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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dreamerz on February 11, 2003, at 20:40:36
it's killing me..I want the bad stuff erased from my brain...can't stop crying..I look like someone in the mirror why do I deserve crap I move forward I have potential..but I can't break from the ambience of dread it's like a curse..
I feel like a child in a bad dream .A small thing sets me back I feel like I'm rotting away inside my heart is giving up-literally...I sense my time is short.
Guess this is a bad day..I need a big change
Posted by jay on February 11, 2003, at 21:13:11
In reply to ~my past won't leave me be, posted by dreamerz on February 11, 2003, at 20:40:36
> it's killing me..I want the bad stuff erased from my brain...can't stop crying..I look like someone in the mirror why do I deserve crap I move forward I have potential..but I can't break from the ambience of dread it's like a curse..
> I feel like a child in a bad dream .A small thing sets me back I feel like I'm rotting away inside my heart is giving up-literally...I sense my time is short.
> Guess this is a bad day..I need a big changeIs there anything you can change or do about past events? (i.e. financial problems....job situation..etc?) Or is it maybe more what has happened to you on a social/personal level?
Also, are your *symptoms* being looked after? Are you tending to your anxiety and/or depression? I find both require a *serious* balance, like walking a tightrope. The most *painful* I find is anxiety, and I describe it often as something like a "..dentists drill grinding away at every nerve ending in my body x 1 zillion..". Are your medications working for you in these areas?
You are in the UK, right? It seems like some doctors there have a very conservative mindset when it comes to medication choices. Have you tried a few other doctors? That is your right you know..regardless of what people say about 'doctor shopping'. Heck, most people will drive 10 miles across town to their favourite dry cleaners but accept one doctors oppinion as being gospel. Truth is..often..if you think you are smarter than your doctor...you may be right. Besides very particular interactions, you can guess upon medications just as much as they can. And, you are the one who knows your body best...not they.
This is a *deadly* illness, so please take every (educated) chance, precaution, you can..and please take care of *yourself*.
Best wishes as always....
Jay
Posted by dreamerz on February 11, 2003, at 21:31:01
In reply to Re: ~my past won't leave me be, posted by jay on February 11, 2003, at 21:13:11
Hi Jay..
Hmm taking care of myself : )
I'm worn out I'm tired of docs hopefully this is a short episode or whatever..my body and mind are so tired.
I have to do this work stuff to keep me positive--work usually gets me high.
I 'm determined to move on..mind over matter and mind over a stale mind-got to iron out those deep creases in my head remap everything.
Sorry I'm kinda rambling :-)
Posted by jodie on February 11, 2003, at 22:40:57
In reply to ~my past won't leave me be, posted by dreamerz on February 11, 2003, at 20:40:36
Many people posting here seem to be feeling really down lately, me included. I want to give advice to those people and say "you will be fine, cheer up, talk to your Dr." It's easy to say things like that. But when you feel just as bad as someone, its so hard to give them support. I want to be able to, and I find myself giving people advice/support here, but then I sign off the internet, and go into my little corner and cry. I feel guilty about so many things in my life. I want to erase all the bad memories. I wish I could go back in time, and start all over. But honestly, I would probably make the same mistakes the second time around. I really just hate my life right now. I am not suicidal, but almost feel like I could just care less what happens to me. Bad day for me too....
Sorry, I don't mean for you to have to listen to my problems, I just understand yours. I may not "know" you or your exact problems/feelings, but believe me I can relate.
Jodie
Posted by rayww on February 12, 2003, at 0:36:32
In reply to ~my past won't leave me be, posted by dreamerz on February 11, 2003, at 20:40:36
I hear you. Instead of running away from your past, try to accept your every-year-of-life-self, your 3-year-old self, your 17-yr-old self, your 32-yr-old self, and all in between, and then say the words, "everything in my past has been for my best good" Well, maybe it hasn't, but what does it hurt to pretend it has, learn from it, and go on? I don't know what kind of abuse, etc. you are running away from, but we all have it in one form or other.
you are worth it, rayww
Posted by Tabitha on February 12, 2003, at 1:05:56
In reply to ~my past won't leave me be, posted by dreamerz on February 11, 2003, at 20:40:36
big hug for (((Dr Eamer)))
and a can of fast acting brain-eraser.
use only in well-ventilated area.
Posted by daizy on February 12, 2003, at 11:50:29
In reply to ~my past won't leave me be, posted by dreamerz on February 11, 2003, at 20:40:36
> it's killing me..I want the bad stuff erased from my brain...can't stop crying..I look like someone in the mirror why do I deserve crap I move forward I have potential..but I can't break from the ambience of dread it's like a curse..
> I feel like a child in a bad dream .A small thing sets me back I feel like I'm rotting away inside my heart is giving up-literally...I sense my time is short.
> Guess this is a bad day..I need a big change
Today is a bad day for me too. Its one of those miserable blue days, one of those days I'd be so blue I'd go out and end up doing stuff I now want to forget I ever did. I dont understand why I did some of the things I did, stupid things, dangerous things. Now I cant forget them.
I know what you mean about a big change. something exciting to take my mind away from thinking about how depressed i am. has anyone ever got that feeling of excitement back after loosing it? I dont think I ever will.
Posted by dreamerz on February 12, 2003, at 17:02:27
In reply to Re: ~my past won't leave me be, posted by daizy on February 12, 2003, at 11:50:29
I popped xtra effexor in desperation
..had a dream-free sleep..awoke numb with an empty head-nice.
Thanks for replies xxx
Posted by agencypanic on February 12, 2003, at 19:28:16
In reply to Re: ~my past won't leave me be, posted by dreamerz on February 12, 2003, at 17:02:27
It would be nice to be able to use words like pills-- just find the right ones
and everything would be cool. Unfortunately all I can do is say that I 'know' how you all feel.
I've felt that way so often recently that I didn't think it possible to feel differently.
But over the past few days the meds are kicking in somewhat and my mood has improved. So, hang in there.
It's difficult enough dealing with the actions/reactions of others-- try to be nice to yourselves. Stupid words, I know.
Best I can do at the moment.
Posted by jodie on February 12, 2003, at 21:30:11
In reply to Re: ~my past won't leave me be, posted by dreamerz on February 12, 2003, at 17:02:27
Nice to hear you slept peaceful!!! Be careful with Effexor though.
I'm popping some Ambien here in about an hour. It better work this time. I think last time the pharmacy gave me placebo instead. Can they do that?
Sorry my last post didn't have much encouragement. I've just been down in the dumps lately!
Hope you sleep well again!
jodie
Posted by Dinah on February 12, 2003, at 22:23:16
In reply to Re: ~my past won't leave me be, posted by dreamerz on February 12, 2003, at 17:02:27
I'm sorry, Dreamer.
I'm glad you had a good night's sleep (you can sleep on Effexor? Wow! It had me bouncing off the walls.)
Hope today's a better day for you.
This is the end of the thread.
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