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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 19:26:53
damn..... should of known when I came back to this board I was in trouble. hehe. first of all this is just a sounding board-- no body listens when I speack my mates are all real perfect. I am just letting this S**T out y'know. Stress of moving has got to me. Seem to have went to a BPII state again, not bad as in a hypo state now but still ;but lets be real the devils are returning and I will be waking to the vision of myself hanging above my bed, real goya style. >:)
Gonna start up with depakote on monday, why not really? anyone know the legalitys of revealing mental health probs. in UK law??
Also I been meaning to ask about domestic violence? or more anyone else seen there mother beaten the hell out of when they were young? I am having trouble remembering my past, or hell is it really important? seen as I dont know my parents anymore, but does it matter as I probably will beat the hell out of them if I see them again. >:)
But I have a feeling my dad is the basis of my trouble (either that or some priest desided I was cute, it seems to happen. That is civil; its a fact now priest like kids >:) ). Still I remember going to sleep hearing my mother scream and stuff and the thumps, and the stuff seen i dont want to repeat . Just need memory triggers as this is deep down hidden. Want to get this out as this is the problem. F**k being a victim hell if facing demons kills me then so be it, I will leave a nice note and take my dad with me (all he needs is a push)
I really dont feel bad, just kinda evil. so in summination I am kinda thinking of hearing domestic violence stories to trigger my memorysI would end this with a good quote but intelegence is superfluous (SP)
(apart form spelling)
M
Posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 19:28:23
In reply to FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 19:26:53
hell which bored (Y) this meant to go on??
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 22, 2002, at 19:52:01
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 19:28:23
Geek- you are drunk now- can't get around that- but you are also bringing up extremely important, traumatic issues from your childhood. They are terrible to deal with, but others have done so successfully, and you can, too. Two things- to do it, you have to be sober, and you have to have a good therapist. What about it - are you up for doing that?
Pfinstegg
Posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 19:59:40
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :) » GeekUKII, posted by Pfinstegg on November 22, 2002, at 19:52:01
NO THE RAPISTS. done with that. sober generally. just not articulate sober. Thanks for being the first to respond. Just tired of all this stuff. Need to get better. I will, sure of it. J ust need to get my dad out of my head. I am already more of a man than he will ever be. Anyone know a hitman? nah I'll do him myself >:)
M
Posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 20:14:15
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 19:28:23
M...
It does go on and for years the memories will intrude till you don't know if it happened or not-what is real..
It's a horrible natural way of the mind trying to sort itself out like a hard disc defraging all the mess.
I cannot advise on the drink..but I used it to block out my past also.. meds are healthier-?-I don't know...but meds seem to have helped me more than the grog...takes away the dark seedy ambience.
If we could choose our parents eh.
Eventually the hate does turn to indifference and you do move on..but little things spark off somethings ...like a bad dream(I wake myself up shouting :-)..or listening to news etc..but it fades (maybe that's the meds working)
The biplor thing..sometimes it's hard to think is it nature or nurture..makes it complicated
I don't know about your past but all I can say is
I almost turned into my mother-well partially I could never become that evil..let the past rott in a stagnant landscape until the top soil falls, cause it will..
Sorry for the tangents -I've just woken up.
~sweetness~
I don't envy your hangover : )
Posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 20:22:09
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 19:59:40
...
Just mention..I planned to harm (kill)my mother...it's healthy to fantasise about it -so I was told..but really going through with it they have won haven't they--got to you--fed you the power of anger raped your mind also..and you end up in prison or dead..I don't want you to die..cause I know you are special and deserve a healthy future.
So there :)
Use the anger to get well.Keep writing here if it helps.
Posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 20:34:42
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :) » GeekUKII, posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 20:14:15
>
>
> M...
> It does go on and for years the memories will intrude till you don't know if it happened or not-what is real..Yeah damn right!
> It's a horrible natural way of the mind trying to sort itself out like a hard disc defraging all the mess.
> I cannot advise on the drink..but I used it to block out my past also.. meds are healthier-?i hope so drink is too expensive
-I don't know...but meds seem to have helped me more than the grog...takes away the dark seedy ambience.
But I am dark and seedy!
> If we could choose our parents eh.
I wouldnt have know you.
> Eventually the hate does turn to indifference and you do move on..but little things spark off somethings ...like a bad dream(I wake myself up shouting :-)..or listening to news etc..but it fades (maybe that's the meds working)
often I dream of killing my father/mother, There a putic, yeah a putic
> The biplor thing..sometimes it's hard to think is it nature or nurture..makes it complicated
> I don't know about your past but all I can say is
> I almost turned into my mother-well partially I could never become that evil..let the past rott in a stagnant landscape until the top soil falls, cause it will..Totally, I know about you a bit, does not mean they need to be us. My main aim not to be my dad, hell I am drunk so I am doing well yeah? yeah right.
> Sorry for the tangents -I've just woken up.
> ~sweetness~
> I don't envy your hangover : )
>
Posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 20:49:56
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 20:22:09
thanxs D
hell, just did a bad post on the faith board, but might not get me banned as was not abusive. bad idea in my opinion that board. Hell when my mother was getting beat I went to church. Jesus is love and all that. yeah, that entire period reminds me of how 2 faced the world is. god is love, the mother. Father is violence. god is weak, to submit is weakness.To submit to god is weakness. Let some one else look after you; damn...Get a backbone. god is just a way of escaping your life. face your life (hey sue I mean you! [its all relative])
going 4 a few weeks ( no doubt)M
Posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 20:53:36
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 20:34:42
>
> i hope so drink is too expensiveJust don't start on tape cleaning fluid..when that happened I knew I had a problem
Tall dark and handsome
>
Your doing ok...you want a new direction /for me personally therapy doesn't help--I've tried...I just want to forget and move forward..who wants to talk about bad dreams all day---times short- and other cliches.
You'll get tired of the drink..
as Kid_A says 'broken machines'----- guess need fixing with something..so find a healthier poison..unless the therapy thing for you works.
Posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 21:01:35
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 20:53:36
>
> >
> > i hope so drink is too expensive
>
> Just don't start on tape cleaning fluid..when that happened I knew I had a problem
>
> sheet yeah, I had forgot how hardcore you are :)
> Tall dark and handsome
> > Cant help genetics :)
> Your doing ok...you want a new direction /for me personally therapy doesn't help--I've tried...I just want to forget and move forward..who wants to talk about bad dreams all day---times short- and other cliches.Yeah, I am done with the past. dreams- so what? your mother didnt love you?- hell you dont love her anyway? your dad's a violent C**t? You would beat the MF within an inch of his life yeah? so whats the problem? I no longer care.
> You'll get tired of the drink..
> as Kid_A says 'broken machines'----- guess need fixing with something..so find a healthier poison..unless the therapy thing for you works.
>
poison.....dont have the guts sorry.
Posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 21:05:24
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 20:49:56
I'm staying away from faith board now...
There is just no answer to the unknown..I expect zero nothing but if the angels want to whisk me away thats fine , just no harps and clapping please...oh , and bright lights.
Posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 21:15:59
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 21:05:24
Posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 21:17:20
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 21:05:24
Yep me 2. if they want that illusion, leave 'em to it.
(BTW my hangover will be from hel)
M
>> I'm staying away from faith board now...
> There is just no answer to the unknown..I expect zero nothing but if the angels want to whisk me away thats fine , just no harps and clapping please...oh , and bright lights.
Posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 21:26:10
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by GeekUKII on November 22, 2002, at 21:17:20
Posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 21:44:01
In reply to Re:___have U gone sleepybyes ? (nm) » GeekUKII, posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 21:26:10
put water next to your bed , preferably fizzy.
Enjoy breakfast.lovables......
Posted by dreamerz on November 23, 2002, at 4:53:23
In reply to Re: FYI : drunken ramblings, real drunken :), posted by dreamerz on November 22, 2002, at 21:05:24
in moderation : )
Posted by Dreamerz on December 1, 2002, at 15:50:48
In reply to Re: actually harps ain't so bad...., posted by dreamerz on November 23, 2002, at 4:53:23
Posted by GeekUKII on December 3, 2002, at 18:15:38
In reply to Geek2: let me know if you're still breathing... (nm), posted by Dreamerz on December 1, 2002, at 15:50:48
last time I checked, back on depakote now, sleeping like a mf. feel better. more like the great unwashed masses. But I need to go away for a bit,like I said. I tend to get enveloped in the darkness. I am only young after all. Need to get a balance between the light and dark side of my soul. Have been light for too long and need to let in the mother F%%%ing evil, without it I aint whole. Just need to get the balance right
C ya laterz
by the way really love the picturer you have on yahoo. So gets you, did you do it? R.O.C.K.S.
MYK
Posted by Dreamerz on December 3, 2002, at 19:26:59
In reply to Re: Geek2: let me know if you're still breathing..., posted by GeekUKII on December 3, 2002, at 18:15:38
Depakote sleep , doing alot of that myself..
The pic ? Yeh..
I'm a woman of few words today so see you later..get evil if that is your want.
This is the end of the thread.
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