![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Bubbaleh on February 27, 2004, at 15:53:36
I'm wondering whether the other psycho-babblers work. I am starting to work, and some of my symptoms got worse. I am thinking of resigning from this position that exacerbates my symptoms. There must be an easier way!
Posted by Elle2021 on February 27, 2004, at 18:10:08
In reply to Do you guys work?, posted by Bubbaleh on February 27, 2004, at 15:53:36
> I'm wondering whether the other psycho-babblers work.
I held several jobs last year, each lasting about 3-4 months. I was really unstable at the time. I'm still unstable, but I'm thinking of trying to get a new job, just to see if I'm ready to take on the responsibilities again. I know it will be hard to find one though, considering my start-stop work history.
Elle
Posted by Camille Dumont on February 27, 2004, at 19:39:52
In reply to Re: Do you guys work? » Bubbaleh, posted by Elle2021 on February 27, 2004, at 18:10:08
I work ... run of the mill public servant. Technically I'm a policy advisor ... realistically it means I read boring stuff all day and write a note about it to tell some minister what he should think of it.
Nobody at work knows I'm sick ... except my boss who now prolly things I'm epileptic. I SOOOO freaked when I started having almost non stop petit mal seizures from bad meds reaction ... right smack in the middle of a meeting. And then, I went to tell my boss I was taking off for the rest of the week .. BANG! another one right when I was talking to him ... so it sucks but I have a doctor friend who wrote me a medical slip with some incomprehensible mumbo-jumbo on it.
Its so strange how much of a mascarade I put up. In fact in the office I'm the one who's known for always being ok, never showing anger, never showing sadness. If only they knew what lies beneath the pills ... or what kind of a wacko gives them political advice for that matter :P
Posted by DaisyM on February 27, 2004, at 21:44:46
In reply to Re: Do you guys work?, posted by Camille Dumont on February 27, 2004, at 19:39:52
I can relate to this thread really well. I work 50-60 hours a week (no lectures, thank you) and pretty much no one knows how much turmoil I am currently in. Of course, I can hide in my office when things are really hard. The worst is going back to work after a really hard session, when all you want to do is curl up and hold onto the couch pillows.
I have noted often the strangeness of making really important company decisions and then taking myself off to a session where I regress to a needy 9-year-old.
But...work is my distraction so I'm thankful for it.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 28, 2004, at 3:01:11
In reply to Re: Do you guys work?, posted by DaisyM on February 27, 2004, at 21:44:46
Right now, I'm applying for SSDI. I can't work more than 10-15 hours a week and I NEED Medicaid, even if it sucks. I have constant breakdowns and have been known to up and leave from the attacks. I don't want to stay this way and I hope to re-enter the workforce in a year or two.
Posted by noa on February 28, 2004, at 5:23:16
In reply to Do you guys work?, posted by Bubbaleh on February 27, 2004, at 15:53:36
I work, about 40-45 hrs. per week.
Right now, my depression is not bad, but when it was, I still worked anyway. However, I took a LOT of sick time, and looking back, I am sometimes amazed that I was able to keep my job because I wasn't doing such a great job a lot of the time! In the past year or so, I feel I've been performing much much better.
What still is hard is keeping up with the pace of the work. I often feel overwhelmed with all the different things I have to do, and trying to find a way to keep on top of things and prioritize and manage my time, etc. Sometimes I work over time only because it is so hard for me to efficiently get things done and keep things organized during the regular work hours. My desk at work regularly regresses to a mountain of scattered papers or mounds of papers--not piles, piles are more organized than what I'm talking about!
Sometimes I feel brain dead by the end of the day. I don't know if this is my depression, my anxiety about feeling overwhelmed, my medications, or what.
I always have this feeling that there is something I'm not attending to that is going to come back and haunt me big time--like I'm forgetting something. I can actually point to a few things that fall in this category, actually (I stopped keeping a "to-do" list because it just felt like it went on forever and just haunted me more than it helped), but the feeling is that there is something else I'm not remembering, something really big and important.
Once recently when I was feeling tired and overwhelmed about work, my therapist put these feelings in perspective by reminding me that I am still dealing with a serious depressive illness, and that it hasn't been that long since going into remission, and that I am doing well coping with work, considering all that. That comment helped. Sometimes, because the most serious depression is in remission, I expect myself to be OK, Fine, No problems. But it's true, I still do struggle with some depression, and it wasn't long ago that my major depression was very serious and very present.
Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2004, at 10:39:34
In reply to Re: Do you guys work?, posted by noa on February 28, 2004, at 5:23:16
I average 25 hours a week, but due to the nature of my work, it ranges from ten to fifty in any given week. And I'm just in no shape to do the fifty. I know it's not all that much. I know that I used to do even more without worries. Whether it's the illness or the extra home responsibilities since being a mom, I just don't know.
I sometimes feel like I can't manage another day. But I do.
Posted by Camille Dumont on February 28, 2004, at 10:46:21
In reply to Re: Do you guys work? » noa, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2004, at 10:39:34
Its kind of a no-win situation too ... even though I live in Canada ... I do need my work insurance to pay for all my depression-related crap.
250$ of mets per month plus 200$ for my two sessions with the pdoc ... there is no way I could pay for those if 80% weren't reimbursed.
I think the thing that saves me is that I have an office with a door that locks and concrete walls. When things get too rough, I can close it. That and going to interdepartmental meetings all them time ... they're never as long as planned so I can just go and take walks by myself afterwards.
Posted by B2chica on February 28, 2004, at 13:12:12
In reply to Do you guys work?, posted by Bubbaleh on February 27, 2004, at 15:53:36
> I'm wondering whether the other psycho-babblers work. I am starting to work, and some of my symptoms got worse. I am thinking of resigning from this position that exacerbates my symptoms. There must be an easier way!
I am working full time 40-50. Sometimes i think the only reason i've been able to hold this job this long is because it's constantly changing. I work in research and we always have at least 4-5 different projects going on at once. Since i get board so easily this helps keep that in check, and when i'm manic and mind is racing (if it's not to the confusion stage yet)then i'm very productive because i jump from project to project. Also i work in an office/lab so it's just me and the equipment. During my down phase i've been suprised i haven't been fired (close but not), but i do make up for it during hypomanic phase.
I joke about this office and tell people it's my rubber room because it used to be a sound lab so it's actually got paddedfoam walls ;-) what are the odds of that huh?
B2c.
Posted by Racer on February 28, 2004, at 14:03:50
In reply to Re: Do you guys work?, posted by B2chica on February 28, 2004, at 13:12:12
Not right now. Before this current episode, I was self-employed, so when the depression hit, everything else got dropped. Kinda hard to hit client sites reliably when you're hospitalized, or going through med reactions. That's one of the major downsides to self-employment, no one to keep the ball rolling while you're out of the office or the mind.
In the past, during major depressive episodes, my employment status has varied. The first major episode as an adult hit when I got, in effect, "outsourced" because of computerization. They could hire a data entry clerk to do the work of five of us accountants, so four of us got to be unemployed. That was during the early 90s recession, so no job waiting for me, which led to unemployment stresses, which led to depression, which led to difficulties finding alternatives in my job hunting methods. Once the meds stabilized me, I could think a little more imaginatively, and got involved with a non-profit organization hoping it would lead to a job. It didn't, but it gave me a stepping stone back into responsibilities involved in working full time, which made making the adjustment so much easier when I got a job. Also, it led me to start making a career change, into non-profit administration.
For me, I've learned over the years that I need certain things to be successful in a working environment. I need a support network within the structure of the job. I need flexible structure: enough structure to help me stay focussed, but not so much that I get overwhelmed by being forced inside a box that just doesn't fit. I need a high level of autonomy, but I also need direction and deadlines. The non-profits I've been involved in have provided for most of those needs, and I plan to continue my focus in that direction when I finally get stabilized and some physical problems sorted out.
For anyone who is not now working, but wants to start working again soon, I highly recommend that you look into volunteering in your community, within your own interest areas. It provides obvious benefits to your community, because volunteers are always too few for most agencies that rely on them, and it provides enormous benefits for people like us. As a volunteer, you are responsible for showing up. Beyond that, it's all icing. Once you show up where you say you'll be, when you say you'll be there, you've fulfilled your commitment. It's great if you can actually do something beyond that, but once you've shown up, most of the pressure is off. Compare that to a real job! (And please don't tell me that you disagree with me. I'm simplifying it, of course, and those of us who've worked in Volunteer Development get frustrated as all get out when a volunteer shows up incapacitated, but if they show up at all, that's still the bottom line on a pretty basic level.) Obviously, a lot of mood disorders lead to things like overstating what you're able to do, getting overambitious and taking on projects you can't complete, but if you can find a good fit in a volunteer position, it can help you gain confidence for a "real" job, while providing a benefit to your community.
OK, 'nuf sed.
Posted by fallsfall on February 28, 2004, at 14:12:05
In reply to Re: Do you guys work?, posted by Racer on February 28, 2004, at 14:03:50
I work 10 hours a week in my public library - I started as a volunteer. Racer is right about volunteering. It is wonderful.
10 hours is plenty for me. But I do feel better when I'm at work than anywhere else. But if I worked more hours it would be overwhelming.
This weekend is going to be hard for me - I'm trying to bury something until my session on Monday, and it doesn't really want to be buried. I asked my boss if I could come in on Sunday for a couple of hours because it helps me feel better. He's nicely flexible and said I could do whatever I want.
I stayed an extra hour today after I finished working - to read the picture books that I had been putting into the computer. Some of them are really, really good.
Posted by Racer on February 28, 2004, at 14:13:11
In reply to Re: Do you guys work?, posted by noa on February 28, 2004, at 5:23:16
>
> What still is hard is keeping up with the pace of the work. I often feel overwhelmed with all the different things I have to do, and trying to find a way to keep on top of things and prioritize and manage my time, etc.
>
>
> I always have this feeling that there is something I'm not attending to that is going to come back and haunt me big time--like I'm forgetting something. I can actually point to a few things that fall in this category, actually, but the feeling is that there is something else I'm not remembering, something really big and important.
>
Darling one, there's a name for that feeling -- anxiety! I'm teasing you about it because I never recognize it at the time, either. That is the definition of anxiety. You're not failing to perform your required functions, you're experiencing a form of anxiety.Here's a personal note to you from me. Right now, I'm just learning to recognize when my visceral knowledge of my own foundational failure is actually a Feeling with a Name. I'm trying to learn to recognize these Feelings, and address them by Name. As usual, it's a lot easier for me to recognize them in others than in myself, but I am starting to learn them for myself, too. (You know, that "I can't be a perfectionist, because I don't do anything perfectly" thing.) One part of the process I'm experimenting with right now is a sort of feedback loop of, "I am currently experiencing the following physical sensations" followed by "this cluster of physical sensations are part of a Feeling of [x]" which leads to "I am currently experiencing the Feeling of [x]. What does it feel like? How can I recognize it next time?" Does that make sense? I can't tell yet whether or not it'll help, but, then again, I'm not even on a first name basis with my feelings, so it's the best I can think of as a starting place.
Hope that helps, and hope you can recognize what I do in your post: the only big thing you've forgotten is that you're wonderful.
Posted by Bubbaleh on February 28, 2004, at 18:36:48
In reply to Gotta tease you -- » noa, posted by Racer on February 28, 2004, at 14:13:11
Thank you, everyone, for your feedback. You gave me lots to think about.
Posted by noa on February 28, 2004, at 20:00:03
In reply to Gotta tease you -- » noa, posted by Racer on February 28, 2004, at 14:13:11
Thanks, Racer. Yep, I know it's anxiety, but I really do have trouble keeping up. You know the old saying...."just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me....."
:*)
Posted by Racer on February 28, 2004, at 20:26:13
In reply to Re: Gotta tease you -- » Racer, posted by noa on February 28, 2004, at 20:00:03
Smartie pants!
I know, it's awfully hard for me, too, in those situations. I find myself having to write everything down, in very tiny chunks, in order to function. Right now, I've got a two lists going: one is a big, long term list of things I can accomplish with the resources at hand, like rearranging the furniture to let in more light; the other is my "I'm gonna do this today" list, which varies between one simple item on bad days (like "clean cat boxes"), to much more ambitious days ("clean cat boxes" and "do laundry"). This week has been pretty unbearable for me, so I've basically let anything beyond getting out of bed and cleaning the cat boxes slide on by. Plus, of course, there's a lot of turmoil going on right now, at home, so it just seems wiser to let go of anything I can, you know what I mean?
Dunno if any of that helped you, but it did help me. And I'm glad you don't mind me teasing you.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 28, 2004, at 21:01:47
In reply to Re: Do you guys work?, posted by fallsfall on February 28, 2004, at 14:12:05
I remember the day that my psychiatrist told me that I should go on SSDI. I was on unemployment after getting laid off from a high tech company north of Boston. At that point, it meant that I had to check the NO box where it asked if I was ready and able to work. It hurt. It also meant that I had no income whatsoever.
It's still hard. I cry often, I want to work. I can't. It will probably be some time before I can work again. I'm thinking about going to school, but I've noticed that my concentration isn't quite good enough for that.
Fallsfall said that I should consider therapy and getting well my job. I think she's quite right. She's very smart.
Dee.
Posted by missamor on February 28, 2004, at 21:30:28
In reply to Re: Do you guys work?, posted by deirdrehbrt on February 28, 2004, at 21:01:47
I am currently back in school and unemployed. I had a full time job that i hated so much, i was in cubicle hell. everyone knows what its like. when they said we were moving our cubicles and i realized id have no sunlight i plotted to get fired. being hard as i was highest seller at company and longest sales person. but my plan was simple, i didnt agree with anyone there so i voiced my opinion, created a rift and let my loose lips do the rest. one month and i was fired!! or asked to resign, which i declined and offered them to give me severence and got what i wanted. i put this plan into action when i enrolled in real estate school, so i had something else in mind to begin. i graduated in 2002 with dbl mj. BBA in Entrepreneurship, Marketing minoring in Int-Bus. and when i finish real estate next week i will begin a new job search hopefully in commercail real estate for time beig until i can do something on my own. i am working on my business plan, to start an importing company, its very complicated and I am working on alot of things before i begin to look for investors. so real estate is again a tempory thing for me. i feel weird about not working and i know my mental health had to do with my inability to stay there. but i also know i have much to bring to the table and refuse to believe i am ubable to work because i am not now. my therapist didnt really understand the way i went about getting fired from my job, she thought it was nutty and irresponsible. i should address my concerns and try to make it work until i had secured my next job,ect. but when i finally got her to understand it was something i really wanted to do, i want to write a book and i have a great chapter about getting fired now to add. i wanted to actually experience it. anyway thats enough of my stuff.
Posted by Bubbaleh on February 29, 2004, at 6:47:59
In reply to Re: Do you guys work?, posted by missamor on February 28, 2004, at 21:30:28
I guess getting along with co-workers is a big part of a job. You might have trouble finding a new job if you don't start your own firm. I feel like my job references are haunting me, personally. But, a book I read said that employers don't check references. I know that when I was helping a boss make a hiring decision, we definitely checked references. I don't think you can believe everything you read, but I don't know what to think about this references thing.
Posted by Racer on February 29, 2004, at 11:25:58
In reply to Re: Do you guys work?, posted by Bubbaleh on February 29, 2004, at 6:47:59
The Sword of Damocles is involved here, because the ADA does cover mood disorders and other mental health issues. I was put in a position once where I had to divulge my depression in a job situation, and it's very difficult to make the decision to do so. Once it was done, though, I was covered by the ADA regulations, so it did give me some safety.
But, it is the sword of Damocles, for sure. Making the decision is the hardest part. References are one of those things that you do have to think about, but you've got a few options there, too. For example, in the one job where I had to have client contact, when someone thanked me for my help, I asked them to put it in writing and send it to my boss. When I left, I asked for copies of all those letters. I also made agreements with coworkers to agree to act as references for me in addition to the bosses themselves.
Also, employment law is so complex these days, most firms that provide references limit themselves to dates of employment, and salary. That also protects you.
Good luck, and don't forget the volunteer idea!
Posted by noa on February 29, 2004, at 15:26:10
In reply to Yeah, well, you know what I say » noa, posted by Racer on February 28, 2004, at 20:26:13
Yeah, thanks.
I sometimes think about getting a pet but the thought doesn't last long because of that cat box (or walk the dog) thing. There are days (lots of em) when I can't even get myself to do the basics for myself, let alone another living creature!
Hang in there, Racer.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.