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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on April 17, 2009, at 19:59:21
Today I had a very disconnected session from my T. I hate those. My feelings were hurt at the beginning when I mentioned a dream that I had brought up in an email I sent him. It was a big deal for me because it was the scariest dream I have had in a really long time. And then he didn't remember it at all. And I did manage to bring it up with him and he admitted he didn't remember it. My feelings were hurt and I was angry. We had also had a very abrupt ending at the last session and that was still hurting and I was angry.
I was able to talk a little about what was going on with me and to say that I felt like I needed more from him than I was getting. He was very understanding and said that he was proud of me for saying that. We talked about a bunch of stuff. I just never felt connected the whole session. And then of course I had to leave again. And I said, "How am I supposed to do this again for another week?" and he said, "Well, you can call and email. But I don't really have a solution for you on that one either." And that's a caring thing to say, but he just didn't have the same feel in his voice I was hoping for. And at the end of the session I felt like he was frustrated about something, and he said, "I'm frustrated by the constraints that are present, I guess. I hate to see you living like this." We've been talking about how I feel like I can't see him enough and how I feel like I'm not getting to all the stuff I need to talk about.
I don't know. I'm hurting and I want to call him but I don't know what to say. Do you think it's ok to call him just because I want to feel connected? I'm just scared because he's inconsistent on the phone - sometimes he's wonderful and spot-on, and sometimes he gets too much into problem-solving mode and it's terrible. I don't know. I hate this feeling.
I want to feel special to him. And we talked about this today. And he never once actually said I was special. We talked about how important it is to me to feel that way, but he never actually said one way or the other if I am special. I'm sad.
sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 17, 2009, at 20:11:01
In reply to disconnected session, posted by sunnydays on April 17, 2009, at 19:59:21
I'm sorry, SD. I know what those sessions feel like and I hate them. I don't have any great advice, but I think you should give him a call and give him a chance to restore the connection.
Posted by Zana on April 18, 2009, at 14:11:11
In reply to Re: disconnected session » sunnydays, posted by TherapyGirl on April 17, 2009, at 20:11:01
If hew takes calls, I would take the risk and call him and even let him know that it feels like a risk. Being disconnected feels terrible.
Zana
Posted by sunnydays on April 18, 2009, at 14:50:55
In reply to Re: disconnected session » sunnydays, posted by TherapyGirl on April 17, 2009, at 20:11:01
Thanks, TG. I am still sitting here today debating whether or not to call. I'm not as distressed as I was yesterday, so I'm thinking I need to just hold onto it and wait. I'm just so tired of holding onto my feelings and waiting. But I don't think I should bother him on a weekend, even though I know he'd be fine with it (if he remembers to check his messages). And I don't know what I'd really want to say except that I think it's maybe more me than him at this point. I think ever since he was gone for a few weeks a while back I've been hiding. And I don't know how to change that.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on April 18, 2009, at 14:52:42
In reply to Re: disconnected session, posted by Zana on April 18, 2009, at 14:11:11
But... I don't know whether it would be a waste or not. And I get so scared of being bother and not wanting to call unless I REALLY need it. And I don't know if I really need it or if I'm just focusing on it too much.
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on April 19, 2009, at 15:56:14
In reply to disconnected session, posted by sunnydays on April 17, 2009, at 19:59:21
From all I know of your time together, he's acted as if you were special to him. I think they have a hard time saying that. It probably breaks some rule they were taught.
It sounds like he's not expressing that caring so well right now. I hate when that happens.
My therapist says he *wants* me to call, just to feel connected. But like yours, mine isn't always so good on the phone. In fact, mine is almost never good on the phone. So calling doesn't always leave me feeling more connected, even if we both try.
So... hard to say.
Do you have anything that reminds you of him? A taped message? A very positive memory? Something you can keep hold of?
Posted by sunnydays on April 19, 2009, at 16:32:28
In reply to Re: disconnected session » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on April 19, 2009, at 15:56:14
I'm doing better with a little more distance from it. And I'm making coffee cake, which I hope comes out yummy :). I have lots of good memories and that's helping. I feel like this happens every spring to some extent, I'm not sure why. For some reason he seems to get more stressed in the spring, probably because it's the end of the school year and so his disorganization catches up with him a little. And while other people probably can't tell that he's different, I'm really sensitive to any small little changes in how he acts. He encourages me to tell him about it, though, and he's totally and completely fine with me being mad at him, even when I swear I'm being unreasonable and expecting way too much. He says I don't have to be reasonable, which I love (I got tears in my eyes just then thinking that - we do have a strong relationship). And he wanted me to tell him all the 'evidence' I had been collecting that he was different lately.
It's nice. I don't think I need to call him. Thanks for writing that post, it helped me settle things in my mind.
sunnydays
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