![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 1:25:12
My new love thing didn't work out. Ow. I've got that heavy grief feeling, just wanted to crawl in bed in the middle of the day. I hope this doesn't drive me to needing a med increase.
I was walking around alone, at the mall or whatever, and I felt a little bit of pathetic loser woman coming back. I used to feel like pathetic loser woman when I was out alone on weekends, then it went away, and I've been OK with being alone for a long time. Then I was coupled, and felt better than OK. My alone time was pleasant breaks from coupledom, but there was that security. Now I've left good, gone past OK back to bad. My therapist said some regression is normal now. I want to be OK again, at least.
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2003, at 1:44:33
In reply to Breakup pain, ow., posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 1:25:12
Your therapist is right, it is normal. But that doesn't make it hurt less. My poor Tabitha. I wish I could send some balm to make it better.
But "pathetic loser woman"? If you are feeling that way about yourself you need to reexamine the facts. I remember when you were agonizing about talking to men, and how to get a date, and speed dating? was it? And when you decided to act, the first man you connected with found you desirable, and you formed a connection with him that lasted beyond a few dates. I gotta tell you, Tabitha, that that is not the profile of a pathetic loser woman. That is the profile of an attractive woman with a lot of dating potential.
This one didn't work out, and that hurts. But you got to experience the giddy feelings of infatuation that I haven't felt in a donkeys age (not that marriage doesn't have its own lovely feelings). You tested the waters and found that you could swim just fine. This wasn't the right guy for you mainly because you are at a different point in your development than he is. That's sad but it doesn't reflect badly at all on you.
And if you feel like slugging me right now, I don't blame you. I stormed out of my therapist's office on Friday for just such cheerful statements.
So I'll add that it's perfectly okay and normal and painful and really rotten to be feeling the way you are. I hope you feel better soon.
(((Tabitha)))
Posted by slinky on June 23, 2003, at 11:42:55
In reply to Breakup pain, ow., posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 1:25:12
Sorry sugerbun..
I'm on the rocks. Feel like blocking him for not being civil..You'll look back and say ~ what did I see in him anyway~
Posted by judy1 on June 23, 2003, at 11:47:33
In reply to Breakup pain, ow., posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 1:25:12
I'm really sorry, I know a LOT of us have been there and understand the hurt. For me the best revenge was always succeeding at something all by myself and feeling proud- not only did it help my self-esteem, but it was kind of a 'look what you lost, you idiot' at my ex. Please be kind to yourself- judy
Posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 13:05:37
In reply to Re: Breakup pain, ow., posted by Dinah on June 23, 2003, at 1:44:33
no, I won't slug you. I may wallow in the misery a bit longer though. Last night I had a flashback to the whole string of men I've seen this way at the end-- broken, not themselves, crazy acting, terrified of me, and desperately clinging to some new rigid belief system (the way intl., advice of hack therapist, 12 steps, the forum, now 12 steps again). can't help wondering if it's my fault. (See, I told you I was wallowing.) I've never seen anything deteriorate so quickly though. Just last week we were on solid ground. It all went to heck in the space of 3 days.
Posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 13:14:06
In reply to Re: Breakup pain, ow. » Tabitha, posted by slinky on June 23, 2003, at 11:42:55
sorry slinkybabes. I hope I don't think 'what did I see in him', I don't want to think I was completely deluded. ow ow ow. breaking up is no fun.
Posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 13:17:28
In reply to Re: Breakup pain, ow. » Tabitha, posted by judy1 on June 23, 2003, at 11:47:33
thanks judy. I don't feel vengeful, it didn't go on long enough for that. vengeful doesn't come til I've stayed in it for years and years, and sacrificed parts of myself to keep it going. I guess that's something to be thankful for right there, isn't it? i'm still unscathed, sort of.
Posted by Greg on June 23, 2003, at 14:39:03
In reply to Re: Breakup pain, ow. » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 13:05:37
> It all went to heck in the space of 3 days.
Tab,
Some of us boys don't know how to appreciate the gifts that life can give us. It's been a LOT of years since I went thru a breakup, but I do remember it hurts a whole bunch. It may not help much, but from what I know of you here, he came out on the losing end of this. You can be pretty priceless :) I hope the pain stops soon.
xo,
Greg
Posted by kara lynne on June 23, 2003, at 16:22:13
In reply to Re: Breakup pain, ow. » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 13:05:37
Hi Tabitha,
No words of wisdom, just a fellow wallower and wonderer--was it my fault?I can only say be thankful it was a relatively short time, not that it doesn't hurt. I was with my guy five years and I've been away three nights. It's just starting to set in. I'm really ***ing sad.
I wish better times and lifetimes of love for both of us.
Posted by noa on June 23, 2003, at 21:01:24
In reply to Breakup pain, ow., posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 1:25:12
Sorry. Sigh.
Posted by noa on June 23, 2003, at 21:02:44
In reply to Re: Breakup pain, ow. » Tabitha, posted by slinky on June 23, 2003, at 11:42:55
>You'll look back and say ~ what did I see in him anyway~
Ah yes, that familiar old "shiver factor"--I know it well.
Posted by tina on June 23, 2003, at 21:19:44
In reply to Breakup pain, ow., posted by Tabitha on June 23, 2003, at 1:25:12
Oh tabi tabi
I totally understand the "pathetic woman" feelings. I've been there.
My husband and I would have been married for 10 years in september but he's been gone for two and a half weeks now. I was a mess for over a week but then a friend said some things to me that really hit home and I've been feeling better ever since. I can't repeat what she said because I wouldn't do it justice as my memory sux ! but just know that the bad will go away and you'll be strong again and it will be YOUR choice whether you want to let someone share your time and heart. It's always up to YOU. You are the one that matters and you don't need a partner to feel complete and strong.
all the best to you and lots of hugs
tina
Posted by Tabitha on June 24, 2003, at 0:50:15
In reply to Re: Breakup pain, ow. » Tabitha, posted by Greg on June 23, 2003, at 14:39:03
aw shucks Greg, now I'm getting teary-- in a good way. Thanks a bunch.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.