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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Ayla on November 20, 2003, at 17:52:37
Okay I have been w/my bf for 5 years we're both 20 but he has a pot addiction and I strongly feel that he bipolar (his mother is) but it's getting bad and every time I mention meds all hell breaks loose. I don't think leaving him is the answer, he needs me but he's getting mean. He's not abusive or anything but he's starting to say things he never would normally say, like yesterday he called me worthless (because I don't have a job) and made me cry and was saying stuff like "yeah cry" blah blah blah. He has never done this before it's completely out of character. What do I do? Any suggestions on getting him help w/out making him upset? Thanks I'll add to this later I don't want him to see it or he'll be mad.
Posted by fallsfall on November 20, 2003, at 18:55:30
In reply to I'm in need of some advice, posted by Ayla on November 20, 2003, at 17:52:37
"I don't think leaving him is the answer, he needs me but he's getting mean"
But do YOU need HIM? If he's getting mean, the answer may be no. Set some boundaries about what kinds of comments are allowed and what aren't. Be very clear with him. If he doesn't want to do what is good for you, then leave.
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 20, 2003, at 22:29:34
In reply to I'm in need of some advice, posted by Ayla on November 20, 2003, at 17:52:37
i am sorry ayla...
how come
you didnt say that you needed him? or loved him?
try to seperate loneliness and love..
there are some really good "defusing" books to help you deal with individual who can hurt us with their pain,,if you really love him..
relationships(partners) must have to equal sides...
ask yourself if you are getting any "good" out of it for you?..
if you walk..or are thinking of it..every self help book in the world would praise your choice..
dont let him make you ill as well..
j
Posted by JimD on November 21, 2003, at 0:36:31
In reply to Re: I'm in need of some advice » Ayla, posted by justyourlaugh on November 20, 2003, at 22:29:34
My advice, after having been in a similar situation, is to really think about whether your reasons for staying with him are driven by love or fear of loneliness. My ex was very similar: He was verbally abusive to the point where I was very hurt by comments he would make, but not to the point where *I* considered it to be too much.
Bottom line: You neither need nor deserve such treatment. If he can not get his act together and learn to treat you in a respectful manner, turn around and never look back. It is a slippery slope, and if you allow it to continue, it will get worse.
Be strong. I know how difficult it is to leave a long-term lover. Look deep into yourself for strength...I think you will be surprised at what you find.
Posted by Elle2021 on November 21, 2003, at 0:59:48
In reply to I'm in need of some advice, posted by Ayla on November 20, 2003, at 17:52:37
You said he was your boyfriend so I take it your not married. In that case, I would leave him. You don't need to put up with that. If you were married I would suggest counselling for you two, I would hate to see a marriage end.
Elle
Posted by Dinah on November 21, 2003, at 8:24:51
In reply to I'm in need of some advice, posted by Ayla on November 20, 2003, at 17:52:37
Run! Run! Run!
Marriage inevitably makes everything worse.
Run while you've got the chance.
Sincerely, from
Married with child
Posted by SLS on November 21, 2003, at 11:07:07
In reply to I'm in need of some advice, posted by Ayla on November 20, 2003, at 17:52:37
At age 20, you have a whole world of people yet to meet and love.
Trust your instincts.
- Scott
Posted by octopusprime on November 21, 2003, at 11:17:36
In reply to I'm in need of some advice, posted by Ayla on November 20, 2003, at 17:52:37
ayla -
i have been there and done that.
although it sounds cheesy to read a book on codependency (such as "Codependent No More"), you may find this book to be helpful. when a person deals, on a daily basis, with a partner with mental illness and substance use/abuse issues, it's surprising how much that person's personality and sense of self can get lost.on another note: you asked "how can i get him help"? short answer: you can't. you cannot help somebody that doesn't want to be help.
oh it is sad. oh it is so hard. i hope you can count on an extended support network - your family and friends - to help get you through this time.
i'm sorry you have to go through this. you will live again.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 21, 2003, at 12:43:57
In reply to Re: I'm in need of some advice » Ayla, posted by Elle2021 on November 21, 2003, at 0:59:48
You say you have been with him since you were 15. You and he are both different people now. Who you loved/needed at 15 may not suit you now at 20. I would encourage you to think about that possibility.
Posted by Jai on November 21, 2003, at 14:59:53
In reply to Re: I'm in need of some advice, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 21, 2003, at 12:43:57
Posted by Ayla on November 22, 2003, at 16:51:34
In reply to Re: I'm in need of some advice, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 21, 2003, at 12:43:57
Thanks evryone. Those are all things to think about. I will update you when anything changes. Thanks again. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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