![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 11:15:11
i saw my pdoc yesterday. they saw me walking through the door, greeted me by name, i barely sat and the nurse came to get me. things are looking good.
started with the weight. things could be better, but things could always be worse (and the old nurse always used to put a note to the side *plus big shoes i love that woman!). blood pressure is good. she leaves the room, turns around and asks me to follow her. i'm never sure whether to follow or not, since once someone accidently slammed a door in my face. i sat in his office. things started good. it'd been three months since we'd met like this (and we just have to stop meeting like this).
then, somehow we started talking about my old man. he said 'your father?' i laughed. he laughed, confused. he asked about marriage counselling. i laughed. he laughed. i was tempted to asked if he was manic. he said, 'didn't you have one session with bubba together?' i said yes. he asked why bubba didn't have more with him. he answered his own question. i tried to say it was my own fault, but gave up on that one. it's both our fault. then, it switched to being ALL his fault.
then, my pdoc asked another line of questioning like this...
'didn't you say you met someone else?'
'did i?'
'didn't you?'
'did i?'
<the stare down>
<about 5 seconds of staring passes>
<he shakes his head and we both laugh>
'perhaps i'm confusing you with someone else?'
'perhaps you are?'
(now, that one really threw me for a loop! i wish someone would tell me if i'd met someone else! and just where the hel* are they! and why was i being so difficult with this poor man? ohhhh! maybe instead of being a doctor, he's a fortune teller? that's it! he can see my future!)
then, we talked about how long i've spent with my old man and that i'm 'throwing it away' and i finally just said 'look! i just don't like him!' he laughed again. he got the hint. i really wanted to say this....
'i want someone to rescue me. but, that's not going to happen. what i need is to realize that i don't need someone to rescue me. i need to realize that i'm completely capable of saving myself. and doing things for myself. so, i've been stuck in this stupid going nowhere relationship because i'm waiting for someone to rescue me instead fo saving myself. and that, MY FRIEND is what bubba was trying to make me realize. and i JUST realized it. now, it's the DOING it part that's hard.'
but, i was afraid to tell him that because i was afraid he would say, 'maybe you should start seeing bubba again. you'll need some support to get through this.'
but, i fooled him! he scheduled me in 3 months instead of the regular 1.5!
(oh, and we also talked about the stigma attached to working at mcdonalds. i told him it's the hat that i hate :)... that wraps it up. how was everyone else's day yesterday?
oh, and another thing too. my sister's in love :) i adore her. i smile just thinking about that beautiful girl. she was going on and on (and she's married to the most horrible man in the world and hasn't even cheated on him and i wouldn't blame her a bit for doing it either!) and he's younger than her (i warned her about younger men, but she wouldn't listen!).... but, it's strange... his name has a strange coincidence to it... i think it's a sign.... and he's a cancer (just like me :)... and if he breaks my sister's heart, i'll cry and my mother will be very angry! i feel so bad for that poor boy :(
Posted by partlycloudy on July 17, 2004, at 11:48:18
In reply to i think my pdoc's manic and my sister's in love .., posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 11:15:11
I think your p-doc thought you were someone else! - that could have been VERY interesting. Once upon a time I had the same dentist as my ex-husband's ex-wife. Got that? She was number 1, I was number 2, for all I know the man is in a monastery now. So I saw this dentist for 10 years or so. And he ALWAYS called me by the other ex's name. I spent thousands of dollars with that goofball getting it wrong every single time. I told him once that it really p'd me off to have underwritten several skiing trips for him and his family by having him take care of my rotten teeth, and that if he couldn't be bothered to call me by my proper name, he'd get no more trips to Jackson Hole from me!!
He still did it, though, even after I told him that.
Posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 12:50:44
In reply to Re: i think my pdoc's manic and my sister's in love .. » karen_kay, posted by partlycloudy on July 17, 2004, at 11:48:18
he wanted to check my weight since i've been on topamax (men!!!) but, he went to get my old weight sheet, walked back in the office started mumbling something under his breath, and then said 'oh dear, i have the wrong chart.'
hmmmm, perhaps he did have the right chart in the first place? and i wonder who that girl is he was talking about? i hope she's very very happy!!! now i really really want to go to his office and find out who he's confusing me with... and find out what her old man looks like.....
and speaking of dentists... when my sister called me yesterday the first thing she said was 'are you high?' i laughed and said 'no, are you high?' she said 'no, but i had my wisdom teeth pulled today.' i replied 'babs dear, if you had your wisdom teeth pulled earlier today, i assure you, you are in fact high still.' (and the way she said high was so cute... especially since she doesn't do drugs..... she's such a doll..) funny that you mentioned dentists, isn't it?
and you should hear the way she says flurries, as in ice cream.... i'd venture to say she gets more excited by ice cream than that boy.....
Posted by partlycloudy on July 17, 2004, at 13:03:29
In reply to you could be very right my dear! » partlycloudy, posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 12:50:44
I don't have any of those.
I have heard a couple of stories of poor experiences of having them extracted. It seems like a bit of a stretch as an excuse to eat ice cream.
Posted by fallsfall on July 17, 2004, at 14:02:58
In reply to i think my pdoc's manic and my sister's in love .., posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 11:15:11
>'i want someone to rescue me. but, that's not going to happen. what i need is to realize that i don't need someone to rescue me. i need to realize that i'm completely capable of saving myself. and doing things for myself. so, i've been stuck in this stupid going nowhere relationship because i'm waiting for someone to rescue me instead fo saving myself. and that, MY FRIEND is what bubba was trying to make me realize. and i JUST realized it. now, it's the DOING it part that's hard.'
Yes, Karen, you are capable of saving yourself. And you will. But please don't confuse being able to save yourself with not needing anyone else (or with needing to "not need" anyone else).
You are the conductor of your life. You need to decide what you will do with your life. But it is perfectly OK to decide that you aren't the best piccolo player, and that you want to find a really good piccolo player for your orchestra. You will need to find the people who will make your life harmonious - they probably won't find you. That is the "saving yourself" part - you have to take the initiative to move your life in the direction you choose. But that doesn't mean that you should be isolated, or that you can't have help from people, or that you can't need people. You are a wonderful person to need (*I* need you!) and a person who can make other people feel good because you need them.
So, my dear, go for it! What do YOU want your life to be?
Posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 14:19:27
In reply to Re: i think my pdoc's manic and my sister's in love .. » karen_kay, posted by fallsfall on July 17, 2004, at 14:02:58
do you wanna come get me? :) (half joke, unless you're grabbing your cars keys at this point, then i'm packing my bags!)
the thing is, (caution, black and white thinking, black and white thinking) i have a hard time deciding between whether it's ok to allow myself to need people or to be completely self-sufficient (and NO, there is no in-between, but please, try to make me see different.. convince me please!!!!! i'm very gullible and easily persuaded! just yesterday, i was thinking, 'i can make things happen', the day before, it was 'i need someone to make things happen for me and rescue me instead'.. so, someone help me see the color grey!)
sooooo...... i'm anything but consistent.
ok, honestly, i think what happens is that i'm spiteful (who me?) and i get upset that people don't save me (not that i need saving of course and not that i'd take anyone up on saving if they offered to save me at this point anyway, because chances are i woudln't. my sisters have often times offered to 'save' me, but i'd jsut be trading one bad situation for another and i know that wouldn't be a good situation)... where is this going? i'm going to jsut sit here and think happy thoughts instead with that stupid grin on my face (and believe me, i do have that stupid grin on my face, but things are starting to make more and more since to me now... i'm spiteful. that's what it boils down to....
now, to enlist the help of.....
Posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 14:23:35
In reply to falls,, posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 14:19:27
do you have any advice about spite for me?
like bad, mean spite (like cutting off one's nose to spite the face spite?)?
pretty please miss jai...
Posted by attoday on July 17, 2004, at 17:22:28
In reply to i think my pdoc's manic and my sister's in love .., posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 11:15:11
> 'i want someone to rescue me. but, that's not going to happen. what i need is to realize that i don't need someone to rescue me. i need to realize that i'm completely capable of saving myself. and doing things for myself. so, i've been stuck in this stupid going nowhere relationship because i'm waiting for someone to rescue me instead fo saving myself. and that, MY FRIEND is what bubba was trying to make me realize. and i JUST realized it. now, it's the DOING it part that's hard.'
>**
Oh yes.. I can so relate to what you wrote here.
Last week I was sitting in Starbucks getting away from my roomates and everyone... I just wanted to sit and write recovery emails and be by myself yet out. Well I heard the song "Save Me" by Aimee Mann from the "Magnolia" sound track. At that moment, it hit me. I want someone to save me.
I've thought along those lines in the past few years, but for some reason last week when I heard this song, it all came rushing to me. I want someone else to make decisions for me and just lead me through life and everything will be Okay.
This is why I found myself in a twisted online emotionally abusive relationship (if you want to lable it something. but it wasn't a relationship because "he" wouldn't ever meet me and for a good reason, "he" was a she making up her own little sick world). I heard "him" say he'll take care of me. He makes good money etc. But I got stuck in it. I lost myself. I was a wreck.
I want to take care of myself.
It's just so damn hard to figure out how to do that when you've had everyone else leading the way most of the time.
Any pointers? I sure could use them.Here are the lyrics for that song I am refering to:
"save me" Aimee Mann:You look like a perfect fit
For a girl in need of a tourniquetBut can you - save me
Come on and - save me
If you could - save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone'Cause I can tell
You know what it's like
The long farewell
Of the hunger strikeBut can you save me
Come on and save me
If you could save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyoneYou struck me down like radium
Like Peter Pan or SupermanYou will come to save me
C'mon and save me
If you could save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone
'Cept the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone
But the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyoneC'mon and save me
Why don't you save me
If you could save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyoneExcept the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone
Except the freaks who could never love anyone
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 17, 2004, at 18:04:14
In reply to Re: i think my pdoc's manic and my sister's in lov, posted by attoday on July 17, 2004, at 17:22:28
In my therapy this week I worked an old role of being a rescuer.
My life as a child was filled with trauma and when my sisters were being hurt I tried to rescue them. I got into the habit of rescuing and now I am working on releasing that role.During EMDR I saw my self walking through a path in the Red Sea where the water had parted...
(you know like Moses)
The huge banks of water on either side of me were filled with victims wailing and crying.I got to the other side where there was a celebration of my sucess.
I walked through a rainbow and there were people, animals and spirits cheering me on.
We'll see.
ps (KK I saw on Admin. you were flirting with L. Hoover. Yup!)
Posted by Dinah on July 17, 2004, at 18:18:06
In reply to Re: i think my pdoc's manic and my sister's in lov, posted by attoday on July 17, 2004, at 17:22:28
It's got its good and bad points. I married a man who has a habit of taking care of me. It's nice in some ways, not so nice in others. Which I suppose is true of most good relationships. :)
Posted by Dinah on July 17, 2004, at 18:24:50
In reply to i think my pdoc's manic and my sister's in love .., posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 11:15:11
I'll bet you look adorable in that hat. And I'll bet you put smiles on a lot of peoples faces with your lovely way of being with people.
Have you absolutely decided about your old man? Or are you just angry with him? I think it's probably a good thing to not to anyone to rescue you. But it sure is nice to have someone to help you over (and for you to help over) life's rockier patches. It's just hard to know one from the other, I think.
As for what's going on with me, I just dyed my hair auburn (temporary color - supposed to wash out in 28 shampoos. I wonder if that means you can shampoo it twentyeight times in a row, or if it means more or less twenteight days...). I decided that since I was so irritated about my hair color, I just as well have fun with it and try out shades I'd probably never try as long as they aren't permanent. Then by time I finish playing I'll have forgotten what my hair color originally was. :D
Posted by gabbix2 on July 17, 2004, at 19:15:00
In reply to my therapy this week, posted by Jai Narayan on July 17, 2004, at 18:04:14
*
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 18, 2004, at 18:03:17
In reply to Re: my therapy this week » Jai Narayan, posted by gabbix2 on July 17, 2004, at 19:15:00
Posted by gabbix2 on July 18, 2004, at 20:28:44
In reply to gabbix2 * ...thanks I needed that (nm), posted by Jai Narayan on July 18, 2004, at 18:03:17
Your welcome Jai.
Posted by AuntieMel on July 19, 2004, at 11:41:40
In reply to falls,, posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 14:19:27
Need/no need isn't black and white. At least to me it isn't.
I think that it is only human to need people. We aren't robots, and we don't live in Stepford. I see it (trying "I" statements) as only unhealthy if you aren't ever available to be needed, or if you "neeeeeeeed" a particular person.
Does anyone ever truly want to be "saved?" The idea of it speaks to the scared child in all of us, but wouldn't we actually rather be nurtured? And to nurture others? Then instead of the need to be saved, we would actually have nothing to fear.
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2004, at 12:49:34
In reply to Needing people, posted by AuntieMel on July 19, 2004, at 11:41:40
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.