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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on February 21, 2014, at 2:11:09
My father died last year, and my mother had a bad health scare recently. I think it really freaked me out. I mean really, one at a time please. She was in ICU for a couple of days, not ok. She's fine now, but the notion of hospitals and such scares the hell out of me right now. But she's ok, it was an acute, sudden thing, not a deteriorating condition necessarily, as long as it's managed. I'm just wondering if she can manage taking care of everything. My siblings are on top of it, but I'm far away, and any kind of trip for me had to involve taking days from work when I'm not really even sure what I can do. I feel guilty. I'm not sure what to with all of this.
Posted by SLS on February 21, 2014, at 8:49:09
In reply to grief issues, posted by sleepygirl2 on February 21, 2014, at 2:11:09
I don't have any easy answers for you. I doubt there are any.
:-(
Are you still grieving for the passing of your father with the same intensity as you did a year ago?
Do you think you are more overwhelmed by events and having feelings of guilt rather than experiencing grief? Depression and anxiety can certainly contributed to this situation. There might even be a component of PTSD occuring.
Do you think it makes sense to intervene with drug therapy? Perhaps you can take something temporarily.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on February 21, 2014, at 8:59:50
In reply to Re: grief issues » sleepygirl2, posted by SLS on February 21, 2014, at 8:49:09
Have to talked with your siblings and Mom? See how they feel. Phillipa
Posted by sleepygirl2 on February 21, 2014, at 22:24:26
In reply to Re: grief issues » sleepygirl2, posted by SLS on February 21, 2014, at 8:49:09
> I don't have any easy answers for you. I doubt there are any.
That's ok. I know. It's enough that you responded at all.
>
> :-(
>
> Are you still grieving for the passing of your father with the same intensity as you did a year ago?No, not as bad, but I'm not through it.
>
> Do you think you are more overwhelmed by events and having feelings of guilt rather than experiencing grief? Depression and anxiety can certainly contributed to this situation. There might even be a component of PTSD occuring.I think it is a little retraumatizing. I think I've got grief and guilt.
>
> Do you think it makes sense to intervene with drug therapy? Perhaps you can take something temporarily.I'm still on meds. I'm really reluctant to raise or add anything, except for the occasional extra 25 mgs of seroquel, or an even rarer extra .25mg of klonopin. I think more Effexor makes me moodier.
>
>
> - Scott
>
>
Posted by sleepygirl2 on February 21, 2014, at 22:32:36
In reply to Re: grief issues, posted by Phillipa on February 21, 2014, at 8:59:50
My siblings say she's much better, not to worry, but they are definitely on the case. I'm lucky like that. My sister in law works with disabled folks, helping them function, so she's got tasks and stuff, and they're working to organize and simplify her home to better suit her. It's good, because I can't.
My mother says she's fine. I know she is, but her health is an issue.
Posted by Phillipa on February 21, 2014, at 22:48:24
In reply to Re: grief issues » Phillipa, posted by sleepygirl2 on February 21, 2014, at 22:32:36
So glad to hear this. Sometimes one needs to work through grief issues and not suppress them with meds. Easy to say hard to do. I do wish great health to your Mom Phillipa
Posted by alexandra_k on February 22, 2014, at 0:04:40
In reply to Re: grief issues » sleepygirl2, posted by Phillipa on February 21, 2014, at 22:48:24
a year is nothing. pretty sure that a year after my fathers death i was still feeling the effects of that full force.
grief processing is controversial... 12 months... 18 months... longer... i don't entirely know that i had anything approximating 'normal' response to my fathers death, but took a lot longer than that. and not so much that i got over it as that i think on it less often. and we were not particularly close. so it isn't like i'm caught thinking 'oh, i should call dad' or whatever. that only has happened a couple times yet. i think it must be much harder again for people who are closer.
i hope you can talk to your sisters / mum. sometimes... when there isn't anything we can do... the best thing to do with guilt is to admit that we feel it to the relevant people, i think. especially in this case. it attests to how much you care - that this is hard for you, and that it is hard for you to not be in the position to do anything more practical to contribute / help.
it can be a considerable help to others just to know that you are affected, and that you do care. it might well turn out that there are things that you can do to help (e.g in virtue of your willingness to offer support). they can talk to you - yeah?
i remember feeling very affected by how... fragile my mother seems now. especially since my father left. i don't think any of this is supposed to be easy. i think... many would think there was something wrong if it was.
hang in there.
Posted by jane d on February 23, 2014, at 22:12:08
In reply to grief issues, posted by sleepygirl2 on February 21, 2014, at 2:11:09
What a lot to cope with. I don't know how I would have handled it if my mother had been sick so soon after my father's death. I'm glad your siblings are handling things but I hope you can get up there soon even if only for a day so you can see for yourself that things are under control. In the mean time maybe you can promise yourself to call a little bit more often.
How is the rest of your life going?
Posted by sleepygirl2 on February 24, 2014, at 20:54:42
In reply to Re: grief issues, posted by alexandra_k on February 22, 2014, at 0:04:40
Thanks, Alex.
It's really only six months. I have been communicating. It's the best I can do for now I think.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on February 24, 2014, at 20:57:53
In reply to Re: grief issues » sleepygirl2, posted by jane d on February 23, 2014, at 22:12:08
I'll be up there in a couple of months for her birthday. Life is moving along I guess, nothing radically different, lots of work, tired of that, feeling like a hermit. Thanks.
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