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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 20:04:21
must......extricate........self.....
Posted by paxvox on May 3, 2003, at 20:16:13
In reply to Being sucked into family drama again..., posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 20:04:21
I'm sorry D., but when I read that "Must.....extricate......self" I got this vivid mental image of Homer Simpson. Now that man is a misunderstood genious!
PAX
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 20:55:11
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again..., posted by paxvox on May 3, 2003, at 20:16:13
Chuckle. Well, I meant it to be funny, because you really have to laugh at this sort of silliness.
I got it from my husband, and my husband may well have gotten it from Homer. He says his favorite one goes something like "can't.... move.... arm.... or.... speak.... at.... normal.... rate...." He's not sure if that's Homer or not.
My husband is a font of TV wisdom. :)
Posted by paxvox on May 3, 2003, at 21:11:21
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again... » paxvox, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 20:55:11
Yes, laughter is that one last vestige of hope that holds our feeble minds together like so much glue. Live to laugh, laugh to live.
PAX
Posted by leeran on May 3, 2003, at 21:53:21
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again... » paxvox, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 20:55:11
My husband loves the Simpsons. And TV Land (I think that's the station with all the old reruns?). He just relayed part of the Simpsons episode that the "extricate" line comes from (or at least the one he remembers). Something about Homer getting his arm stuck in a vending machine. Excellent line, Dinah. Works well with family angst!
I dislike reruns and animation, although I can tolerate "Leave it to Beaver." "The Lucy Show" was a source of great anxiety for me as a kid. I couldn't stand the suspense of her stupidity. It truly left me a nervous wreck. I've always wondered if anyone else felt the same way while watching her show . . .
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 22:03:36
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again..., posted by leeran on May 3, 2003, at 21:53:21
Had to look down to make sure you weren't me again, Lee. I love old TV shows but not Lucy. Her actions were so selfish. It seemed that if she didn't get what she wanted, to be in the show or whatever, she didn't mind what trouble she caused to her husband and friends in order to get her way. And I never can watch shows where people are publicly embarassed. Whenever there is an embarassment scene, I have to hide my face or turn the channel. My husband times me to see how long I can take it. :) I guess, again, my tendency to take things too literally and too seriously gets in the way.
Posted by leeran on May 3, 2003, at 22:36:40
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again... » leeran, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 22:03:36
"I guess, again, my tendency to take things too literally and too seriously gets in the way."
I just read this to my husband and said "does this sound like anyone you know?" He answered: "hmmmmmm, nobody I know" (and rolled his eyes).
There was something else you said the other day that I told my husband about this morning (I didn't mention it here, maybe it was the day I was trying to refrain from posting . . .).
Anyway, when you wrote of your concern about being a financial burden to your family (regarding the diabetes) I almost fell out of my chair!
Since my career has taken such a nosedive this has been one of my MOST obsessive issues. However, when I look back (even to childhood) I always wanted to be independent so as not to "burden" anyone. Here lately, a significant portion of my overall feeling of self-worthlessness is rooted back to this "not wanting to impose (or be a burden) on anyone" feeling.
The thing is, my husband does everything he can to make me feel otherwise - but I'm stuck in this loop from which I cannot EXTRICATE myself (thank you for the verb of the eve, Dinah).
Actually, I have it all figured out (or at least I think I do) and knowing WHY I feel that way (too long to post here tonight - or ever) but being unable to feel differently (at least on my own) is an enormous frustration for me (and I'm sure for my husband as well). Ultimately, this may be the reason I finally decide to drag my reluctant b*tt into therapy.
Oh yeah, I don't take teasing very well (I don't think you've mentioned that yet, so maybe we differ there?) - and I'm much more verbose in writing than I EVER am in person (I think you mentioned that last night). I'm okay on the phone, but I usually like to be the one to make the call so I can be the one to end the call (talk about control issues!).
Posted by fallsfall on May 3, 2003, at 22:49:35
In reply to Being sucked into family drama again..., posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 20:04:21
Hi Dinah,
Did you extricate yourself?
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 22:56:14
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again..., posted by fallsfall on May 3, 2003, at 22:49:35
I tried giving in a little first, to appease the family drama beast. Old habits die hard. But naturally that didn't work, so I used my new skills of telling them that I didn't want to be involved in their interpersonal problems and saying goodbye, and hanging up.
I'm hoping that will work better with only minimal bad feelings towards me.
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 23:03:13
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again... » Dinah, posted by leeran on May 3, 2003, at 22:36:40
I have the only child's problem of taking teasing very very badly. Except from very very close family members, where we tease with clear affection.
But I'm even worse on the phone than I am in person. My therapist is astounded at how much more articulate I am in writing than in person, and I make more effort to express myself to him than to anyone (except my husband of course), and feel completely comfortable with him. So it must really be true.
I don't think you'll be sorry if you ever do drag yourself to a (good) therapist. It does have its value, as you can tell by my answer to fallsfall. I got sucked in for a few minutes because they know how to push my buttons. But I'm well on my way to extricating myself. :)
Posted by whiterabbit on May 4, 2003, at 0:55:44
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again... » leeran, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 22:03:36
Posted by fallsfall on May 4, 2003, at 9:05:03
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again... » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 22:56:14
Wonderful interpersonal skills! You should be proud of yourself!
Posted by leeran on May 4, 2003, at 12:21:17
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again... » leeran, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 23:03:13
Dinah,
I'm so curious about this concept: interpersonal skills.
I tried to respond last night but my interpersonal skills in discussing interpersonal skills wore me out and I went to bed.
I know you are in the process of extricating yourself - but I'm so curious to hear how long it took you to get to that watershed moment of being able to SAY such a sentence to your parents (i.e. amount of time in therapy - not your total time in therapy, just what it took to get you there) and how you feel after saying that one simple sentence (i.e. the "morning after"), and if this is the first time you've said such a thing.
I'm reasonably sure that I could not say that sentence to either one of my parents (or both at the same time, although their proven agenda is speaking about the other to me "on the side"). Argghhhhh. If I did say it, the punishment would be at least six weeks of silence.
Dinah, I understand completely that "hashing this all out" diminishes the extrication (the transitive verb that's survived the dark of night) process, so please don't feel like you have to answer all my questions - or even one of them.
My primary reason for this post is to say that I'm a voyeuristic cheerleader shaking my pompons in your honor! The fact that you've taken those feelings from an attitude toward them to something you can verbalize with them is (IMO) profound!
Lee
P.S. I just realized, sitting here typing this, that I had a very symbolic dream that involved my mother. No wonder I'm so tired this morning!
Posted by Dinah on May 4, 2003, at 14:06:35
In reply to More classic Monty Python: Run Away! Run Away! (nm), posted by whiterabbit on May 4, 2003, at 0:55:44
Posted by Dinah on May 4, 2003, at 14:07:24
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again... » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on May 4, 2003, at 9:05:03
from stretching it around to pat myself on the back. (modest aren't I?)
Posted by Dinah on May 4, 2003, at 14:18:40
In reply to The morning after . . . » Dinah, posted by leeran on May 4, 2003, at 12:21:17
A symbolic dream about your mother? Verrrry interesting. :) You're starting your therapy without a therapist. (grin)
I don't think I can separate out the amount of time it took me to get to first the realization, and second the ability to verbalize it from my entire time in therapy. I'm kind of like rock. Water has to drip slowly on me over time in order to leave an impression. My therapist probably started dripping these ideas on me at the beginning but it took a while to wear me down.
He finally said it in enough different ways in enough different situations that I started to believe what he said. I wasn't responsible for keeping my family together. It wasn't my duty, it was the role they assigned me in their family drama. I wasn't in a position of control smoothing things over and keeping the peace as much as I was a puppet responding to their games.
Saying it was not all that hard once I realized it. Saying it well was harder. A lot of times I just hang up and say I refuse to discuss it. Last night I was very still and allowed the words to say come to me. And I not only managed to convey my attitude, but actually got my mom to agree with it. She admitted that it wasn't fair to put me in the middle of disagreements between her and my dad and my brother that didn't involve me. That I was the child of both of them and what they did with one another was their business, and I wanted to maintain a good relationship with both of them. That meant that I wouldn't listen to my father say bad things about her or my brother or her say bad things about my father. That was theirs to deal with. And she said I was right and she understood!!!! Now my dad still gets angry, but hey, one out of two is not bad.
My therapist is a genius.
Posted by fayeroe on May 4, 2003, at 19:22:00
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again..., posted by leeran on May 3, 2003, at 21:53:21
> My husband loves the Simpsons. And TV Land (I think that's the station with all the old reruns?). He just relayed part of the Simpsons episode that the "extricate" line comes from (or at least the one he remembers). Something about Homer getting his arm stuck in a vending machine. Excellent line, Dinah. Works well with family angst!
>
> I dislike reruns and animation, although I can tolerate "Leave it to Beaver." "The Lucy Show" was a source of great anxiety for me as a kid. I couldn't stand the suspense of her stupidity. It truly left me a nervous wreck. I've always wondered if anyone else felt the same way while watching her show . . . lucy drove me nuts!!!! i can't stand that kind of stupidity........i thought that i was the only person in the world who did not worship "lucy"..........i prefer the charley brown lucy.........
Posted by noa on May 4, 2003, at 19:45:39
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again..., posted by paxvox on May 3, 2003, at 20:16:13
no, no, that is from some kid in a sci-fi movie, I think!
Yes, Dinah--don't get sucked in, if you can help it.
We're here with the lifeline---just hold on to it.
Posted by noa on May 4, 2003, at 19:49:48
In reply to Being sucked into family drama again..., posted by Dinah on May 3, 2003, at 20:04:21
>must......extricate........self.....
Now where did I put those darn Jaws of Life, anyway!?
Posted by Dinah on May 4, 2003, at 21:23:17
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again... » Dinah, posted by noa on May 4, 2003, at 19:49:48
Posted by tina on May 5, 2003, at 8:09:43
In reply to Re: To be truthful, my arm is sore...., posted by Dinah on May 4, 2003, at 14:07:24
> from stretching it around to pat myself on the back. (modest aren't I?)
Then I shall continue on your behalf Dinah!! You deserve big pats on the back.
hugs
tina
Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2003, at 20:19:16
In reply to Re: To be truthful, my arm is sore.... » Dinah, posted by tina on May 5, 2003, at 8:09:43
Posted by Tabitha on May 7, 2003, at 13:49:13
In reply to Re: Being sucked into family drama again..., posted by leeran on May 3, 2003, at 21:53:21
me too! I got awful anxiety from the jams she got into. Even as a kid, I knew it was supposed to be a comedy, but it only upset me.
Posted by leeran on May 7, 2003, at 14:19:55
In reply to Re: I Love Lucy show » leeran, posted by Tabitha on May 7, 2003, at 13:49:13
"I knew it was supposed to be a comedy, but it only upset me."
Whew, glad to know I wasn't the only one . . . (re: Lucy).
Another nailbiter was this show back in the sixties (I think it was on Saturday nights in the Chicago area). I don't know the name of it, but it was basically footage of actual bullfights. My father used to love that show (and when he was home, he controlled the television).
This is the end of the thread.
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