![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:14:05
haha! yup!
I had a good session today, it is feeling more like therapy, not just the intro sessions. She brought up something that I had not noticed before about me. I guess there is some theory where you will marry someone who mirrors your role as a child in order to process it as an adult. Well as a child I took care of myself, I had no choice, and since than I have been independent able person. I tried to take care of my brother, I do take care of my kids, but I also married someone who I take care of (because he is so nieve when it comes to living), I tried to take care of T#2 when his health was deteriorating. I am in an internship where I am helping people take care of themselves, a future T who helps take care of others. See the correlation? I am not sure what it means. Does it mean I became a caregiver because I was never cared for and even this day I don't allow people to take care of me? I guess we will talk more about this but I am not sure what it all means, but I see her observation.
I also told her some of my bad stuff from childhood and she (always at the end of session) reflects on what she notices. She said she saw my emotions come up when I talked about the abuse, and then she saw them calm down like a wave. She said that is very good, that is what she wants me to do so I don't leave the session triggered. She wants me to feel the emotion, but also allow it to dissipate. We started to talk about my safe place and I showed her a photo on my phone of my old man T's picture in his office. ;-)
One cool thing we talked about was the spirit of feeling (like soul mate) that I felt for my first T, and my grandma. She seems to believe in this and is happy I can feel it. We talked about how psychology of science rams it down our throats that if it can't be proved, it isn't real. Well she and I believe there are a lot of things that can't be scientifically proved, that can be real. Plus if it brings us comfort, than who cares?Today I also changes my major to criminal justice. What is cool about this is that you have to take a fair amount of required psych classes, (which I have taken most for a psych major). It also allows for more electives which I can use my other psych classes for and other classes like nonverbal communication. I still have taken or will take the required classes to get into grad school for psych. I am thinking of going into forensic psychology, so the law and psych classes will be an advantage. Plus I can get really cool internships too. Plus I don't have to take 4 semesters of foreign language! ;-)
Posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:19:13
In reply to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today, posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:14:05
I meant that you marry someone who you can still provide the same role as when I was child. So in other words my husband married someone who could take care of him like his mother and I married someone I could take care of.
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2008, at 21:35:17
In reply to Re: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today, posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:19:13
lol. Talk about synchronicity.
I've been looking at some ancient Luke and Laura videotapes I made with my very first VCR, and reflecting how very realistic and compelling their love story is. And that while there are some mature and healthy love stories, the vast majority of the most romantic are a case of neurosis calling neurosis. Luke needed badly to love and above all to redeem himself, to be better than what was expected of him, to retain his dignity. Laura, as a child who was "abandoned", needed to be loved. (And even those were based on sound psychological reasons because of their fictional backgrounds. Boy, were those writers psychologists?)
I was thinking how in the best of those love stories, the neuroses would remain stable enough and there would be enough healthy liking and respect to keep the romance alive.
But that in most cases it was less romantic. The dominant person who wishes to be in control marrying a weak person then despising them for that weakness. Or (blush) the person who doesn't want to grow up marrying someone who'll play parent, then resenting their nagging and controlling.
So if you're the person who likes to care for others, and your husband is the person who likes to be cared for, which way did it turn out for you? And does he return the favor in any way? What needs in you does he fill, other than someone to look after?
For me, I think it worked out pretty well. I do like and respect my husband. And he gives to me on lots of levels other than just being the grownup. I give to him too, since while I might not like being grownup, I'm quite used to being a helpful and loving daughter who happily takes care of the grownups in her life in a blissfully symbiotic relationship.
Posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:43:11
In reply to Re: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2008, at 21:35:17
LOL, now you sound like my old man T. He asked me once what did I think he saw when he attended a wedding. I am like what (looking for wisdom) He said two people who are in such delusions. lol
Posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:45:36
In reply to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today, posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:14:05
plus all I can think about right now is the dixie cup of water I left in her room. lol I totally forgot to throw it away. What does that mean psychologically? lol
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2008, at 21:52:22
In reply to Re: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today » Dinah, posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:43:11
A cynic!!
No, I'm not actually a cynic. I don't actually think it's all that bad for neurosis to call neurosis. The trick is in seeing it, recognizing other factors, then remembering it when you get angry or frustrated. Remembering that the things you hate most about your spouse are also the things you love most.
A lot of people do marry in delusion. I think that's a very bad thing. We all like to have illusions in our life. I have mine as well. But there come moments when it's important to put those illusions aside and take a good hard look at what *is*. Quit the play and be real. Before marriage is definitely one of those times. To me the most truly romantic marriages are ones that are entered with no illusions and with eyes wide open.
Then after those moments, it's ok to reenter the illusion. What's life like without illusions? As long as you realize back in the back of your mind what they are.
I do that a lot with my therapy. I don't know if you've seen it. But from session to session I believe my therapist really cares about me. And he does, at the moment. I also know, somewhere in the back of my mind, that he sees me two hours in the many hours of his week. That he cares for me in those two hours, would be very sad to lose me, and wants what's best for me while at the same time he rarely thinks of me out of session, and if he needs to abandon or hurt me because of his family, he will. Not without regret or pain, but he will.
But as long as those things are in the back of my mind, there's no reason to mess up my day to day life with them.
Posted by Phillipa on October 22, 2008, at 23:54:27
In reply to Re: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today » happyflower, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2008, at 21:52:22
Happyflower a lot of nurses go into the field to take care of others and can't let others take care of them. Now I have someone who doesn't want to. Second time he was wonderful couldn't do enough for me and my kids. Long story I divorced the best man I've ever known why because the pdoc I had then was wonderful and said I don't know how to accept things going well in my life so I destroyed it. Said I was more comfortable when things were chaotic. What a huge mistake. Love Phillipa
Posted by sassyfrancesca on October 23, 2008, at 7:47:47
In reply to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today, posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:14:05
I married my mother (original abuser) and tried to fix the past.
31 years later I divorced "her."
ahhhh, the subconscious!
Now am in love with my t, and he doesn't remind of of ANYone I ever knew ( at least consciously, LOL)
Sassy
Posted by sassyfrancesca on October 23, 2008, at 7:47:53
In reply to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today, posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:14:05
I married my mother (original abuser) and tried to fix the past.
31 years later I divorced "her."
ahhhh, the subconscious!
Now am in love with my t, and he doesn't remind of of ANYone I ever knew ( at least consciously, LOL)
Sassy
Posted by Dinah on October 24, 2008, at 16:59:35
In reply to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today, posted by happyflower on October 22, 2008, at 21:14:05
> Today I also changes my major to criminal justice. What is cool about this is that you have to take a fair amount of required psych classes, (which I have taken most for a psych major). It also allows for more electives which I can use my other psych classes for and other classes like nonverbal communication. I still have taken or will take the required classes to get into grad school for psych. I am thinking of going into forensic psychology, so the law and psych classes will be an advantage. Plus I can get really cool internships too. Plus I don't have to take 4 semesters of foreign language! ;-)
You know, I was so full of my thoughts of Luke and Laura that I didn't comment on this. But I was thinking about it. I have a really good feeling about this. It sounds like something that would really fit in with your passions in life.
I'm guessing that being a therapist would be frustrating in some ways. You would see things happening that you'd want to change, but be unable to change. It sounds like this career choice would give you a better opportunity to be less passive about something you care very much about.
Posted by happyflower on October 24, 2008, at 21:57:53
In reply to Re: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Therapy Today » happyflower, posted by Dinah on October 24, 2008, at 16:59:35
Well the thing is that being a forensic psychologist is being a T also. You test individuals and interview criminals to see if they are sane or insane, or whether they can ever live outside the prison without committing murders or should they remain in a mental institution.
They provide therapy for those who usually are the worst off, like in prison and mental institutions.
They also help with custody hearings, and help make mental heath laws. They also can do criminal profiling to help in investigations into murders or other crime. I still want to be a T, but I love the law aspect of it too. There is a really cool program in Chicago I am looking into, it is a Psyd. program of forensic psych.
I was always told in high school by teachers that they saw me as being a lawyer in the future,but I love psych so much.
I am finding by researching many grad programs for being a psychologist that you don't have to major in psych to be admitted. As long as I have the required classes, they don't care. I have most of them already except statistics.I am suppose to call this lady who runs the child advocacy to see if their is an internship this summer I could get into. There is another one where you stand up for the child in court so they are heard. I am just happy to see my future ahead of me. It may take me longer because I am a full time mom, but I am going to do it eventually.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.