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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 29, 2014, at 15:28:17
Something that you might feel particularly guilty or ashamed about?
I am in a tizzy. I know she could help me. I know that she is not judgemental. Obviously, I am, towards myself.
Quite the self torture, I feel horrible about it.
Anyone, advice?
pc
Posted by sleepygirl2 on July 29, 2014, at 16:14:57
In reply to Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by Partlycloudy on July 29, 2014, at 15:28:17
Best get it out, and yes, I do, sometimes.
I don't like secrets much.
Ya ever see that postsecret website?
I bought some postcard size index cards to make some, but I'd never send one.I'm not a big fan of slogans, but secrets do make you sick.
Posted by baseball55 on July 29, 2014, at 20:01:45
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist? » Partlycloudy, posted by sleepygirl2 on July 29, 2014, at 16:14:57
Soon after I started seeing him, my p-doc asked me something. I lied, then admitted I was lying. He said, if you're not being honest with me, you're not being honest with yourself.
This was very profound for me. The point of therapy is to give over your trust entirely to another person. If you are unable, unwilling to do this, you are not really going to benefit from the therapy. You are hiding things from the therapist and, ultimately, not being fully honest with yourself about what is going on and what you need.
I do not now keep secrets from my therapist. I can't stand being in that denial/distrust/dishonest position with him or myself.
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 29, 2014, at 20:28:43
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by baseball55 on July 29, 2014, at 20:01:45
Thank you. This is something that has just recently come up and I'm galled that having such a close relationship with my therapist, I clammed up without giving it a thought.
Then immediately felt wretched.
I'll address it tomorrow. I really appreciate the advice.
PC feeling SO stupid.
Posted by Poet on July 30, 2014, at 9:24:26
In reply to Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by Partlycloudy on July 29, 2014, at 15:28:17
Hi PC,
Yes, I keep secrets from her. Yes, I know I should tell her everything without hesitation. Yes, I acknowledge I am being counter productive to therapy. Yes, I leave her office and think I should have told her (fill in the blank here).
Maybe it's time for me to (again) write it down and hand the note to her before I run out the door. Though to be honest, last time I refused to talk about what I'd written. Huh, I wonder why she's said more than once I'm not easy to work with.
Poet
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 30, 2014, at 14:26:17
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist? » Partlycloudy, posted by Poet on July 30, 2014, at 9:24:26
I told her and not only was she happy to hear it, it explained my behaviour recently. No more secrets - they are counterproductive.
PC
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 12, 2014, at 9:41:03
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by baseball55 on July 29, 2014, at 20:01:45
>He said, if you're not being honest with me, you're not being honest with yourself.
Typical know-it-all.
How the hell would he know that?
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 12, 2014, at 11:35:22
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist? » Partlycloudy, posted by Poet on July 30, 2014, at 9:24:26
> Hi PC,
>
> Yes, I keep secrets from her. Yes, I know I should tell her everything without hesitation. Yes, I acknowledge I am being counter productive to therapy. Yes, I leave her office and think I should have told her (fill in the blank here).
I don't. I mean i do and i don't acknowledge. If my goal with therapy is not to change the behavior, then i don't tell. Why would i?
This is the modern day letter of indulgence. "I told my therapist".Is therapy just going to someone, telling him everything and let them decide whats wrong with you? I mean come on.
I guess insecure people are more drawn to know-it-all type people, which in way too many cases are therapists.If you ask me, don't tell your therapist what you wouldn't tell a good friend. That is my slogan. Because the therapist is no "super friend", he's not a friend at all.
He is there for you. Not you are there to tell him everything.
What is wrong with you people? I just don't understand.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 12, 2014, at 11:36:36
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by Lamdage22 on August 12, 2014, at 11:35:22
Again, i am speaking about personal problems here.
Not pathological behavior that affects other people.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 12, 2014, at 11:50:01
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by Lamdage22 on August 12, 2014, at 11:35:22
For me, telling my therapist would be lying to myself. Because there is no desire to change in that particular aspect of myself.
Posted by Poet on August 12, 2014, at 15:46:47
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by Lamdage22 on August 12, 2014, at 11:35:22
Hi Lamdage,
I'll admit to being insecure, but my therapist is far from a know it all type. I'm not easy to work with- I spent years staring at my shoes or crossing my arms and glaring at her. She is there for me- came to bat for me when first Pdoc slapped a borderline personality DX on me and didn't tell me.
My therapist does all sorts of energy work and "brain spotting" which isn't talk though emotions come to the surface. I don't necessarily tell her what triggered it, but she says that's okay as it's still emotional release.
I do work on behavior and thought patterns that I need to change, but some of it does go back to things that I want to keep buried. So the question of what's wrong with me is two fold, part says tell her and the other says why does she have to know? So I guess the word for today is conflicted.
Poet
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 13, 2014, at 1:55:34
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist? » Lamdage22, posted by Poet on August 12, 2014, at 15:46:47
Well like i said, to me telling could be lying to myself since there is no intent to change. One thing at a time. I am not ready to change that yet!
Posted by baseball55 on August 13, 2014, at 21:29:06
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by Lamdage22 on August 12, 2014, at 9:41:03
> >He said, if you're not being honest with me, you're not being honest with yourself.
>
> Typical know-it-all.
>
> How the hell would he know that?I don't see it that way at all. What he meant was, if you sit here and keep secrets from me about problems you come here to solve, then you're really just in denial about your problems. I don't understand your position at all. Why go to therapy and lie? Why bother? What's the point of therapy if you're going to lie? Just don't do therapy.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 14, 2014, at 6:36:01
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by baseball55 on August 13, 2014, at 21:29:06
Why bother? What's the point of therapy if you're going to lie? Just don't do therapy.
I lie (or just don't tell) about what i don't go to therapy for and tell the truth about what i go to therapy for.
I decide what i want to change. Not the T.
Posted by baseball55 on August 14, 2014, at 19:58:02
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by Lamdage22 on August 14, 2014, at 6:36:01
> Why bother? What's the point of therapy if you're going to lie? Just don't do therapy.
>
> I lie (or just don't tell) about what i don't go to therapy for and tell the truth about what i go to therapy for.
>
> I decide what i want to change. Not the T.
>
>
Fair enough. But there is still a difference between not discussing an issue you feel is not relevant to the therapy and directly lying. To outright lie suggests the therapist asked a direct question and you gave a false answer. So apparently the therapist felt the issue was relevant.As a recovering alcoholic and addict, I can tell you that a very common story in 12-step meetings is this: I was in therapy and didn't tell my therapist about my drinking/drug use. If they asked, I lied. The moral of this story, always, is that the therapy was a waste of time.
Posted by ClearSkies on August 15, 2014, at 13:20:02
In reply to Re: Do you keep any secrets from your therapist?, posted by baseball55 on August 14, 2014, at 19:58:02
I quite agree. My therapist was the first person I told when I had slipped. And the first person I told when I decided to go to rehab, of my own volition.
This is the end of the thread.
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