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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kara lynne on February 26, 2003, at 18:09:47
I just finished many years of school and went through a rigorous licensing procedure. Instead of feeling like I accomplished something, even though it is the first time in my life I have, I feel empty inside and very depressed. I'm glad to have done it, glad that I passed, but I just want to curl up and go to sleep. I feel sick a lot. I'm not at all ready to go out and make use of what I leaned, and in fact I still suffer from a lack of confidence which makes doing anything really painful. I can't even believe I got through it-- the imposter thing. I must have tricked everyone. Anyway, here I am sad again. I mean sad as usual.
Posted by kara lynne on February 26, 2003, at 19:36:36
In reply to Major accomplishment, but feeling empty, posted by kara lynne on February 26, 2003, at 18:09:47
Today I was talking to someone who said she wanted to set me up with someone. Then she said, "We'll have to give you some medication so you're not so shy though. Because he's really funny and outgoing." This is a person who doesn't know me well, and I wanted to say, I'm not shy, I just wasn't participating in the conversation going on around here because it was stupid. (It was a lot of schmoozing and bullshi**ing and carrying on, and I was just too tired today to even pretend at pretending...) But instead of (hello lifelike--EXPLAINING things like I'm not shy if I'm with real people talking about real things, I'm really quite a wonderful and entertaining person once you get past the negative, self obsessed, depressed, anxiety ridden, hypochondriacal, chronicaly ill, agoraphobic, hopeless, failed little aspects of myself...) I just get pegged as shy and leave. It doesn't really matter, I hardly ever see her, but I didn't like it. And what is shy anyway? How does anyone know why a person responds the way they do at any given time? Yes, maybe someone is painfully uncomfortable, lacking confidence, afraid. Maybe not though. Maybe I just didn't care about what they were talking about. Maybe I was feeling sick. But I don't say, You know, I really don't care at all about what you're saying. I find all the acting around here tiring. No, I just get told I'm shy, and leave. It's funny--when people treat me like a reflection of my conflict I get pissed, like, can't they see who I really am? But I'm probably promoting that other image somehow. Oh I'm confused.
Posted by shar on February 26, 2003, at 20:42:25
In reply to Major accomplishment, but feeling empty, posted by kara lynne on February 26, 2003, at 18:09:47
Congrats on your accomplishment!
I believe there may come a day, after a period of recuperation, rest, relaxation, etc. where you will feel proud of yourself. It may only be a tiny little spark of pride (mine is gnat-sized), but if you pay attention, you may feel it.
Or, you may have a dream about how it feels good to have accomplished this thing. Or...who knows, a vision?
Shar
Posted by lostsailor on February 26, 2003, at 22:12:36
In reply to Re: Major accomplishment, but feeling empty » kara lynne, posted by shar on February 26, 2003, at 20:42:25
Kar , I know how it feels big time.I finished school to be a social worker and now spend lefe seeing one. you worked hard and it will pay off someday---at least that's what i'm told.
I asked a close friend about a month ago why she never introduces me to two of her friends (one at a time of course) and she actually told me that "you're a bit too neurotic". uuummm, thanks Sara. I have done a lot in life and am a good person--I am so sick of being judged for being a bit eccentric only.
You’re not alone,
~tony
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 26, 2003, at 22:24:56
In reply to Re: Major accomplishment, but feeling empty » kara lynne, posted by shar on February 26, 2003, at 20:42:25
kara,,
i am sure you will feel better when you have another project to hurdle..keep that mind going...
as for the "friends"
oh my,,,
when i used to have to "smoozz"i always ended up talking tthe drunk pierced guy at the end of the bar...you know the one,,one of real friends...
kara you sound so "intacked"..you have to start believing ,,there is something wrong with them!!!!not you..what a world it would be if everyone was overly sensative,emotional..."real"
i think we were ok until that b**ch eve wanted something that the jones' did not have:(
jyl
Posted by noa on February 27, 2003, at 0:23:41
In reply to And I'm NOT shy!! (all the time, anyway), posted by kara lynne on February 26, 2003, at 19:36:36
OK, Kara, that person's comment might just have to be catalogued in our hall of fame of stupid comments--you know, the ones requiring snappy comebacks? Like, "no thanks, although I like the idea of being fixed up, I am not interested in someone who would need me to be medicated in order to like my personality."
or better....
"no thanks, although I am interested in being fixed up, I only accept fix ups from people who actually know my personality, and certainly not from someone who mistakenly thinks they know my well enough to suggest psychotropic medications, and most definitely not from someone who feels that I need to be medicated in order to rid me of what they so incorrectly assume is a main personality trait of mine."
Posted by noa on February 27, 2003, at 0:24:19
In reply to Re: Major accomplishment, but feeling empty » kara lynne, posted by shar on February 26, 2003, at 20:42:25
and, yes, congrats on completing your major goal. you can breathe now!
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 27, 2003, at 9:27:34
In reply to And I'm NOT shy!! (all the time, anyway), posted by kara lynne on February 26, 2003, at 19:36:36
>I wanted to say, I'm not shy, I just wasn't participating in the conversation going on around here because it was stupid. (It was a lot of schmoozing and bullshi**ing and carrying on, and I was just too tired today to even pretend at pretending...)
------------------Oh, I do *so* agree with you. "Normal" people seem to enjoy the endless dissection of a handful of gossip and media scares, and like you, it doesn't interest me, so I don't ever say anything. I don't feel the need to jump in on someone's argument about how shower water causes lung cancer, or somebody paid $140 for their car insurance, or how hot the guy on Joe Millionaire is. Beyond that, I don't get the impression that anyone really wants to listen to me when I do talk. There are maybe a half dozen people in the world that I truly enjoy just chatting with, because we share similar interests. Beyond that, much conversation just seems like social grooming. However, this avoidance of conversation is usually more pronounced the more depressed I am, so maybe I'm just not happy enough to care. Prattling people usually seem pleased.
Posted by kara lynne on February 27, 2003, at 13:33:02
In reply to Re: And I'm NOT shy!! (all the time, anyway), posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 27, 2003, at 9:27:34
Thanks for your responses. They do help. Let's see if I can address some: I wish I did have that snappy comeback (you know how they always occur to you after the fact...), I think Joe Millionaire is a ______ (don't know how to finish that one without being uncivil), and tony, those women don't know what they're missing. After passing those tests I have been saying to people that I can breathe now, it's true. I just didn't expect such a letdown. And I really keep thinking I don't *know* anything, what do I do *now*, etc. etc. (Shar, I'm waiting for that gnat...) On top of that is the constant drone that I should be married and I don't have the things that are most important (sorry, I know that sounds nauseating and archaic and powerless female-y). Maybe if I could meet a nice man that I didn't have to medicate myself for I'd feel better. God, or else I'll have to get a job.
Posted by noa on February 27, 2003, at 19:24:23
In reply to Re: And I'm NOT shy!! (all the time, anyway), posted by kara lynne on February 27, 2003, at 13:33:02
Kara, I think that you are like me in that I had set myself up with such huge expectations for how confident and competent I should feel after finishing school, and it was a set up for failure for me. Most of what I feel I know in both knowledge and work abilities is what I gained from work experience. Of course, what I learned from work experience also built upon the "scaffolding" of what I learned in school, but looking back, it sure was unrealistic of me to expect so much of myself starting out.
Give yourself a break. On both the educational/professional front and the social front. You are definitely in huge transition right now, which means HIGH stress and lots of personal things to get settled on. I had terrible times in those transition times, and wish I could have been kinder and more patient with myself then.
Learning goes on and even increases from here on in. Don't expect yourself to be an expert yet. You do know stuff, I'm sure. A lot of stuff. But it will become more accessible and meaningful and useful as you begin to gain actual work experience.
Get a support group, a mentor, someone (singular or plural) who can help you through the transition and as you adjust to your new professional life.
And give yourself a break, ok?
This is the end of the thread.
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