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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 58. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on March 30, 2003, at 23:21:35
amazing, it's only been like 3 years.. The coffeeshop guy that I talked to last weekend asked me out.. my seduction plan is apparently working. Not sure about the movie he picked, it's Ralph Fiennes playing a schizophrenic who's off his meds and slowly going mad.. with some heavy Oedipal issues also. Not yer light and fluffy date movie. Plus it's R.. is it just me or does everybody squirm watching sex scenes on a first date?
Posted by beardedlady on March 31, 2003, at 11:26:00
In reply to I got asked on a date, posted by Tabitha on March 30, 2003, at 23:21:35
> Plus it's R.. is it just me or does everybody squirm watching sex scenes on a first date?
I haven't had a first date in so long. I think I'd just be so tickled with being on a date that I'd hold my breath during the sex scenes.
Maybe you can grab a coffee before the movie, so you can chat and feel a little more comfortable with him. Or have you already chatted?
Well, congratulations!
beardy : )>
Posted by Tabitha on March 31, 2003, at 13:51:08
In reply to sweet! » Tabitha, posted by beardedlady on March 31, 2003, at 11:26:00
thanks. Maybe you can get Mr Beardedlady to take you on a 'first date' sometime.. could be fun.
we chatted twice already, once for almost half hour, I have to give him points for boldness for asking me out straight off. I figured I'd have to run into him accidentally for weeks before he'd work up courage. He's a cutie, though maybe a tad bit earnest.
I'm perfecting my new flirtation technique.. when in doubt just smile and think about sex..
Posted by Tabitha on March 31, 2003, at 13:52:41
In reply to sweet! » Tabitha, posted by beardedlady on March 31, 2003, at 11:26:00
Posted by kara lynne on March 31, 2003, at 14:32:44
In reply to Re: sweet!, posted by Tabitha on March 31, 2003, at 13:51:08
"when in doubt just smile and think about sex.."
I love it! How can you go wrong? If it goes well, will you ask him if he's got any friends?
Posted by gabbix2 on March 31, 2003, at 18:39:26
In reply to Re: sweet!, posted by kara lynne on March 31, 2003, at 14:32:44
Posted by WorryGirl on March 31, 2003, at 19:20:27
In reply to I got asked on a date, posted by Tabitha on March 30, 2003, at 23:21:35
Posted by WorryGirl on March 31, 2003, at 19:20:32
In reply to I got asked on a date, posted by Tabitha on March 30, 2003, at 23:21:35
Posted by WorryGirl on March 31, 2003, at 19:20:46
In reply to I got asked on a date, posted by Tabitha on March 30, 2003, at 23:21:35
Posted by WorryGirl on March 31, 2003, at 19:22:47
In reply to I got asked on a date, posted by Tabitha on March 30, 2003, at 23:21:35
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2003, at 21:16:18
In reply to I got asked on a date, posted by Tabitha on March 30, 2003, at 23:21:35
That's great, Tabitha. :)
And perhaps the choice of movie means he's interesting, too. And confident enough not to go with a "safe" movie.
Have lots of fun.
Posted by Willow on March 31, 2003, at 21:16:27
In reply to Re: sweet!, posted by kara lynne on March 31, 2003, at 14:32:44
Tabitha
What night is the big date? What are you planning on wearing? Will you go out for a drink after?
No matter how horny you are don't let him past the front step on a first date. And don't forget to let us know everything when you get back.
Have fun
Waltzing Willow
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2003, at 21:18:25
In reply to Good heavens-my computer's going crazy! Sorry (nm), posted by WorryGirl on March 31, 2003, at 19:22:47
Posted by Tabitha on March 31, 2003, at 23:32:58
In reply to When? What ..., posted by Willow on March 31, 2003, at 21:16:27
thursday I think.. we haven't quite converged. I'll probably wear a skirt and black top. No way is he getting inside my house, I probably won't even let him pick me up here. No jumping into bed right away I'm sure, no matter what my fantasies are like,, I need a little build-up. Plus it's all the initial stuff that's fun anyway, handholding, 1st kiss, etc. Heck I may not even feel any attraction, who knows, it could be a really bad date (trying not to get hopes up see?)
Would you believe I met another man in line at the same coffeeshop today? sort of 40-ish, a little bit of tobey maguire look around the chin. that place is turning out to be a goldmine. he said he comes in everyday, and said 'I hope to see you around' .. isn't that sweet?
I don't know what the heck is going on, somehow I'm looking approachable all of a sudden.
Posted by lostsailor on April 1, 2003, at 18:38:45
In reply to Re: When? What ..., posted by Tabitha on March 31, 2003, at 23:32:58
Tabitha, I know this is a trying time for you and am not sure you remember everything ( I have forgotten much too since last "sexual" relationship, so I thought this might help you a bit... )
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/4394/humor/babies.html
good luck on your date ~tony
Posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 0:12:36
In reply to it can beconfusing...this link may hep youtabitha, posted by lostsailor on April 1, 2003, at 18:38:45
he just asked me if I know where the theater is and didn't offer to pick me up. I'm thinking.. gee, this could the type of guy who'll buy only one ticket and expect me to buy my own.
Flashback to worst date ever.. guy asked me be his date at a wedding of some friends of his that I didn't know. He said he could not pick me up since he would be at his daughter's soccer game beforehand. So I drove the 40 miles to the wedding. Turned out to be just not a good wedding, small, not much dancing, and no alcohol. (The bride and groom are not teetotalers, far from it, I assume they were just trying to save money). Then he asked me to go for a drink afterward. Since we had 2 cars, we drove separately to the bar. I had a glass of wine. The check came, I didn't pick it up. He didn't pick it up. Time passed. He finally picked it up and said "Well, I guess I'll pay *this* time". I was aghast. He had spent zero money on me up til then, and both the wedding and the drink were his invitations. Some time after that date he let me know he was pissed that I didn't kiss him goodnight. Sheesh.
Posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 0:31:17
In reply to Re: my date is ruined already, posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 0:12:36
Posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 2:06:41
In reply to Re: (((tabitha))) (nm), posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 0:31:17
I had this whole fantasy built up already about the date, which is totally destroyed now.. so I think sheesh if I'm this worked up over this tiny thing, I'm obivously not ready to date after all..
But I should ignore these thoughts and persist right? Brush this off and find better prospects to date,,
what I used to do is, ignore the disappointments, and end up dating the guy for years anyway, to avoid facing the disappointments. Yuck.
I'm sure my therapist will have some useful though unpleasant advice about what to do from here. perhaps she'll say to tell the guy 'I was disappointed that you didn't offer to pick me up' then again, crap, men know the protocol, I shouldn't have to do such basic training, I should just trust my instinct now and ditch him. red flag! red flag!
At least my cat is choosing this time to act really psycho, she's having a love/hate thing with my slippers,, Oh- I want to rub myself all over you / No! I want to shread and destroy you! / But oh-- I must first rub myself all over you ! / No No! I hate you! You must die! // it's amusing. (((cat)))
Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2003, at 6:45:55
In reply to Re: my date is ruined already, posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 0:12:36
Awww, sweet Tabitha, I'm sorry. But perhaps before you totally write off the date, you should ask him if he has a pressing engagement elsewhere that keeps him from picking you up himself. Or maybe in this day and age he thought you would feel safer to have your own transportation.
I remember one of the very few dates I had with someone other than my now husband was with someone I didn't really know, and who wasn't a friend of friends. I insisted on meeting him at a neutral location.
Perhaps, just perhaps, he was trying to be sensitive to any reluctance on your part to having him pick you up at your home. At any rate, I think I'm going to have to side with your therapist on this one. (Sorry, I know that's as annoying as siding with your mother). It can't hurt to ask him straight out what his reasons were. If the answer stinks, you just might save yourself a bad date. If it was all a misunderstanding, you might save yourself a good date. (And didn't we practice all that directness with our therapists for a reason?)
Posted by beardedlady on April 2, 2003, at 7:23:54
In reply to Re: sad truth is.., posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 2:06:41
Marriages often go awry due to lack of communication. Not that you're going to marry this guy (you never know), but you shouldn't start off on the wrong foot.
Talk to him. Ask him to pick you up. Tell him you would feel more comfortable not driving separately to a date. I don't think it would cause a rift. He might be thinking that you don't know each other well and you might be the type to want to be able to go if you feel like it.
You never know what the other person is thinking. Until you ask.
beardy
Posted by kara lynne on April 2, 2003, at 13:16:22
In reply to Re: sad truth is.., posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 2:06:41
Hey Tabby,
I'm sure Dinah and Beardy are offering you sound advice, healthier than mine. My sad truth is, I'd be watching out for those red flags--they can be good warning signs (like you I have tended to ignore them in the past until they become huge conflicts). The good news is...you're in the game enough to be watching out for them!I once went on a date and the guy didn't offer to pay for my (one) mineral water at the end of the evening. I never went out with him again--it was just so weird to me--I would pay for my girlfriend's mineral water, you know? Even though first dates are awkward and no-one knows the rules, I still think it says something about someone's character if he picks up the tab for a mineral water. (I guess itdidn't help that he was boring and not very attractive either.) He kept trying to go out with me for months afterward, telling me what a brilliant and funny guy he was. Maybe I should have just told hime he might have had a chance if he'd have paid for the mineral water. Maybe that sounds petty, but I do think it says something about a person.
Posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 13:16:35
In reply to Re: my date is ruined already » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2003, at 6:45:55
I'm going to stamp my princess foot and say 'doesn't matter -- he should still OFFER to pick me up' .. it's up to me to decide whether I feel safe letting him come to my house. I want a guy who follows the dating protocol, I like the ritual, it makes me feel like a girl.
Posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 13:48:22
In reply to Re: sad truth is.., posted by kara lynne on April 2, 2003, at 13:16:22
Ugh. What are (some) men thinking? I don't get if they're afraid of being used financially by women, so they overcompensate by being cheap, or if they're just not comfortable stepping up the plate and playing the full-on 'suitor' role. But then they don't get it when we lose interest.
The guy who grudgingly bought my glass of wine.. we were in the same social club, so I kept enduring his little digs about how I had rejected him, in front of other guys.. finally I told him the truth about how awful the date was to me, especially not picking up the check. I don't know if it made much difference.
Posted by Tabitha on April 2, 2003, at 13:50:23
In reply to Re: sad truth is.. » Tabitha, posted by beardedlady on April 2, 2003, at 7:23:54
OK that is 2 votes for open honest communication.
I guess I have to do something, I can't just show up, already pissed at him.
Posted by WorryGirl on April 2, 2003, at 15:49:35
In reply to Re: sad truth is.., posted by kara lynne on April 2, 2003, at 13:16:22
> I once went on a date and the guy didn't offer to pay for my (one) mineral water at the end of the evening. I never went out with him again--it was just so weird to me--I would pay for my girlfriend's mineral water, you know? Even though first dates are awkward and no-one knows the rules, I still think it says something about someone's character if he picks up the tab for a mineral water. (I guess itdidn't help that he was boring and not very attractive either.) He kept trying to go out with me for months afterward, telling me what a brilliant and funny guy he was. Maybe I should have just told hime he might have had a chance if he'd have paid for the mineral water. Maybe that sounds petty, but I do think it says something about a person.
Couldn't help but add my 2 cents worth. Yes, I agree, it says a lot about a man's character if they can't even pick up a tab with a wine or two or glass of water on it!
Considering that he was boring and not very attractive he may have been insecure (even if he seemed full of himself) and actually hoping that if you offered to pick up your tab (or even his, too!), then you must really like him! In my opinion, even if you are into splitting checks and consider men paying for women's drinks/dinner, etc. a sexist practice (which does NOT describe me) I think it shows consideration for a man to treat the woman on their first date, especially if he asked her out.
Am I wrong in the assumption that whoever asks/invites usually pays?
Then, there are the cheapskate jerks, such as an old schoolmate of my husband's who takes pride in never paying for a drink and trying to get laid in the process, using his supposed wit, charm and good looks. Apparently he is good enough looking that it works occasionally. Or even sadder that there are women lonely enough to put up with it. Makes me fume :-S
And for some men to expect a kiss or another date after that....
Thank God for the good guys out there.
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