![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by southernsky on December 12, 2009, at 18:38:35
I've recently developed attachment feelings for my T of several months, which led to insight A, which led to insights B, C, D...The insights were about my primary core issue, which come from my parents neglect and them never making me feel safe or loved...which led to insights E, F, G....which led to a mega-insight, a huge realization about myself--the source behind anything and everything in how I have been (mostly unconciously) treating myself and relating to others all these years.
The realization was so ugly, the emotions so painful....that after this discovery and after feeling agonizing emotional pain for 2 hours, I suddenly stopped feeling it and developed sexual compulsions (not for T) and called an old boyfriend to satisfy my urges. I didn't see him in person, but our correspondence lasted for 6 hours. He seemed thrilled, but I feel awful now.
I don't ever remember using sex as a defense against anything, and this was so strange and disturbing, that even though I am afraid to post on this forum, I have to ask someone what this means. I don't see T until next week and feel so disturbed by this, I'd really appreciate anyone's advice, if anyone knows what this means, or if something similar ever happened to you before. I mean why would I use sex to block out painful emotions? It was so sudden and odd.
Bunches of thanks :)
Posted by BayLeaf on December 12, 2009, at 22:16:40
In reply to emotional catharsesis and uncomfortable result, posted by southernsky on December 12, 2009, at 18:38:35
is treating yourself badly part of a pattern of behavior in your life? is that some of the dust you kicked up?
Posted by lingonberry on December 13, 2009, at 4:03:53
In reply to emotional catharsesis and uncomfortable result, posted by southernsky on December 12, 2009, at 18:38:35
> I've recently developed attachment feelings for my T of several months, which led to insight A, which led to insights B, C, D...The insights were about my primary core issue, which come from my parents neglect and them never making me feel safe or loved...which led to insights E, F, G....which led to a mega-insight, a huge realization about myself--the source behind anything and everything in how I have been (mostly unconciously) treating myself and relating to others all these years.
Hi, southernsky,
Lucky you! Or lucky isnt the right word because you are obviously very motivated to take a deep look inside yourself and I know how hurtful it is, and that it doesnt happen in vacuum. You are very brave!
> The realization was so ugly, the emotions so painful....that after this discovery and after feeling agonizing emotional pain for 2 hours, I suddenly stopped feeling it and developed sexual compulsions (not for T) and called an old boyfriend to satisfy my urges. I didn't see him in person, but our correspondence lasted for 6 hours. He seemed thrilled, but I feel awful now.
Yeah, those painful feelings are awful. But fortunately, they are a necessarily part of the process and allow us to making progress. And damn guilt! Maybe if you can convince yourself that you were protecting yourself from these awful feelings (in a normal way) it will reduce your guilt.I think its normal to have thoose compulsive sexual feelings. I have also felt this on and off during my own process. So now, there are at least two of us. On a more serious note, I have heard and read about others having the same experience too. I think its pretty common to use sex as a defence: It takes focus from all that happens inside us. And it happens a lot when the therapy process start. Right, now, Im in the end of the infant/toddler phase and all thoughts about sex are gone with the wind. Im asocial, asexuala everything. Feels like my whole life is on hold and all there is is my basic needs. So you will get over it...
>
> I don't ever remember using sex as a defense against anything, and this was so strange and disturbing, that even though I am afraid to post on this forum, I have to ask someone what this means. I don't see T until next week and feel so disturbed by this, I'd really appreciate anyone's advice, if anyone knows what this means, or if something similar ever happened to you before. I mean why would I use sex to block out painful emotions? It was so sudden and odd.
>If it was the very first time you entered such deep feelings, of course it scares you. Of course you wanted to protect yourself by blocking those painful feelings. And why not use sex? It does also give some kind of release from all that body tense.
Sometimes, when we defend ourselves, the only thing we can do is just to observe us doing so, instead of judging our behaviour or trying to stop it. It rarely works anyway. We stop when we can, when we are able to do so. I dont think you have to be afraid of developing some kind of compulsive behaviour because of this, but it surely can be helpful to keep an eye on it. I hope your T can give you a more satisfying answer because I dont know exactly why this is happening. But I can tell you; you are not alone in this.
>
Big hug to you!
Lingonberry
Bunches of thanks :)
Posted by deerock on December 13, 2009, at 10:11:36
In reply to Re: emotional catharsesis and uncomfortable result, posted by lingonberry on December 13, 2009, at 4:03:53
southernesky,
i have had that experience. where you suddenly want to have sex and you connect it to a painful emotion and you realize the sex is about releasing the painful emotion.
i dont know a lot about what to do about it other than be kind to yourself. i dont think it is really that unusual. perhaps, for some people, if not a sexual impulse, it would be food, drugs, booze, gambling, etc.
you seem to be on the right track by looking at it and not acting it out recklessly.
Posted by southernsky on December 14, 2009, at 14:50:27
In reply to Re: emotional catharsesis and uncomfortable result, posted by lingonberry on December 13, 2009, at 4:03:53
Ligonberry,
Wow-I went back and read some of your other posts too--every post you write sounds like it's coming from an expert!
"I dont think you have to be afraid of developing some kind of compulsive behaviour because of this, but it surely can be helpful to keep an eye on it."
Thanks for your reassurance. My fear is not necessarily the sexual defense/compusion/ incident, but the fear my sexuality would somehow become ruined because of this....like you said-developing the behavior.. I know it might sound out there to have this fear, but my sexuality was always something I felt very comfortable with....and I dont' want it to change. So this could be temporary to mask emotional pain, I see.that's ok, but I'm hoping this does not reoccur....I can't wait to talk to T for him to comfort me about this.He will probably have all the answers..
What does this mean, if you don't mind if I ask:
"Right, now, Im in the end of the infant/toddler phase and all thoughts about sex are gone with the wind. Im asocial, asexuala everything. Feels like my whole life is on hold and all there is is my basic needs. So you will get over it..."
Are there certain stages in therapy that bring on sexual feelings?
Thanks so much for sharing with me and you are very brave too! :-) (((Ligonberry)))
Posted by southernsky on December 14, 2009, at 14:54:16
In reply to Re: emotional catharsesis and uncomfortable result » southernsky, posted by BayLeaf on December 12, 2009, at 22:16:40
Yes, Bayleaf..as in calling an ex bf who did not treat me so well. Thats not a healthy way to treat myself....I feel awful for calling him and sharing my sexuality with him..
But the real stuff uncovered is related to feeling objectified...(as opposed to being loved) by parents and others.its a horrible feeling.
Posted by southernsky on December 14, 2009, at 14:57:39
In reply to Re: emotional catharsesis and uncomfortable result, posted by deerock on December 13, 2009, at 10:11:36
Deerock..I came pretty close to acting upon the feeling in a really bad way. well it was really bad to call ex bf, but yeah, it could have been worse but I don't think I would have taken it as far as doing something in person. I guess it could have been worse, and it wasn't so bad. I just am scared it would become a pattern. but I think T will help me deal with this and maybe after his insight i won't have the urges again...i'm hoping it will be that way. Thanks for sharing ((((Deerock)))
Posted by lingonberry on December 15, 2009, at 14:03:57
In reply to Re: emotional catharsesis and uncomfortable result, posted by southernsky on December 14, 2009, at 14:50:27
> Ligonberry,
>
> Wow-I went back and read some of your other posts too--every post you write sounds like it's coming from an expert!Hi Southernsky!
Thank you so very much! I have already seen that you too have a lot of insights; there has been a lot of correspondence today. Im very pleased if my own experiences can be of any help. I am very dedicated to issues such psychology and spirituality and thats also what Im doing for living. But Im still a work in progress.
> "I dont think you have to be afraid of developing some kind of compulsive behaviour because of this, but it surely can be helpful to keep an eye on it."
>
> Thanks for your reassurance. My fear is not necessarily the sexual defense/compusion/ incident, but the fear my sexuality would somehow become ruined because of this....like you said-developing the behavior.. I know it might sound out there to have this fear, but my sexuality was always something I felt very comfortable with....and I dont' want it to change. So this could be temporary to mask emotional pain, I see.that's ok, but I'm hoping this does not reoccur....I can't wait to talk to T for him to comfort me about this.He will probably have all the answers..I totally understand your anxiety, but I dont think you need to be scared, that your sexuality would somehow become ruined.
> What does this mean, if you don't mind if I ask:
>
> "Right, now, Im in the end of the infant/toddler phase and all thoughts about sex are gone with the wind. Im asocial, asexuala everything. Feels like my whole life is on hold and all there is is my basic needs. So you will get over it..."It does mean that I have re-experienced all my suppressed feelings from my early childhood. And I actually acted like a child during this period, especially towards my T. I had no needs except love and security. One can say that I have a second childhood, but this time with a loving, understanding and caring T that consoled me. It was a pretty interesting experience.
> Are there certain stages in therapy that bring on sexual feelings?I actually think it can happen in all stages. I understand if youre afraid of loosing control. If so, maybe you can buy something that brings on less guilt something, hm, more technical so to speak. LOL
> Thanks so much for sharing with me and you are very brave too! :-) (((Ligonberry)))Youre welcome. Nice talking to you! And thanks for your interest.
(((Southernsky)))
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.