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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crinn on December 3, 2001, at 7:38:15
Does anyone else feel like they are expected to live a double life? I feel like even though I am sick, I have to go to work, take care of the family and behave as if everything is ok, when I can barely function. I think this is making me sicker, not healthier. All I want to do is rest. Of course, sleep is impossible. Anyway, just wondering if anyone else ever felt like this. Thanks!
Posted by akc on December 3, 2001, at 8:39:37
In reply to double life?, posted by crinn on December 3, 2001, at 7:38:15
Totally. This so describes where I am right now. If I didn't have to lead that other life right now (the work one), I would probably go on forever. I just want to sit in my chair at home and not function -- but that is not allowed. Everyone believes I can function -- and I guess I do, but just barely. I'm tired of doing so. I want to quit.
> Does anyone else feel like they are expected to live a double life? I feel like even though I am sick, I have to go to work, take care of the family and behave as if everything is ok, when I can barely function. I think this is making me sicker, not healthier. All I want to do is rest. Of course, sleep is impossible. Anyway, just wondering if anyone else ever felt like this. Thanks!
Posted by NikkiT2 on December 3, 2001, at 10:46:35
In reply to double life?, posted by crinn on December 3, 2001, at 7:38:15
I completely understand.. I lead a total double life... I have to stay "fine" when I am with others, and refuse to let anyone see how bad I can be... As soon as I am alone, I just collapse... and keeping up my mask is getting harder and harder...
nikki
Posted by akc on December 3, 2001, at 10:53:49
In reply to Re: double life? » crinn, posted by NikkiT2 on December 3, 2001, at 10:46:35
and keeping up my mask is getting harder and harder...
Again . . . totally relate.
Posted by sar on December 3, 2001, at 11:36:58
In reply to double life?, posted by crinn on December 3, 2001, at 7:38:15
yes. we're all expected to wear our pretty, put-together masks. i can wear it by day, teaching the kids, saying hello to the peeps, "you have such pretty hair" "thank you" slipping the debit card through smiling "thank you" "have a good one "you too"
and when i get home from the store i take off the mask, open the wine or beer i've just bought, and......
Posted by Sourceror on December 3, 2001, at 15:46:36
In reply to Re: double life?, posted by sar on December 3, 2001, at 11:36:58
I agree with sar seeing how I work in retail as well and it is "hell" for someone who is depressed to have to put on the "happy face". I feel these double lives are part of the reason that I sit and contemplate suicide so much. Why can't we just be ourselves....what the hell are people so scared of that some of us might just be upset and living some tough lives???
L8R,
The Sourceror
Posted by crinn on December 3, 2001, at 16:10:18
In reply to Re: double life?, posted by Sourceror on December 3, 2001, at 15:46:36
> I agree with sar seeing how I work in retail as well and it is "hell" for someone who is depressed to have to put on the "happy face". I feel these double lives are part of the reason that I sit and contemplate suicide so much. Why can't we just be ourselves....what the hell are people so scared of that some of us might just be upset and living some tough lives???
>
> L8R,
> The SourcerorAs insensitive as this may sound, it is actually good to know other people feel like I do. So, my next question is, what would happen if we just told it like it is? I guess one of my biggest fears is letting people know how sick I feel. The one or two times I've told people (friends) I actually got very positive feedback, but this terrifies me. It would be so much easier at work if I could tell my boss, but the very thought has me reaching for my xanax. Any thoughts?
Posted by Sourceror on December 3, 2001, at 22:22:44
In reply to Re: double life?, posted by crinn on December 3, 2001, at 16:10:18
Crinn,
I have found in my experiences that when I "come out with it" as far as my condition that it brings about pitty and fear. Fear in people because they don't know how to handle my disease and they are also afraid of what it is that I may want from them. I hate to play the 20 questions game as well that often follows and the constant pounding of what can they do (CAUSE I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HELP. IF I DID I WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING IT ALONG TIME AGO). I must say that the only place I have found it helpful is at work because it gives me alot more leeway for screwing up and not getting yelled at, they are more apt to just talk to me in a matter of fact way. So I would strongly recomend mentioning it to the boss in a side conversation and a by the way this is what I am going through type of way. I hope this has helped...L8R,
The Sourceror
Posted by Kristi on December 3, 2001, at 22:27:10
In reply to Re: double life?, posted by Sourceror on December 3, 2001, at 22:22:44
I know what everyone is saying...... but I sort of try to look at it from another perspective. I work serving cocktails at a casino. What I bring home depends on my "sociality". I fake it very well. I come home and crawl under the covers and cry afterwards..... I don't feel like getting up and going to work in the mornings..... but then I ask myself if I'd rather sit here with these feelings or "fake it".... I don't know, I guess that works well for me. Even if it's a lie... I'm normal(whatever that is) for 8 hours a day.
> Crinn,
> I have found in my experiences that when I "come out with it" as far as my condition that it brings about pitty and fear. Fear in people because they don't know how to handle my disease and they are also afraid of what it is that I may want from them. I hate to play the 20 questions game as well that often follows and the constant pounding of what can they do (CAUSE I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HELP. IF I DID I WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING IT ALONG TIME AGO). I must say that the only place I have found it helpful is at work because it gives me alot more leeway for screwing up and not getting yelled at, they are more apt to just talk to me in a matter of fact way. So I would strongly recomend mentioning it to the boss in a side conversation and a by the way this is what I am going through type of way. I hope this has helped...
>
> L8R,
> The Sourceror
Posted by paula on December 3, 2001, at 22:43:31
In reply to Re: double life?, posted by Kristi on December 3, 2001, at 22:27:10
You make an interesting point. I've gotten myself into what could be a very fruitful use of my non-sociability: academia. Nothing keeps a person isolated like research in the humanities! I've been thinking about getting SOME kind of normal, regularly scheduled job out in the world just to keep my juices flowing. I don't want to be forced into sociability, but I think it'll help me. I am so completely impressed that you're able to do the cocktail waitress thing. That's got to be one of the most intensely "sociable" jobs in the world. More power to you!! --p
> I know what everyone is saying...... but I sort of try to look at it from another perspective. I work serving cocktails at a casino. What I bring home depends on my "sociality". I fake it very well. I come home and crawl under the covers and cry afterwards..... I don't feel like getting up and going to work in the mornings..... but then I ask myself if I'd rather sit here with these feelings or "fake it".... I don't know, I guess that works well for me. Even if it's a lie... I'm normal(whatever that is) for 8 hours a day.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > Crinn,
> > I have found in my experiences that when I "come out with it" as far as my condition that it brings about pitty and fear. Fear in people because they don't know how to handle my disease and they are also afraid of what it is that I may want from them. I hate to play the 20 questions game as well that often follows and the constant pounding of what can they do (CAUSE I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HELP. IF I DID I WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING IT ALONG TIME AGO). I must say that the only place I have found it helpful is at work because it gives me alot more leeway for screwing up and not getting yelled at, they are more apt to just talk to me in a matter of fact way. So I would strongly recomend mentioning it to the boss in a side conversation and a by the way this is what I am going through type of way. I hope this has helped...
> >
> > L8R,
> > The Sourceror
Posted by Kristi on December 3, 2001, at 22:50:06
In reply to Re: double life? » Kristi, posted by paula on December 3, 2001, at 22:43:31
If you can get a schedule together like that It may be really good for you. Don't misunderstand tho..... it's worse than pulling my own teeth out to get me to work, but once I'm there I'm a different person. A person I like to believe is me. Good luck!!!!! (of course it still leaves 16 hours a day where I cry, contemplate suicide, and all those things we on this board seem to do at times......) But in those 8 hours... I have to think about everything BUT me.
> You make an interesting point. I've gotten myself into what could be a very fruitful use of my non-sociability: academia. Nothing keeps a person isolated like research in the humanities! I've been thinking about getting SOME kind of normal, regularly scheduled job out in the world just to keep my juices flowing. I don't want to be forced into sociability, but I think it'll help me. I am so completely impressed that you're able to do the cocktail waitress thing. That's got to be one of the most intensely "sociable" jobs in the world. More power to you!! --p
>
>
> > I know what everyone is saying...... but I sort of try to look at it from another perspective. I work serving cocktails at a casino. What I bring home depends on my "sociality". I fake it very well. I come home and crawl under the covers and cry afterwards..... I don't feel like getting up and going to work in the mornings..... but then I ask myself if I'd rather sit here with these feelings or "fake it".... I don't know, I guess that works well for me. Even if it's a lie... I'm normal(whatever that is) for 8 hours a day.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > Crinn,
> > > I have found in my experiences that when I "come out with it" as far as my condition that it brings about pitty and fear. Fear in people because they don't know how to handle my disease and they are also afraid of what it is that I may want from them. I hate to play the 20 questions game as well that often follows and the constant pounding of what can they do (CAUSE I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HELP. IF I DID I WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING IT ALONG TIME AGO). I must say that the only place I have found it helpful is at work because it gives me alot more leeway for screwing up and not getting yelled at, they are more apt to just talk to me in a matter of fact way. So I would strongly recomend mentioning it to the boss in a side conversation and a by the way this is what I am going through type of way. I hope this has helped...
> > >
> > > L8R,
> > > The Sourceror
Posted by Kristi on December 3, 2001, at 22:51:57
In reply to Re: double life? » paula, posted by Kristi on December 3, 2001, at 22:50:06
Posted by pedr on December 4, 2001, at 11:57:21
In reply to Re: double life? » paula, posted by Kristi on December 3, 2001, at 22:50:06
I too absolutely dread going to work and when I'm at work I'm dying to tell people what I'm going through so they'd understand why I'm so quiet and look so pale. I'm sure they think I'm really dull and that's a shame. Before depression I was lively and very sociable.
I've told all of my management about my depression and found them to be very supportive. I'm now given much less demanding work which is great for me - I simply wasn't coping with anything remotely sizeable or complex. When I'm in a bad way and can't go to work, my bosses don't force the issue which is also a great help.
Even with the supportive attitude of my colleagues and bosses I still find work threatening, depressing and very stressful and so my heart really does go out to everyone else out there who is wearing their mask and pretending to be ok.
Best wishes,
pedr.
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