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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on February 4, 2009, at 17:16:43
I'm caught between what I want to write and not saying anything that will cause anyone else to fall in this black hole with me.
I fired my endo today. They lost my test, according to them, but really they waited too long to follow up with the lab and the lab discarded my blood after 7 days. They want to wait another 5 weeks to retest, which would be 7 weeks from the last partial results. Completely unacceptable and unhelpful.
I'm just completely done with all of it, including my life. No matter how hard I try, I just can't make it work. I'm tired of trying. And, oh yeah, I p*ssed my T off, too, because I was so angry after the doctor's office called me. I'm thinking a lot of people are just better off if they don't have to deal with me.
Posted by wittgensteinz on February 4, 2009, at 17:30:35
In reply to More triggers, posted by TherapyGirl on February 4, 2009, at 17:16:43
TG,
Listen, how the Endo handled your tests was unacceptable and it's entirely understandable why you felt so let down and angry when you found this out. Maybe it is for the best you fired you endo, at least now you have the possibility of finding a new, more cooperative doctor who will have a fresh perspective on your thyroid problems.
As for your T. It sounds like you have had a rupture as a result of your frustrations. You are having a very tough time of things right now, and if anyone will understand the place where you are, it's your T. Ok, maybe in the worst case scenario your anger took her back a little or she responded with too little patience, but there's a long way between that (which will pass) and her wanting rid of you.
When you say that people are better off not having to deal with you, it seems to me that you're being very unfair and unkind to yourself at a time when you need to find a way to care for yourself and let those around you do so too. The tension with your T will pass, likewise there are many more endos out there waiting to help you with your health problems. Please give them both a chance and don't give up on yourself. I know it's very hard when standing at the bottom and realising it's a long way up but please don't give up, you can do it.
((((Therapygirl))))
Witti
Posted by Dinah on February 4, 2009, at 18:24:43
In reply to More triggers, posted by TherapyGirl on February 4, 2009, at 17:16:43
((( Therapygirl )))
I don't think it's possible to underestimate the effects of physical ailments on mental health. Thyroid issues would affect your feeling tired, I'm sure.
Your therapist may be frustrated at the moment, in part because of her own limitations in being able to help. But she'll get over it. That's what people who care about one another do.
I don't think I'm better off without you in my life.
Posted by raisinb on February 4, 2009, at 18:42:11
In reply to More triggers, posted by TherapyGirl on February 4, 2009, at 17:16:43
TG, none of this is your fault. It's not because you didn't try hard enough or that there's something wrong with you that leads to these things. And it isn't your responsibility to make these relationships work when others aren't doing their parts.
These people f***ed up. You and your therapist will work it out, I know. As for the endo, there are others out there and while it's terribly stressful, it sounds like the firing was absolutely the right thing to do.
Take care of yourself.
Posted by seldomseen on February 4, 2009, at 20:40:01
In reply to More triggers, posted by TherapyGirl on February 4, 2009, at 17:16:43
Actually, I'm thinking that YOU would be a lot better off if you didn't have to deal with some of these people!
Good for you for firing your endo. I think I would have done the same thing. That just sucks though. I hope you find one that is much much better.
I doubt you pissed off your T, but if you did, they'll get over it. Like Dinah said, that's what people do when they care about someone.
I went into my therapists office today mad as a hornet and guess what? I left mad as a hornet too. He'll get over it and so will I.
However, I hear you loud and clear and absolutely shake my head at how *hard* it can be to get the *simplest* of things done. It's a hard, uphill battle at the best of times, and when you don't feel well it can seem like Mount Everest.
The amount of energy required becomes almost disproportionate to the results, but things will balance out eventually. Just climb one hill at a time.
Seldom.
Posted by Sharon7 on February 5, 2009, at 5:18:30
In reply to More triggers, posted by TherapyGirl on February 4, 2009, at 17:16:43
Good morning, TG. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you (here in TN at 4:30am to be exact!) I obviously dont know the history of what's going on since I'm new here, but I really don't need to know the whole story to tell you are hurting, and angry, and frustrated, and tired. I'm sure you have every reason to be, and I'm sorry for that.
I hope today will be a better day. That you slept well and will awaken this morning with a sense of renewed hope. You're gonna make it. I would have been upset, too, if my blood tests had gotten mishandled that way. It really is ridiculous, isn't it? But honey, that has absolutely nothing to do with you! That's their incompetence. I'm sorry you have wait like another 7 weeks to get your results. That really does suck. )o:< I have a thyroid problem and from what I've been told (and for whatever reason) if your thyroid is outta whack, it can wreak havoc on your emotional health as well. So that in and of itself is a very good reason to hang in there and see if even just some of what you are feeling and why you are hurting could be do to a thyroid issue.
Well, I just wanted to offer you some hope and encouragement. Checking out is never an option. I know it's much harder to stick around and fight this battle, but you are not alone. There are people who care.
Take care of yourself and I pray today will be a much better day for you. You can do this. here's a cyber hug: ((((TG)))) I wish I could give you a "Sure 'nuff" one (like my Grandma would say.) That just means a 'real' one. How that got started was when I was little (many MANY moons ago!) whenever my Grandma would make mashed potatoes (sp? where's Dan Quayle when you need him? lol!) I'd asked her if they were real or instant. If they were real 'taters' (now I KNOW I can spell that. I live in TN for heaven's sake!) ANYWAY she'd say "No, they're not instant - they're SURE 'NUFF!" So that has forever become what my sister and I say when we want to refer to something as "authentic" or "fake!" (o:
Hang in there, girl.
Sharon
Posted by onceupon on February 5, 2009, at 10:38:49
In reply to More triggers, posted by TherapyGirl on February 4, 2009, at 17:16:43
Sometimes I think that that old exaggeration about having climbed uphill both ways, in the cold, with no shoes, etc., is spot on. Because that's what it feels like sometimes to be depressed and ill and oh so weary.
I don't really have any additional words of wisdom, but I am glad that you chose to write. I can't imagine that you could *cause* anyone else to fall into your black hole. But you can let us listen, and offer support, and metaphorically hold your hand or your head as you go through this hellish time.
Posted by Phillipa on February 5, 2009, at 13:03:05
In reply to More triggers, posted by TherapyGirl on February 4, 2009, at 17:16:43
Personally I totally relate to your anger and frustration. Regulating a thyroid is hard enough in itself and the waiting inbetween changes doses is so hard doing that myself now mine totally unstable last year. I tried another endo huge group the guy was worse let TSH get to l9 and never called so back to first one only two groups here now he's not taking new patients as older so feel lucky he took me back. But those tests are more than important. Don't know how long it takes to get an appointment with someone else there. If me would go to ER and Get immediate tests. Even if I had to make up symptoms. Your whole body is regulated by pituitary and it's loop to thyroid. Was your level right last time. Oh and my tiredness is incredible. I push each day so thinking yours is low. I'm truly sorry. But you have fired him already if not would say to demand immediate blood work repeated now since he has your records. I'm getting angry writing this. I'm so sorry. Love Phillipa
Posted by TherapyGirl on February 5, 2009, at 19:00:57
In reply to More triggers, posted by TherapyGirl on February 4, 2009, at 17:16:43
One day I'm going to be able to respond individually to you again. Thank you so much for the continued support. I really don't know how I would have made it through the past two weeks without you guys. You got me through another tough night last night and helped me especially remember that my T doesn't hate me. So much so that tonight I told her I needed to talk to her about last night. I apologized first and we talked about how I'm cycling this time (very unusual for me) and how first the crying and now the anger escalate almost to the point of no return with no warning. I told her that I appreciated her speaking up and getting me to stop and that was what I needed, but I needed her to do it in a way that wouldn't filter through as rejection and abandonment. We talked about what she said and she told me what her intention was and then we agreed on a way for her to say that in the future that won't sound so harsh to me when my brain is like this. She also said that she didn't think I owed her an apology; that she wasn't offended by what I said (but the way she worded it last night, that's how it sounded). Anyway, things are okay between us.
The depression is, of course, ever present and I continue to cycle from moderate to severe with no warning. It is wearing on me in every way possible. My best friend, who still isn't really speaking to me, did allow me to hang out with her dog at my house this afternoon. He is a therapy dog and the best animal I've ever known. I'm not really a pet person, but this dog is something special. And he doesn't care if I'm not funny or particularly pleasant to be around. He just sits or lies beside me and lets me feel his heart beat while I rub his tummy. It is unbelievably calming for me.
Posted by Dinah on February 5, 2009, at 19:38:54
In reply to Re: More triggers -- Everyone, posted by TherapyGirl on February 5, 2009, at 19:00:57
I'm glad your therapist was able to reassure you. I was positive things would be ok between you.
Dogs are the best, aren't they? (And cats too, I'm sure.) My collie got me through middle school. She was on my side no matter what.
Posted by Sharon7 on February 5, 2009, at 23:02:55
In reply to Re: More triggers -- Everyone, posted by TherapyGirl on February 5, 2009, at 19:00:57
This was great, TG. You sounded better. Do not even worry about sending individual responses. This was perfert! I'm so glad to hear you had a fruitful visit with your therapist and that things are okay with you two. What a difference that seems to make in my mood. I'm sorry you are still struggling so much with your depresson. I have 2 dogs and I don't know what I'd do without them. Talk about unconditional love. They are always happy to see you. I could go on and on about those two. I think I'll go rub their tummies now. You're right. It is very calming, and they love it!
Take good care of yourself and i'm glad you're feeling a little better. I hope it continues and that a solution to the severe depression cycling can be found.
Sharon
Posted by TherapyGirl on February 7, 2009, at 16:27:52
In reply to Re: More triggers -- Everyone, posted by TherapyGirl on February 5, 2009, at 19:00:57
So now I have two conditions being treated with medication that without the medication would be life threatening. It wouldn't be fast or efficient, but it would be passive enough to avoid piling pain onto people who I don't wish to hurt. And my mind just can't let go of it. It solves so many problems -- gives me an end date for the other pain I'm feeling; gives me an outer manifestation of that pain so everyone can see it.
It is really, really hard to take those meds.
Posted by Phillipa on February 7, 2009, at 20:14:52
In reply to Re: More triggers -- Everyone, posted by TherapyGirl on February 7, 2009, at 16:27:52
Theraphy girl I did not want to ask but if I may what other med are you taking for what condition. Sorry to ask outright. You need to call someone to be with you. Being alone is not good. Love Phillipa
Posted by TherapyGirl on February 8, 2009, at 11:23:21
In reply to Re: More triggers -- Everyone » TherapyGirl, posted by Phillipa on February 7, 2009, at 20:14:52
Thanks, Phillipa. I'm okay -- it just helps to have some way out if I need it.
Posted by Phillipa on February 8, 2009, at 19:34:59
In reply to Re: More triggers -- Everyone » Phillipa, posted by TherapyGirl on February 8, 2009, at 11:23:21
Good to know thanks for posting. Phillipa
Posted by Sharon7 on February 11, 2009, at 6:55:46
In reply to More triggers, posted by TherapyGirl on February 4, 2009, at 17:16:43
Hi TG. Just wanted to see how you're doing. Any gnu developments? (o:
Posted by TherapyGirl on February 11, 2009, at 16:23:15
In reply to Re: How are you? » TherapyGirl, posted by Sharon7 on February 11, 2009, at 6:55:46
Thanks, Sharon. No new developments. Still pretty up and down. And now either the antibiotic for the infection or the thyroid problem itself is causing additional GI issues.
I'm just a barrel of fun these days. I'm going to post a new thread below about some of how I feel about the depression just to get other people's thoughts.
Thanks for checking in with me.
Posted by Sharon7 on February 11, 2009, at 19:39:59
In reply to Re: How are you? » Sharon7, posted by TherapyGirl on February 11, 2009, at 16:23:15
Hi TG (may I call you TG?) lol.
I'm sorry you're still having a rough time. It will get better. You just gotta hang in there. Yes, I saw you new post and I'm chewing on it a bit before I respond. (o:
This is the end of the thread.
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