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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sar on April 21, 2001, at 22:38:30
Hi, everyone.
I'm pretty down tonight. It seems the hardest bump to hit is actually feeling better because I'm no longer trudging around indulging myself at will just because I'm Depresst,it's when you actually walk out the door and get involved in real life again that the shit hits the fan because then you can really feel bad about living again, because this time you're living for real. Or not for real because it feels like a stilted farce because you just don't want to be doing it this way.
I'd felt hopeful because I was feeling better; now I'm frightened because this amount of energy (an increase) is dangerous. The ride up from the lowest point isn't fun. It's worse than being at the lowest point.
Does this make any sense?
Posted by mila on April 22, 2001, at 0:17:10
In reply to the worst of feeling better, posted by sar on April 21, 2001, at 22:38:30
Hi sar,
I know how you feel. Change sucks.
mila
Posted by Dubya on April 22, 2001, at 23:24:26
In reply to the worst of feeling better, posted by sar on April 21, 2001, at 22:38:30
I hope you get better! I think I know what you mean... Avoiding the pain of the "real world" as much as possible yet, when faced with it, nothing feels so bad. Sar, you have unipolar (clinical depression), or bipolar/other forms?
Posted by sar on April 23, 2001, at 13:46:30
In reply to Re: the worst of feeling better, posted by Dubya on April 22, 2001, at 23:24:26
Thank you. It's easier to run away and hide out, but too much of that and it becomes a waste. I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression...this morning I woke from a dream of pulling hard & up on the shoelaces of my boots, over & over again...is that "pulling yrself up by yr bootstraps" or what?! Cheesy, eh?
How are you doing?
irie,
sar
Posted by Kingfish on April 30, 2001, at 8:40:50
In reply to the worst of feeling better, posted by sar on April 21, 2001, at 22:38:30
Boy, Sar, does this ever make sense to me.
I just posted a thread called
"discovering who you are after years of suffering"
and it had similar issues. THere are so many fearful
things associated with "getting better."
My life is in far more shambles now than it was when
I
was feeling and acting "ill", strictly speaking,
because I do have the ability and the energy to act
on
my intuition and to reason clearly for the first time
in ten, twelve years.
When you finally start to feel better, I think there's
an expectation of an increased responsibilty and I
think one does feel like they can do more - if not,
the meds probably aren't working right.
But we must remember that we have an illness (I'm
BP
II, with the emphasis on Depression). And that will
never go away, and no meds, no matter how well they
work, will completely handle that. So we have to treat
it as an on-going thing, and give ourselves room.
It's
not going to be as easy for us to handle some things
in life as it is others. Yet we will enjoy riches
others' will never see.
You should be feeling more confident about things
as
you start feeling more "normal" - I hate that word.
:)
If not, again, I think your meds might not be quite
right.- K.
Posted by Noa on May 1, 2001, at 18:00:26
In reply to the worst of feeling better, posted by sar on April 21, 2001, at 22:38:30
I think there is a period when you start to feel better, but not really that well yet, just better enough to start feeling responsible to face the mess that accummulates when you are really not functional, and it is overwhelmingly scary!!!
I think I am learning not to rush myself, not to focus so much on the "shoulds" but more on what is right for me at this moment in my life, and to go one day at a time.
I also think a lot of the real change happens after the serious depression is relieved, because that is when you can start looking at some of the patterns that don't work well. It is hard work, and it takes time. Be patient with yourself.
Posted by sar on May 1, 2001, at 22:07:37
In reply to Re: the worst of feeling better, posted by Noa on May 1, 2001, at 18:00:26
Thanks, Kingfish & Noa, for the kindness. I was feelin the messiness pretty badly that night.
I used to have a therp who'd say, "Don't 'should' all over yourself."
*patience, patience, patience...*
I saw my old psych again today...it turns out she's actually a psychoanalyst (which I didn't know the entire 4 or 5 months I saw her last year) and--you'll dig this, Noa--she's added a *couch* to her office. It's small, more like a loveseat, but still... :)
Have yall had any experience with psychoanalysts? Do you think digging deeper produces more favorable results? (as opposed to what I consider more surface stuff, like CBT).
thanks again!
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