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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 13:30:28
I've decided that some of my problems are caused by a lack of a goal in my life. I have achieved everything I ever wanted from life, and done everything I've ever really really wanted to do. (Except maybe win the lottery.) Everything in my life is just as I want it, and that makes my problems seem worse somehow.
So I need a goal. And I've decided to make my goal to go back to school and get a degree in something that I enjoy doing and feel is worthwhile. In order to do that, I have to pay off all my credit card debt.
I told my husband my new goal and he laughed and laughed. And then I laughed too. Paying off my credit card debt could be a lifelong goal in itself, and I'm not known for the ascetic lifestyle or hours of long work (at the job I hate) to make it a realistic goal really.
Maybe I need a shorter term goal.
Posted by Tabßitha on October 13, 2002, at 15:08:13
In reply to I need a goal., posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 13:30:28
He laughed? Oh, this is one of those times I want to smack your husband. Maybe you could start taking a few classes without paying off all the debt first. Do you have a major in mind?
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 15:25:45
In reply to Re: I need a goal., posted by Tabßitha on October 13, 2002, at 15:08:13
Well, that's one of the problems. I want to do something that will help people. Something really meaningful that will make me feel good when I go to bed each night. Unfortunately, I'm terrible with people skills. And being around people overstimulates me terribly.
Plus I can barely keep up with my current obligations. Of course, that may be because I really really hate my job.
I do get stuck going round and round over this. My therapist is not particularly useful because as he's gotten to know me better, he thinks my job is perfect for me and my talents and weaknesses. So he's rather halfhearted about supporting my attempts to chew my way out of this cage.
Do you ever feel like one of those poor animals at the zoo? The ones that pace back and forth and make little ruts in their enclosures? Walk as far as you can go, lift your head with that little twist and turn in the other direction. And maybe they're better off in there. No hunter is going to shoot them for their pelts. No predator will get them. They don't have to worry about disappearing habitats or lack of food. If they ever were given freedom they'd probably never make it. But still the pacing and the glazed look.
Maybe my goal ought to be to try to grow to love my enclosure.
Posted by Robin David John on October 13, 2002, at 23:57:54
In reply to I need a goal., posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 13:30:28
Hi Dinah ...Going back to school can be pretty stressing especially if you have been out for some time ...I was thinking about your thread and decided to add my 2 cents worth here ..A long term program sounds great , I would only wish you well . They have short seasonal programs here and maybe where you live that would be something to consider first ..I am thinking of taking guitar lessons soon and in january learning how to give massage (couples are encouraged for this program but not manditory)..the guitar lessons are only 1 hour a week for as long as I want to take them ..and the massage program is 10 weeks over a 3 month period, writing is something I would love to learn so I could tell and write short stories..just a thought..if you can set short term goals and see how they go ..and then if you are happy with the success of these short term goals go for the big one and laugh yourself into a degree and hang it where your husband see's it everyday..
I'm behind you ...Robin
Posted by Willow on October 14, 2002, at 0:14:15
In reply to Re: I need a goal. » Dinah, posted by Robin David John on October 13, 2002, at 23:57:54
Dinah
I signed up for a course, not because i wanted to this time but because i thought i needed some stimulation or outside deversion. It came back on friday because i din't put the correct amount on it after even calling to confirm that i had all the information correct. So do i write a new check for $4 more, nah, i scrapped the idea.
Enough about me, sounds great that you are able to think outside of the box.
Whispering Willow
Posted by Dinah on October 14, 2002, at 7:18:50
In reply to Re: I need a goal., posted by Willow on October 14, 2002, at 0:14:15
Willow, it's good to see your name around here again. :)
I'm afraid it's just a pipedream. I'll never catch up to my current responsibilities enough to take on more. Life just seems so long sometimes, you know?
Dinah
Posted by judy1 on October 14, 2002, at 11:03:31
In reply to I need a goal., posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 13:30:28
Hi Dinah,
I think that's a wonderful idea, except I don't understand the credit card thing. You know I have complete empathy with you there, and I recently watched Oprah or something and learned it will take me 100 years to pay off mine at this rate. So, I applied for a student loan (not tied to income) and I take one course of psych a semester (which I figured I would ace because of being part of this board for over 4 years). That's about all I can handle, at first I audited because it was stressful but got an A so now I take it for credit. Ultimately I would love to be a therapist and if I'm 60 when that happens so be it. Anyway I think you should go for it. take care, judy
Posted by Willow on October 14, 2002, at 12:39:51
In reply to Re: I need a goal. » Dinah, posted by judy1 on October 14, 2002, at 11:03:31
With the way health care is going and educating people about healthy lifestyles, I think we'll be in our prime around 60. So if we take on a new career at that age bonus. Imagine doing something you can't stand for a whole life time? Not!
Willow
ps dinah i'm just stopping by because of the long weekend and then off i go again, do you believe me?
Posted by SusanG on October 14, 2002, at 14:10:11
In reply to Future Goals and turning 60 ..., posted by Willow on October 14, 2002, at 12:39:51
Hi Dinah :),
I think you have tremendous gifts in relating to people, though you say you have difficulty doing so face to face. What do you think of the idea of volunteering for a crisis hotline? You could be of service to people and not have to have eye contact be an issue. In my area, the agencies that run that type of hotline are always looking for volunteers. If you did that and found you enjoyed it, it might give you some ideas about new career directions. Or, you might decide to stick with the job you have to pay the bills, but get your fulfillment from this as a "hobby". I think you have wonderful skills that could be really valuable to a lot of people.
Sue
Posted by jane d on October 14, 2002, at 17:26:58
In reply to I need a goal., posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 13:30:28
> So I need a goal. And I've decided to make my goal to go back to school and get a degree in something that I enjoy doing and feel is worthwhile. In order to do that, I have to pay off all my credit card debt.
Isn't there a name for that kind of reasoning? And probably a DSM code as well? :)
> I told my husband my new goal and he laughed and laughed. And then I laughed too. Paying off my credit card debt could be a lifelong goal in itself, and I'm not known for the ascetic lifestyle or hours of long work (at the job I hate) to make it a realistic goal really.
>
> Maybe I need a shorter term goal.So what if you paid off SOME of the debt? Perhaps for the first month your goal can be just to avoid increasing it? And school does not have to be a full time, quit your job, commitment although I think it's easier to do it that way. How about a shorter term goal of taking a few classes to figure out what you want to do most while reducing your debt a little?
Psychology, philosophy, theology? Think how much fun you could have deciding?
Jane, who needs a goal too
Posted by Mal on October 14, 2002, at 19:55:30
In reply to I need a goal., posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 13:30:28
I can completely relate to the feeling of needing a goal. I find that I get restless if I don't have some project or goal to strive for. And the whole idea of doing something MEANINGFUL can be overwhelming sometimes.
As for the debt, there are programs that are useful for helping you get a plan together to pay down your debt. I used to listen to a guy on talk radio, Dave Ramsey, whose plan I never personally used (because I have been fortunate enough not to have a big debt problem), but I can see how his plan would really work. It would take self discipline, but it would work. I don't have a URL, but maybe you could find one...
And about the classes- maybe you could start out auditing one class, to see how you will like it or whether it is too much.
I like the idea posted about the help line. I think you would be fabulous if you chose to try that out.
All the best to you! MAL
Posted by Tabßitha on October 15, 2002, at 0:32:57
In reply to Re: I need a goal., posted by Mal on October 14, 2002, at 19:55:30
I can see you as a female priest. Of the marryin' kind of course. I guess that would make you Episcopalian. I'd come to your church. You put such a humanistic spin on matters of faith.
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2002, at 7:05:36
In reply to Re: I need a goal. » Dinah, posted by judy1 on October 14, 2002, at 11:03:31
Judy that's wonderful! Congratulations! I think you would make a terrific compassionate therapist. You're right about the age part. If I can get to the point that I don't feel so overwhelmed, perhaps I could take a class at a time. I think the key is knowing I'm not stuck here forever.
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2002, at 7:06:56
In reply to Future Goals and turning 60 ..., posted by Willow on October 14, 2002, at 12:39:51
>
> ps dinah i'm just stopping by because of the long weekend and then off i go again, do you believe me?Of course I do, dear Willow. Although of course it's our loss. :)
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2002, at 7:12:37
In reply to Just a Thought, posted by SusanG on October 14, 2002, at 14:10:11
Sue, I can always count on you to believe in me. :)
I just need to get that energy up. I tried volunteering at church, but found my moods got in the way of being the sort of reliable volunteer they need. Same thing with our local school. They need people willing to commit for certain periods of time, and right now at least, I don't know who I'll be from day to day. But maybe one day soon. I'm feeling optimistic this morning.
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2002, at 7:22:17
In reply to Re: I need a goal., posted by Mal on October 14, 2002, at 19:55:30
> I can completely relate to the feeling of needing a goal. I find that I get restless if I don't have some project or goal to strive for. And the whole idea of doing something MEANINGFUL can be overwhelming sometimes.
>
Yes, goals and challenge do lend meaning to life. And I've been perhaps too efficient at meeting my goals and not efficient enough at setting new ones. The remaining ones, paying down my debt and somehow managing to stagger through my work, do not inspire, worthy though they might be. :)
>
> I like the idea posted about the help line. I think you would be fabulous if you chose to try that out.
>
> All the best to you! MALThank you, MAL. I really appreciate it.
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2002, at 7:24:21
In reply to Re: I need a goal., posted by Dinah on October 15, 2002, at 7:22:17
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2002, at 7:34:32
In reply to Re: I need a goal. » Dinah, posted by jane d on October 14, 2002, at 17:26:58
Tabitha, that is such a nice thing to say! (And such a change from my Sunday School class, who I'm pretty sure is praying for my immortal soul.)
Jane, you know me so well (grin). Not increasing my debt is a huge challenge in itself. And theology would be just what I would like to study. I do so love to argue and bounce around ideas. And since many theology programs also include psychology and counseling, I would enjoy it no end.
And maybe that could be my short term goal. To locate a local place to study theology for a radical thinker such as myself. Finding a school that would accept a Jamesian Christian would be half the battle.
(Sorry Dr. Bob, I realize this straddles the faith board, but is more about goals than about faith).
Posted by Pfinstegg on October 17, 2002, at 18:59:08
In reply to Re: I need a goal. - Jane and Tabitha, posted by Dinah on October 15, 2002, at 7:34:32
Hey Dinah, it sounds like you do have a goal, after all! No matter if it's hard or a financial strain, if you think you'll love it, go ahead and study theology- you'll learn a huge amount, will be able to think, read and debate to your heart's content, and will also become very skilled at counselling- so many doors will open. Go for it!
Pfinstegg
Posted by Dinah on October 17, 2002, at 19:25:39
In reply to Dinah - a goal, posted by Pfinstegg on October 17, 2002, at 18:59:08
I think I might make it a long range goal. At least something to look forward to some day. :)
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