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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on April 7, 2009, at 11:18:22
I had therapy with my pdoc today. It was kind of intense, I cried.
Anyways, we got to exploring why it is important for me that I think Dr. Bob cares and my pdoc thinks it is because if Dr. Bob cares, doesn't want me to die, etc, that means I am a worthwhile person and am lovable. I couldn't make the connection, pdoc tried to get me to connect this, but I couldn't. She eventually made the connection for me.
I also told pdoc about how my Mom used to turn my sister and me against my Dad. She would make us feel guilty for liking our Dad. She always put him down. One time I was little and I think my parents got into an argument and I think maybe my Dad hit my Mom. My Mom started crying and told me and my sister to hit our Dad back. I couldn't do it, I was scared and I didn't want to hit my Dad. My younger sister hit my Dad. It was so scary.
Anyways, pdoc thinks I actually want some sort of relationship with my Dad even though I've been alienated from him by my Mom. Pdoc thinks Dr. Bob is like a fantasy perfect Dad for me. I am attached to Dr. Bob because I never attached to my Dad.
Posted by raisinb on April 7, 2009, at 11:32:29
In reply to Therapy today, connections, Dr. Bob and Dad, posted by Deneb on April 7, 2009, at 11:18:22
Deneb, that sounds like a powerful session. The connection your pdoc made makes a lot of sense to me (since I'm often in the same boat with my therapist), but it might take time for you to feel it emotionally. Just give yourself that time and therapy will work for you.
I think it's interesting the different kinds of transference that emerge from the conflicts on the board and Dr. Bob's participation (or lack thereof)in them. When I read his replies, I feel a good deal less than positive and respectful of his personality and style (sorry if that's uncivil!)
But I love and need Babble, so I take it as water under the bridge. I am glad you were able to take your feelings about Dr. Bob into therapy and make such a powerful connection.
Posted by Dinah on April 7, 2009, at 12:05:45
In reply to Therapy today, connections, Dr. Bob and Dad, posted by Deneb on April 7, 2009, at 11:18:22
I think your therapist is very wise.
My mother and father didn't get along so well when I was young, and she said enough bad things about him to scare me silly. But as we got older, we got along great and my relationship with him meant a lot to me.
Maybe you could reach out to your dad and develop your *own* relationship with him, without your mother's biases.
Posted by Deneb on April 7, 2009, at 12:07:10
In reply to Re: Therapy today, connections, Dr. Bob and Dad » Deneb, posted by raisinb on April 7, 2009, at 11:32:29
Sometimes I feel I am not very good at this therapy stuff. I don't know how to describe feelings and thoughts very well.
Mostly I just say I feel bad or good.
Most sessions I just talk about what happened during the week.
My pdoc noticed that I talk about my Mom a lot and my sister, but never about my Dad. Then here I am very attached to Dr. Bob and she thinks the two things are connected.
She thinks I actually long for a deeper relationship with my Dad, but I don't see this. I am not sure what I feel about this. I don't care if I am emotionally connected to my Dad or not.
I am just not very emotionally connected to my family in general.
Posted by Dinah on April 7, 2009, at 12:30:12
In reply to Re: Therapy today, connections, Dr. Bob and Dad, posted by Deneb on April 7, 2009, at 12:07:10
It's a weird thing, Deneb. But sometimes we don't feel what we're actually feeling. There's a kind of blanket that hides our feelings from us.
You say you don't *feel* emotional connection to your family, but I've often seen you *act* emotional connection to your family.
I had the same problem once, and I still do to some extent. It is good and useful and a protective thing sometimes. But it can also cause feelings to build and grow without awareness until they suddenly, with no previous warning, explode. I've found it helps me to be more aware of feelings on a lower level.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that not feeling emotions doesn't necessarily mean they aren't there.
Posted by Kath on April 7, 2009, at 19:11:37
In reply to Therapy today, connections, Dr. Bob and Dad, posted by Deneb on April 7, 2009, at 11:18:22
Wow Deneb.
A couple of wows.
Bad wow - how your Mom messed with you & your sister's minds/emotions in a totally unhealthy way regarding trying to turn you against your Dad.
Good wow - the stuff about you sorta wanting a relationship with your Dad & the Dr. Bob thing.
Sounds like good therapy going on.
love & hugs, Kath
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