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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmealltalk on February 13, 2011, at 11:24:53
I just learned that my t opened an office in NYC; she has a home office on Long Island that I have seen her at for 19 years but she is trying to build a practice in the city now and I am so scared I am going to lose her. If thats not bad enough, my pdoc just gave me a lecture on why she has good reason for opening this office as she lost her husband last year and this will get her away from the house they shared. Anyway, I am going crazy. We have enough history to know that she isnt about to just drop me but she is making big changes in her life and I worry that soon I wont be included. She happens to be great about this, listening to my worries etc, but I feel like these feelings will never end and take over my every thought How terrible am I for feeling so upset about her doing something that she not only wants to do, but something that is in her best interest for her own mental health? I worry that she will become too preoccupied with her new office to take time to really be with me, or people from her current office. And what if she feels resentful that we are in some way reminders of the past and even if not intentionally starts to care less? My list of worries goes on and on and while I feel so upset about this I dont want her to think I am wishing her bad. I hope her practice in the city grows, but not so much that it will affect me seeing her. And I just feel so filled with emotion yet so guilty that this is hurting me so much. I dont have a clue about what to do/say.
Mel
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2011, at 11:55:22
In reply to T opened additional office and i am going crazy, posted by mmealltalk on February 13, 2011, at 11:24:53
Does she have anything reassuring to say? My therapist had moved an hour or so away and opened an office near his home. I was very worried that he was transitioning to closing his office here and doing all his work there. But when we spoke about it he was clear that that wasn't his ultimate goal. That he'd like to spend maybe three days one place and two the other. He pretty much does split his time now. He also invited me to go to his other office, which I have, so that I would be reassured that it wouldn't be impossible if I wanted to see him at the other office.
In the end, it has been inconvenient at times, but nothing as bad as I feared.
What has she said about your fears?
Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 13, 2011, at 21:38:51
In reply to Re: T opened additional office and i am going crazy » mmealltalk, posted by Dinah on February 13, 2011, at 11:55:22
That sounds tough.
Have you talked to her about how you feel?
I would think that she is responsible enough to know her own limits. It would actually seem unethical for her to "drop" you by moving to another office. As it sounds here, I would think that her primary obligation is to you, her original client.
If worse came to worse, is there any way that you could go become part of her new office? But it seems that many therapists work out of two offices/dual locations.
Sharing with her your fears is probably the best start...
Posted by mmealltalk on February 14, 2011, at 18:57:34
In reply to Re: T opened additional office and i am going crazy, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 13, 2011, at 21:38:51
I just saw my therapist again and we spoke further about my feelings. I actually felt I had tried to be realistic about her new office and how her feelings about me arent different, nor is her intention to work with me. I did ask for the address of her other office just so I will know it, not because I really want to check it out, but so I feel at least I know where she is. Anyway, in what felt to be a bad enough situation to deal with I learned that she is putting her home on the market, she has a home office, and she will look into another office to work in for however long she works on Long Island. Hearing this tore my heart out. My security blanket in this whole thing was that her office is at her home so unless she moved, shed continue seeing patients there. However the plan is that she moves to the city where she already stays so I assume she has a place there, and gets rid of her home on Long Island. Shed then find someplace close by to work. There are so many changes, so much causing me to feel sad and I feel terrible that I am so freaked out over this, but it just seems to hit so many nerves. All I want to do is cry!
Mel
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2011, at 19:49:28
In reply to Re: T opened additional office and i am going crazy, posted by mmealltalk on February 14, 2011, at 18:57:34
I hate changes that are out of my control. I think grief is a perfectly fine response to that. And anger.
Maybe you could come up with a worst case scenario plan? My therapist's life has, in general, been less stable than my own. A few times I've felt the therapeutic relationship has been threatened by changes in his life. When that happens, he usually indulges me by helping me plan what would happen *if*...
I always took the stance that I was committed to do what it took to keep the therapeutic relationship in place. It mattered more to me, I think, so it was up to me to take the lead, although he always cooperated.
What do you think is the worst case scenario as far as her plans? Is there anything you can do to mitigate the effects?
Posted by mmealltalk on February 15, 2011, at 21:02:42
In reply to Re: T opened additional office and i am going crazy » mmealltalk, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2011, at 19:49:28
I spoke to my therapist again today, and we went over how I feel about all of the changes and the hurt it is causing. She knows me well enough to know how I feel and react, and she knows when stuff like this happens I find it very difficult to rely on my intellect about our relationship to help me feel less unsure of whats happening. We do have a long relationship to look back on and at no point has she ever moved away from me or given me any reason to believe that she is not available. I have to keep this in mind, but its hard when I feel like everything is so up in the air. For most of the day I tried to keep in mind all the intellectual knowledge I have of our relationship in order to deter feeling so alone. After several hours however I broke down and cried my eyes out for the losses Im encountering and the sadness I feel. I was really a mess, and it was a terrible site, but I did try to keep my mind focused on the intellectual part for most of the day so my failing at the end of the day was a minor setback, or so I hope. I still feel awful about the changes and try to keep my knowledge of how well my therapist knows and cares about me in the front of my mind, its just hard. We will see how I do tomorrow.
Mel
Posted by mmealltalk on February 21, 2011, at 20:21:06
In reply to Re: T opened additional office and i am going crazy, posted by mmealltalk on February 15, 2011, at 21:02:42
I am still hanging in. I had a few days that this wasnt preoccupying my mind and now feel like crap again. I hare change, really, and i feel like the stability i want in our relationship is wishy washy. My relationship with her may not be, but not knowing what is happenning is getting me upset. The truth is worse come to worse i could go to her new office, it would require getting over some major fears about going to the city as well as take at least 3 to 4 hours from wheni leave my house to when i return due to the train schedules, but it can happen, which i guess is the worst case scenario. I want this to be some nightmare that i can wake up from.
Mel
Posted by Dinah on February 21, 2011, at 23:10:02
In reply to Re: T opened additional office and i am going crazy, posted by mmealltalk on February 21, 2011, at 20:21:06
I'd be upset too. :( They oughtn't be allowed to make these changes.
All I can say is that the changes in my therapist's life were like most changes. Not as bad as I feared, but not as good as I'd hoped.
At least this puts the choice back to you? You can go if it's worth it to you, and if it's not worth it that's your choice to make.
I realize that doesn't help a lot. :(
Posted by Anemone on February 22, 2011, at 20:00:19
In reply to Re: T opened additional office and i am going crazy, posted by mmealltalk on February 21, 2011, at 20:21:06
Hi Mmealltalk, I am so sorry, what you are going through is so hard. I can feel your pain through your words. If I were you I would feel like that too. Actually I think you are really strong and brave. I support you even though I am not good with words.
This is the end of the thread.
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