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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 28. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by geekUK on June 14, 2001, at 14:48:05
maybe this is total paranoia, sometimes I wonder if anyone who posts could be my family. (HEHE) none of us talk to eachother about anything, all of us on meds of one type or another. It would be really surreal to think of them reading or posting and be oblivious!!
anyone else have silly thoughts about this board?
Posted by Cam W. on June 14, 2001, at 15:21:00
In reply to silly thoughts about the board?, posted by geekUK on June 14, 2001, at 14:48:05
LOL Geek - Dad (or Mom) we've been looking for you for years. About the support payments.....=^P
Really, I have often wondered how many of the people who have posted here that I know. The anonomous nature of this kind of therapy and information is good, though. I give personal information here that I probably would not say to many people face-to-face. I have made some really good people on this board and many have become sort of an extended family. Actually, I talk to many people from this board more than I talk to my mom, and she lives in the same city that I do.
On an even less serious note, I must say that you are very anonomous here. Your moniker describes what many of us Canadians think of about 25% of the U.K. population. :^)
I hope that this is taken in the light-hearted way that I mean it to. And, by the way, your Father's Day card is in the mail.
Sincerely - Cam (your servant from the colonies)
> maybe this is total paranoia, sometimes I wonder if anyone who posts could be my family. (HEHE) none of us talk to eachother about anything, all of us on meds of one type or another. It would be really surreal to think of them reading or posting and be oblivious!!
> anyone else have silly thoughts about this board?
Posted by geekUK on June 14, 2001, at 19:20:18
In reply to Re: silly thoughts about the board? » geekUK, posted by Cam W. on June 14, 2001, at 15:21:00
LOL indeed!
that was a joke about the uk pop?> LOL Geek - Dad (or Mom) we've been looking for you for years. About the support payments.....=^P
>
> Really, I have often wondered how many of the people who have posted here that I know. The anonomous nature of this kind of therapy and information is good, though. I give personal information here that I probably would not say to many people face-to-face. I have made some really good people on this board and many have become sort of an extended family. Actually, I talk to many people from this board more than I talk to my mom, and she lives in the same city that I do.
>
> On an even less serious note, I must say that you are very anonomous here. Your moniker describes what many of us Canadians think of about 25% of the U.K. population. :^)
>
> I hope that this is taken in the light-hearted way that I mean it to. And, by the way, your Father's Day card is in the mail.
>
> Sincerely - Cam (your servant from the colonies)
>
>
> > maybe this is total paranoia, sometimes I wonder if anyone who posts could be my family. (HEHE) none of us talk to eachother about anything, all of us on meds of one type or another. It would be really surreal to think of them reading or posting and be oblivious!!
> > anyone else have silly thoughts about this board?
Posted by Cam W. on June 14, 2001, at 20:01:04
In reply to Re: silly thoughts about the board? » Cam W., posted by geekUK on June 14, 2001, at 19:20:18
> LOL indeed!
> that was a joke about the uk pop?
>
Geek - Yeah, but it could have been worse; you could have called yourself "geekFrance"and then I'd have had a field-day with you. - Cam
Posted by mair on June 14, 2001, at 21:46:32
In reply to silly thoughts about the board?, posted by geekUK on June 14, 2001, at 14:48:05
>On ocassion, i've been about to recommend this board to a friend or to refer to it to my therapist in more than the general way that i do now, and have stopped myself before I opened up more. I'm petrified that someone I know could figure out which posts were mine. One woman on here found out that her husbands best friend was reading her posts and telling her husband about their content. This is right up there with the list of "worst things that can happen."
Mair
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 15, 2001, at 0:23:53
In reply to Re: silly thoughts about the board?, posted by mair on June 14, 2001, at 21:46:32
> On ocassion, i've been about to recommend this board to a friend or to refer to it to my therapist in more than the general way that i do now, and have stopped myself before I opened up more. I'm petrified that someone I know could figure out which posts were mine.
Even if it were your friend or your therapist?
Bob
Posted by Roo on June 15, 2001, at 8:42:58
In reply to Re: silly thoughts about the board?, posted by mair on June 14, 2001, at 21:46:32
Yes, I've had those thoughts...I've thought of my
boyfriend reading my posts...he knows a lot about
my depression, but sometimes I've vented on the board
about how my depression makes me doubt my love for
him and our relationship. Actually he knows about
that too, but I wonder how he'd feel about me venting
to total strangers about it. I've been afraid he'd
find those frank disclosures....and I usually put
my real name after my posts....but I guess I'm not
the only Ruth in the world. I've also thought about
co-workers finding somehow finding my posts....But the
way I figure it, EVERYONE has problems of some sort..it
may not be depression, but it's something else. We
all gots our burdens :-)
Posted by Willow on June 15, 2001, at 20:50:09
In reply to Re: figure out which posts were mine, posted by Dr. Bob on June 15, 2001, at 0:23:53
> Even if it were your friend or your therapist?
>
> BobEspecially not them! : )
Posted by geekUK on June 16, 2001, at 7:45:36
In reply to Re: figure out which posts were mine, posted by Willow on June 15, 2001, at 20:50:09
>
> > Even if it were your friend or your therapist?
> >
> > Bob
>
> Especially not them! : )The main reson why I keep anonomous, to keep them out ;}
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 16, 2001, at 8:19:53
In reply to Re: figure out which posts were mine, posted by geekUK on June 16, 2001, at 7:45:36
> > > Even if it were your friend or your therapist?
> >
> > Especially not them! : )
>
> The main reson why I keep anonomous, to keep them out ;}But isn't the idea that you should feel (relatively) comfortable being open with them?
Bob
Posted by mila on June 16, 2001, at 9:24:38
In reply to Re: Especially not them!, posted by Dr. Bob on June 16, 2001, at 8:19:53
> But isn't the idea that you should feel (relatively) comfortable being open with them?
>
> Bobyeah, it's a stereotype healthy people have about friends and therapists. mental disease breaks these stereotypes. friends do not want you to be mental, and will be scared or you if they knew, and therapists are not that comfortable with you being open with them either: it makes them angry and weak.
mila
Posted by Willow on June 16, 2001, at 11:24:48
In reply to Re: Especially not them!, posted by mila on June 16, 2001, at 9:24:38
*and therapists are not that comfortable with you being open with them either: it makes them angry and weak.
I agree with Mila, since I've experienced this.
I discuss different things on this board then with these people. For me the board is a safe place to complain about problems.
Willow
Posted by kiddo on June 16, 2001, at 15:05:05
In reply to Re: Especially not them!, posted by Dr. Bob on June 16, 2001, at 8:19:53
> But isn't the idea that you should feel (relatively) comfortable being open with them?
>
> BobI like being anonymous from them for two different reasons.
1.) My husband would go ballistic if he saw my website or anything I'd posted. There would be a huge fight with my husband and sibs because of the past, so I think it's better in that sense.
2.) If my therapist was here, and began posting on the boards, I'd never tell him (he's not puter savvy enough to be anonymous yet). I feel like this is 'my' place, cyberfamily, etc... and he would be intruding. I'm not sure if that makes sense to you or not, but I would probably be more apt to censor myself.
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 17, 2001, at 9:32:21
In reply to Re: Especially not them!, posted by kiddo on June 16, 2001, at 15:05:05
> friends do not want you to be mental, and will be scared or you if they knew
> 1.) My husband would go ballistic if he saw my website or anything I'd posted. There would be a huge fight with my husband and sibs because of the past, so I think it's better in that sense.
OK, I see what you're saying, thanks.
> and therapists are not that comfortable with you being open with them either: it makes them angry and weak.
There, I'm not sure I follow you. Why do they get angry and weak?
> 2.) ... I feel like this is 'my' place, cyberfamily, etc... and [my therapist] would be intruding. I'm not sure if that makes sense to you or not, but I would probably be more apt to censor myself.
Hmm, I think that does make sense to me. But the usual attitude is, of course, the more grist for the mill, the better...
Bob
Posted by Willow on June 17, 2001, at 13:46:01
In reply to Re: Especially not them!, posted by Dr. Bob on June 17, 2001, at 9:32:21
> and therapists are not that comfortable with you being open with them either: it makes them angry and weak.
>
> There, I'm not sure I follow you. Why do they get angry and weak?
I sat here playing "Free Cell" trying to figure out wether to post or not? I'm not comfortable posting personal information or even talking about it in general. (probably part of the reason for the somatic problems.) When I'm not stressed I'm more open, and when I start having a hard time I go into my "cope mode" - paste on a happy face and focus on facts.With my spouse's and friend's encouragement during a weak moment I confided something to the therapist that I hadn't shared with anybody. The whole tone of the conversation changed. He was visibly affected and kinda brushed off the subject when I mentioned it again during better moments.
So my view of the situation is that it frustrated him or changed his view of my situation. Him not broaching the subject again, perhaps feeling unable or inadequate in some way.
Who knows? Therapists are human too, with their own sets of thoughts; once in awhile we get a glimpse of this and I don't think the therapeutic partnership really enjoys this.
Willow
Posted by geekUK on June 17, 2001, at 14:14:06
In reply to Re: Especially not them!, posted by Dr. Bob on June 16, 2001, at 8:19:53
> > The main reson why I keep anonomous, to keep them out ;}
>
> But isn't the idea that you should feel (relatively) comfortable being open with them?
>
yeah, in an ideal world, i am getting there. But there is also a great positive element to keeping them out. I am sure most people here have seen freinds trying everything they can to make things better, and eventually failing. I keep a lot to myself now to stop this happening. It hurts people alot. I think most people here also understand the thoughts better, are better able to deal with it and more emotionly distanced (in some ways).
finaly dr.B umm. this sounds corny but thanks. this forum is the only forum I have ever been on and it has been wonderful. Its strange that people talk of a web-family, i wouldnt use those words, but there does seem to be a really nice feeling here. it all helps.
ta'ra
MC
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 17, 2001, at 17:28:52
In reply to Re: Especially not them!, posted by Willow on June 17, 2001, at 13:46:01
> I sat here playing "Free Cell" trying to figure out wether to post or not?
Free Cell? Some kind of game?
> With my spouse's and friend's encouragement during a weak moment I confided something to the therapist that I hadn't shared with anybody. The whole tone of the conversation changed. He was visibly affected and kinda brushed off the subject when I mentioned it again during better moments.
>
> So my view of the situation is that it frustrated him or changed his view of my situation. Him not broaching the subject again, perhaps feeling unable or inadequate in some way.
>
> Who knows? Therapists are human too, with their own sets of thoughts; once in awhile we get a glimpse of this and I don't think the therapeutic partnership really enjoys this.It's hard on each side sometimes. Good for you for mentioning it again (and for bringing it up in the first place). It does sound like he had some kind of emotional reaction that got in the way of him discussing it further with you. Which is too bad.
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 17, 2001, at 17:31:11
In reply to Re: Especially not them!, posted by geekUK on June 17, 2001, at 14:14:06
> there is also a great positive element to keeping them out. I am sure most people here have seen freinds trying everything they can to make things better, and eventually failing. I keep a lot to myself now to stop this happening. It hurts people alot. I think most people here also understand the thoughts better, are better able to deal with it and more emotionly distanced (in some ways).
OK, another good point.
> finaly dr.B umm. this sounds corny but thanks. this forum is the only forum I have ever been on and it has been wonderful. Its strange that people talk of a web-family, i wouldnt use those words, but there does seem to be a really nice feeling here. it all helps.
You're welcome, and thanks, those were nice words, too. :-)
Bob
Posted by Diane J. on June 17, 2001, at 18:57:47
In reply to Re: Especially not them!, posted by Dr. Bob on June 17, 2001, at 17:28:52
> It's hard on each side sometimes. Good for you for mentioning it again (and for bringing it up in the first place). It does sound like he had some kind of emotional reaction that got in the way of him discussing it further with you. Which is too bad.
>
> Bob
Dr. Bob,My ex-therapist claimed that therapy was "a safe place." She would occasionally remind me of that psychological ideal, but that's all it was with her - an ideal - something one is taught in school. I learned to be very careful about what I revealed to Dr. H - either she would give me the "I can't believe you just said that" look or she would get really angry at me. I know she thought there was a great difference between herself and the patients - she was a healthy, normal human being and we were pathetic weirdos. I grew to believe it. I came to sessions and told her exactly what she wanted to hear - that she was wonderful and she was helping me. If I inadvertently forgot that and criticized her I would have h*** to pay. Eventually I realized all my problems were happening WITHIN therapy and not outside. I left Dr. H and a few months later my psychiatrist referred me to Dr. C. I am continually amazed at how helpful therapy can be when you find a supportive, caring therapist who doesn't mind being a human being like the rest of us. and knows how to treat people with dignity.
Posted by mair on June 17, 2001, at 22:03:25
In reply to Re: figure out which posts were mine, posted by Dr. Bob on June 15, 2001, at 0:23:53
> >
>
> "Even if it were your friend or your therapist?"
>
> Maybe it would be okay for my therapist. I've started to talk to her more about this board recently and she hasn't suggested to me like she did last year, that this is an unhealthy place for me to be.My friends and spouse are a different story. Like some here have suggested, I don't think friends really want to be burdened by someone else's depression, and reading about the worst we can think or be would place a burden on them. I also think my husband couldn't handle it. It's this feeling I have that if he only knew how truly awful I can be, he'd be scared away. Obviously, too, I wouldn't want my teenage children perusing the internet to find out that their mother can be quite suicidal at times. I think this site allows us the freedom to display our depression at its worst; in its least manageable form. The people on this board understand that and understand that it's not all that you are - nothing you tell them is going to be something they haven't heard or felt before. I don't think you can reveal yourself to people who are close to you in quite the same way.
Mair
Posted by Willow on June 17, 2001, at 22:07:23
In reply to Re: Especially not them!, posted by Dr. Bob on June 17, 2001, at 17:28:52
Diane
I could really make her day! I have a habit of reminding my therapist if they had done the job right when I was a teenager, I wouldn't need to be paying for this "warranty work" now. And I also like to comment that it is the "doctors" job to communicate in such a manner that I am able to not just comprehend what they are saying but to understand and be able to apply it in such a way that it does help me get better. I wonder what Dr. H would think of my philosphy? My failures could be a result of her inadequacy. Glad you found a better therapist.Boss (and everyone else)
What do people generally talk about in therapy? Here's my problem probably, is that I'm comfortable about talking about the weather, opinions about what's happening out in the world, general stuff, but personal stuff to me is well personal. I have cried about how much of a differnce my condition has made and it has helped. Would setting up an agenda help? I don't know!Willow
ps free cell is a game of solitaire which can be found on most computer software when the computer is purchased. i don't recommend it since it is highly addictive.
Posted by Willow on June 17, 2001, at 22:36:58
In reply to Re: figure out which posts were mine » Dr. Bob, posted by mair on June 17, 2001, at 22:03:25
*I wouldn't want my teenage children perusing the internet to find out that their mother can be quite suicidal at times.
And how much do we tell our children? I try to balance it with what they can handle and based on the questions they ask. My husband at times has told them not to pester me because "mom is sick." Is this true in the sense? I've explained to him that I can guage my abilities and that they probably cling more to me when I'm not up to par for security. And they sure know how to play it to their advantage when they can. : )
Willow
Posted by Diane J. on June 18, 2001, at 22:03:18
In reply to Where is Dr h Diane?, posted by Willow on June 17, 2001, at 22:07:23
Hi Willow,
Dr. H continues to practice. I hear she still does the same things, such as being at least 15 minutes for every appointment and failing to return telephone calls. Interestingly enough, I learned that a friend of mine had seen her for a few sessions but stopped because she didn't like her, either. Part of the reason my friend left is because Dr. H tried to push her into discussing areas of her life which my friend felt were irrelevant to the reason she and her fiance had come to therapy. I am glad my friend had strong convictions!
Diane J.
P. S. I would like to be a fly on the wall and listen to a session between Dr. H and yourself!
> Diane
> I could really make her day! I have a habit of reminding my therapist if they had done the job right when I was a teenager, I wouldn't need to be paying for this "warranty work" now. And I also like to comment that it is the "doctors" job to communicate in such a manner that I am able to not just comprehend what they are saying but to understand and be able to apply it in such a way that it does help me get better. I wonder what Dr. H would think of my philosphy? My failures could be a result of her inadequacy. Glad you found a better therapist.
>
> Boss (and everyone else)
> What do people generally talk about in therapy? Here's my problem probably, is that I'm comfortable about talking about the weather, opinions about what's happening out in the world, general stuff, but personal stuff to me is well personal. I have cried about how much of a differnce my condition has made and it has helped. Would setting up an agenda help? I don't know!
>
> Willow
>
> ps free cell is a game of solitaire which can be found on most computer software when the computer is purchased. i don't recommend it since it is highly addictive.
Posted by Chris A. on June 19, 2001, at 18:43:32
In reply to silly thoughts about the board?, posted by geekUK on June 14, 2001, at 14:48:05
Gotta change my handle. I've been a bit uncomfortable with the thought that my therapist might visit us here, as I gave him a copy of something I wrote that has the website address on it. It all has to do with comfort and privacy. There are things I don't discuss face-to-face or on the web because I'm not comfortable. Face-to-face reticence is easy to rationalize, as I live in a relatively small community and my husband works on ongoing projects with both my therapist and pDoc. It is also not unusual to encounter them unexpectedly in public, which is always unsettling. There are some issues that I would like help with, but don't bring up due to the "fishbowl" and my self imposed boundaries.
Yours in Paranoia,
Chris A.
BTW, what's a good handle?
> maybe this is total paranoia, sometimes I wonder
Posted by Willow on June 19, 2001, at 21:07:34
In reply to Re: silly thoughts about the board? » geekUK, posted by Chris A. on June 19, 2001, at 18:43:32
Next time you want to share something "cut and paste" it to your wordprocessing program. That way there wouldn't be any links.
Names? I've always been partial to "Precious" from the Hobbit and around our house "Wilson" is popular now from the movie "Cast Away."
Willow
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