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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 27. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 15:56:34
It turns out Harry's recent downturn was most likely related to a medication mixup on the part of the vet that had me giving him twice the correct dose of Celebrex, which can wreak havoc on the intestinal tract and cause all sorts of other problems too in too great a dose.
And not only was Harry's health put in jeopardy, but I spent a small fortune in tests and appetite stimulants at the very same vet. I called today, ready to give them h*ll over giving him the wrong size capsules, and letting them know how angry I was about the out of pocket money it cost me as well as the pain he's suffered and the threat to his health.
But I like my vet, and in the end only made a half hearted protest about the error and suggested he make sure it never happened again. He actually spoke about what a good thing it would be if that were the reason for Harry's indisposition, as he should get better now he's on the right dose.
I feel like I've caved again to an authority figure that I like and respect. That I'm too placating and pliant. I didn't want him to be mad at me. It happens over and over again. This is clearly something I need to work on in therapy. Sigh.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 29, 2004, at 17:41:53
In reply to I get angry with myself sometimes, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 15:56:34
Yes, you should. Just because (we hope) Harry's problems with the dosage caused no permanent damage, I would have expected the vet to offer at least a "break" on your bills since the tests turned out to be, ultimately, unnecessary.
For some bizarre reason, I have always been able to demand fair treatment when time and money have been expended on my part due to another service provider's mistake. i even complained about a Wendy's that opened up near me at which I had a most unpleasant experience. I received a very nice aplogetic letter and a couple of coupons.
If you feel more comfortable about it, you could write the vet a note (maybe with your next statement from their office?) asking for some compensation for your money, worry, and Harry's wellbeing.
Sorry you feel mad at yourself over this. Perhaps you could redirect your anger towards the vet.
take care,
pc
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 29, 2004, at 17:44:57
In reply to I get angry with myself sometimes, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 15:56:34
d,
what i do is try to remember that no one is an authority figure to me...
"a carpenter with no degree
is as equal as a doctor who cant carp.."
he/she may have troubles with addmitting error, and like to project blame...
be good to yourself dinah,,
you are very passionate..get angry with the vet.
jyl
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 18:36:31
In reply to Re: I get angry with myself sometimes » Dinah, posted by justyourlaugh on June 29, 2004, at 17:44:57
I honestly am very good at speaking up for myself in many situations. But not with a certain subset of people that I care about, and this vet falls into that subset. He's been my vet forever and a day, has really worked with me to help my pets when others would have given up, and I honestly like him. I always say I wish *I* had a doctor just like him. In the face of his casual demeanor, I was terrified that I'd make him angry if I made a big deal about it. And I don't want him to be angry with me. :( Faced with the loss of money or the possibility of making him mad, I'd rather go with the certain loss of money. But enough of me thinks this whole thing is wrong that I'm angry with myself over it. Sigh.
Definitely a pattern with me, and I need to work on it. But not with my beloved vet. I don't want him to be angry with me. :(
I suppose I could reframe it as thinking the working relationship is more valuable than the damages suffered. But I'd be lying to myself. There's just a scared little girl inside who is terrified of having him mad at me.
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 20:07:06
In reply to Re: I wish I could - Partlycloudy and » justyourlaugh, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 18:36:31
I just realized that I wasn't being fair. Harry wouldn't be around to be hurt by a medication mixup if this vet hadn't been open to experimental treatments. Most of the vets who read the lab report suggested I not do any sort of treatment because without treatment, Harry would be dead before Christmas and with treatment by February. And here it is almost July. I owe this vet an awful lot. He worked the same way with me with a dog many years ago with pancreatic cancer who lived longer than any dog with pancreatic cancer could have dreamed of living.
Maybe my reaction was sensible as well as emotional.
Posted by fallsfall on June 29, 2004, at 20:15:54
In reply to Re: I wish I could - Partlycloudy and » justyourlaugh, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 18:36:31
>Definitely a pattern with me, and I need to work on it. But not with my beloved vet. I don't want him to be angry with me. :(
This sounds a lot like comments you have made about your therapist. I think that it is true that you will accept things from these people that you would never accept from anyone else. Why do they hold such power over you? Why is the power they hold so much greater that the power that everyone else in the world holds?
It might be easier to talk about your vet with your therapist than it is to talk about your therapist with your therapist...
Posted by antigua on June 29, 2004, at 21:22:11
In reply to Re: I wish I could - Partlycloudy and » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on June 29, 2004, at 20:15:54
Male authority figures send me through the roof. I have to listen to them, and respect them, but underneath I sabotage them. They have great power over me, just as my father did. My T is a woman so I can't work it out w/her and the last male authority figure I had dealings with I totally messed up the relationship w/my own paranoia.
I would like once in my life to have a positive experience w/a male authority figure. If I did, I'd probably fall head over heels in love and die of unrequited love.
antigua
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 21:28:19
In reply to Re: I wish I could - Partlycloudy and » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on June 29, 2004, at 20:15:54
But you have a point. In fact we started to talk about that today, with regards to someone else, but got sidetracked. I think it's worth talking about though. I'm sure we'll bring it up again.
Posted by sb417 on June 30, 2004, at 0:27:42
In reply to I get angry with myself sometimes, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 15:56:34
Have you ever read "If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him!" by Sheldon Kopp? As fallsfall pointed out, your relationship with your veterinarian bears similarities to your relationship with your therapist. The book I mentioned above was written about thirty years ago, but I think you can still find it. I've had to re-read sections of it many times over the years. It's very helpful, especially for those who want to believe that someone else has the answers.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 30, 2004, at 1:32:17
In reply to Re: I get angry with myself sometimes » Dinah, posted by sb417 on June 30, 2004, at 0:27:42
Posted by gardenergirl on June 30, 2004, at 1:36:12
In reply to I get angry with myself sometimes, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 15:56:34
Dinah,
It sounds like you and I have some similar responses to male authority figures. I tend to get mad and want to speak up, but I am afraid, and I hate conflict. So I wait until I can't stand it anymore, and then I usually blow it becasue I am too emotional at that point.I started reading "Your Perfect Right" awhile back. I have had colleagues recommend it for assertiveness training with clients. What I read so far seemed good, but unfortunately, it is one of a stack of books I have not finished. I just can't get into reading much lately. Scary thought for a grad student. I used to CRAVE reading for myself instead of class.
Or perhaps I'm too scared to get more assertive? So I don't dare finish the book?
Take care and glad Harry's going to be better.
gg
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2004, at 7:44:48
In reply to Male authority figures, posted by antigua on June 29, 2004, at 21:22:11
Thanks for the book recommends. :)
I've been mulling this, and decided I have no gender bias on this issue. It doesn't matter if the authority figure is male or female. I have a long history of being as blunt as can be to male (and female) authority figures I don't respect. High school teachers, doctors, etc. While this issues has cropped up with female authority figures.
The key element is whether I admire, respect, or care for the person. That's when my fear of them being mad at me overwhelms everything else.
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2004, at 7:45:43
In reply to Re: I get angry with myself sometimes » Dinah, posted by sb417 on June 30, 2004, at 0:27:42
As gg says, the title looks intriguing.
Posted by TofuEmmy on June 30, 2004, at 9:18:27
In reply to Re: I get angry with myself sometimes » Dinah, posted by sb417 on June 30, 2004, at 0:27:42
I have not read the book...but imagine if someone wrote a book called "If You Meet Jesus on the Road, Kill Him!" Owie.
I'm sure there is a symbolic yummy warm meaning to the title...but I dislike it's sensationalism, graphicness, and the just the idea of putting those words k*** and Buddha in the same sentence. :-(
Em
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2004, at 9:51:45
In reply to Re: Book title, posted by TofuEmmy on June 30, 2004, at 9:18:27
Posted by sb417 on June 30, 2004, at 12:24:56
In reply to Re: Book title, posted by TofuEmmy on June 30, 2004, at 9:18:27
I see what you're saying, but the name "Jesus" is not in the title. Also, the title is NOT, "If you meet Buddha on the road. . ."; it is "If you meet the Buddha on the road." The title does not refer to a specific deity. The idea is to beware of the tendency to place others on a pedestal. Beware of idols and false idols, paid or otherwise. You have the answers within yourself.
Posted by TofuEmmy on June 30, 2004, at 14:31:15
In reply to Re: Book title » TofuEmmy, posted by sb417 on June 30, 2004, at 12:24:56
And I see what you're saying. Let's just agree to disagree, eh?
Namaste!
Emmy, Card carrying Buddhist (although not the best behavioral role model!)
aka Karma Kandro
Posted by tabitha on July 1, 2004, at 2:05:18
In reply to Re: Book title, posted by TofuEmmy on June 30, 2004, at 9:18:27
I think that title might be referencing the tradition of zen koans, where they use a paradoxical or irrational statement to mess with the rational mind in order to further the training. Or maybe it's just that it was written in the 70s when there were titles like "Steal This Book", so it was just like c'mon everybody, rebel, drop out, free yourselves. Stick it to the Man!
Posted by tabitha on July 1, 2004, at 2:11:20
In reply to Re: Book title, posted by tabitha on July 1, 2004, at 2:05:18
I posted before reading the last couple of posts. Didn't mean to sound argumentative after you'd already put the topic to rest.
Posted by sb417 on July 1, 2004, at 3:54:58
In reply to Re: Book title, posted by tabitha on July 1, 2004, at 2:05:18
I just read up a bit on the origin of the title. Apparently Lin Chi, the founder of the Rinzai school of Zen Buddhism, who lived in the ninth century, gave this advice (the advice to kill the Buddha on the road) to one of his monks. According to PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY, "Lin Chi . . .admonished him [the monk] that this Buddha would only be a relection of his unexamined beliefs and desires."
Posted by TofuEmmy on July 1, 2004, at 10:43:24
In reply to Re: Book title » tabitha, posted by sb417 on July 1, 2004, at 3:54:58
Okey doke then! :-) By all means....feel free, if you are walking down the road and run into "the Buddha", and you are in the mood, do him in. I think I'll just look around for a microwave and have Trader Joe's Bean Burritos with him. Then maybe I'd demonstrate the art of making S'mores.
Emmy
Posted by gabbix2 on July 1, 2004, at 16:02:53
In reply to Re: Book title, posted by TofuEmmy on July 1, 2004, at 10:43:24
For what it's worth.. It's one of my favorite
books.
Posted by TofuEmmy on July 1, 2004, at 16:49:43
In reply to Re: Book title, posted by gabbix2 on July 1, 2004, at 16:02:53
Oh there's a book too? I was too focused on the cover to notice!
Ohmmmmm Emmmmmm
Posted by sb417 on July 1, 2004, at 17:00:11
In reply to Re: Book title » tabitha, posted by sb417 on July 1, 2004, at 3:54:58
> this Buddha would only be a relection of his unexamined beliefs and desires."
Oops! I mean reflection, NOT relection.
Posted by TofuEmmy on July 1, 2004, at 21:32:09
In reply to Re: Book title » sb417, posted by sb417 on July 1, 2004, at 17:00:11
Yes, re-elect Buddha! :-)
I'm pretty sure we wouldn't go to war, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't even HAVE a zipper to unzip! Now that's my kind of president!
Emmy
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