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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JouezMoi on October 21, 2008, at 18:33:05
Between my T and my pdoc, they both keep saying I'm OK. I'm on track, I'm doing stuff, but they are not acknowledging me when I say I don't feel OK, I am withdrawing socially, I am depressed. Who do I believe .. them or me? How can they both keep saying nothing is wrong. Is it that I am not understanding what life really is, and what I think is wrong might be normal?
Posted by Sigismund on October 21, 2008, at 19:11:12
In reply to How do you know if you're OK or not, posted by JouezMoi on October 21, 2008, at 18:33:05
Well, you are suffering, are you not?
>How can they both keep saying nothing is wrong.
Because you can function
>Is it that I am not understanding what life really is,
That might be so.
>and what I think is wrong might be normal?
I'm not at all sure about the idea of normal per se, and certainly not as defined in the DSM.
Since you want validation for your suffering you search for a name for it, which is entirely understandable.
(That, at any rate, occupied a lot of my therapy....me, trying to explain how bad I felt, as if a label would somehow give me an answer. The people I went to didn't go in for labels, but one did give me drugs I would have been better without.)
Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2008, at 21:44:28
In reply to How do you know if you're OK or not, posted by JouezMoi on October 21, 2008, at 18:33:05
I had a dickens of a time that way with my therapist at one time. Doing well and being well aren't the same thing. It seems like they'd realize that.
Posted by Suedehead on October 22, 2008, at 9:09:05
In reply to How do you know if you're OK or not, posted by JouezMoi on October 21, 2008, at 18:33:05
Yeah. I can relate to this. When I first started seeing my T, he was amazed by the discrepancy between my inner experience (as I related it to him) and my apparent ability to function in the world (as evidenced by my performance in school, involvement in various activities, etc.). He seemed a little incredulous, really, which made me angry, as I wasn't exaggerating my depression/anxiety at all. I think that he has come a long way since then. He seems to get it now. But I do think that his initial reaction, while frustrating, was natural. Of course we all *know* that appearance and reality often do not coincide, but this doesn't prevent us from being taken in by the odd illusion.
Posted by healing928 on October 22, 2008, at 9:26:13
In reply to How do you know if you're OK or not, posted by JouezMoi on October 21, 2008, at 18:33:05
I am sorry you are suffering. I know my t has done the same; he will say he is sorry that I am "suffering" and tries to validate the positive out of the situation and ask me what I have positive going on. Graditude helps us see joy rather than pain. In doing this, my t has taught me that life is full of pain and suffering but it is how I chose to respond to it is what makes the difference.
I am sorry you are hurting, and they aren't acknowledging your pain, but I think they are trying to focus on the positive.
Hugs,
Healing
Posted by antigua3 on October 22, 2008, at 11:05:44
In reply to How do you know if you're OK or not, posted by JouezMoi on October 21, 2008, at 18:33:05
I agree w/what healing said.
My pdoc sees huge progress where I see pain and suffering. He sees a productive life where I see an unlived life. He says there's suffering in the world and I have to learn to live with some of it. He doesn't see that I have too much suffering. He brushed off my words until I went as deep and open as I could to show him my pain. And he listened, and finally got it.
Open up to show them more of your real self. It's painful. Or you can rant and rave! That might get their attention. Either way, you'll be opening up.
antigua
Posted by Phillipa on October 22, 2008, at 12:25:00
In reply to How do you know if you're OK or not, posted by JouezMoi on October 21, 2008, at 18:33:05
Difference of opinion I would listen to my body as only I know how I feel. But that is just me. But how can another know how you acturally feel? Just my opionion. Phillipa
Posted by Cal on October 22, 2008, at 12:35:24
In reply to Re: How do you know if you're OK or not » JouezMoi, posted by Phillipa on October 22, 2008, at 12:25:00
My T says, plenty of people can function or appear to be functioning of the outside but falling apart on the inside. It comes down to what we did to survive, we split of our strenght and hid our hurt and pain and its this we continue to experience inside. I think at times for me, I wish I could completely break down, become unable to function, anything rather then know that I do infact function but I also do have intense hurt and pain inside, as if a complete breakdown would free me from the knowledge of the pain inside.
Posted by raisinb on October 22, 2008, at 13:12:07
In reply to How do you know if you're OK or not, posted by JouezMoi on October 21, 2008, at 18:33:05
Well, there is a) not being ok, and b) really, truly being ok (as in acceptable, valuable, lovable) at your core, and not allowing yourself to believe it.
The trouble is, I think for a lot of us, a and b often turn into the same thing. Try to keep talking about this with your therapist(s). It sounds like some really important stuff emerging.
Posted by JouezMoi on October 22, 2008, at 17:50:06
In reply to Re: How do you know if you're OK or not » JouezMoi, posted by raisinb on October 22, 2008, at 13:12:07
Thank you all of you for your support, experiences and advice. I do have trouble opening up. It has always been that way from small. I always hid pain, kept smiling and played the 'star'. Small wonder I started having anxiety attackes when I was 8 yrs old and I hid that very well, also.
This is also the first time I posted something personal .. about me .. on Babble, after lurking for well over a year. I hide myself very well (smile).
I sometimes wish I could breakdown totally so that people would believe me, but my T told me I was probably incapable of that ... "My brain won't let me" she said, "I would probably have a breakdown for a minute and then my brain would say to 'Stop that nonsense'" she added. My pdoc said if I were going to have one, I would have had one already. Meanwhile, I feel like I am holding together with the last of my strength.
This is also the first time in decades that I am off all meds, including alcohol. So, there is so numbing, no artificial assistance. This is it. It is hard, but as you all said, I will try to keep focussing on positives, and accepting that pain is part of life, but suffering is a choice (I like that one).
Thanks all.
Posted by antigua3 on October 22, 2008, at 18:43:56
In reply to Re: How do you know if you're OK or not, posted by JouezMoi on October 22, 2008, at 17:50:06
Well, of course you're suffering even more if you are off all meds and alcohol. I never understood when someone would say, "quitting is the easy part," but in some ways it's learning to live w/o it, and opening yourself up to the pain that eventually ensues is so much harder.
You should be so very proud of yourself, and please, don't be so hard on yourself.
Opening up is the single most difficult thing to do, IMO, but doing so leads you down to wellness, again IMO.
Love your name BTW,
antigua
This is the end of the thread.
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