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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on January 23, 2005, at 11:37:19
I don't know what to do with the feelings I'm having. So I thought it might help if I posted here. A few days ago I thought my boyfriend was my soul mate. Now I don't even know if we should be together. It started because the snow here is really bad and we haven't been able to see each other since last week. So we've been talking on the phone. During that time, I had a few conversations with him that made me question whether we should be going out. One was that I realized when it comes to emotional problems and how we deal with them is different. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it just bothered me for some reason.
We are different people. like he's really creative and motivated and I'm not. And it makes me feel bad.
The last conversation I had with him was really boring. I don't know. I didn't want to talk to him. Is this normal for a relationship?
I like him though. Maybe sometimes things happen like that in relationships? I'm not sure, I've never been in one.
Another thing...you guys, do your partners see you for who you are? This is a weird question because I don't know...I think I always need that kind of attention...like I need the person to see me for who I am. I don't know. I guess I should ask him who he think I am...lol.
I guess what I mean is that in our last conversation it didn't feel meaningfult o me or special in any kind of way and it was down right boring. And when I was telling him about really deep things about myself, I didn't feel a connection like how I feel when I come here.I am not going to leave him because of this. I feel like that would be really superficial. I just wonder if relationships are like this. Like maybe partners aren't "super-partners" and click with you 100% of the time.
What do you guys think about this? I would really like some feed back from some experienced people. Don't be shy.
-Angela2
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 13:33:14
In reply to Having a partner who's different from you, posted by Angela2 on January 23, 2005, at 11:37:19
The Voice of Experience (at least this li'l one) says that the more I have in common with someone, the easier everything is. So if (geez it's weird you bring this up, this hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday) so if, for example, I'm an easygoing person who doesn't like to see the worst in everything and my husband DOES see the negative side of everything and insists that I must fight the status quo or I'm backsliding, well, that makes me feel bad about myself. But really, there's nothing wrong with the way I am, I'm just wired differently and it's important for me to have a partner who's wired the same way so that I DO feel good about myself. Now that may mean that we're somewhat lackadaisical about money, maybe money isn't the most important thing to me, but if it's important to him, well then, we're not going to be happy together.
I'm a creative type. I like to do things with my mind, artsy-fartsy airy-fairy things and my friends are like that too. I have no practical friends. Practical people are like a damp dishrag sitting on my face. They inspire feelings of inadequacy in me. So I stay away from them, unless I'm at work and that's the way it is. That, I can deal with.
Also, I like to explore the deeper facets of ourselves, and people who aren't emotionally smart or emotionally responsive or deep thinkers are like a walk through mud, for me. So, once again, I'm learning how to say no, thanks.
I don't know if it helped you but it helped me to write this:)
Posted by smokeymadison on January 25, 2005, at 22:51:23
In reply to Having a partner who's different from you, posted by Angela2 on January 23, 2005, at 12:24:28
Matt and I are pretty different. we have completely different ideas about politics and religion. we just don't discuss those topics on a regular basis or when we aren't in our best moods. we click about 70% of the time. feelings of love come and go for me. i have really worked on my anger towards him the past week and as soon as i had some things cleared up, all the love feelings came rushing in.
nobody clicks all the time. i would give it a few weeks and see what you think then. when we are apart, we really don't talk that long at a time on the phone. of course, i am not much of a phone person. i would say that as long as the conversation on the phone is not strained, then that is all right. it sounded as if it were pretty neutral in your post. not exciting, just boring. it probably shouldn't happen all the time, but it does happen to everyone occationally at least. i wouldn't get too worried if the relationship has its dull moments.
about the guy seeing you for who you are--sometimes i wonder if Matt really knows me. and we have been together for a year and three months now. he asked me the other day if i chewed my nails. i am like, you should know that i don't! how could he not know that bit of trivia? about seeing me through all of my mental disorders--i think that it is really hard for people who don't have them to understand. as long as the guy or girl tries to understand, the relationship can work. it takes years for people to get to really know each other, i am finding that out. it isn't a bad thing, in fact, it keeps things interesting. gives you something to talk about. good luck!
SM
Posted by Angela2 on January 25, 2005, at 22:51:23
In reply to Re: Having a partner who's different from you, posted by smokeymadison on January 23, 2005, at 16:17:52
I feel like such a shallow person for even posting. I talked to my mom and she said the same thing as you about my dad. I sort of think I'm letting my fears get the best of me. I'm always worrying about relationships going wrong. It's happened to me a lot in the past. And I think maybe I'm looking for something to be wrong. Like expecting it. Thank you very much for the info.
-Angela2
Posted by smokeymadison on January 25, 2005, at 22:51:23
In reply to Re: Having a partner who's different from you » smokeymadison, posted by Angela2 on January 24, 2005, at 20:58:28
don't feel bad! everyone has doubts. h*ll, it took me 8 months to be sure that i actually wanted to be with Matt. what you are going through is perfectly normal.
SM
Posted by Broken on January 25, 2005, at 22:51:23
In reply to Having a partner who's different from you, posted by Angela2 on January 23, 2005, at 12:24:28
Actually, I think it's great that you're giving it alot of thought.
Let me give you a very brief (as brief as I can be) example of why I say that. I got married out of, let's just say stupidity. I wanted to "be married". I met this wonderful girl, I mean sure, I was only 17 and she was 24, but I was a man (chuckle) I knew what I wanted. We talked about marriage a bit too soon, like I dont know, an hour after our first date... We dated for 6 months, and anyone who tried to talk me out of it, got grief. The more people pushed, the harder I pushed back.
Just before I was to get married, about 2 hours before I went to the church, I went and got my hair cut and while talking to the stylist about the wedding, who was really sexy by the way, I realized I had screwed up. But, I made my bed, so it was time to lie in it. I married her, we were together for 9 miserable years. I finally divorced her, and felt horrible doing that, but she's remarried now, and very happy. We've talked several times and agreed it was a good thing I did it. But man, that's a hell of a way to spend 9 years.Take your time, don't settle for anything less than what it takes to make you happy and for God's sake don't waste 9 years of your life being noble, it ain't worth it.
This is the end of the thread.
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