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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Caleb96 on February 7, 2005, at 2:22:01
My wife blindsided me a week ago. She said she wants to separate and go home to Virginia. We just adopted a beautiful baby girl from China two years ago. This is tearing me apart. There's no "other" person involved, no alcohol or substance abuse, no physical abuse--she just said she doesn't love me anymore and wants to leave. She refuses to talk about it and won't consider counseling. She's made up her mind that this is the best thing for both of us, and she want to be with her family.
We're fixing up the house to put it on the market. She's already dividing things up. I'm still living in the house because I have no where to go except to my parent's house in north Georgia--275 miles away, and a long drive through the mountains on winding roads. I can't get the house ready to sell if I'm in Georgia, so I've been sleeping in the basement with my two large dogs.
This whole thing has devastated me--I'm an emotional wreck. We've been together 13 years and have had a good relationship even though we recently we've had some tough times. I suffer from depression and take medication that makes my mood emotionally flat. I've also been unemployed for 1 1/2 years, even though I have graduate degrees--the economy here in N. Carolina has been terrible for the last couple of years. I've tried to get a good job like I used to have, but I've had no luck.
I can't believe this is happening to me--I love her very much and I want to stay together. I told her I'm going to follow her to VA because I want to be near my daughter.
I just want to die. I haven't eaten in days--I've lost 15 pounds in the past 10 days. I've also had some suicidal ideation. I've been wanting to take my 9 mm gun out of my safe just to hold it. The only thing that's keeping me from going through with it is my faith in God, my doctor friends who are giving me support, and my love for my family. But I still want to die--I can't see any hope for the future. I don't want to live alone and I can't take the though of losing my wife. I just wish she'd be willing to try to get help to save our marriage.
Thanks for taking time to read about my troubles.
Caleb
Posted by snoozin on February 7, 2005, at 10:45:17
In reply to My marriage is ended--I can't take it, posted by Caleb96 on February 7, 2005, at 2:22:01
I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. I know it hurts like crazy. Same thing happened to my brother. He took it remarkably well, I wish I were as strong as he was. But he accepted he cannot force a woman to stay married to him if she doesn't want to be. He understand it was going to be very painful for him for a while, and he tried to adapt to his new life.
If you aren't in therapy, can you go? It helps to be able to spill all these hurt feelings.
I think it's great you want to stay near your daughter. Have you thought of having primary or at least 1/2 custody of your child?
Big hugs, I wish I could do more. Life never seems to go the way we planned. Try to focus on being the best dad you can. Your role as father never ends and your child needs and loves you.
:-)
And my dog has gotten me through some horrible times. I'm glad you've got pets, they really do help.
Big big hugs,
Susan
> My wife blindsided me a week ago. She said she wants to separate and go home to Virginia. We just adopted a beautiful baby girl from China two years ago. This is tearing me apart. There's no "other" person involved, no alcohol or substance abuse, no physical abuse--she just said she doesn't love me anymore and wants to leave. She refuses to talk about it and won't consider counseling. She's made up her mind that this is the best thing for both of us, and she want to be with her family.
>
> We're fixing up the house to put it on the market. She's already dividing things up. I'm still living in the house because I have no where to go except to my parent's house in north Georgia--275 miles away, and a long drive through the mountains on winding roads. I can't get the house ready to sell if I'm in Georgia, so I've been sleeping in the basement with my two large dogs.
>
> This whole thing has devastated me--I'm an emotional wreck. We've been together 13 years and have had a good relationship even though we recently we've had some tough times. I suffer from depression and take medication that makes my mood emotionally flat. I've also been unemployed for 1 1/2 years, even though I have graduate degrees--the economy here in N. Carolina has been terrible for the last couple of years. I've tried to get a good job like I used to have, but I've had no luck.
>
> I can't believe this is happening to me--I love her very much and I want to stay together. I told her I'm going to follow her to VA because I want to be near my daughter.
>
> I just want to die. I haven't eaten in days--I've lost 15 pounds in the past 10 days. I've also had some suicidal ideation. I've been wanting to take my 9 mm gun out of my safe just to hold it. The only thing that's keeping me from going through with it is my faith in God, my doctor friends who are giving me support, and my love for my family. But I still want to die--I can't see any hope for the future. I don't want to live alone and I can't take the though of losing my wife. I just wish she'd be willing to try to get help to save our marriage.
>
> Thanks for taking time to read about my troubles.
>
> Caleb
Posted by Caleb96 on February 7, 2005, at 13:29:12
In reply to Re: My marriage is ended--I can't take it » Caleb96, posted by snoozin on February 7, 2005, at 10:45:17
Susan,
Thanks for your input...every day I'm coming to grips a little better with this reality. I'm not trying to change my wife's mind--I just have to accept her decision. We're staying on very good terms and our main concern is to make our daughter's transition a smooth as possible. She'll have lots of cousins to play with up in VA, and she'll be with us and her aunts and uncles so maybe it will work out for the best.
Thanks again,
Caleb
Posted by partlycloudy on February 7, 2005, at 18:01:15
In reply to Re: My marriage is ended--I can't take it, posted by Caleb96 on February 7, 2005, at 13:29:12
Are getting any counselling for yourself? I did that when my marriage disintegrated as my spouse was unwilling to join me. It might help you feel better about the changes happening now.
Posted by Caleb96 on February 7, 2005, at 20:36:19
In reply to Re: My marriage is ended--I can't take it » Caleb96, posted by partlycloudy on February 7, 2005, at 18:01:15
Partylycloudy,
I've been discussing this issue with my internist (MD) and a friend of mine in Virginia who's an MD trained in psychotherapy. I've also been talking to my minister who has his degree in psychology as well as being well trained in counseling (Duke grad with MA). He's a Methodist minister and the Methodist church is very selective about who gets a pastoral position. Ironically, he comes from a broken home and he leads the divorced group meetings at the chuch. He's been a very big help and has given me some real insight about what I can expect and hope for.
I'm also talking with friends who have known me for years, and that's helped too. And of course my family is giving me support.
Thanks for your concern.
Caleb
Posted by snoozin on February 8, 2005, at 10:38:04
In reply to Re: My marriage is ended--I can't take it, posted by Caleb96 on February 7, 2005, at 20:36:19
I'm really glad you have supportive friends and family. That makes such a difference!
And of course, we're here, too!
Take care,
Susan
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