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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 11:52:41
hi all,
I have a question I wanted to ask, and find out what you guys think:Do you find that your first impressions about people (in real life or here) are usually correct? If not, how long does it take to change your mind, and what helps you change it?
Do you have a good "people sense" or intuition that tells you when to trust someone and when to stay away? Do you have a good "radar" about people?I ask because I've been thinking a lot about a person, a friend, who (I think) has been taking advantage of me. My first impression was very negative about this person, but I tried to give her a second chance and told myself it was unfair to judge so quickly. Over time, it appears my 1st reaction was correct! I may have been trying harder to give her a chance, over and over again, because I was afraid that I was judging too unfairly in that first impression...maybe I waited too long to allow myself to change my mind.
Any thoughts or experiences with this?
JenStar
Posted by partlycloudy on October 1, 2004, at 12:17:57
In reply to question about first impressions, posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 11:52:41
My mantra I have developed is this:
"I trust my insight, intuition, and power of discernment."
Whenever I have gone against my first impression, I have regretted it, without question.
Posted by ron1953 on October 1, 2004, at 12:34:35
In reply to question about first impressions, posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 11:52:41
Jen:
Overall, I think you handled it quite sensibly. You didn't make a snap judgement based on your first impression, then gave yourself time to develop a more informed decision. Perhaps you waited a bit too long to ditch it once your feelings were clear to you.
I'm somewhat sensitive about the first impression thing because I have often (just something about me, I guess) given a bad first impression but later became quite close with the same people once they got to know me better.
Posted by Susan47 on October 1, 2004, at 12:40:19
In reply to Re: question about first impressions » JenStar, posted by partlycloudy on October 1, 2004, at 12:17:57
My experience is much like partlycloudy's. People really do change, though, and I think they have a tendency to change more rapidly when they question their motives.
It's always good to give people a new chance, a new start, but I always hold something back. Sometimes I hold more back, sometimes less, it really depends on my intuition about that person's progress. It depends on my own personal progress, too. I mean, sometimes when people *don't* change I may have progressed to a new understanding of why that is, and deal with them more effectively than I had in the past? And the way I *now* deal with them can be slightly manipulative, to expose things to them about themselves that might be helpful. I try not to be hurtful, I try try try but pain always seems to me, personally, to move me forward. Ach.
Does that make any sense to anybody except me?
Posted by ron1953 on October 1, 2004, at 12:43:00
In reply to Re: question about first impressions, posted by Susan47 on October 1, 2004, at 12:40:19
Makes perfect sense!
Posted by Susan47 on October 1, 2004, at 12:45:20
In reply to Re: question about first impressions » JenStar, posted by ron1953 on October 1, 2004, at 12:34:35
I often give bad first impressions and then have to work harder to make it right, because I have a very unfortunate learned style of being shut off and abrupt. Now, though, I'm very very aware of that style in others and know that it comes from a protecting place (or *think I know* anyway) :]
Posted by Dinah on October 1, 2004, at 13:46:00
In reply to question about first impressions, posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 11:52:41
My first impressions are usually correct.
Sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised.
I am very rarely disappointed.
So does that mean that it's easier to cover up good points than it is to cover up bad qualities?
Posted by AuntieMel on October 1, 2004, at 15:43:47
In reply to question about first impressions, posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 11:52:41
My instincts are almost always right.
But I am so slow to trust that it doesn't much matter.
I talked to my therapist for over a year before we got to anything that wasn't superficial. Just yesterday my hubby noticed that I'm real slick about steering conversations away from things I'm not comfortable with. I doubt if my therapist ever noticed.
Posted by saw on October 4, 2004, at 3:18:59
In reply to Re: question about first impressions » JenStar, posted by partlycloudy on October 1, 2004, at 12:17:57
PC put it so nicely. This is an issue I have always felt strongly about and that I have always fought with people about. I just *sense* or *feel* or *smell* when something is not right on first impression. I have learnt to trust this gut instinct. I have seldom been wrong.
I always used to say that I feel it in my big toe and my big toe doesn't know how to tell a lie.
Sabrina
Posted by Catgirl on October 4, 2004, at 18:05:15
In reply to question about first impressions, posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 11:52:41
I have a good "radar" when it comes to people. I get a gut feeling about people and I'm usually right. Unfortunately, sometimes I ignore it and get back-stabbed or worse! I just need to follow my gut more often.
Posted by moime on October 8, 2004, at 18:26:37
In reply to question about first impressions, posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 11:52:41
> hi all,
> I have a question I wanted to ask, and find out what you guys think:
>
> Do you find that your first impressions about people (in real life or here) are usually correct? If not, how long does it take to change your mind, and what helps you change it?
> Do you have a good "people sense" or intuition that tells you when to trust someone and when to stay away? Do you have a good "radar" about people?
>
> I ask because I've been thinking a lot about a person, a friend, who (I think) has been taking advantage of me. My first impression was very negative about this person, but I tried to give her a second chance and told myself it was unfair to judge so quickly. Over time, it appears my 1st reaction was correct! I may have been trying harder to give her a chance, over and over again, because I was afraid that I was judging too unfairly in that first impression...maybe I waited too long to allow myself to change my mind.
>
> Any thoughts or experiences with this?
>
> JenStarI used to be a really good judge of character. It was kind of lonely, because good friends and good people don't grow on trees. Then I changed, for the worst I think, I began to drop my standards, thinking that I was "too hard" on people. Boy, did I ever get led down the rosy primrose path. I have other postings today. I just got out of a horrible relationship that I just jumped into not because I knew the guy, but because I was willing to take a RISK! WITH MYSELF! WITH MY MENTAL HEALTH! Boy, call that desperate. Now I am dealing with the fallout. I will begin to trust my instincts, and hone my ability to be attracted to those people who truly interest me for all the good reasons, not because I feel lonely and needy.
This is the end of the thread.
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