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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Verloren on January 19, 2010, at 22:37:02
I want to appreciate my T, but Im also paranoid and nervously waiting for her to terminate me as her patient. Today I discovered some things that make me feel like termination is on the near horizon.
Im not supposed to see her while in the IOP, but I could not deal with the fact that she had not called to check on me since I went in. Esp, when I am in such an unbalanced state right now. So I left her a message to call me.
When she called we talked for a while about how I was upset with the IO program and with her. Then we got on the subject of her possibly terminating me and she said some VERY eye-opening things that really lead me to believe it will happen.
1.
T: Just because you have a good personal relationship with someone doesnt mean they are the best person to treat you.-I know this. I dont think our relationship is overly great, but I had asked her before if she was comfortable working with my set of issues and twice she confirmed that she was.
2.
T: You have problems with substance abuse and I absolutely do not work with clients with substance abuse issues.
Me: WHAT?! What substance abuse
T: Your drinking
Me: Youre calling ONE glass of wine at night, substance abuse?!!!!
T: I have a voice-message where you sounded very inebriated and you mentioned how youre an adult and you will drink if you want to.-So, I believe she is over-exaggerating this substance abuse issue, because I have never called her drunk. I was crying and upset; not drunk. Never drunk. How could she even say something like that. I told her I dont get drunk and did not call her while drunk and she said I was in denial. WTHeck!!! Is she going to make up issues for me just to say she doesnt work with them and then send me packing? How the heck should I handle this?
3.
Before, I had trouble working with the pdoc they have on staff there. The pdoc is always very, very late and then unapologetic about it. We dont mesh well. So my T then OFFERED to have me see a different pdoc she knew. Then today she says,T: I just dont see any way we can work together if you have to see a psychiatrist outside of the office. Its just not possible.
Me: But you said before that I could see someone else?!! Why are you changing it up now? Why are you being inconsistent?
T: With the amount of communication needed, its just not possible.-So shes either a liar or a bit** or both. I am pissed. And now Im in this program that I hate all because she couldnt handle me.
And I am confused. She kept saying that if she intended to terminate me she would have never done all the extra stuff she did for me, never.She said that she has been too flexible with me and that has probably made things worse. Then she said we should check in on the phone once a week since I cant see her while in the program.
I really feel like she is playing with my mind and it is fragile enough as it is. I do not need to have a therapist screwing around with it even more. At one point I was so upset I dropped the phone and started sobbing heavily.
How can I handle this? Technically I should just concentrate on this IO program but I cant help but think about her too.
-Verloren
Posted by MysticKangaroo on January 20, 2010, at 0:47:17
In reply to Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by Verloren on January 19, 2010, at 22:37:02
Hey V.
What a nasty roller coaster you are on. No wonder you feel sick.
I think you know what you need to do with regard to advice. Concetrate on your prog where you are. Deal with waht you can where you are. Your T will wait.
Your T. Yes she/he is still your T. Sounds to me like she/he is still getting to know you... checking out the best way of supporting you with where your life is at. T's are human. They need to learn how best to support us. They are not born pre programmed with the best way of responding in all situations. Contrary to what some people think (and I don't mean you) T's are not mind readers. My advice is wait til you are both in the same room and then talk about it.
Phone conversations are not the same as face to face. My T stuffed up monumentally on the phone one day. When we talked face to face she apologised and said that if she had seen my body language there was no way she would have said what she did.
Hang in there. One day at a time is all you have to manage and you don't have to do this on your own. Babble is here. There is a community of people who will support you.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on January 20, 2010, at 8:55:57
In reply to Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by Verloren on January 19, 2010, at 22:37:02
(((Verloren))): I am sorry you are having such a hard time. The ONLY person who knows when it is time to terminate....is the CLIENT. The only reason a t should terminate, is if the client is a danger to themselves or others.
It sounds very confusing. All you can do is be honest with her.
Wish I could help more.
Hugs n Love, Sassy
Posted by Sigismund on January 20, 2010, at 19:34:02
In reply to Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by Verloren on January 19, 2010, at 22:37:02
When I read this
>T: You have problems with substance abuse and I absolutely do not work with clients with substance abuse issues.
Me: WHAT?! What substance abuse
T: Your drinking
Me: Youre calling ONE glass of wine at night, substance abuse?!!!!
T: I have a voice-message where you sounded very inebriated and you mentioned how youre an adult and you will drink if you want to.-So, I believe she is over-exaggerating this substance abuse issue, because I have never called her drunk. I was crying and upset; not drunk. Never drunk. How could she even say something like that. I told her I dont get drunk and did not call her while drunk and she said I was in denial. WTHeck!!! Is she going to make up issues for me just to say she doesnt work with them and then send me packing? How the heck should I handle this?
I thought, oh come on, goodness me, what planet etc etc. I would not be comfortable with that either. I've given you some idea of the kinds of things my psych and I say to each other, whether it is (as you rightly suggested) much use to me or not. It's one of the good things about getting older....people stop trying to save you and even eventually treat you like an adult.
Posted by Sigismund on January 20, 2010, at 19:36:29
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by Sigismund on January 20, 2010, at 19:34:02
I wouldn't (for understandable reasons as well as good ones, IMO) be comfortable with this
>T: You have problems with substance abuse and I absolutely do not work with clients with substance abuse issues.
Why not?
Posted by emilyp on January 20, 2010, at 20:53:12
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by Sigismund on January 20, 2010, at 19:36:29
There are many therapists that won't deal with people that have substance abuse problems. Substance abuse and depression/bi-polar etc. are very different in terms of how you treat them. In addition, if you are drinking/taking drugs it is hard to have a open and honest relationship; many therapists do not think they can trust or believe people who use.
There is a reason why people are specifically trained in substance abuse. Also, sometimes mental health issues reveal themselves differently once the substance abuse has ended. Thus therapists feel they cannot adequately/appropriately treat someone until the substance abuse is gone, as the mental health issue is not obvious.
This is not a comment on whether you drink but rather a comment on how therapists view substance abuse.
Posted by rnny on January 23, 2010, at 0:41:47
In reply to Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by Verloren on January 19, 2010, at 22:37:02
She is giving you waaaaay too many hoops to jump through to keep her around. Bid her adieu and find a therapist who cares. This one is making your life difficult rather than calming it down.
Posted by Verloren on January 23, 2010, at 8:00:31
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 20, 2010, at 0:47:17
Hi MysticKangaroo,
I do feel like I've been on a terrible roller coaster. (and I dislike roller coasters because they make me dizzy)
This ride has been dizzying and I'm ready to get off now. After a week, I determined the IOprogram is just not for me.
Thanks for the kind words and advice. I'll keep posting.
-Verloren
Posted by Verloren on January 23, 2010, at 8:05:35
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice » Verloren, posted by sassyfrancesca on January 20, 2010, at 8:55:57
Thanks (((((Sassy)))))
This whole thing has been confusing, tormenting, and eye-opening to say the least.
I'll keep posting and updating you guys.
Thanks for the warm words, thoughts, and hugs. :-)
-Verloren
Posted by obsidian on January 23, 2010, at 9:04:24
In reply to Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by Verloren on January 19, 2010, at 22:37:02
for whatever reason, she seems confused about her own decisions, intentions, tolerance
it's unfortunate that there was not a clearer understanding from the start
If it were me I'd start over with someone else
for what it's worth,
sid
Posted by Verloren on January 23, 2010, at 23:23:15
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by Sigismund on January 20, 2010, at 19:34:02
Sigi, now that I am a girl, I wonder how this has been reframed in your mind?
-Verloren
Posted by Verloren on January 23, 2010, at 23:39:23
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by emilyp on January 20, 2010, at 20:53:12
Emilyp, I understand what you're saying and it does make sense.
My trouble with my T is that she waited til she felt there were issues to sudden;y bring up this policy of hers. If it's her practice not to treat sub abuse patients, that's fine. She should state it clearly in the beginning and then periodically reiterate it when she might start to suspect such behavior.
She should not randomly add a diagnosis to me without my consent, or tell me now, after several discussions about alcohol use were brought up previously, about her anti-sub abuse preference.
Thanks for the different outlook about this. It really gave me something to consider.
-Verloren
Posted by Verloren on January 24, 2010, at 0:08:30
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice, posted by rnny on January 23, 2010, at 0:41:47
I do feel like she's putting me through a lot just to be her patient. She seems too picky to really be in this business to actually care about people.
At the same time, it is also confusing. She has said she's been very flexible and accommodating with me. I do agree.
It is hard to walk away from her. And harder to think that she failed me in some way. Or that I've picked yet another lackluster therapist.
-Wish me luck with whatever outcome I have,
-Verloren
Posted by Verloren on January 24, 2010, at 0:15:27
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice » Verloren, posted by obsidian on January 23, 2010, at 9:04:24
I agree sid. But it's very hard to just walk away. Partly because I lack the confidence to go through this process again, and again, and again.
Then what if I find out it was me after all this whole time.I'll keep you all updated,
-Verloren
Posted by emilyp on January 24, 2010, at 8:04:02
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice » emilyp, posted by Verloren on January 23, 2010, at 23:39:23
Did she have any reason to think there might be an abuse problem? Did you ever allude or mention that there is an issue (although I thought you said it was not the case)? I understand your issue but at the same time, omitting such information makes it hard to properly treat you.
Posted by Verloren on January 24, 2010, at 10:48:28
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice » Verloren, posted by emilyp on January 24, 2010, at 8:04:02
>
>"Did she have any reason to think there might be an abuse problem? Did you ever allude or mention that there is an issue (although I thought you said it was not the case)? I understand your issue but at the same time, omitting such information makes it hard to properly treat you."
>
Over the past month or so, more in November than recently, I mentioned drink a glass of wine on nights that I couldn't get to sleep otherwise.The sleep meds did not work for me for some reason, and we had already discussed that they did not work and I usually had an adverse reaction.
I tried:
Trazodone, Ambien, Lunesta, Klonopin, Benedryl, Ativan, and Tylenol PM.She would always gently disapprove of me drinking the glass of wine by saying "it could lead to dependency". I understood that but said I disapproved of being a sleep aid guinea pig and would rather enjoy a glass of wine, which worked, rather than waste money on meds that didn't.
She said I had to be careful because my father had a drinking problem. It wasn't my father it was my uncle, so I had to correct her. But she said it was still in my family history. I think she created confusion in her own mind esp with the father vs uncle. I definitely told her uncle when we reviewed my family history bc my father died from cancer, and never had a drinking problem.
I don't and can't drink nightly, it's too expensive and I don't care about it that much. My sleep is much better now.
I never drink to the point where I'm drunk. Which would be too costly too since I'm a big girl; I can't imagine how much wine it would take in my system to get me to the point of inebriation.
Now I'm angry that she has flat out accused me of this. I haven't bought wine in a while and I don't feel like I miss or need it, so where's the dependency?
I think she has a past that had substance abuse in it either with herself or with a family member and it's bc of those ghosts that she is so wary.
She also mentioned once that she was "afraid of cupcakes" because they're addictive. And another time we were talking about poker and she said that she does NOT play cards of any kind, and shook her head furiously.
I'm thinking she has ghosts in her closet that she's projecting onto me.
-Verloren
Posted by Sigismund on January 24, 2010, at 15:11:00
In reply to Re: Angry and Hurt at T, Please give me advice » Sigismund, posted by Verloren on January 23, 2010, at 23:23:15
>Sigi, now that I am a girl, I wonder how this has been reframed in your mind?
It's odd. Your non-drinking seems fractionally more of a problem :)
This is the end of the thread.
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