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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by obsidian on February 19, 2009, at 20:45:36
I called my therapist after seeing him tonight just to see if he was mad at me.
He said no...but what if he just doesn't care? that'd be worse.
ugh...I'm a bundle of needy
I feel like someone should smack me.
Posted by Kath on February 19, 2009, at 21:17:36
In reply to I feel really needy right now...., posted by obsidian on February 19, 2009, at 20:45:36
> I called my therapist after seeing him tonight just to see if he was mad at me.
> He said no...but what if he just doesn't care? that'd be worse.
> ugh...I'm a bundle of needy
> I feel like someone should smack me.
Hey you silly pickle ((((((((((((you)))))))))Someone should certainly NOT smack you unless it's the kind of smack that we call a kiss!!!
I bet he cares!!!! I'm glad you're talking about how you feel.
I'll keep you in my thoughts, hugs, Kath
Posted by no_rose_garden on February 20, 2009, at 1:14:42
In reply to Re: I feel really needy right now.... » obsidian, posted by Kath on February 19, 2009, at 21:17:36
((((sid))))
I hope you feel better...give yourself a big hug!! And cuddle up w/ a teddy bear or something cuddly.
Posted by Kath on February 20, 2009, at 8:08:14
In reply to I feel really needy right now...., posted by obsidian on February 19, 2009, at 20:45:36
Good morning hugs.
Kath
Posted by antigua3 on February 20, 2009, at 9:14:30
In reply to I feel really needy right now...., posted by obsidian on February 19, 2009, at 20:45:36
Nope, no smacks allowed. Just causes more injury.
I had to laugh, and I mean this nicely, because so often I think my pdoc is mad at me after a session, but I never have the guts to call afterward. I usually end up mumbling somthing like, "We're OK, right?" at the next session and I think he knows that's my code for making sure he isn't mad.
Neediness is fine. You'll find ways to cope if you're willing to try. In fact, you're expected to feel needy in order for the therapy to really work.
And while I find it hard to admit to myself that my pdoc does care, I do believe they, yours, care about their patients. While there are many levels of caring, at this point it sounds like yours cares in the way you need him to. But I understand that it would be worse if he didn't care than if he was just plain old mad at you. That's a much more frightening scenario to consider.
Remember, the old tapes are running through your head and you're working on making new ones.
Try to do something nice for yourself today. You're worth it.
antigua
Posted by lucie lu on February 20, 2009, at 14:01:06
In reply to I feel really needy right now...., posted by obsidian on February 19, 2009, at 20:45:36
Sounds like you need hugs, not smacks, Sid.
For many of us, the intense neediness and dependency feelings that arise during therapy feel threatening and/or humiliating. It can feel like an invitation to be picked up and held, only to then be dropped. One of the major goals of therapy can be to work through these fears.
When I used to need to call my T for weekend check-ins, he would always agree. But that wouldn't satisfy me and I would persist: "Are you sure? Wouldn't you rather avoid doing therapy on your time off, I don't want to intrude on your weekend" etc. After months of enduring this from me, he finally said with some exasperation, "Lucie, do you know how old I am? I am x years old. By this time, I know what I want or don't want to do. It is insulting to me for someone to think that I don't know my own mind." That shut me up. But I felt less insecure after that about the phone calls because his exasperated statement reached me in a way that his gentler reassurances had been unable to. Sometimes I guess I do respond better to a 2x4 whack to the head ;)
Lucie
Posted by obsidian on February 20, 2009, at 19:39:20
In reply to Re: I feel really needy right now.... » obsidian, posted by Kath on February 19, 2009, at 21:17:36
thanks Kath :-)
Posted by obsidian on February 20, 2009, at 19:40:41
In reply to Re: I feel really needy right now...., posted by no_rose_garden on February 20, 2009, at 1:14:42
thanks, I'm hanging on to my cat :-)
Posted by obsidian on February 20, 2009, at 19:48:10
In reply to Re: I feel really needy right now.... » obsidian, posted by antigua3 on February 20, 2009, at 9:14:30
it's weird you know, sometimes I am a lot more insecure than other times
my phone call to him is indeed lame (I actually do have a sense of humor about it), but it has become my pattern
it makes me feel better...most of the time
I called up, didn't necessarily expect him to answer..I said "hi, this is sid." (pause) he asks some sort of what's up sort of question...I say "Are you mad at me?" he says "No, I am not mad at you, I'll see you next week", I say "ok, thanks".
It's a weird thing really, and terribly transparent, but I suppose that's what it comes down to.
Posted by obsidian on February 20, 2009, at 20:00:28
In reply to Re: I feel really needy right now...., posted by lucie lu on February 20, 2009, at 14:01:06
I once told my T that I wondered if he saw me because of guilt, because he knew I was attached and that it would hurt to separate..he said "Do I seem like someone who operates out of guilt?", and I suppose I do respect that he can make his own decisions, and that I don't have to be responsible for him.
I do feel a certain responsibility to "get better" though, that that is part of the bargain. So, I wonder if I frustrate him, or if he just gets that "lost cause" or "whatever" sort of feeling with me.
Like the way you might watch someone make bad choices, and know that you can't change it.
thanks lucie :-)
Posted by lucie lu on February 20, 2009, at 20:21:36
In reply to Re: I feel really needy right now.... » lucie lu, posted by obsidian on February 20, 2009, at 20:00:28
> I once told my T that I wondered if he saw me because of guilt, because he knew I was attached and that it would hurt to separate..he said "Do I seem like someone who operates out of guilt?", and I suppose I do respect that he can make his own decisions, and that I don't have to be responsible for him.
> I do feel a certain responsibility to "get better" though, that that is part of the bargain. So, I wonder if I frustrate him, or if he just gets that "lost cause" or "whatever" sort of feeling with me.
> Like the way you might watch someone make bad choices, and know that you can't change it.
> thanks lucie :-)I think good therapists have a lot of patience.
Posted by Recently on February 20, 2009, at 20:24:25
In reply to I feel really needy right now...., posted by obsidian on February 19, 2009, at 20:45:36
> I called my therapist after seeing him tonight just to see if he was mad at me.
> He said no...but what if he just doesn't care? that'd be worse.
> ugh...I'm a bundle of needy
> I feel like someone should smack me.
>Hi Obsidian,
Oh I know the feeling so well! I myself am too timid to ever call my T after a session - you are quite brave! Sometimes I feel like the Patient-T relationship is built to make us feel needy in some ways. We have to need our Ts to keep working...to keep coming back... But it really is hard. Don't be too hard on yourself. I hope you start to feel better.
Recently
Posted by obsidian on February 20, 2009, at 20:56:26
In reply to Re: I feel really needy right now.... » obsidian, posted by Recently on February 20, 2009, at 20:24:25
yeah, it doesn't seem to freak him out too much. I used to just sit with the feeling after a session, but I didn't feel up to it.
I want to be as honest as possible, even when it's lame. I don't always understand why I feel what I do. I want to be able to tell one person in this world how I really feel. It's not easy.
thanks :-)
Posted by cmac13 on February 24, 2009, at 6:36:22
In reply to Re: I feel really needy right now.... » Recently, posted by obsidian on February 20, 2009, at 20:56:26
Sometimes I feel like a little kid in my sessions. It's really strange as a grown woman to feel this way. My therapist is very maternal and gentle (she is about 16 years older than me)- She never makes me feel bad about any feelings I have. She has aloud me to sit next to her in a session if I needed to and has given me a hug if I ask. Many issues from my past I have been able to work through with her. She is amazing and I appreciate haveing the opprtunity to not only work with her but to know her.
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