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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kid47 on March 15, 2004, at 11:43:49
I am a complete idiot. I can't believe I didn't see it coming. I lost 8 pounds in 10 days.(maybe I should write a diet book) I was only sleeping a coupla hours a night. Everbody was telling me I seemed really up & motivated. For someone who suffers with Bipolar disorder, you think I might of had a clue. But not this genius. I was manic. probably hypo-manic actually. I've really only had full blown mania once that I know of. Usually I was just depressed. Being an ultra super dooper rapid cycling kind of a guy(that almost sounds like a good thing),by Friday night I was a blubbering mass of goo. You have to understand, I've been basically stable and med free (except for the occasional Klonopin) for almost three years. So this was a bit of a surprise. I tried not to let on to my family that I had tripped and fallen into the ole black pit(and I couldn't get up), but by Saturday they could pretty much tell something was very wrong with me. The fact that I was standing on the back porch (I thought that would be a good place to hide) in my bath robe in the rain, mumbling about what a complete piece of sh*t I was might have tipped them off. Well one small advantage of rapid cycling is, after a couple of days at the bottom of the well, today I can kind of see out the top. I called the doc this morning, and tomorrow afternoon we get to decide which, probably ineffective, sometimes horrendous side effect producing, meds I'm gonna try again. Boy Howdy!! Now that's what I call a good time!! (meds have worked for me in the past. It just took a really long time to find the right cocktail) So why the annoyingly upbeat nature of this post you might ask? (That is if anybody is actually still reading this self indulgent diatribe.) Well like some of you, my depression seems to come in tidal waves. It's almost as if I have an I V in my arm and every few hours the little chemists in my brain decide to give me a bolus of India Ink and turn my brain a gruesome shade of black.(But with the right shoes it can actually be quite flattering.) I am currently in between those injections and feel OK enough to come into work and do absolutely nothing except spew out this drivel. It sometimes helps me to write and actually helps keep my mind off my mood if I'm not too far gone. (and at that point call Belger Cartidge as you will find me rolled in a tight little immobile ball) But rather than be all "poor me", I thought I might try and put a more positive spin on "Welcome To My Little World of Abarrent Brain Chemistry" or "This Really Sucks Big Time" take your pick. Sorry about all this.
peace
kid
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 15, 2004, at 11:55:24
In reply to and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid), posted by kid47 on March 15, 2004, at 11:43:49
kid, that was not long and stupid. And please forgive me for saying this, I found the writing quite humerous. Reminded me a lot of myself!
I am the queen of self-flagellation.
Do you like to write?
Posted by kid47 on March 15, 2004, at 12:20:22
In reply to Re: and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid), posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 15, 2004, at 11:55:24
I write in spurts. I'll be prolific for a time and then nothing for quite a while. My mood of course kinda dictates which. I actually (not really bragging here...well maybe a little) have been published in a couple of international trades. Nothing fancy just mainly sorta technical stuff. Hope things are good in your world.
kid
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 15, 2004, at 12:42:59
In reply to Re: and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid), posted by kid47 on March 15, 2004, at 12:20:22
Hey, you have to brag for yourself, no one esle is going to do it for you!
I could tell you were a writer.
Posted by octopusprime on March 15, 2004, at 21:33:49
In reply to and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid), posted by kid47 on March 15, 2004, at 11:43:49
kid47:
like miss honeychurch, i found your post interesting and insightful. there is no need to apologize for how you feel or for your experience. that's what we're all here for. i hope you find a tolerable cocktail.
i do like the waves or iv drip analogy ... i get that myself sometimes ... all of a sudden, i'm face first in the sand looking for my sunglasses and i'm not quite sure what hit me! ptooey. <spits sand>
Posted by kid47 on March 16, 2004, at 9:36:04
In reply to no apologies (insightful) » kid47, posted by octopusprime on March 15, 2004, at 21:33:49
Boy. I've been called a lot of things, but I don't think insightful has ever been one of them. Glad (actually a little flattered) you found my post it to be somewhat interesting. Have a great day.
kid
> kid47>
> like miss honeychurch, i found your post interesting and insightful. there is no need to apologize for how you feel or for your experience. that's what we're all here for. i hope you find a tolerable cocktail.
>
> i do like the waves or iv drip analogy ... i get that myself sometimes ... all of a sudden, i'm face first in the sand looking for my sunglasses and i'm not quite sure what hit me! ptooey. <spits sand>
Posted by fayeroe on March 16, 2004, at 18:35:49
In reply to and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid), posted by kid47 on March 15, 2004, at 11:43:49
I found your post quite funny and very insightful. You have a way of writing that put me right there in the rain, on your back porch, in my robe! I understand perfectly what you are going through. I'll be so wonderful, witty, resourceful, suave, etc. and all at once find my self on the bed, under the covers, contemplating my navel...........it sucks! But it is funny at time!!!!!
Posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 22:54:25
In reply to and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid), posted by kid47 on March 15, 2004, at 11:43:49
Hey, kid. How did your day turn out today? Were you able to see your doctor like you planned? I hope you find the meds that work for you.
Let us know how your doing, okay?
Take care,
All Done
Posted by kid47 on March 17, 2004, at 10:17:47
In reply to Re: and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid) » kid47, posted by fayeroe on March 16, 2004, at 18:35:49
<I found your post quite funny and very insightful.>
Aw go on...no really! GO ON!!
<You have a way of writing that put me right there in the rain, on your back porch, in my robe!>
I was *wondering* who the heck that was standing next to me. Nice robe By the way.
< I understand perfectly what you are going through. I'll be so wonderful, witty, resourceful, suave, etc. and all at once find my self on the bed, under the covers, contemplating my navel...........it sucks! But it is funny at time!!!!!>
I appreciate the support, but I don't think I've ever felt wonderful, witty, or resourceful. I do remember trying to come off as suave once, with a particular young lady. Unfortunately I was quite drunk at the time and as I swaggered toward her I slipped off the curb, broke my ankle and puked on her shoes. (True Story) For some reason, after that , she wouldn't return my calls. Go figure.
When I have a choice, I'll choose laughing over crying any day.
Have a great day!!!kid
Posted by kid47 on March 17, 2004, at 10:21:14
In reply to Re: and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid), posted by kid47 on March 17, 2004, at 10:17:47
Posted by kid47 on March 17, 2004, at 10:35:00
In reply to Re: and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid) » kid47, posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 22:54:25
Thanks for your concern. I really do appreciate it! Couldn't get in to see the doc(what a surprise) but saw his nurse practitioner which was OK. She could tell I was a veteran at pharmacological roulette, so she just asked me what meds I wanted. I told her and she wrote me the rx. Funny thing is, I am feeling sooo much better today, I have decided to wait a bit and see if I really need them.(not as foolish as it sounds. I've done this before successfully) If I do start feeling bad again I will start the meds. On of the rx's is klonopin. I can start that and get some immediate relief if necessary. Hope all is well in your world.
kid
> Hey, kid. How did your day turn out today? Were you able to see your doctor like you planned? I hope you find the meds that work for you.
>
> Let us know how your doing, okay?
>
> Take care,
> All Done
Posted by noa on March 17, 2004, at 19:40:14
In reply to and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid), posted by kid47 on March 15, 2004, at 11:43:49
Hey, Kid. Don't be so down on yourself. Such is the way these illnesses go--we don't always see em coming until they've taken over.
I hope you get the care you need.
I appreciated your musings on this. But be kinder to yourself. OK?
Posted by kid47 on March 18, 2004, at 9:58:05
In reply to Re: and it all comes crashing down..(Long)(Stupid) » kid47, posted by noa on March 17, 2004, at 19:40:14
Posted by kid47 on March 18, 2004, at 10:26:46
In reply to Thanks for your support and insight !!!! (nm) » noa, posted by kid47 on March 18, 2004, at 9:58:05
First off, thanks to all of you for your supprt and input. This place is infested with such smart, caring, people. (Too bad we're all crazy ;) The good news is, I am feeling MUCH better and have not yet felt the need to start the rx's again. But I do have them if I need them. I did up my dose of klonopin and that really seemed to help. There was some stuff going on that I should of realized was a potential trigger for me. My mom had to have some surgery and had a very tough recovery complicated by her bad heart. I was spending a lot of time at the hospital and then over at her house after her release. I had storm damage to my house and was having a terrible time with my insurance company. Real busy at work yadda yadda yadda and presto-out comes the evil twin. I am just a little ticked at myself for not heading it off sooner. Stress is my enemy. I had just felt well enough for long enough that it didn't dawn on me, I still have to take care of me when things get rough. I have had a few bumps in the road the last few years, but this time it was severe enough to REALLY get my attention. So I guess I will just call this a learning experience and try to keep moving. I know I'm not around here as much as I'd like to be, and my support "skills" aren't what I'd like them to be. But I'll keep plugging away and be constantly reminded how grateful I am for this place and all of you. Thanks again.
kid
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