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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Geri122 on February 7, 2005, at 21:19:43
In reply to Re: Im back... bigger then ever » Geri122, posted by partlycloudy on February 7, 2005, at 18:39:14
well. how should i start. i am loosing control, of my actions, my emotions, my life. I don't know what to do. I have lost so many good things in my life, that i need. I can't trist people to go and get help. TO cope, i rely on things like cutting and taking pills. I don't know how to love because i feel as tho im not loved. I hate myself for hating my family. Im tired of crying myself to sleep. Im tired of being depressed!
Posted by rayww on February 8, 2005, at 0:11:17
In reply to Re: Im back... bigger then ever, posted by Geri122 on February 7, 2005, at 21:19:43
Do you break down at a certain point or time during the day, and does it happen every day? Have you learned to recognize a pattern in the cycle? Depression is a pretty broad term. Perhaps while you are narrowing it down, you might find something here to help. www.truehope.com. This stuff is amazing. It works so well for many people that "they" are fighting to shut it down, make it illegal, do all they can to get rid of it and destroy the company. It makes me so angry when government and drug companies try to squelsh things that really work, but I guess we hear a lot about that these days.
Posted by partlycloudy on February 8, 2005, at 4:41:10
In reply to Re: Im back... bigger then ever, posted by Geri122 on February 7, 2005, at 21:19:43
Are you seeing a T, Geri? I know what it is like to have people not able to understand my depression. The black cloud descends over our whole experience and keeps us from seeing the love that is around us.
What meds are you on? I'm a Cymbalta girl, but my blood pressure is getting higher so I think I'll be making another trip to the pharmacy for *something* else. I'm having a hard time with anxiety this past week. Oh, and I look really ugly when I cry. My boss asked me yesterday if there was something I could take to help the swelling go down. Now that made me feel pretty.
Posted by Geri122 on February 8, 2005, at 21:24:05
In reply to Re: Im back... bigger then ever » Geri122, posted by rayww on February 8, 2005, at 0:11:17
i am not on any meds, i live on life.. the really realy bad parts of it!!
Posted by partlycloudy on February 9, 2005, at 9:36:54
In reply to Re: Im back... bigger then ever, posted by Geri122 on February 8, 2005, at 21:24:05
> i am not on any meds, i live on life.. the really realy bad parts of it!!
Geri, you wrote that you deal with your depression with pills and cutting, and no meds. Are you seeing a therapist, or would you like some reading recommendations? So you can throw the books at my head?? Seriously - what is getting you down, and can we help?
I don't really know what I would do without my p-doc - the therapist is another matter at the moment, unfortunately; but I know that the combination is really helping me retain a balance that I wouldn't have anotherwise.
Posted by fallsfall on February 9, 2005, at 14:19:11
In reply to Re: Im back... bigger then ever, posted by Geri122 on February 8, 2005, at 21:24:05
Hey, Geri,
I'm glad to hear from you, but wish the circumstances were a little cheerier.
What often happens with Depression is that it comes in waves, and then recedes, and then comes again. Maybe this is what is happening with you. It was bad before, then it got tolerable, but now it is bad again.
It concerns me that you are cutting and doing pills. Actually, the pills worry me more than the cutting - maybe be cause I do a little SI myself.
I really would recommend that you try to find someone to see. I know that before you didn't feel like you could do that because then your parents would "know". But if I remember, they found out anyway. So can you take advantage of the fact that they "know" that you get depressed and use that to get some help for yourself?
You might think that a therapist can't do anything. But you would be really surprised how effective they can be. You have had enough pain in your life for long enough that I have a hard time believing that it will all just "go away" one day - I think you really need to do something to make it better.
You could tell your mom that you aren't feeling good (tired, can't sleep, etc - physical symptoms) and that you want to go see your GP. When you get to your GP ask her to let you go in by yourself - your GP should force her out if she doesn't leave willingly. Then you can tell your GP that you think you are depressed, and tell him how you are feeling. He might prescribe meds, and you can decide how you feel about that. But he also will probably give you the name of a therapist that he trusts. If he doesn't offer a name, you could ask him for one. Then your GP can explain to your mother that you would benefit from seeing a therapist. Would that work?
I hate to see you in so much pain again, Geri. Do you think you can get some help this time? It has made a big difference to me, and to lots of people I know. It could really help you.
How many days till graduation?
Falls.
Posted by Geri122 on February 9, 2005, at 14:19:15
In reply to Re: Im back *TRIGGER*, posted by partlycloudy on February 9, 2005, at 9:36:54
no theripst because that required telling your parents. Whats getting me down... everything. It just seems like ican't find that moment of peace that feeling of complete happiness. Im not loved, because those who love you don't hurt you the way they have. its gotten tothe point where the smallest things set me off... the things that two years ago i would blow off. I have always been self consious... but now its like ill never be who i need to be inside or out. Realizing the state that i am in, is hard, but whats harder is i have noone to help me. I know that this site is designed to do that, but i need help thatthis site could never give me. No meds or dr either.... its like i can't be helped.
Posted by partlycloudy on February 9, 2005, at 15:07:17
In reply to Re: Im back *TRIGGER*, posted by Geri122 on February 9, 2005, at 14:19:15
Hey, Geri. Falls is *so* right. These feelings come and go, wax and wane like the moon - and sometimes it feels like just as often. I'm married, and no matter how many times my husband tells me he loves me, when I am depressed I not only don't believe him, I can't believe that I deserve his or anyone else's love. The important point I'm making my rambling here is that the bad feelings pass because depression eventually lifts.
Please use us here to vent, to cry out loud - that really is what I do, and it helps me a lot.
take good care,
pc
Posted by Geri122 on March 7, 2005, at 15:34:39
In reply to Re: Im back *TRIGGER* » Geri122, posted by partlycloudy on February 9, 2005, at 15:07:17
help.. im on the edge and im trying not to cut
Posted by partlycloudy on March 9, 2005, at 6:58:23
In reply to Re: Im back *TRIGGER*, posted by Geri122 on March 7, 2005, at 15:34:39
Geri, I almost missed seeing your post - I'm sorry if it looked like I didn't want to answer. Although I don't SI, I think I understand the internal pain that's behind it and that this is how you express it. Perhaps if you try to let this expression out in a different way, you'd feel better.
Have you ever tried to keep a journal? Not a diary, more like a record of how you're feeling on a given day. It can be very cathartic - and I found that once getting my thoughts out of my head that I feel better.Self destructive behaviour takes lots of different forms - substance abuse, SI, eating disorders... it takes a lot of practice and support to learn to live a healthier life. First off, though, is acknowledging that you are deserving of love. Absolutely. If we didn't get that love from our parents (as I didn't either), then we have to grieve, and go forward.
I know that you're not in a position to go for therapy or medications at this point. Are you interested in doing some reading?
Please write back, Geri!
Posted by Geri122 on March 9, 2005, at 14:59:19
In reply to Re: Im back *TRIGGER* » Geri122, posted by partlycloudy on March 9, 2005, at 6:58:23
what kind of reading??? at this point im open to hear anything. just for the record, i didn't cut that night.
Posted by partlycloudy on March 10, 2005, at 7:02:57
In reply to Re: Im back *TRIGGER*, posted by Geri122 on March 9, 2005, at 14:59:19
Just self help books. There are so many out there but I have a few personal favourites: "Feeling Good" (I think there is a whole discussion about it on the Psychology board), "The Artist's Way" where I read about the daily journalling. That book was really interesting because it was about expanding creativty and yet I found the process to be really cathartic, emotionally.
pc
Posted by partlycloudy on March 10, 2005, at 7:06:56
In reply to Re: Im back » Geri122, posted by partlycloudy on March 10, 2005, at 7:02:57
To the thread about people's favourite books:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/393889.html
pc
p.s. - I am glad you didn't cut the other night. Good for you!
Posted by Geri122 on March 27, 2005, at 21:09:37
In reply to Here is a link, posted by partlycloudy on March 10, 2005, at 7:06:56
i don't know what to do anymore, i am going crazy. i am hurting so bad and now i can see that my mom is hurting to. not from what i am dealing with, but from the same person i am dealing with. My dad, its like he was put on this earth to ruin our lives. i hate hime soo much i can't even explain the emotions that are running through my head right now. I don't know what hurts more, the fact that he hurts me or the fact that he hurts my mom. i love her soo much and she deserves so much more then me or anyone else in my family treats her. i hate him soo much, he drives me to do crazy things to myself. im trying to fight back my tears because they show i am weak and i don't want to be weak. i hate him i hate him i hate him. i wish he wan;t my father, i wish that i was never born!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by partlycloudy on March 28, 2005, at 17:47:34
In reply to help » partlycloudy, posted by Geri122 on March 27, 2005, at 21:09:37
Geri, are we talking abuse here? Is your father hurting you, verbally or physically?
I think I remember that you're still in school, right? I had a really hard time keeping my poop together as I got towards the end of high school. Things at home really got worse for everyone, and I felt terrible guilt for hating my dad.
I don't know what kept me going then - I would try not to spend much time at home (not that anyone noticed). Do you have friends you can safely hang with?
I'm sorry (once again) that I didn't see your post yesterday.
Posted by Geri122 on March 29, 2005, at 20:58:06
In reply to Re: help » Geri122, posted by partlycloudy on March 28, 2005, at 17:47:34
he has never hit me, but sometimes i wish he would, it would be easier that way. i know that in some strange way he loves me, but i am hurting. it hate myself for hating him. i want to be that dady's girl, but i never will, i go through so much pain because of him, i have lost one good thing in my life that i will never get back, it hurts, i dont want to cry.
Posted by partlycloudy on March 30, 2005, at 4:55:59
In reply to Re: help, posted by Geri122 on March 29, 2005, at 20:58:06
Geri, if you are hurting this much, you deserve to get some help. If this place is your only source of support, you know all we can do is listen to you and offer advice. If you can confide in someone IRL you might be able to get "real" help, too.
And I realize that confidentiality is an issue. Do you go to church? Can you talk to your minister or is there an elder whose ear you can bend?I'm not sure how your father has hurt you - but you must know that emotional abuse is as real a thing as physical abuse, and the hurts and scars are no less real, either.
If you don't want to talk about it here, you can Babblemail me about it (click on my posting name underlined in blue) or email me directly at partlycloudy at gmail dot com. I'm here to listen and support you, and don't want you to get hurt!
Please take care,
pc
Posted by geri122 on June 13, 2005, at 13:31:33
In reply to Re: help » Geri122, posted by partlycloudy on March 28, 2005, at 17:47:34
HELP ME. i have been trying so hard to be strong enough where i don't need to come here, but i can't do it anymore. the way i am feeling is affecting my life soo much. My friends don't want to be around mebecause of how unhappy i act, they don't even ask why, they just push me away. how do i tell peoplelike that. I am falling for this guy and he is falling for me, and this is the first time since my last thing with a guy, but he has a girl friend, in fact she is one of the friends pushing me away. I just don't know what to do anymore, i am trying so hard, i havent cut lately,but i just took a whole bottle of ibprofen, its not doing anuthing to me because i am ammune because of past incidents, but i just can't do it anymore, im scared!!!!!!!
Posted by partlycloudy on June 13, 2005, at 13:46:42
In reply to Re: help, posted by geri122 on June 13, 2005, at 13:31:33
> HELP ME. i have been trying so hard to be strong enough where i don't need to come here, but i can't do it anymore. the way i am feeling is affecting my life soo much. My friends don't want to be around mebecause of how unhappy i act, they don't even ask why, they just push me away. how do i tell peoplelike that. I am falling for this guy and he is falling for me, and this is the first time since my last thing with a guy, but he has a girl friend, in fact she is one of the friends pushing me away. I just don't know what to do anymore, i am trying so hard, i havent cut lately,but i just took a whole bottle of ibprofen, its not doing anuthing to me because i am ammune because of past incidents, but i just can't do it anymore, im scared!!!!!!!
Geri, there is nothing wrong in needing help! This is a good place to let out your feelings and vent if you need to. Could your friend have caught on to the vibes between you and her boyfriend? She could be feeling vulnerable about her relationship and that's what you'd be picking up on.
Taking pills or cutting isn't the answer, Geri. talking to someone about how you feel is a really good start.Don't be afraid to come here and post - that's what we come here for, too.
partlycloudy
Posted by Deneb on June 13, 2005, at 13:46:43
In reply to Re: help, posted by geri122 on June 13, 2005, at 13:31:33
Posted by Deneb on June 13, 2005, at 13:54:17
In reply to Re: help, posted by geri122 on June 13, 2005, at 13:31:33
Hi Geri122
Sorry you feel so terrible right now and that your friends aren't being very supportive. Hope you feel better soon.
Deneb
Posted by geri122 on June 13, 2005, at 13:58:46
In reply to Re: help » geri122, posted by partlycloudy on June 13, 2005, at 13:46:42
no she has no clue, i am positive about that, but im just not able to do this any more. imhave been trying fo too long. and i just wish it would all disappear. WHat did i do so wrong to havethis happen to me. i don't understand. i just can't do it anymore
Posted by Deneb on June 13, 2005, at 14:07:25
In reply to Re: help, posted by geri122 on June 13, 2005, at 13:31:33
> ...i just took a whole bottle of ibprofen, its not doing anuthing to me because i am ammune because of past incidents, but i just can't do it anymore, im scared!!!!!!!
I think you should call the poison control center just to be on the safe side.
Deneb
Posted by geri122 on June 13, 2005, at 14:08:23
In reply to Re: help » geri122, posted by Deneb on June 13, 2005, at 14:07:25
No i don't need to!
Posted by Deneb on June 13, 2005, at 14:17:37
In reply to Re: help, posted by geri122 on June 13, 2005, at 14:08:23
> No i don't need to!
Sorry, I'm not forcing you to do anything. I just don't want you to suffer.
I know about ODs...I've done them myself. I often regret taking them. Sometimes things take unexpected turns. I know the difference between self harm and suicide attempts. It would be a shame to die accidentally.
Deneb
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