mr. Jones...and my current husband hates the name Jones (for obvious reasons) ...He might think Im renting the movie to make him mad....
S
Posted by Kristy on November 29, 2007, at 14:03:18
In reply to Re: my husband doesnt believe im bi-polar, posted by sunny10 on May 27, 2005, at 9:21:16
Hey..im doin a report on this stuff need u too contact me
Posted by sdb on December 9, 2007, at 16:02:06
In reply to Ha i need help on my report, posted by Kristy on November 29, 2007, at 14:03:18
> Hey..im doin a report on this stuff need u too contact me
turn on the Email function, then you're able to contact somebody by clicking on the name.
sdb
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