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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 7, 2008, at 19:25:43
Probably not the one you're thinking of (unless you're Dinah!)
This week in therapy, I told my T that I needed to ask her something. She said okay. I told her that I needed her to know ahead of time that this was not something that was going to make it okay for her to move across the state when she retires. I told her I had planned on asking this anyway, but it was more important to me now that she is moving. She said okay. I told her it needs to be someone's job to call me if anything happens to her. I can't just have her disappear and I can't open the paper one day and read her obituary. She teared up ever so slightly and said that was a reasonable request and that she would take care of it. I told her to tell the person she gives this job to whatever she needs to tell them about me so that they know they have to contact me. She said okay again.
This really, really sucks.
Posted by lucie lu on December 7, 2008, at 19:37:06
In reply to We had 'The Talk', posted by TherapyGirl on December 7, 2008, at 19:25:43
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2008, at 21:23:47
In reply to We had 'The Talk', posted by TherapyGirl on December 7, 2008, at 19:25:43
This really sucks :-(
Is there to be any contact? Sorry I forget.
This is just gonna be hard, but eventually it will be OK.
I don't know of any magic ways to make it easier, I just know with time, maybe quite a bit of time, the ache eases some.
We go on.
Somehow we go on.
I wish I could help.
Take special care and pull out all your coping stuff, and your taking good care of yourself stuff.
Try and keep some other people around. Don't isolate.
Try and keep as busy w/in reason, as possible.
Very best wishes to you.
My chest aches to think of this.
Muffled
Posted by Annierose on December 7, 2008, at 21:39:14
In reply to We had 'The Talk', posted by TherapyGirl on December 7, 2008, at 19:25:43
I'm glad that you had the courage to bring up this ever so sensitive subject with your therapist and that she responded in kind.
I understand the need to know. But it would be nicer if she didn't retire at all.
Although my therapist is not planning to retire in the near future (I've asked), and we are about 5 years apart in age, we have talked about death. My brother died just over a year ago and he was about her age. He was only 52. I asked her if she died suddenly, how would I know? Who would tell me? It was an important session to me and gave her some thought.
It sucks that your therapist is retiring. Will there be any contact afterwards?
Posted by Phillipa on December 8, 2008, at 0:33:19
In reply to Re: We had 'The Talk' » TherapyGirl, posted by Annierose on December 7, 2008, at 21:39:14
Aging and retiring are very hard. I'm glad you have a contact person. Love Phillipa
Posted by frida on December 8, 2008, at 10:35:46
In reply to We had 'The Talk', posted by TherapyGirl on December 7, 2008, at 19:25:43
Hi,
I think it was very brave of you to bring this up. I have thought about it often too but I can't bring it up. Too painful to think about. :-(
I don't want her to die, ever ever.I really hope you can stay in touch with your T after she retires. I hope there's a way.
Love,
Frida
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2008, at 12:54:46
In reply to We had 'The Talk', posted by TherapyGirl on December 7, 2008, at 19:25:43
The Talk....
I'm glad she took this seriously. And that she has promised to do something concrete about it.
I brought it up again with my therapist recently. He answers with breezy assurances, but I'm reasonably sure he never follows up. I came armed with articles and checklists and everything. Only to find that he was having a bunch of tests run. Clearly not the moment. (Although it did have me wondering just how semipsychic I am.)
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 8, 2008, at 16:40:16
In reply to OMG that teared me up too (nm) » TherapyGirl, posted by lucie lu on December 7, 2008, at 19:37:06
Thanks, Lucie. Sorry my post made you sad.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 8, 2008, at 16:41:34
In reply to (((((((TG)))))))), posted by muffled on December 7, 2008, at 21:23:47
My chest aches a lot lately. I guess it's good that I've learned how to be this attached, right? I'm not sure it's worth it, though. I'm either completely a wreck about this or in complete denial -- there's no in between.
Thanks for all the support, Muffly. Having people like you in my life makes it easier to try to get through this yucky stuff.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 8, 2008, at 16:43:28
In reply to Re: We had 'The Talk' » TherapyGirl, posted by Annierose on December 7, 2008, at 21:39:14
Thanks, Annie. It is so hard to think about, much less talk about. But I really couldn't leave this to chance. And I'm still somehow hoping she won't retire, but those hopes get slimmer every single day.
I will have contact with her, but obviously it will be limited by the whole 5- or 6-hours-away thing.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 8, 2008, at 16:44:00
In reply to Re: We had 'The Talk', posted by Phillipa on December 8, 2008, at 0:33:19
Thanks, Phillipa.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 8, 2008, at 16:48:15
In reply to Re: We had 'The Talk' » TherapyGirl, posted by frida on December 8, 2008, at 10:35:46
Trust me, you'll bring it up once you have to. I, too, have thought about this for years, but couldn't bring it up. But the thought of her living across the state and it being less likely that I'll find out if anything happens to her made me a little more desperate.
We will stay in touch, just not as often and not as easily as I thought it would be if she was here. I'm hoping at this point that she won't move until at least 6 mos. after she retires to give me more of a transition. But, of course, I get no say in the matter.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 8, 2008, at 16:50:39
In reply to Re: We had 'The Talk' » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2008, at 12:54:46
She definitely took it seriously and I'll just have to trust that she will follow up. It would feel awkward to ask her for a name, but maybe she'll volunteer one.
I was a little surprised that she hadn't thought of this herself -- I've had my list of contacts for years and three different people have the list. It has specific instructions about what to tell whom and how to handle my mother. I guess I'm too much of a control freak to leave all that to chance.
I hope, when it comes down to it, that your T will take this seriously. Keep bringing it up.
And thanks for the support.
This is the end of the thread.
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