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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 24 to 48 of 58. Go back in thread:
Posted by alesta on December 12, 2004, at 7:34:20
In reply to AdaGrace, posted by Susan47 on December 11, 2004, at 20:50:30
yeah, ada, get your butt in on some of this action! you started this crazy thread..amy :)
Posted by alesta on December 12, 2004, at 8:43:30
In reply to Re: AdaGrace » Susan47, posted by alesta on December 12, 2004, at 7:34:20
Posted by AdaGrace on December 12, 2004, at 10:56:06
In reply to Re: AdaGrace » Susan47, posted by alesta on December 12, 2004, at 7:34:20
I started it so others could post.......not feeling like adding at the moment.....
Posted by alesta on December 12, 2004, at 11:25:19
In reply to Re: AdaGrace » alesta, posted by AdaGrace on December 12, 2004, at 10:56:06
Posted by Atticus on December 12, 2004, at 19:07:49
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » Susan47, posted by alesta on December 12, 2004, at 6:47:55
... he suggests you both hit the clubs. You go to grab your shoes, but when you get back to the living room, you realize the mouse has gone missing with your wallet in tow. Now you're really, really furious at the damned rodent, so you have a sit-down with the cat to plot some kind of payback, because cats are really brilliant at this sort of thing, and besides, the cat is still pretty p*ssed off that the moose chased him all over the house with that toy G.I. Joe combat rifle while the moose was in its mouse form. The cat suggests leaving a decapitated vole on the mouse's pillow, but you remind him that it's been done -- he did it to you just this past summer. He then suggests puking into one of the mouse's slippers, but again, you tell him that note's been played. Then he comes up with a plan so wonderfully diabolical that you thank God for inventing cats. It involves ...
Posted by alesta on December 13, 2004, at 5:57:48
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » alesta, posted by Atticus on December 12, 2004, at 19:07:49
..but, wait, he once again moose-materialized. the moose is tripping hard now, so he turns on some rave dance music and hits on your wife in the living room. now you are beyond pissed. so the cat smiles mischievously and says, "i think it's time our little friend leaves..permanently." heheeheehaha. you smile wickedly, anticipating his diabolical plan. the cat says that he will attempt to distract mr. "casinova" moose, while you hit him over the head with a sledgehammer, and..
Posted by Susan47 on December 13, 2004, at 11:36:17
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » Atticus, posted by alesta on December 13, 2004, at 5:57:48
Posted by alesta on December 13, 2004, at 12:08:41
In reply to I'm out, too violent for me, ta-ta. (nm), posted by Susan47 on December 13, 2004, at 11:36:17
susan, i get the feeling i might've pissed you off. i was only kidding with my other post. dry, sarcastic humor..gets you in trouble every time. i'm sorry.
as for the violence in our story, how else are you going to get rid of the moose/mouse, as the story created by a previous writer required. *you* try and do it nonviolently..i suppose i should've slipped the moose a lethal prescription med or something..also, i thought of the sledgehammer in a cartoonish way..
anyway, i'm trying to make light here, but i really hope you're not mad. and it's your right not to participate in "violent" stories. i fully support that. :)
amy :)
Posted by alesta on December 13, 2004, at 12:17:56
In reply to I'm out, too violent for me, ta-ta. (nm), posted by Susan47 on December 13, 2004, at 11:36:17
maybe it is only in my head that i offended you..i'm not sure if my post was rude or not, and am trying to apologize if it was. please let me know. :) i think if we mess up here, an apology can go a long way..
amy :)
Posted by Atticus on December 13, 2004, at 16:24:42
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » Atticus, posted by alesta on December 13, 2004, at 5:57:48
... you get all excited by this until you realize that you don't have a sledgehammer. You try to improvise with a squeaky cat toy shaped like a herring but the results are less than spectacular. So you throw in the towel and join the conversation and discover that the moose really isn't all that bad a chap. "I've just never been the same since my best girl ran off with that bloody Crocodile Hunter from Australia." This puts things in a different light, and the cat suggests the three of you mount a commando raid on the Sydney Zoo to reunite the former lovers. So ...
Posted by Susan47 on December 13, 2004, at 19:49:26
In reply to Re: I'm out, too violent for me, ta-ta. » Susan47, posted by alesta on December 13, 2004, at 12:08:41
I'm too mellow for that. I can't believe I said that.
It's true, though.
Yum. And I don't tend to get upset with people, either. That's not me, at all. You can get away with a lot, I just ignore or opt out, I refuse to get upset.
And I usually find a way to understand motivations, so never worry around me. If anything I write sounds judgmental, I assure it's not, it's only my take on it. Mwah! That's a big kiss.
Posted by alesta on December 14, 2004, at 4:20:12
In reply to Amy, I never get p**d off, posted by Susan47 on December 13, 2004, at 19:49:26
thank you, suzie q! i feel much better.:-) i'm really a peace-loving person, and can make myself ill if i think i did something to offend someone. you're a sweetheart. thanx for understanding dear. mwah! back at ya!
amy :-)
Posted by alesta on December 14, 2004, at 7:25:42
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » alesta, posted by Atticus on December 13, 2004, at 16:24:42
...so, you gather up your collection of rifles and put on your BDUs and prepare to ambush the unwitting crocophile, as the zoo isn't far away from your beautiful australian home.
however, your wife has been in the bathroom for an hour already, toying with contouring and shading and generally having fun with her military camoflage makeup. you and the moose are getting quite restless.
"for god's sakes! hurry up!!" you scream.
"how can you talk to me like that?" she shouts back, and begins sobbing hysterically.
good grief! you think. just like a woman. now we're never going to get out of here! so then..
Posted by Atticus on December 14, 2004, at 12:38:58
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » Atticus, posted by alesta on December 14, 2004, at 7:25:42
... you notice the cat has a lobster bib on and is carrying a knife and fork.
"What's all this about, then?" you ask, suspecting the cat has ulterior motives for organizing this mission.
"Well, I've always heard koalas are delicious," he says.
"You're not to eat any bloody koalas!" you shout. "You disable the security system, we just nip in there, get this moose to his ex, stand watch while they talk, then hope love conquers all and she comes with us. We tranq the crocodile guy with that dart rifle if things get dodgy. No one gets hurt. That's it."
"Perhaps just a bite of wallaby ..." the cat suggests.
You're about to answer when the wife comes out of the bathroom wearing hot neon pink and suburst yellow face paint.
"Strewth!" you cry. "They'll see us coming from a kilometer away!" The moose, chewing on a cigar and wearing night-vision goggles, is going over a schematic of the zoo layout.
"We'll cut the wire here," he says, "and slip in by cutting across the croc pens."
"Oh, that's brilliant," you intone sarcastically.
"You know, I don't think they'd miss just one cockatoo," purrs the cat casually.
You shoot him a look, then everyone loads up the Range Rover and sets out, never suspecting ...
Posted by alesta on December 14, 2004, at 14:28:14
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » alesta, posted by Atticus on December 14, 2004, at 12:38:58
...that there would be a very loud knock at the door.
"everybody just be cool.." you say anxiously.
you tiptoe softly to the door, glance through the peephole, and see a very pissed off looking moose glaring back at you.
you whisper "uh, honey, there's a moose at the door. are we expecting..."
from outside the door, you hear, "i know you're in there! morris, you'd better have a really good one this time!"
the moose looks at you with a guilty smile on his face "Uh.."
"MORRIIIISSSSSS!"
suddenly, there is a loud thud as the front door falls to the ground.
"holy sh!t" you all say in unison.
and so morris's girlfriend appears. she has a pink apron on, and nostrils as large and obtrusive as morris's.
"i don't know what you think you're doing, morris..for god's sake take those off!"
morris slowly, fearfully removes the night vision goggles, and...
Posted by Atticus on December 14, 2004, at 20:08:36
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » Atticus, posted by alesta on December 14, 2004, at 14:28:14
... a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, resplendent in his bright red uniform, rides into the house behind Morris' girlfriend on a horse, carrying a koala wearing an identical uniform.
"Is this him, madame?" asks the koala.
"Yes," snarls the female moose. "He promised me he'd given this sort of thing up."
"What's with the outfit?" you ask the koala.
"Exchange program," he snaps. "We've got a wolverine working out of Perth. And I'll ask the questions here! Are you Maurice 'Morris' LeNoir?"
Morris pauses, then answers dolefully, "I sure could use a cookie about now."
"Crikey!" you gasp. "You mean this is 'Black Morris,' the international con artist?"
"The same," answers the koala.
"Inspector," interrupts the cat. "I believe Monsieur LeNoir has hidden incriminating evidence behind my litter box. Follow me."
"Mais bien sur," says the koala in a terrible French accent, and clambers down from the horse before marching officiously around the corner after the cat. You hear the soft "pffft" of a tranquilizer dart being fired and the sound of the cat setting the table.
"Um, perhaps, I'd best look in on them," you mumble, and ...
Posted by Jai Narayan on December 14, 2004, at 20:14:33
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » Atticus, posted by alesta on December 14, 2004, at 14:28:14
puts his cigar out in the coleus plant
“I think I picked a good day to quit smoking” he mumbles as he fingers his lip where a piece of the cigar stuck.
He ambles over to the sink with a smile on his face....
he looks down into the aqua water filled with neon's.
He rolls his tongue into a straw shape and starts sucking up the water and fish when the door to the back porch suddenly opens......
Posted by Atticus on December 14, 2004, at 20:21:13
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling, posted by Jai Narayan on December 14, 2004, at 20:14:33
... so now we've got divergent narratives. Amy, which way do you want to go with this? Atticus
Posted by alesta on December 14, 2004, at 21:45:47
In reply to We must have posted at almost the same time ... » Jai Narayan, posted by Atticus on December 14, 2004, at 20:21:13
atticus and jai,:)
oh my gosh y'all! i can't believe you put me in this position, lol. how the heck am i sposed to choose? well, it's just as well, as i don't feel too well and think i'm coming down with something and might opt out of babble for a day or so. (the abrupt food shortage at my place doesn't help.:)) why don't y'all flip a coin to see who continues the story off whom, lol. or maybe just use jai's since she's been out a while? (trying to help.)
i shall be back to continue my daily literary contributions upon my return, prince atticus and jai, the fairest of fair maidens!
your devoted confidant,
amy, princess of babblovnia :-)
Posted by alesta on December 15, 2004, at 12:21:24
In reply to Re: We must have posted at almost the same time ... » Atticus, posted by alesta on December 14, 2004, at 21:45:47
i dragged meself out of bed long enough to see what y'all decided..guess you didn't, lol. atticus's response obviously took a lot of thought and whatnot, so i s'pose i'll go with his, if you guys wait for me. i feel like sh!t right now. sorry..or jai maybe you want to go ahead and play off atticus..i don't know..bloody hell!
amy :)
Posted by alesta on December 15, 2004, at 13:20:33
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » alesta, posted by Atticus on December 14, 2004, at 20:08:36
..."Aha!!" says the koala triumphantly. "well, now, this is an awful lot of passports, mr. Lenoir. and what, pray tell, were you planning on doing with these? hmmmm?"
"i was going to use them to...uh..i have a business, that require lots of travel?" squawks Lenoir.
his girlfriend (moose) looks at him with a perplexed attitudinal look. "i gotta hear this.." she says, anticipating his response.
"yes. i..i'm a.. a cologne salesman."
"cologne?" the female moose snaps comically. "you NEED some cologne let me tell you.." she says waving her finger, head bobbing.
"yes, that's why i'm here right now, actually. isn't it, john?" replies Lenoir.
you stand there, wondering if you should vouch for an international con artist. then..
Posted by alesta on December 15, 2004, at 14:10:06
In reply to the story continues... » Atticus, posted by alesta on December 15, 2004, at 13:20:33
Posted by Atticus on December 15, 2004, at 14:50:34
In reply to the story continues... » Atticus, posted by alesta on December 15, 2004, at 13:20:33
... the cat comes back into the room dragging the rifle. You notice a tranquilizer dart protruding from the koala's rear end.
"Bloody hell!" growls the cat. "He's not down yet??"
"You small pile of wombat's doo!" you shout at the cat. "You really lured him back to those passports so you could so you could knock him out and eat him!"
"Didn't," says the cat dismissively, looking casually up at the ceiling.
"Funny thing. I feel a bit light-headed," says the koala, going all wobbly in the knees.
"Jet lag from the flight from Canada, sir," suggests the mountie helpfully.
The koala slumps to the floor. The cat dives for the koala. You dive for the cat. Morris slips into his mouse form and makes a break for it, and ...
Posted by crushedout on December 18, 2004, at 21:47:56
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » alesta, posted by Atticus on December 14, 2004, at 12:38:58
If I wasn't layin' off the stuff, I'd say, "GIMME SOME OF WHAT YOU'RE SMOKING!!!!"
Posted by Atticus on December 18, 2004, at 21:57:44
In reply to Re: And you realize the bloody moose is stumbling » Atticus, posted by crushedout on December 18, 2004, at 21:47:56
No. If I was communing with the holy bud, this story wouldn't seem so gritty and realistic. But Christ, Alesta's got to help me put this baby to bed soon. I told you my emergency ending, but I want to give her a crack at the big finale first. Atti, who passed yet another Starbucks on the way from Second Avenue to First. Never noticed it there before. The b*stards have us surrounded!
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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