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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Mair on December 22, 2001, at 17:57:17
Weren't you supposed to meet with your therapist yesterday? Did everything go okay? Your last several posts have sounded a whole lot less despairing, which I've taken as a good sign? Is your son getting excited about Christmas?
Mair
Posted by Dinah on December 22, 2001, at 19:13:19
In reply to Dinah - Are you ok?, posted by Mair on December 22, 2001, at 17:57:17
Thanks for asking, Mair. It really means a lot to me.
My son is so excited about Christmas. It's fun to watch him. He's not only an only child but an only grandchild on both sides so Christmas is always like Disneyland to him. He's a delightful and solemn little boy.
My appointment was actually hilarious. He had forgotten a lot of what had happened, which was just as well since I had behaved badly indeed. He wasn't angry with me. We spent most of the session talking about trust and the therapeutic committment, and about how I didn't have to scan every moment for a threat of termination. We tried to work on my inability to accept the dichotomy that I could trust him while at the same time he himself has admitted he could decide not to work with me tomorrow, although he says that is a remote possibility. We also spoke about my visceral reaction to the uncertainty in his scheduling procedures.
Here is the funny part. After all that, he tells me he has decided to see patients next week. I checked to make sure that if I accepted an appointment that he would understand it wasn't the week's vacation I was upset about, but the uncertainty. THEN HE ASKS ME IF WE CAN MAKE THE APPOINTMENT FLEXIBLE, SO THAT IF HE HAS TO CHANGE THE TIME OR DAY THAT HE CAN. At that point, it just became plain funny. How can you respond to that? So, I'm not upset because I have reached that profound state of acceptance about the issue. He's not going to change. It's time for me to practice my distress tolerance skills. LOL.
Posted by susan C on December 22, 2001, at 21:42:27
In reply to Re: Dinah - Are you ok? » Mair, posted by Dinah on December 22, 2001, at 19:13:19
> Thanks for asking, Mair. It really means a lot to me.
>
> My son is so excited about Christmas. It's fun to watch him. He's not only an only child but an only grandchild on both sides so Christmas is always like Disneyland to him. He's a delightful and solemn little boy.
>
> My appointment was actually hilarious. He had forgotten a lot of what had happened, which was just as well since I had behaved badly indeed. He wasn't angry with me. We spent most of the session talking about trust and the therapeutic committment, and about how I didn't have to scan every moment for a threat of termination. We tried to work on my inability to accept the dichotomy that I could trust him while at the same time he himself has admitted he could decide not to work with me tomorrow, although he says that is a remote possibility. We also spoke about my visceral reaction to the uncertainty in his scheduling procedures.
> Here is the funny part. After all that, he tells me he has decided to see patients next week. I checked to make sure that if I accepted an appointment that he would understand it wasn't the week's vacation I was upset about, but the uncertainty. THEN HE ASKS ME IF WE CAN MAKE THE APPOINTMENT FLEXIBLE, SO THAT IF HE HAS TO CHANGE THE TIME OR DAY THAT HE CAN. At that point, it just became plain funny. How can you respond to that? So, I'm not upset because I have reached that profound state of acceptance about the issue. He's not going to change. It's time for me to practice my distress tolerance skills. LOL.You are the greatest, Dinah.
I learn so much from everyones experiences. Thank you for sharing.
Mouse hiding under the therapists couch...
Posted by Katey on December 22, 2001, at 21:51:50
In reply to Re: Dinah - Are you ok?, posted by susan C on December 22, 2001, at 21:42:27
> > Thanks for asking, Mair. It really means a lot to me.
> >
> > My son is so excited about Christmas. It's fun to watch him. He's not only an only child but an only grandchild on both sides so Christmas is always like Disneyland to him. He's a delightful and solemn little boy.
> >
> > My appointment was actually hilarious. He had forgotten a lot of what had happened, which was just as well since I had behaved badly indeed. He wasn't angry with me. We spent most of the session talking about trust and the therapeutic committment, and about how I didn't have to scan every moment for a threat of termination. We tried to work on my inability to accept the dichotomy that I could trust him while at the same time he himself has admitted he could decide not to work with me tomorrow, although he says that is a remote possibility. We also spoke about my visceral reaction to the uncertainty in his scheduling procedures.
> > Here is the funny part. After all that, he tells me he has decided to see patients next week. I checked to make sure that if I accepted an appointment that he would understand it wasn't the week's vacation I was upset about, but the uncertainty. THEN HE ASKS ME IF WE CAN MAKE THE APPOINTMENT FLEXIBLE, SO THAT IF HE HAS TO CHANGE THE TIME OR DAY THAT HE CAN. At that point, it just became plain funny. How can you respond to that? So, I'm not upset because I have reached that profound state of acceptance about the issue. He's not going to change. It's time for me to practice my distress tolerance skills. LOL.
>
> You are the greatest, Dinah.
>
> I learn so much from everyones experiences. Thank you for sharing.
>
> Mouse hiding under the therapists couch...
Posted by Dinah on December 29, 2001, at 22:23:15
In reply to Dinah - Are you ok?, posted by Mair on December 22, 2001, at 17:57:17
I have been reading over some of my posts from this period, and wondering what gets into me sometimes. It's like I am a completely different person now. I am not feeling particularly dependent on my therapist at all. I wonder if it is the fear of loss that is the basis of the attachment in the first place? But that doesn't really fit, because I feel no particular fear of loss at all right now. Of course, I also don't feel particularly attached. It seems to come and go, with no particular reason.
I wonder who on earth I'll be from day to day and what my reactions and attitudes will be. It is so unsettling to not know how you will react from one week to the next.
Things are going pretty good right now. I don't feel sad or anxious. I am enjoying my son and the holidays. My thoughts feel rather slow and thick. But I wouldn't mind freezing my mood right here. I wish I could. Because I know that one day I will again be rocking on the floor of the closet, thinking irrational thoughts, and crawling with anxiety. But I will ride this smooth, if slightly blank, mood while it lasts, even while I wish for a slightly more engaged but positive mood.
Posted by Mair on December 30, 2001, at 11:33:03
In reply to Re: Dinah - Are you ok? - Update, posted by Dinah on December 29, 2001, at 22:23:15
Dinah - I'm glad to see that the forgiving you is back. I know what you mean about being two different people. Somedays I manage tt get through all or at least a decent chunk of the day without even giving a passing thought to my mental health. Other days I just seem to carry on this exhausting running dialogue with myself where I am continually criticizing and analyzing every thing i say, do, or worst of all, think. I spent a couple of hours lying in bed this morning just thinking about how much I hate myself and how much I don't want to go in to see my therapist tomorrow with such a negative attitude. I feel like cancelling because i can't really imagine talking about anything I'm thinking, but I'm not the type of person to just not show up and I know i can't cancel without explaining some of this to her and she'd probably talk me into coming in anyway and I'd feel like my calling to begin with was an attention getting ploy. Just going seems like the path of least resistance no matter how fruitless a session it's likely to be. The aggravating thing is that in a couple of hours it's possible that i'll feel entirely differently.
I'm glad you enjoyed the holidays. I have a 2 and 1/2 year old nephew, and I just got such a kick out of watching him play with his new toys. It reminded me that when my kids were little, they never played with anything for very long, but they kept coming back to them over and over. I also remember marveling about how creative they could be about turning one thing into another. Like all of my sons trucks and cars could be vehicles, or they could be put in a circle to create the gates of a town. My husband used to refer to it as cannibalizing every toy into something else. Enjoy!!!
Mair
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