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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 18 to 42 of 42. Go back in thread:
Posted by jujube on November 10, 2004, at 8:19:22
In reply to Just back from hospital. Need everyone's strength, posted by saw on November 10, 2004, at 2:36:25
My thoughts are with you Sabrina during this difficult time.
Tamara
> Wow. Nothing prepared me for this. Nothing.
>
> I was with Dad last night and again for a short bit this morning.
>
> I knew that I would be finding him hooked up to machines and things but was still so taken aback to see just what all is needed to help him stay alive. I was alone with him for a while and very grateful for this.
>
> His wife had mentioned that he had been completely unresponsive so far but when I held his hand, spoke with him, told him I was there and thay my brother (who is in the US) was there in spirit, he opened his eyes and looked straight at me. I could see that he was enormously frustrated and dare I say, his heart beat accelerated which is not a good thing, so I just soothed him and touched him a lot and continued to speak quietly to him. He tried to communicate with me a number of times and my own frustration was real when stubborn tears squeezed out of his eyes. Then I started feeling the pain of the whole thing.
>
> Medically, the prognosis is very poor. He has an exclusive trauma nurse with him at all times. He has angina, congenital heart failure, hypertension and his diabetes have complicated his now failing kidneys. I believe that his lungs are clotting and they are doing their best to try and keep them clear. He is being fed morphine, dormicum (*love that stuff*), dopamine (who woulda thought) and various other antibiotics and things through the countless pipes and drips. His blood pressure was dangerously low this morning and they were checking him every 5 minutes. He did not respond to me this morning but I could feel in his breathing that he knew I was there.
>
> I cried buckets last night (with him and at home) but have kept it in this morning.
>
> I know Dad is a fighter. I know that this is frighteningly frustrating for him. But I feel this is beyond his power and I said goodbye to him (quietly, that is) last night and this morning and will do this again when I visit him tonight.
>
> Apparently my love for him was there all the time. Just piled under years of lack of communication.
>
> I am fighting very hard to not focus on what if and what could have been. I have enough mental issues to deal with to have to try and cope with that.
>
> I do love him, and I will miss him and I could use everyone's strength right now as I face saying goodbye to my daddy!
>
> Forgive my scattered post. I am feeling quite raw at the moment and my thoughts are racing.
>
> Sabrina
>
>
Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2004, at 9:25:50
In reply to On my way back, posted by saw on November 10, 2004, at 5:43:23
I'm glad you got a chance to do that. I'm sure he did hear. You are being very loving to him.
My thoughts will be with you.
Posted by vwoolf on November 10, 2004, at 9:45:11
In reply to Re: On my way back » saw, posted by Dinah on November 10, 2004, at 9:25:50
I have just had an SMS from Saw (Sabrina) to say that her father has gone. She was with him when he died and is feeling very sore. Unfortunately she doesn't have access to Babble until tomorrow morning at work, so she has asked me to let you all know.
Posted by gardenergirl on November 10, 2004, at 10:14:02
In reply to Saw's father has gone, posted by vwoolf on November 10, 2004, at 9:45:11
Posted by MKB on November 10, 2004, at 11:05:03
In reply to On my way back, posted by saw on November 10, 2004, at 5:43:23
I'm so sorry to hear about your father's passing, but it sounds like you have handled the situation in the healthiest possible way, which will bring you much peace in the future.
Posted by octopusprime on November 10, 2004, at 11:18:45
In reply to On my way back, posted by saw on November 10, 2004, at 5:43:23
(((sabrina)))
you honoured your father in the way you knew how.
you are so brave
i am saddened to hear of your father's passing
i'm sure he was proud to be your dad
i'm proud to have you as part of babblehere's a virtual shoulder to lean on
peace
Posted by coral on November 10, 2004, at 11:25:52
In reply to My father's dying, posted by saw on November 9, 2004, at 1:45:00
Dear Sabrina,
My deepest sympathies.......
Coral
Posted by partlycloudy on November 10, 2004, at 11:45:32
In reply to Saw's father has gone, posted by vwoolf on November 10, 2004, at 9:45:11
Thank you so much for letting us know.
Posted by jujube on November 10, 2004, at 11:51:03
In reply to Re: My father's dying, posted by coral on November 10, 2004, at 11:25:52
Sabrina,
I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my deepest sympathies. I wish you courage and strength during this difficult time. As you go through this period of mourning, may you be comforted, uplifted and supported by those who love you and by your many "unseen" friends at Babble.
Be good and kind to yourself as you grieve and as you deal with the emotions of your loss.
Tamara
Posted by sunny10 on November 10, 2004, at 12:47:57
In reply to To Sabrina, posted by jujube on November 10, 2004, at 11:51:03
Posted by corafree on November 10, 2004, at 13:27:30
In reply to Just back from hospital. Need everyone's strength, posted by saw on November 10, 2004, at 2:36:25
Your post was perfect. You've shared some very inspiring thoughts and thank you for that.
I lost my father in February. It has been the most powerful experience of my life to now.
You can't go back and do things over, I guess. But, you can learn something from your experience, something very valuable is what you have reaped from your father and you will battle with yourself until you understand what that is.
My heart is with you in your journey. Remember, you have received a gift from him. And, I believe he would like you to wrap yourself in it! I feel that may have been the frustration you saw in his eyes.
You can tell him you understand, he need not be frustrated, and thank him now for this new lesson you are learning ... a good lesson, not a bad one; an enlightening gift. I believe it will give him peace to hear your understanding and gratitude; frustration relieved!
For you, I pray you give yourself a break, don't take on a lot at this time, take tender care of yourself, and consider letting those who love you here, and there, help you through this time. always, cf
Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2004, at 14:08:12
In reply to Saw's father has gone, posted by vwoolf on November 10, 2004, at 9:45:11
Posted by boomarang on November 10, 2004, at 14:32:26
In reply to Re: Just back from hospital. Need everyone's strength » saw, posted by corafree on November 10, 2004, at 13:27:30
my sympathies to you during this difficult time. Take comfort in knowing he heard the time you spent with him as they say hearing is the last to go. Sending you comforting vibes.
sara
Posted by just plain jane on November 10, 2004, at 17:28:07
In reply to My father's dying, posted by saw on November 9, 2004, at 1:45:00
Sabrina,
I feel such aching for you.
I understand your varying thoughts and feelings well, as I dearly love each of my parents, but do not have close relationships, for reasons, of course. Every day I consider how I will feel, react, think, when the call comes that one of them has passed.
I hope for you that you can indeed recall the feelings you felt prior to his passing, keep in touch with the realities of what is and has been and not lose yourself in what might have been.
Be not hard upon thyself,
Thy loss is hard enough.(gentle supportive embrace)
jane
Posted by JenStar on November 10, 2004, at 19:54:13
In reply to Saw's father has gone, posted by vwoolf on November 10, 2004, at 9:45:11
sabrina,
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you got the satisfaction of speaking to your father one last time and saying nice things to him. It sounds like it made YOU feel better to say it, and no doubt it made him feel relieved to hear it.I hope you're doing well.
take care.JenStar
Posted by AdaGrace on November 10, 2004, at 20:16:59
In reply to Your father's death » saw, posted by just plain jane on November 10, 2004, at 17:28:07
Sabrina,
Be kind to yourself. Grieve. Allow it, for I did not. Grieve for what you feel you have lost, grieve for what you feel you have missed out on. Then for a brief period of time......think one thing a day that you think was good about your relationship with your father. Perhaps it is you have his eyes. Perhaps it is thanking him for making you here on this earth, and maybe, just maybe allowing that newfound love you have for him be the reason you get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. You were not selfish, you were there at his side. You did the right thing, and you are a good kind hearted person for doing so.
Losing a parent you weren't close to is sometimes as hard as one you are close to. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. And it will be a slow process. Stages of grief, that's what they call it, and it truely works just that way. I think I am still in the angry stage, for it took me almost 4 years to even start. My mother was my heart and soul, and I lost her before I knew her as an adult child knows a parent. Something I will never quite get over, and I do so miss her and I hate the one who carelessly took her out of my life, but now, 6 years later, I hate less, love more, and wish less. She suffers no more, and if I missed out on something, then it was my own doing, not hers and she is in such a better place. I talk to her daily, and I know she hears me. I sometimes turn a deaf ear to what she says back, but I am trying.
I'm here for you, as much as my limited internet access allows, but know that my heart and mind is with you always. Take care and keep in touch.
God Bless you
AdaGrace
Posted by Jai Narayan on November 10, 2004, at 20:25:09
In reply to Just back from hospital. Need everyone's strength, posted by saw on November 10, 2004, at 2:36:25
Oh my God, what you must be feeling right now.
My dad died a few years ago. I really didn't think I could survive his death.
I am so sorry you are there without someone who could hold you and give you loving support.
I will hold you in my mind and heart.
we are there for you.
Jai
Posted by bobby on November 11, 2004, at 10:38:47
In reply to My father's dying, posted by saw on November 9, 2004, at 1:45:00
Maybe he has found peace in heaven--may you find your's here.
Posted by AuntieMel on November 11, 2004, at 14:14:52
In reply to To Sabrina, posted by jujube on November 10, 2004, at 11:51:03
Posted by corafree on November 11, 2004, at 15:09:58
In reply to Sabrina, I'm so, so sorry (nm), posted by AuntieMel on November 11, 2004, at 14:14:52
Hello again Sabrina. Ya' know I told you my Dad also passed away. He was a veteran. He was my Dad and I am proud. I, in this moment and prob' a lot more moments, may understand your sadness so. If there's anything you need, talk, babble me. cf
Posted by saw on November 12, 2004, at 0:40:26
In reply to Re: Sabrina, I'm so, so sorry » AuntieMel, posted by corafree on November 11, 2004, at 15:09:58
I would dearly love to thank each and every one of you individually. But will not be able to do that just yet. I am deeply moved by all the support, kind words, love, understanding, hugs and oh, so much more. I am taking a lot of strain, but I am coping. Dad would not have wanted it any other way.
I would like to share the details of his passing and share my feelings since it has happened but will do this on the grief board. I am designing the order of service pamphlets and printing them so will finish this first before posting.
The memorial service (Dad insists he doesn't "do" funerals) is on Monday and I am saving what's left of my strength for that. I will sing for him at the service.
This is what I am singing.
Fly
Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The sofest could, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planet and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again.Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has bgun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forever more
But hold this memory bittersweet
Until we meet.Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forgetFly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light.
I know he will enjoy listening to me. Now I'm feeling a bit shaky and emotional and I am crying again, and I have to be strong to sing this for him. My musical talent came from him and this will be my gift of thanks and love. I said goodbye, but now I am saying, till we meet again.Thank you again all my friends. I know now, that you all are a part of my life I could not do without.
I will let you know when I have posted on grief.
Love to you all
Sabrina
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 12, 2004, at 8:42:08
In reply to Thank you everyone, posted by saw on November 12, 2004, at 0:40:26
> I would like to share the details of his passing and share my feelings since it has happened but will do this on the grief board.
Would it be OK to redirect this thread there? Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/414868.html
Sorry about your loss,
Bob
Posted by saw on November 13, 2004, at 4:14:28
In reply to Thank you everyone, posted by saw on November 12, 2004, at 0:40:26
Hi everyone.
I knew that now that my father has passed away, that this thread would have to start anew on the grief board. (Dr Bob already wants to move this one). While I have the most respect for the grief board, I know some of you who have supported me here may not visit there.
I would just like to say, if you wish to continue sharing in this journey with me, please feel free to visit Grief and walk a little further with me.
I am hurting deeply at the moment. Far more than I expected. But I guess it is all part of the process of this very, very strange thing, called life!
My love to all
Sabrina
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 13, 2004, at 7:23:13
In reply to I have posted on grief but please read this, posted by saw on November 13, 2004, at 4:14:28
> While I have the most respect for the grief board, I know some of you who have supported me here may not visit there.
>
> I would just like to say, if you wish to continue sharing in this journey with me, please feel free to visit Grief and walk a little further with me.It's only one click away, not much of a detour for those who have shared in your journey so far?
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/414868.html
Bob
Posted by corafree on November 13, 2004, at 21:53:34
In reply to I have posted on grief but please read this, posted by saw on November 13, 2004, at 4:14:28
Right behind you (((sabrina))) cf
This is the end of the thread.
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