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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallingstar on August 20, 2004, at 0:51:21
I have a friend of over two years who after I told her some things about putting up limits in our friendship (she and I had no boundaries between us, and I did not feel like my privacy was respected)-also I ended up allowing her to get too involved in my marital problems...is still processing (as she calls it), over what to write to me after two months. I have stayed with her at times when I was dealing with alot and she has helped me at times, but I am trying to do things for myself and work on my marriage. Even though she says she isn't, she appears very jealous. I will try to get to the point, but it is very difficult where to start, and I am rathy wordy at times. There have been times where she has had a right to defend me and has a right to her own opinion, which she sees as being truthful but her truthfulness is too aggressive at times. She will almost yell and scream about things, and insists it is not out of anger but out of passion and concern for another person's experience. For example, one time when she was visiting my hubby and I and my sister who was being maltreated in the hospital was telling me a story of what had happened to her. I related the story to my friend who was in the room, while my sister was still trying to tell me her story, and my friend started screaming that my sister was masochistic. Of course, I ended the conversation with my sister and this caused a disagreement with my friend. My friend appears as oversensitive and overpassionate, which I can understand to some degree because I am way sensitive too. She is also treated for depression and has a terminal illness, which is very upsetting for me because she only has a few years left, and I feel she is being unfair by not understanding my choices. My friend has an "ability" as she would designate as as "empathy". She goes through awful emotional events which she calls "processing" In the past she has asked me if I thought it was abnormal, and she said she never found anyone like her. Now, at the time I told her no I didn't think it was...but as time goes by I am starting to wonder about it. Basically, if she watches a crime show or a tv show even if the event wasn't real she claims to process the event feeling the whole thing. She also claims to know when something is wrong with me or someone else she knows and says it causes her suffering too so she can feel their pain even if I don't tell her. Of course, this gives her reason to want to know everything. She will almost freeze after watching some of these shows and cry. Of course, this was her claim for freaking out while my sister was on the phone because my sister was doing nothing to help herself. So here goes, what do you all think about this. Is there a mental illness that has this as a symptom. I really don't know.
Thanks
Posted by deirdrehbrt on August 20, 2004, at 11:52:04
In reply to Help! Friend thinks she can feel other's pain, posted by fallingstar on August 20, 2004, at 0:51:21
FallingStar,
I feel for you. What a difficult situation, both for you and your friend.
It makes sense to me that someone with a terminal illness might be so sensitive; maybe in feeling others' pain, they are allowing themselves an opportunity to feel their own pain. I'm not a therapist, so I can't really say, but it sort of makes sense to me.
On the other hand, I wouldn't rule out true empathy either. There are people in the world who show an enormous amount of that kind of sensitivity. Some of them become very good therapists. Read Alice Miller's "The Drama of the Gifted Child", in which children of dysfunctional families grow up with a special sensitivity to othere's emotions.
I don't know if any of this helps, but I hope so.Dee.
Posted by gabbix2 on August 21, 2004, at 17:40:08
In reply to Re: Help! Friend thinks she can feel other's pain, posted by deirdrehbrt on August 20, 2004, at 11:52:04
>> It makes sense to me that someone with a terminal illness might be so sensitive; maybe in feeling others' pain, they are allowing themselves an opportunity to feel their own pain. I'm not a therapist, so I can't really say, but it sort of makes sense to me.
That makes a *lot* of sense to me too. I've not said this to you before but often meant too, I am so often impressed by the humor and wisdom in your
writing.
Posted by Susan47 on August 21, 2004, at 20:59:07
In reply to Re: Help! Friend thinks she can feel other's pain, posted by deirdrehbrt on August 20, 2004, at 11:52:04
Fallingstar,
Your friend sounds very very much like someone I know. Deirdre's suggestion of a book is one that I'd also recommend. I'm sorry your friend is causing you this discomfort (my word, I take responsibility for that interpretation).
This is the end of the thread.
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