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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on September 8, 2004, at 18:46:11
Hi. OK, this is a little weird for me, because I'm still in the "I don't know if this is important enough" phase (is it a phase?) but I didn't go to class today because I didn't want to walk in late. I had a t appt right before that and I rushed over to school and started walking towards campus from the parking lot. I looked at my watch and saw that I was almost 10 min late so I turned around and went back to the parking lot. I know it's like, not that big a deal, and I can just go to the next class, but it feels like a really big deal to me right now because I could've gone to class late. it wouldn't have been a big deal. My parents were like totally mad at me too but thats not the part that worries me. It's just that I can't not go to work because I'm going to be late. I feel so irresponsible:(
Posted by partlycloudy on September 8, 2004, at 18:51:34
In reply to What's wrong with me?, posted by Angela2 on September 8, 2004, at 18:46:11
Oh, I don't think that's so strange. I would hate to be the one creeping into class after everyone else. Besides feeling embarassed, I'd be tying myself i n knots wondering what everyone would be thinking. Not that they would even give it a thought at all.
I'm really funny about being on time - I'm almost always early for appointments, and take a stupid pride in it too. If I'm late I'm frantic and apologize or cry, or both.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on September 8, 2004, at 19:33:50
In reply to What's wrong with me?, posted by Angela2 on September 8, 2004, at 18:46:11
Angela,
I know that sometimes I used to feel strange going to work after a T. appointment. It seemed like people could 'read it on me', like 'Dee's been to the shrink' sort of thing. I made my appointments at different times.
No-one ever did read that. They didn't even say much after a hospitalization. I think that our fears in that area say more about us than do the reactions of others. I don't mean that we should be overly concerned by our reactions, they aren't that strange. Perhaps though, that fear of coming in late speaks to the stigma of mental illness that many of us carry.
Someone could say that they were in late b/c football practice went over, or that the bus blew a tire. Those are 'good' 'stigma-free' reasons. People might be proud of them. You could say you went to a doctor appointment that took too long, and that too would be OK. When it comes to our minds though, we don't feel as free to say "I was in therapy". We worry about what others will think.
If someone else in the class were to say "I was in therapy", you would probably not think negatively of her, though you might wonder what was up. You would wonder what was up though, if it was a doctors appt. too. You would probably be, in a human way, concerned. The rest of the class would probably be feeling the same way as you, wondering what was up, but feeling compassion. They wouldn't be thinking they had something to fear from you.
I can't say that you shouldn't feel that fear, but I hope that you can see that it's probably not as bad as it feels. It's also something that we all go through.Dee
Posted by Susan47 on September 8, 2004, at 20:47:08
In reply to What's wrong with me?, posted by Angela2 on September 8, 2004, at 18:46:11
And (sorry, preposition), sometimes I still do it, and sometimes I go through with whatever it was (walking into the store for example). I'm quaking inside and I don't think anyone knows. I make a huge effort (sometimes I can't and then I go home and curl into my bed with the pillow and blankets up over my head) to talk kindly and patiently to everyone and I always feel better than I did when I walked in. I think I feel better then 'cause all the people I've made the effort with have responded with humour and kindness and that's such a lift. Don't be hard on yourself Angela2, I think many more people feel like you do.
Posted by Susan47 on September 8, 2004, at 20:49:00
In reply to Re: What's wrong with me?, posted by deirdrehbrt on September 8, 2004, at 19:33:50
I'm sorry if my interpretation was incorrect. I was relating everything in your post to my own life. :)
Posted by Poet on September 8, 2004, at 23:34:52
In reply to What's wrong with me?, posted by Angela2 on September 8, 2004, at 18:46:11
Hi Angela,
I hate being late and can understand why you didn't want to walk into the classroom. I have enough social anxiety that I slink into rooms hoping no one sees me, so I can grab a seat in the last row.
Don't beat yourself up, okay?
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on September 9, 2004, at 8:09:23
In reply to Re: What's wrong with me? » Angela2, posted by Poet on September 8, 2004, at 23:34:52
Oh I can so relate to this. I have lived being late for many many years. It's getting better since I've been in therapy...I have no idea how it's related, but there you go! But anyway, I would often get to a point when I would rather just not go than walk in late one more time. I realize this is not exactly like your experience, but I do understand the thought of "I'll just go back to my car."
And I would always try to slip in very quietly. I often would take my coat off and get my notebook or whatever I needed out of my bookbag before I opened the door so I could just slink in and get busy. I HATED it when there was no easy seat to slip into!
gg
Posted by Angela2 on September 9, 2004, at 8:55:37
In reply to Re: What's wrong with me?, posted by gardenergirl on September 9, 2004, at 8:09:23
I have had a late problem for the past year in school and I've decided I'm not going to be late this year. That still doesn't change how I wish I could go back to the last therapy session and make the next appt. not so clase to my class, but oh well.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 9, 2004, at 10:18:45
In reply to Re: What's wrong with me? » gardenergirl, posted by Angela2 on September 9, 2004, at 8:55:37
I understand about cutting it close after your session. I used to have a client right after my own session. That was just WAY too hard. I had to change my own time, as hers was too difficult to change. That worked out much better.
gg
Posted by JenStar on September 10, 2004, at 1:44:27
In reply to What's wrong with me?, posted by Angela2 on September 8, 2004, at 18:46:11
hi Angela,
I agree that you shouldn't beat yourself up over this! There is always next time, right? Now that you know time is going to be tight between T and class, I'm sure you can figure out a way to leave T a few minutes early if needed to get to class on time?I read a book written by a T. He said once that he had a patient who was chronically late and always said to him, "I'm not good with time." Finally he confronted her and told her, "You're very good with time, you're always exactly ten minutes late. Clearly you intend to be ten minutes late to every appointment with me." She got angry, denied it, started coming erratically, but finally decided to arrange her schedule to come exactly on time and talk about what had been bugging her that made her come late.
This resonated with me because I thought about things for which I am perpetually late (plenty!) One example, for me, is being barely-there-by-the-skin-of-my-fingernails to important meetings. I get so caught up in the prep (are my foils perfect? Is my presentation perfect? Are they going to be impressed? Are my teeth clean?) that I end up pushing the time limit and making myself FRANTIC as I rush to get there on time. It would be so simple -- I know it -- if I just managed time better so I have a breathing block of ten minutes BEFORE the meeting, instead of frazzling myself down to the last bare bones of a second. So why do I ALWAYS do this? It drives me nuts!?!**
I think my issues revolve around a secret desire to avoid the meeting altogether or to have a handy excuse just in case the presentation doesn't go well ("Oh, well, I COULD have wowed them...if I'd only had a few more minutes to prepare!") Sometimes, when I focus on it, I can force myself to plan my time out so that I do have a handy block of breathing space...but I'm still working on this.
Anyway, I sympathize with the coming in late thing. I used to think my butt looked hideous in any pants, and that if I came late to class, people would look at it and think it was huge and hideous and laugh behind their hands and hate me. I mean, this did not keep me up nights, but it was a little nagging thought that hit me every time I had to struggle between desks or down a row to get to a seat. It made coming in late VERY difficult! :)
It's so not fun to be stressed about stuff like that...
I hope things are going well.
take care!
jenStar
> Hi. OK, this is a little weird for me, because I'm still in the "I don't know if this is important enough" phase (is it a phase?) but I didn't go to class today because I didn't want to walk in late. I had a t appt right before that and I rushed over to school and started walking towards campus from the parking lot. I looked at my watch and saw that I was almost 10 min late so I turned around and went back to the parking lot. I know it's like, not that big a deal, and I can just go to the next class, but it feels like a really big deal to me right now because I could've gone to class late. it wouldn't have been a big deal. My parents were like totally mad at me too but thats not the part that worries me. It's just that I can't not go to work because I'm going to be late. I feel so irresponsible:(
Posted by just plain jane on September 11, 2004, at 18:36:30
In reply to Re: What's wrong with me? » Angela2, posted by JenStar on September 10, 2004, at 1:44:27
I have the same problem about going into a situation where most likely everyone is already there, or where I know those who are there will look at me. It can make me feel like falling apart.
However, over the years, dealing with all my "disorders", or, as my Ts and I put it, my non-normativity (izzat a word? lol) I have worked hard at defeating each individual occurence, one at a time.
I realized that, since we can only live in the moment, I needed to try to make those moments as fun as I can. So I remind myself that it is completely unimportant what other people think of me, their opinions are irrelevant. And, like me, they all have to use a toilet - the great equalizer.
Then I go ahead and waltz in and if anyone looks my way or says anything, I usually respond with something irreverent, entertaining, a little remark that may seem bold to others. In other words, I make myself confront the situation with brevity and bravery.
I always get a laugh out of it, even if no one else does. Most times there are at least smiles.
Life is too short and precious to let other people live in your head and that's what I consider worrying about what they may be thinking. (Besides, it'd be too crowded in here with them and myselves)
If nothing else, after you read this post, keep in mind there's a crazy woman named jane (me) out here who has turned her psycho-social difficulties into her own private comedy routine that just keeps getting new material.
And smile when you think of us. ;-~
Pleeeease???
just plain jane
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