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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 30 to 54 of 233. Go back in thread:
Posted by LynneDa on December 1, 2003, at 14:41:39
In reply to death, posted by geri122 on November 26, 2003, at 15:09:47
Hope you don't get sick of hearing from me, but I was out this weekend and didn't get in on your current thread at the beginning. I was just re-reading the earlier ones.
Here's a thought for you. Maybe the people you know now wouldn't be effected by you not being there anymore (of course I don't believe that, but I'm continuing your train of thought!), but what about all the people you don't know yet? How many people will you meet down the road at college, jobs, church or whatever activities you do? How do you know that you aren't going to impact one of their lives in the future?
The whole trust thing is a very hard subject. Getting burned by friendships and love is one of the hardest things we have to deal with as humans. But, it's not what happens to us . . . it's how we react to it that really counts and that is where you have a choice.
Here's another one of my favorite platitudes, attributed to Katharine Hepburn: As one goes through life one learns that if you don’t paddle your own canoe, you don’t move.
You can make this time in your life count, Geri. You have no idea who or what is ahead for you!
~Lynne
Posted by fallsfall on December 1, 2003, at 15:56:34
In reply to Re: death, posted by geri122 on December 1, 2003, at 13:46:36
I'm glad you are thinking about telling your teacher. I really think that you can do it in a safe way where you are controlling who finds out and when. She sounds like a great teacher - I'm sure that telling her about it will only make it easier for you. Having someone close by who knows how the system works, and who will keep an eye on you (and give you a special smile that lets you know that she's cheering you on), can be really helpful.
Did you see your friend today at school? Does she know that things are harder for you now? Dealing with these things all alone is much harder than it has to be. We call it "isolating" when all you want to do is be by yourself and not let anyone know how you are feeling. I know that when I isolate I just keep reinforcing whatever is making me depressed. When I start talking with other people (particularly people who know me) they start to point out the things that I'm thinking that don't make much sense (like that no one likes me, or that I can't do anything right).
I'm sorry about your grandfather. It sounds like you were close. Did he live in your town? Did your family have any kind of anniversary rememberance for him? If you didn't, maybe you could suggest that you do that. Maybe you go to his grave and each say something that you liked about him, or make a scrapbook out of pictures that are scattered around your house (everyone keeps their pictures that way, don't they?), or ask people to write down stories about him and put them in a book. It is very hard when someone dies who you love a lot. It takes a long time to stop feeling so sad. Babble has a whole Board on Grief. I'm not a grief expert, so I'll let other people give you advice on how to deal with that!
It sounds like you have had some really special people in your life. It must be hard to watch your neighbor doing poorly. And to think of someone else living in her house. That makes is so you can't really pretend that she's coming back. Makes things feel kind of permanent. Can you visit her in the hospital? I bet she would like nothing better than that. Maybe you could even talk to her about your depression - I bet she would understand.
Sounds like you need to find someone who can help support you through this sad time when you are losing people who you love. No one will replace them, but I bet there are some people nearby in your life who can fill a niche you didn't even know that you had. Keep reaching out.
Are you sleeping better yet? I'm still not sleeping well, but my doctor gave me some meds that help me with that so I'm not so exhausted during the day. I still have to figure out what is upsetting me so much! That's a main job for tomorrow.
Please keep in touch.
Posted by sfmom on December 1, 2003, at 18:32:36
In reply to death, posted by geri122 on November 26, 2003, at 15:09:47
> Im not afraid.. i often wonder. I hear people talking about how they want to do everything possible before they die. Why? after their gone who is really going to care.
> I sit in my room often wondering.. whose going to care when i am gone? who is really going to cry after im gone and mean it. Thats a hard thing to ask yourself. I have a hard time trusting people. I don't want to open up to them, i don't want to get burned.
> I look at everyone on my list thinking no all the way down. If i say that, then why i am here. Does it matter.. will the miss me... will they mean it? I shouldn't have to ask those questions but i do. I don't to feel like this, i shouldn't have to.
> Death... are you ready to deal with it?
Geri, believe it or not, thinking about why we are here on this earth and about death are important aspects of being a human. I know you've never met me but I can say to you in all honesty that I would miss you and I would cry and that I truly care about what happens to you.I just recently found out that when I was 14 or 15 some of my friends went to their parents and told them they were worried I might kill myself. Well, I thought about death a lot at that point in my life and may have welcomed it if it had come, but I certainly wasn't about to make it happen. Anyway, my friends' parents went to see my parents as a sort of intervention. I don't know what my parents' response would have been if I had tried to tell them what I was going through, because I never did try. But they sure as hell realized it was something big when confronted by these other people. I don't even remember this happening but I do know that my parents got me into therapy. I didn't really come out of that depression until I was 17, but it did get a whole lot better than lying awake all night and trying to picture my parents at my funeral and wondering if their tears would be real or just for show. At the time, I truly thought they would be just for show. I know now that I have my own daughter that there could be nothing worse in the world and that I would do anything for her.
I know that you are very afraid, but you've done a wonderful job of expressing yourself through your posts here. One suggestion I have is maybe you could print out your posts. Anyone who reads them will surely understand how much pain you have been in. But even if you don't show them to anyone else, plese print them out for yourself. Keep them in your journal. When you are finally able to get help for yourself, it will be helpful for you to remember what you were feeling. Also, I've read some amazing responses from some really wonderful people here, if some of those touched you, print them out and keep them in your pocket. When things get bad at school or at home you can take them out and be reminded that there are a lot of people who really do know how you feel.
I know that it can be a lot easier to talk to people when it's anonymous. Did you ever call that number that LynneDa got for you? Please call them and just see what they have to offer. They have been through this before and can help you find the kind of help you need. I'm sorry for rambling on here but I just want you to know that you are not alone and we all care very much what happens to you and want to see you healthy and happy. You can e-mail me whenever you want at lolasov@yahoo.com. If you want to talk on the phone, just e-mail me and I'll give you my number. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. We are all pulling for you. Love, Lyssa
Posted by biogurl on December 1, 2003, at 20:03:25
In reply to Re: death » geri122, posted by sfmom on December 1, 2003, at 18:32:36
Geri, I just wanted to let you know that I am going to become a high-school biology teacher. I chose this because I love science but, most importantly because I love young people. Being a teenager is such a troubling time in life (I know from personal experience, I'm 23 now)and I want to be a special teacher, one that students feel that they can trust. I bet your french teacher feels this way as well. Trust her, she chose her job because she wants to help.
Posted by fallsfall on December 2, 2003, at 19:06:52
In reply to Re: death, posted by geri122 on December 1, 2003, at 13:46:36
Hi Geri,
Just wondering what your day has been like today. Are you feeling better? Worse?
Did you decide to talk to your teacher? How did that go?
I finally figured out why I'm not sleeping well - talking to my therapist helped a lot, but it wasn't until I left his office that I figured it out. Now at least I have something I can work on, something I can think about and figure out. I always feel better when I feel like there is something I can DO to help me feel better.
Posted by geri122 on December 3, 2003, at 18:10:59
In reply to How's it going? » geri122, posted by fallsfall on December 2, 2003, at 19:06:52
Turn to people you say.. Yeah well i can't because all of my friends are turning their backs on me. I have that oe friend that i told but that is it. I can't turn to them i am all alone
Posted by sfmom on December 3, 2003, at 18:16:24
In reply to Re: How's it going?, posted by geri122 on December 3, 2003, at 18:10:59
Sometimes one good friend is all it takes.
And I know you feel like you're in a hole right now and may not believe me, but we care about you SO MUCH and are very concerned and will do anything we can to help you! Please keep reaching out to us. Love, Lyssa
Posted by geri122 on December 3, 2003, at 18:25:39
In reply to You Are Not Alone, posted by sfmom on December 3, 2003, at 18:16:24
but their supposed to be here for me. They aren't
Posted by sfmom on December 3, 2003, at 19:20:33
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 3, 2003, at 18:25:39
Yes, friends are supposed to be there for you. And I imagine that they have been there for you in other ways and in other situations or they wouldn't be your friends. But sometimes people aren't capable, for whatever reasons, of dealing with a friend who is depressed. Maybe they are scared, maybe they just don't know what to say, and maybe they are just so caught up in their own lives and problems that they just can't be there for you in this. But there are people who are very well trained to deal with situations like yours. An example would be the crisis phone line that Lynne gave you. They might even be able to give you some insight into your friends' behavior. It's anonymous and if you are uncomfortable talking to them, you can just hang up. You obviously are very lonely and need some outside help. Please call them and find out what your options are. And please keep posting to us. I can't reiterate enough how much we all care about you. Good luck.
Posted by fallsfall on December 3, 2003, at 23:42:20
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 3, 2003, at 18:25:39
Geri,
I know how disappointing it is to finally get up the courage to talk to someone and find that they can't be there for you. Yes, your friends "should" be there, and your family should, too. But sometimes people can't do that. That's why you need to have more than one person to go to - because sometimes, the one you want the most won't be able to be there. I have a hard time realizing that just because someone has asked me to "be there" doesn't mean that I always have to say yes. You are right. It is very complicated and confusing.
But you have to keep trying. I think it is harder for people your age to deal with depression, just because you haven't had as much experience with it as us old fogies.
Maybe it is time to try your teacher. If you aren't comfortable talking about your depression with her, then talk about the fact that your friends seem to be turning away when you need them. Or talk to her about school, or one of your other teachers. Try her out, and see if she will give you her attention, see if she will care. You don't have to talk about the hard stuff right off the bat. If she asks, then you could even say that you aren't ready to talk about that yet, but that you do want to talk about other things with her. Or even stop in on the way to your bus (so you won't have time to talk) and tell her that you miss having her this year, and could you stop by sometime to talk with her even though she isn't your teacher? Just raise your hand a little bit and let her show you how she'll react.
Feeling like you have noone to turn to is so hard. I'm betting that she won't let you down.
Please keep posting here, you can turn to us (and if one of us doesn't get on the computer, there are others who will see your post - someone will see your post).
I know it is hard to keep reaching out, but it is so important to do. You have 3 of our email addresses. If you need us to help in more concrete ways, please email one of us. (Please ask for the email addresses again if you don't have them)
Please don't be alone.
Posted by geri122 on December 4, 2003, at 14:32:25
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone » geri122, posted by sfmom on December 3, 2003, at 19:20:33
no you don't understand i never them I onlt told one person and they have been there but i have been there for everyone no matter what i am feeling or their situation. They just aren't for me
Posted by sfmom on December 4, 2003, at 15:38:51
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 4, 2003, at 14:32:25
I'm sorry that I misunderstood the situation. I am so glad that your one friend has been there for you. I can't begin to tell you how much I understand the place that you are in. But the truth is still that some people, even people you consider friends, will not be able to come through for you in all ways nor all the time. I have finally, at almost 30 years old, come to a place where I have a few truly wonderful friends that I can count on for most things. And among those friends there are even fewer who have been able to support me in my current depression and anxiety. The ones who have been able to help me are the ones who have been through it themselves.
I also know what it's like to always be the one who is giving and there for everybody else, even to my own detriment. I have always been the peacemaker and the one who spoke up for people who were too shy or uncomfortable to speak up for themselves. I've even gotten into a few fist fights for other people because that is what I thought a friend should do.
One thing that I am working on in therapy right now is being able to protect myself from that. To be able to let myself get angry at people who have hurt my feelings. It's been very hard for me, I don't want to ever hurt other people's feelings, even if it means I will suffer more. I'm working on it. But it's still hard. But I have been very lucky to find a wonderful therapist who is helping me a lot.
I've also been on medication for almost two months, and just yesterday switched to a different medication because the first one wasn't working. That was very frustrating for me.
But do you know what got me out of bed today? You did. I got up to see if you had posted and to see if there was anything I could do to help you. I really do know the place where you are right now, and I would really like to help you to find the help you need or just to be here to support you in any way that I can. I didn't know how to help myself when I was your age and my situation got worse than it had to be. I don't want that to happen to you too. So if I can help you even in the smallest way, that will make what I went through worth it.
I know I've said it many, many times, but you are not alone and I care very deeply about you. That may be hard for you to believe, but it's true. Please be in contact soon. Love, Lyssa
Posted by geri122 on December 4, 2003, at 17:39:11
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone » geri122, posted by sfmom on December 4, 2003, at 15:38:51
the truth is you guys have all helped me in so many ways its undiscribable. Just knowing that someone is thinking about my well being means something. I mean, you guys don't even know me. I am a normal teenage girl on the outside and not so normal on the inside. But people always find a way to judge, you guys didn't. Hearing your stories, knowing you are still out there and supporting me through everything helps.
Everyday, when i get a chance, this is the first place i go. It means a lot, more then i can say. Thanks.
if you would like.. i have two poems that i wrote and i was wondering if you would like to hear them. (read)?
Posted by fallsfall on December 4, 2003, at 19:05:11
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 4, 2003, at 17:39:11
Yes!
Posted by sfmom on December 4, 2003, at 21:10:54
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 4, 2003, at 17:39:11
Yes, please! We would love to read them. And I am so glad that you're writing, it can be very theraputic. Please post them soon, I can't wait to read them!
Posted by LynneDa on December 5, 2003, at 11:15:13
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 4, 2003, at 17:39:11
Hi Geri -
I second and third everything sfmom and fallsfall wrote. I'm sorry that you are feeling rejected by so many people you felt were your friends, but there are very few people who are selfless enough to truly be there for you through all things. That's not to say they don't care, but more that they have their own concerns and they either don't have the emotional energy or the knowledge of how to help. If you have one or two really good friends, count yourself lucky!I've always been a giver, too, and as I've gone through the years, I've done less of that, unfortunately, as I realize how much it's depleted me of my emotional energy. Your emotional well-being is like a bank account. You can't expect to make a lot of withdrawals without making a few deposits! You have to find things within yourself that you value and love yourself for that. My self-worth was only as good as my value to other people. As Lyssa was saying, it's taken a lot of years of therapy to get out of that cycle. I'm 40 and still working on it!!
I hate that you feel so alone. What kinds of things make you happy? Things you like to do, things you value, etc. Do you have anything in common with your Mom in this area? Can you suggest an activity together? Sometimes spending time doing something inane like raking leaves or wrapping Christmas presents can open up conversation that is sorely needed.
Just know that you will get through this and we will be here for you! You can do this!! Just think about what you need and try to get it - do it for yourself! You are worth helping!
And a big, huge YES on the poetry. I used to write a lot when I was young and it was a great refuge and outlet for me. Send them to us or post them!
Have a good weekend! Try to get out and do something physical, even if it's just taking a walk. It will clear your head and give you some extra energy.
Your friend,
Lynne
Posted by geri122 on December 5, 2003, at 15:03:12
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone » geri122, posted by sfmom on December 4, 2003, at 21:10:54
I wish, I wonder, and I wait.
For each breathe I take, a frown appears,The journey of life waits in the near.
Nothing good, will ever come,
I wish, I wonder, and I wait.
It’s back, its close, its all in reach.The mirror image, it’s so surreal,
The truth exists, what’s the deal?
I sit in wonder, what is next,
It’s back, its close, its all in reach.
Power, strength, the whole ideal.Never know what’s really real.
The laughter’s gone,
Will never appear,
The truth has spoken,
it’s real, it’s real!
I wish, I wonder, and I wait.Its back, its close, its all in reach.
Power, strength, the whole ideal.
The meaning of a single tear!
Posted by geri122 on December 5, 2003, at 15:03:49
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 5, 2003, at 15:03:12
The only person, with the power,
To help, to care, to make it work.To bring the laughter, and make the smile,
Support those down, except what’s wrong.
A guiding hand, to help me up.To laugh, to love, to always know.
When answered no, it means yes,
To know that difference from all the rest.
To know the truth and make that work.No matter if it really hurts.
No one knows the truth behind,
Except the one that’s on your side.
It may seem wrong, like it’s the end.To always make it bend and bend.
You stop the tears, you always know,
Now in return, I’ve let it show!
You’ve showed me different, did not betray.I care, I love, I will always stay.
I won’t forget those times you cared,
They meant a lot and that I swear.
Please don’t leave, I can’t not lie,
Without you, I seem to die!
Posted by geri122 on December 5, 2003, at 15:06:11
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by LynneDa on December 5, 2003, at 11:15:13
well i am a cheerleader that keeps me active but even now i really don't want to do. I often get extremely frustrated and i don't. But i will keep active
Posted by LynneDa on December 5, 2003, at 15:13:11
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 5, 2003, at 15:03:49
Geri (I hope that's your name, that's what we keep calling you!), WOW - these are beautiful. They brought tears to my eyes!! You definitely have a way with the written word, even though you say you have a hard time expressing yourself in person. Keep up the writing, it is wonderful and I know it is therapeutic in some way. Thank you for sharing these beautiful pieces of you with us!!
~ Lynne
Posted by LynneDa on December 5, 2003, at 15:16:36
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 5, 2003, at 15:06:11
Hey, I was a cheerleader too! It does keep you active, but I guess the sports season is winding down, unless basketball has started. It's got to be hard to keep that smile on your face when you don't feel cheery, but sometimes forcing yourself to go through the motions helps you get outside of yourself for a bit.
What do you mean that you get frustrated and don't - don't cheer or don't work out? What is frustrating?
~ Lynne
Posted by sfmom on December 5, 2003, at 16:07:06
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 5, 2003, at 15:03:49
Geri,
Those are truly beautiful poems. This is the first time I've cried today, but they are tears of joy. Thank you so much for that and for sharing with us. You are an incredibly sensitive, strong and beautiful woman. Please keep writing and sharing with us. It means so much to me that you trust us with your deepest truths. And in return, below is a poem that I wrote when I was 21 and dealing with some sh*t of my own. Maybe it will help, maybe not, but I feel like sharing it.
What does it mean to be a woman?
Do you have to stop being a girl?
Will I know it when it happens?
Or did I already miss it while I was too caught
up in love songs and memories?And what does it mean to be a strong woman?
When we all have our moments of weakness when
faced with ourselves in the dead of a lonely night.
Is it in how we face the new day?
And just because we can get by without sinking,
does that make us independent?Or does it come in the knowledge that although we may never know these answers,
we will always be all of these things at once:
girl, daughter, sister, woman, mother, strong,
independent, and sometimes lonely.And yet by some miricle of God,
we also hold within us the power to give new life.
Is this then our purpose?And so then to my sisters, my dearest friends,
and most of all to my mother,
I thank you for your many gifts of love and strength that have made me the woman that I am
and the woman that I will continue to become.
You will always be a part of me just as I am a part of you.
For in moons, and in earth, and in blood,
these bonds that we share make us all One.11/20/95
Posted by sfmom on December 5, 2003, at 16:11:37
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by LynneDa on December 5, 2003, at 15:13:11
Please excuse my spelling errors in the above poem. . . My eyes were still teary from Geri's poems!
Posted by LynneDa on December 5, 2003, at 16:16:16
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by sfmom on December 5, 2003, at 16:07:06
Wow again! That is really poignant and definitely speaks to something we can all relate to! It is so hard to find your way and purpose sometimes; to figure out if you're on the right path and why you are faced with the dilemmas, crises and problems that come your way. But, we are all amazingly strong and we will persevere!! I have to trust that whatever I'm going through will make me stronger. I have to accept that there's a reason I'm being tested in this way. Some days I can do that and others it's a little harder!
Lyssa, I hope you are doing okay; it sounded like you were having a rough week. Hang in there!!!
~ Lynne
Posted by sfmom on December 5, 2003, at 16:35:10
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by LynneDa on December 5, 2003, at 16:16:16
Thanks Lynne. Yes, it's been a rough week and my daughter's 2nd birthday party is tomorrow and I just don't want to deal with it! Isn't that terrible? In looking through an old notebook to find my poem, I came across some other things I had written down. I can't take credit for them, they are Richard Bach, but reading them after all these years helped me so I thought I'd share them with you all too.
There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.I spent my whole life becoming the person I am now, was it worth it?
Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there.
What you choose to do with them is up to you.
You're only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark of a fake messiah.
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