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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 0:42:19
SO, here's the thing. I am feeling better, a big part of that is due t you wonderful babbelites and I've been getting out more.
I still have an array of mental and physical problems that keep me from having a deacent income. Even a pack of smokes has to be a planned purchase. I live at home, have a daughter, (altough that one is not a negative) have no money and no car. I only get out when someone else drives. So my first question is, how do I bring this stuff up? Is honesty the best policy or do I wait? and for how long? What do I say if asked?
This might seem trite, but I'm trying to get over my SP.
Advice appreciated.
TIA
Posted by poppi on April 18, 2004, at 1:41:08
In reply to How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 0:42:19
First thing would be to quit trolling. If you can't afford smokes then how in heck do you afford your internet connection??
Poppi, not hooked
Posted by deirdrehbrt on April 18, 2004, at 1:53:11
In reply to How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 0:42:19
Jeff,
I think that meeting girls must be a part of meeting people, and then befriending the sort of people you want to be with. Those who don't let your financial and health situation get in the way of your friendship will be the ones that last.
Dating then, will come out of friendship and will be more fruitfull because even though you may decide to not have a relationship, you can still have a friend, so long as you don't do things to damage that friendship in the course of dating. This might also solve the problem of telling the woman you met about your situation; she already knows.
Women of character ask the same of men; honesty, faithfullness, dependability, compasion, an ability to listen at once with the heart, mind, and ears, humor and honesty.
When a woman gets upset, please don't get defensive. Defensiveness leads to fights. It's OK to be upset, but if you make it personal it escalates. If you get upset, you should be able to expect the same. If something escalates or becomes personal, take a walk, work in the garden, do anything until things calm down.
If you are considering dating someone in particular, try to decide early if this is someone you really want to be with for the long term. Discuss this with her, that way no-one is upset if the relationship ends soon while she was expecting something to last.
This is my shot list. I hope it helps.
Posted by gabbix2 on April 18, 2004, at 12:50:44
In reply to Re: How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by poppi on April 18, 2004, at 1:42:07
> First thing would be to quit trolling. If you can't afford smokes then how in heck do you afford your internet connection??
>
> Poppi, not hookedNot hooked on the internet you mean?
Well, don't let us tempt you then.
Posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 17:13:25
In reply to Re: How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by poppi on April 18, 2004, at 1:42:07
Do you mean trolling as in messageboard trolling or trolling in a social sense?
Either way, my answer is I don't do either. I've been on Babble a long time and I don't go trolling here. I ave a lot of respect for this group. Insofar as social trolling, I don't do that either. I'm not some creep just looking for sex, here. Just trying to re-teach myself how to meet people.
And to answer your question about smokes, I live at home with my folks. It's their conncetion.
> First thing would be to quit trolling. If you can't afford smokes then how in heck do you afford your internet connection??
>
> Poppi, not hooked
Posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 17:25:32
In reply to Re: How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by deirdrehbrt on April 18, 2004, at 1:53:11
Thanks, Dee.
What you said really spoke to me. I really think you are right. It can be hard to remember the friends first ethic, especially in this day and age. It's far too easy to hurry things too fast.
For me, the line between friends and more than friends is incredibly blurry. Causes a lot of drama for me. I'll start to develop feelings, then I'll distance myself and dissapear altogether after a short time. I tend to avoid meeting new people of the opposite sex for this reason.
Posted by Ilene on April 18, 2004, at 17:33:05
In reply to How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 0:42:19
I know I responded to this post, but nothing's showed up, so here I go again:
You have a daughter, so I figure you met her mother and managed some kind of relationship.
My urge to "confess all" about myself has *always* been a mistake. Acquire an air of mystery, but don't hide the facts about yourself when someone asks. Just don't volunteer more than necessary.
Working in a store is a great way to meet people.
I'm so glad you are doing better! What's the secret of your success? How's the cfs?
I.
Posted by Ilene on April 18, 2004, at 17:45:24
In reply to Re: How do I meet girls? Dating advice? » deirdrehbrt, posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 17:25:32
I think my neediness used to drive men away. I had the best times when I decided I just wasn't going to care whether anything developed between me and a man. I ended up getting lots of dates and met the man who became my husband. (Whether he was the best choice is another thing.)
I.
Posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 19:10:03
In reply to Re: How do I meet girls? Dating advice? » sdjeff, posted by Ilene on April 18, 2004, at 17:33:05
> I know I responded to this post, but nothing's showed up, so here I go again:
>
> You have a daughter, so I figure you met her mother and managed some kind of relationship.True. This was before my "condition" was really bad.
>
> My urge to "confess all" about myself has *always* been a mistake. Acquire an air of mystery, but don't hide the facts about yourself when someone asks. Just don't volunteer more than necessary.
>
You are right. I fell into trap of telling too much with this girl recentl, I wasn't specific but somehow she equated it to somehow I was going to die soon. I only told her I had mood and fatigue problems. Oh, well.> Working in a store is a great way to meet people.
It can be, I suppose. I just wish I didn't freak out around people so much.
>
> I'm so glad you are doing better! What's the secret of your success? How's the cfs?
>Well, I hope things are going well for you. You deserve it. As far as success, I don't know. I'm on 4 different meds and they knock out my probs well enough for me to be coherent. That and a lot of used college textbooks. I think the Geodon is helping. CFSwise, no change. Maybe more muscle pain but it's still at a level I can deal with. How are you holding up?
Posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 19:11:00
In reply to Re: How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 19:10:03
Posted by All Done on April 19, 2004, at 2:00:49
In reply to How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 0:42:19
Hi sdjeff,
First off, I want to say I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better! I hope it lasts a very long time for you.
About the dating advice, I don't know if I'm the best person to offer any as I haven't done a whole lot of dating and both my ex-husband and current husband met me prior to my depression really setting in. I will say I believe honesty is the best policy. That said, though, give it some time before you pour your heart out. Give her a little time to get to know the lighter sid of you before you share the tougher stuff, so to speak. That way, you'll also have a better sense of what she can and maybe will be able to handle. Plus, it will give you a chance to decide if *you* really want to share anymore with her. I agree with Dee that working on the friendship first usually helps.
I must say, though, that I believe this is all a moot point, anyway, as KK and I will be by at 9:15 to pick you up for dinner tomorrow night. Hope you like Taco Bell!
Take care,
All Done
Posted by octopusprime on April 19, 2004, at 10:46:11
In reply to How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 0:42:19
sdjeff:
transportation is a biggie when you're dating. can you walk to the park to have a homemade picnic? can you take public transit to the free day at the museum? can you go for a bike ride in a public place? can you meet people in the church or at a volunteer event near your home?
there are lots of fun things to do with little or no money (when the weather is nice, mostly) ... so make a list of ways to get around without a car, and make a list of fun things to do outside your house with no money, and get out there and start doing them!
about disclosure ... last time i started dating i told my date about my meds on the first date ... but that was after he told me he and his wife broke up two weeks previous ... we dated for 10 months ... but i'm not so sure it was healthy ... i think i might do it differently next time ... other posters had good advice on this
Posted by kid47 on April 19, 2004, at 11:58:44
In reply to How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 0:42:19
I don't know much about dating, but here are some suggestions that for some strange reason never worked very well for me. Maybe you'll have better luck.
1. Go to a bar known for hot chicks hanging out.
2. Look for a female who is staggering a bit.
3. Tell her you play in the band Hoobastank.
4. Continue telling her interesting and outrageous lies, buying time, until she has a chance to discover that you truly are a wonderful person.
5. When she is really good and drunk, tell her the truth about yourself. She won't remember a word of it.
6. Realize I have only had two actual relationships my entire life (my wife is so mean, she won't let me date) and taking advice from me could be quite detremental to your well being.
Seriously Jeff, I obviously don't have a clue when it comes to women. I wish I had some real advice to give you...but I think the ladies in the group are immenently more qualified to offer direction. Good luck
kid
Disclaimer: I am only kidding. Please overlook my inappropriate and irresponsible attempt at humor. I can't help it. It's the meds or something. ;)
Posted by Ilene on April 19, 2004, at 21:14:05
In reply to Re: How do I meet girls? Dating advice?, posted by sdjeff on April 18, 2004, at 19:10:03
> > I know I responded to this post, but nothing's showed up, so here I go again:
> >
> > You have a daughter, so I figure you met her mother and managed some kind of relationship.
>
> True. This was before my "condition" was really bad.
> >I think you know what to do, you just need to re-learn how to do it.
> > My urge to "confess all" about myself has *always* been a mistake. Acquire an air of mystery, but don't hide the facts about yourself when someone asks. Just don't volunteer more than necessary.
> >
> You are right. I fell into trap of telling too much with this girl recentl, I wasn't specific but somehow she equated it to somehow I was going to die soon. I only told her I had mood and fatigue problems. Oh, well.
>Maybe you can tell them you have "chemical imbalances" if they ask.
> > Working in a store is a great way to meet people.
>
> It can be, I suppose. I just wish I didn't freak out around people so much.If you freak out around people, then how come you want to meet them? What are the circumstances of your job that make it so awful? Have you been able to figure it out?
> >
> > I'm so glad you are doing better! What's the secret of your success? How's the cfs?
> >
>
> Well, I hope things are going well for you. You deserve it. As far as success, I don't know. I'm on 4 different meds and they knock out my probs well enough for me to be coherent. That and a lot of used college textbooks. I think the Geodon is helping. CFSwise, no change. Maybe more muscle pain but it's still at a level I can deal with. How are you holding up?
>
What are you taking now? I must have missed some of your posts or else my memory problems are getting worse. Psych textbooks? What have you learned?My CFS is about the same. I don't get achy unless I get a flare-up. I can take hot showers when I take my Florinef, but hot weather, like we had today, still makes me woozy. Odd, that. I haven't had pronounced dizzy spells since I went from 50 mg. to 40 mg. Marplan. There's obviously more than one flavor of CFS.
I've started posting my diary again if you want the details of my mizrys.
Posted by sdjeff on April 20, 2004, at 18:07:54
In reply to Re: How do I meet girls? Dating advice? » sdjeff, posted by Ilene on April 19, 2004, at 21:14:05
Through some great reminders and poignant humor, I feel I'm ready o be more sociable. :)
Posted by Medusa on April 22, 2004, at 0:16:17
In reply to Thanks everyone for your responses!, posted by sdjeff on April 20, 2004, at 18:07:54
> Through some great reminders and poignant humor, I feel I'm ready o be more sociable. :)
>I'm getting in here late, but wanted to jump in and say I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.
Posted by sdjeff on April 22, 2004, at 21:13:26
In reply to hey » sdjeff, posted by Medusa on April 22, 2004, at 0:16:17
This is the end of the thread.
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