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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 90%there on February 4, 2015, at 18:24:18
Hi folks. I'm having trouble with something. Last year I went into hospital due to hyperglycaemia (I'm type 1 diabetic). I was also breathless when found so a tube went into my neck so I could breath and I was intubated when I came to in hospital. I was taken off all my meds. For 2-3 weeks I was in a ward and in a very strange state. I believe they gave me drugs without my knowledge. I had hallucinations, time changed speed (thru Halloween, New year and into 2015 - it was still August!), I saw famous people, weird things happening, sexual abuse (and witnessed others suffer the same) and heard the staff watching their recordings laughing over and over mentioning my name. A robbery went down. I was the focus. I changed countries. Was put in a 'game show' like prison in Thailand where we are submerged in water for days and have to kill each other off. The winner is set free. I cut myself free.
Some things seemed very normal which added to the confusion. Because I was Intubated most of the time I Couldn't talk only whisper. Last night in that ward It sounded just like one of the doctors was beating a captured 'someone' to death. Twice. Strange thing then was that the guy in the next bed seemed to be hearing the same same things. "No you can't do that! Nurse! Help! You're out of order! Thats wrong!" and so on. So was he hearing what I was hearing? Also all the Nurses had drawn the curtains around the bed as if hiding the patients, for their sakes and ours.
Next thing is strange. After that (within an hr), when all the curtains were drawn I was taken to a new ward. Quiet ward. Everything seemed totally normal. No strange noises, no hallucinations (via any sense) and I wasn't wired up to things anymore. I had a popper in my neck covering the hole where the tube went so that I could talk fine. Lots happened but that's a quick round up.Now I've done LSD, had hypnagogic sleep paralysis, Strange dreams whilst awake and all that. But this was different. Delusions I guess. But I remember things in such detail, unlike any hallucination I've ever had. Things seemed to make sense to, unlike hallucinations. most hallucinations were quick to dismiss because my rational mind still 'seemed' to be working. Was I drugged? Or was it the sudden withdrawal of all my meds? (clonazepam, isocarboxazid, quetiapine, amitriptyline & bupropion). Is it worth getting legal help (no win no fee). I once asked a psychiatric nurse (at the end of another 2 week stay in hospital) if they had or kept CCTV footage. She said no. But when I enquired via a solicitor they said they will absolutely have the footage or they would be breaking the law. So do I make a claim for medical negligence? Flicking thru the footage would be enough. Especially that last night in the particular ward.
OK so I was getting some strange mental feedback on my surroundings, whatever the cause, but far too much for it to be one big DELUSION(??)Any comments? Any Psychologists out there with any kind of explanations? Feel free.
90%
Posted by baseball55 on February 4, 2015, at 20:13:09
In reply to Delusions, posted by 90%there on February 4, 2015, at 18:24:18
When very sick and under major physical stress, people do become delirious. I was hospitalized many years ago with meningitis and have very clear and vivid memories of crazy stuff. Delirium. Maybe this was the cause for you. I mean, you were clearly very ill if you needed intubation and 2 weeks in a hospital.
I doubt very much that the things you thought were happening were actually happening. Even your sense that the other person in the room was experiencing the same things may have been delirium.
Posted by 90%there on February 5, 2015, at 9:50:56
In reply to Re: Delusions, posted by baseball55 on February 4, 2015, at 20:13:09
> When very sick and under major physical stress, people do become delirious. I was hospitalized many years ago with meningitis and have very clear and vivid memories of crazy stuff. Delirium. Maybe this was the cause for you. I mean, you were clearly very ill if you needed intubation and 2 weeks in a hospital.
> I doubt very much that the things you thought were happening were actually happening. Even your sense that the other person in the room was experiencing the same things may have been delirium.Yea you're probably right. But that last night. I swear that he was hearing same thing as me. The nurses other Doctors were acting accordingly to the situation too. Nobody spoke ecxcept one other doc. Occasionally a nurse would pop out from behind a curtain and seemed to deliberately offer help to the doctor whilst he carried out his deed, as if to show positive interest, when really just covering their own backs. Getting in the crazy doc's good books. The ONLY suggestion that someone gave me was that maybe someone went into cardiac arrest. But I don't buy that.
Another thing. When I became breathless at the start before the ambulance got there, I was still conscious. I had a big row with my father before he walked out. Thats when it happened. So why not give me a paper bag? could have been out in a few days. Also my kidney function went as low as 10-15%. Why? When I awoke a catheter was already fitted. At one point a doc seemed to be trying to 'fix' my kidney. All I felt was painful zaps to my bladder area. Kept telling the nurse it was the catheter but of course they knew best. Until, as a seemingly last resort they took out the catheter. The pain went. Then I started eating. Bit of a blunder on their part maybe? I'm sure I heard the doc say "wish I never bothered now".
I'm willing to forget it all. But it keeps popping up frequently. I'm already severely depressed and my social anxiety is hi too. Want this memory to leave me alone. But how do you talk about a 'delusion'? As you can tell, it isn't easy. I have no problem chatting about it, but putting it into words is hard.
Posted by baseball55 on February 5, 2015, at 19:18:37
In reply to Re: Delusions » baseball55, posted by 90%there on February 5, 2015, at 9:50:56
A friend was in the ICU a few years ago, very sick, organ failure and so on. Developed terrible delirium and only knows it wasn't true because her husband was there most of the time. But she was traumatized by it. The memories felt completely real.
Posted by 90%there on February 6, 2015, at 6:13:10
In reply to Re: Delusions, posted by baseball55 on February 5, 2015, at 19:18:37
> A friend was in the ICU a few years ago, very sick, organ failure and so on. Developed terrible delirium and only knows it wasn't true because her husband was there most of the time. But she was traumatized by it. The memories felt completely real.
Thanks. I remember when my father visited. It was during the 'robbery' I mentioned earlier. I'll I said was "get out! And not that way! Go thru that door", pointing to the opposite side of the room. I even said "can't you see the hidden guns?" All that morning, every staff member seemed to be not wearing their ID tags. And some didn't seem like staff at all. It was as if they all played part in the robbery. There was also a young nurse called Rose. I heard staff call her several times that day. She kept staring at me, then she would look away when she caught me looking. I managed to call her over. I know she had bad intentions. Then I saw the handle of a meat clever in her pocket. I asked "why do you want to kill me?" "Why not?" she replied. That evening all the staff, and guest, all had a gathering around the corner out of my vision. Each bought a bottle of wine. Most were in fancy dress. The occasion? They were all going to try human flesh, some not for the first time! I heard the sound of post-mortem, ripping the flesh and bone. One doc said "nothing like a good scull scratch!"
Anyway thanks for your reply. It helps. Just needed to share a bit more. Say how crazy it all was.
90%
Posted by ed_uk2010 on February 11, 2015, at 20:47:40
In reply to Re: Delusions » baseball55, posted by 90%there on February 6, 2015, at 6:13:10
Yes, this is undoubtedly delirium with psychotic features. Delirium is extremely common when people are critically ill, and is very distressing. Most serious medical illnesses can lead to delirium. As a result, a high proportion of pts in ICU experience it, although many have amnesia for it afterwards, not all do. Paranoid delusions and hallucinations are a major feature. The hallucinations are not at all like those after taking LSD. People usually retain insight into the lack of reality of the situation after taking normal doses of LSD. There is no insight during delirium. It will feel completely real - the function of the brain is severely disturbed due to illness.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on February 11, 2015, at 21:16:23
In reply to Delusions, posted by 90%there on February 4, 2015, at 18:24:18
>I believe they gave me drugs without my knowledge.
There is no doubt you will have received a variety of medications. Due to your illness, it would not have been possible to discuss this with you in detail at the time. All ventilated pts receive multiple medications. I imagine your delirium was exacerbated by abrupt withdrawal of your medication. Due to stopping clonazepam, you may have required more IV sedation than most pts. You probably received midazolam (Versed) and/or propofol. You are also likely to have received alfentanil, or something similar. While psychotic, you may have been given haloperidol (Haldol). Unfortunately, antipsychotics are rarely very effective in reducing hallucinations or delusions during delirium because they do nothing to reverse the highly abnormal state of brain function which occurs during critical illness.
>I had hallucinations, time changed speed (thru Halloween, New year and into 2015 - it was still August!), I saw famous people, weird things happening, sexual abuse (and witnessed others suffer the same) and heard the staff watching their recordings laughing over and over mentioning my name. A robbery went down. I was the focus. I changed countries. Was put in a 'game show' like prison in Thailand where we are submerged in water for days and have to kill each other off. The winner is set free. I cut myself free.
Visual hallucinations are common during delirium, as are vivid nightmares. Complete disorientation is the norm, for place and time ie. no understanding of current time or location.
>It sounded just like one of the doctors was beating a captured 'someone' to death.
That's called an illusion ie. a misperception of an actual sound heard or something seen.
>Strange thing then was that the guy in the next bed seemed to be hearing the same same things. "No you can't do that! Nurse! Help! You're out of order! Thats wrong!" and so on. So was he hearing what I was hearing?
It's impossible to say because the actual events will be highly distorted in your mind by the delirium. In general, paranoia is common during delirium, so pts tend to perceive a lot of events as being some form of abuse. A common example is that a patient is being washed in bed and is in pain, confused or distressed. The other patients of the ward will hear their cries and will wrongly assume they are being abused.
>Also all the Nurses had drawn the curtains around the bed as if hiding the patients, for their sakes and ours.
The curtain is always drawn during a procedure eg. a catheter being put in, and during personal care eg. enemas, toileting, washing. This is for everyone's benefit!
>I wasn't wired up to things anymore.
You were obviously much improved medically at this point, so the confusion and hallucinations should have resolved. Also, the unfamiliar noises would have been less once you were out of intensive care.
>Things seemed to make sense too
They often do during delirium or psychosis. It's not like LSD where insight can be retained.
>Is it worth getting legal help (no win no fee).
No, but... Perhaps you could speak to a member of staff on ICU to help put your mind at rest? You've obviously been though a critical illness causing severe trauma to your mind and body. This trauma often needs help to fully recover from.
>So do I make a claim for medical negligence?
Well, you don't have evidence of negligence. A large proportion of seriously ill pts will be delirious. The brain cannot work when the body is so profoundly dysfunctional. It's distressing to see people in that state. It sounds like you made a good physical recovery at least :)
>Flicking thru the footage would be enough.
I suppose you could ask but you'll never see what goes on behind the curtain so I doubt it would help.
>Too much for it to be one big DELUSION
Delirium is complex. You know that for sure. You really did experience the worst of it.... going to Thailand, changing to different times, being in a game show. These are signs of severe confusion.
I hope you're OK and can get over this gradually.
Take care.
Posted by Escapee on February 12, 2015, at 5:41:44
In reply to Re: Delusions, posted by ed_uk2010 on February 11, 2015, at 21:16:23
wow...thanx Ed. You've eased my mind alot! Of course I know some of it was impossible. Just one more anecdote. At one point I was dead. I was being cremated slowly as if lying on my front. Being dead seemed to make some nurse shuffle quickly by me or not want to walk by at all. Some couldn't look at me. I got so fed up of lying there dead I started groan and huff as if totally board of being dead! I thought I was in hell, being dead but fully awake unable to communicate lol
Escapee
Posted by ed_uk2010 on February 12, 2015, at 14:55:44
In reply to Re: Delusions » ed_uk2010, posted by Escapee on February 12, 2015, at 5:41:44
Hi,
I sent you another babblemail.
>At one point I was dead.
Now that was definitely a delusion. But...
>I thought I was in hell, being dead but fully awake unable to communicate
It does sound like hell, truly. I think you could have used a bit more sedation.
On the bright side, you have now successfully escaped hell! Not everyone can say that.
Despite that horrific nature of your experience, you can probably say the medical staff did save your life.
What a nightmare.
Posted by Escapee on February 12, 2015, at 14:59:22
In reply to Re: Delusions, posted by ed_uk2010 on February 12, 2015, at 14:55:44
> Despite that horrific nature of your experience, you can probably say the medical staff did save your life.Without a doubt!
This is the end of the thread.
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